


Love in all its Forms

by Branwen_Blaidd



Series: Love is a Choice [1]
Category: Sense8 (TV)
Genre: F/M, M/M, Multi, Past Child Abuse, Polyamory, Threesome - F/M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-19
Updated: 2019-11-08
Packaged: 2020-07-08 21:51:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 80
Words: 120,456
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19876651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Branwen_Blaidd/pseuds/Branwen_Blaidd
Summary: An exploration of the burgeoning relationship between Wolfgang, Kala and Rajan, starting the morning after the wedding, also featuring the rest of the cluster and their partners. This also deals with the emotional consequences of Wolfgang's experiences.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> All Sense8 pairings are mentioned throughout, but there will be more action for some of them later on in the story. 
> 
> It's a bit unclear where the very last scene of the special takes place but it's probably a hotel. That didn't work for this story, so they're still staying in Rajan's friend's place.

Rajan was the first to wake the morning after the wedding, curled around Kala, with Wolfgang’s hand on his hip. They both looked so peaceful and happy cuddled up nearly naked together. There was absolute love and trust between them.

Slowly, Rajan eased himself away from them and out of bed. He dressed himself, then wandered off to find some breakfast. There was nothing much he fancied so he ate a banana, then headed outside.

The early morning air was cool and fresh but the absence of clouds and the warmth of the sun promised a hot day. He sat in one of the chairs and looked out at the scenery. It looked different than it had before. It was somehow sharper; everything seemed more real. It was as if he had woken from a dream to discover how much more vivid the real world was.

‘I thought I’d be the first up,’ said a voice behind him.

Rajan glanced back and saw Will. He was dressed in lounge pants and a t-shirt and held a cup of coffee in one hand. He smiled at Rajan. ‘Everybody partied pretty hard last night. Riley’s still flat out and I don’t think we’ll see Nomi or Amanita for a while.’

‘Kala is still asleep too. And Wolfgang.’

Will grinned around his coffee cup. ‘Still a little new, huh?’

‘How do you …oh.’ Rajan felt his cheeks warming a little as he realised exactly how Will knew what had happened last night.

Will sat down beside him. ‘You’ll get used to it. As long as it’s what you want.’

‘I have never felt like this in my life. There is my wife, the most beautiful woman I have ever seen and I am filled with love whenever I see her, or think of her. With all the love I have for her, how can there be room for more?’

‘Love isn’t something to hoard. We’ve always got more to share around.’

‘That’s how I felt in bed with both of them. I could feel my love, my identity, everything expanding. I did not think such things were possible. When Wolfgang touched me, it was like his hands and his mouth were magic.’

‘Glad to hear it,’ said a now-familiar German voice.

Rajan turned and something throbbed deep down inside him at the sight of Wolfgang’s smirk. Wolfgang crossed the courtyard, trailing a hand casually across Will’s shoulders before he reached Rajan. He was completely naked yet seemed perfectly comfortable. His strong, sure fingers settled at the back of Rajan’s neck and tugged him gently to his feet.

Rajan found himself gazing into Wolfgang’s blue eyes for just a moment before they leaned into each other and their lips met.

There was no doubt that Wolfgang was in charge of the kiss. Rajan was happy to let him be; the things he could do with that mouth. Rajan was feeling so much all at once: the firm pressure of those lips against his; the caress of their tongues meeting; the tingle flowing from Wolfgang’s hand at the back of his neck; that throb of arousal deep in his body.

When Wolfgang pulled away, Rajan’s body automatically followed him, jerking forward in desire. There was that smirk again.

‘Come back to bed.’ There was no room for argument in Wolfgang’s voice and no desire to in Rajan.

‘Have fun,’ called Will, unfazed, as Wolfgang pulled Rajan away.

The smirk never left Wolfgang’s face.

When Rajan followed Wolfgang back into the bedroom, Kala was stretching in bed. She smiled sleepily at them. She was still wearing the red silk negligee she’d slipped on before they had gone to sleep the night before.

‘Good morning,’ she said. She paused and sat up. ‘Wolfgang, did you go outside like that?’

Wolfgang shrugged. ‘I found Rajan.’

Kala looked at Rajan. ‘He has no idea of privacy or decency.’ She sounded cross but the twinkle in her eye gave her away. From the way Wolfgang smirked, he seemed to know this. But then, they both always seemed _to know_ when it came to each other. He supposed that was a cluster thing.

‘In fact, Rajan is the only one who is properly dressed.’

Wolfgang’s smirk widened into a grin. ‘I can fix that.’ He turned to Rajan and met his eyes, making sure this was what he wanted. Rajan put his hands on Wolfgang’s bare hips, pulling him into him.

Wolfgang lifted the hem of Rajan’s shirt and lifted it up over his head, before casting it away. He wrapped his arms around Rajan’s waist, brushing the sensitive skin of their abdomens together. Those sure, strong hands trailed their way up his spine so gently that, for a moment, he forgot to breathe.

He could feel Wolfgang’s arousal pressing against his hip and his own was swelling inside his underpants. Those bright blue eyes were watching him, darkening with intensity. Rajan bridged the tiny distance between them to press his lips against Wolfgang’s.

His lover, _yes lover_ , opened up to him, welcoming the kiss with gentle eagerness. Rajan was consumed by the tenderness of the kiss, and the heat throbbing deep down in his belly. He could feel Kala watching them, then her hand joined Wolfgang’s on his spine. Her touches were featherlight, teasing but satisfying at the same time.

Somehow, the rest of Rajan’s clothing ended up in a heap on the floor. Kala stepped up behind him, pressing her lithe body against him. The silk of her negligee caressed his bare skin. Wolfgang wrapped one arm around both of them, pressing them both to him. His other hand trailed down their arms, before coming to rest at their left hips.

Rajan breathed in. He could smell both of them, their heat, their intensity. The scent mingled, entwining itself around him until he was surrounded by them. There was nothing but Kala and Wolfgang.

As one, they released him but they didn’t pull away far. They each took a hand and led him back towards the bed. Rajan’s stomach fluttered. This was scarier without the lubrication of champagne but he didn’t want to stop. He never wanted it to stop.

He found himself on the bed, between the two of them. He thought he should do something but, again as one, they each pressed a hand to his chest and dropped butterfly kisses down his neck, down to his chest. Kala paused, one hand tangling in Rajan’s hair, and watched as Wolfgang made his way down Rajan’s body.

When he took him into his mouth, a cry escaped from Rajan’s lips and his thoughts stopped. There was only the skill and heat of Wolfgang’s mouth on him, and Kala’s hands stroking through his hair and teasing the most sensitive parts of his body. Wordlessly, they were working together to drive him mad.

Too soon, Wolfgang was pulling away, leaving him without satisfaction. Rajan whimpered, reaching for him. Wolfgang sent him that smirk again, then slid in next to him and kissed him. Rajan could taste himself and Wolfgang mingling and he deepened the kiss, eager for more.

Wolfgang’s thumb traced a delicate pattern across Rajan’s bearded jaw and he pulled back just enough to whisper to him.

‘She wants you to fuck her.’ Wolfgang’s voice was heavy with arousal and Rajan wondered how much of it was his own and how much was Kala’s. Would Wolfgang feel what Rajan did with Kala?

Kala grinned and knelt up on the bed. Something in her grin reminded him of Wolfgang. Her clever fingers went to the hem of her negligee and slowly, teasingly, she lifted it up and off.

Rajan and Wolfgang both took a moment to drink in her beauty and her nakedness. Every inch of her was perfect; her dark skin was smooth and soft, her nipples stood proudly on her firm breasts; her smooth legs were strong and shapely. Her smile turned a little shy as she watched them watching her.

Rajan glanced at Wolfgang, whose smile could almost be described as soppy. He loved her; anyone could see that. He loved her more than anything. Her eyes were bright as she looked back at him. Kala loved Wolfgang. More than anything?

He blinked and reached out his hand to his wife. She took it and allowed herself to be tugged gently towards him. She lay down in between them.

This was a little closer to Rajan’s comfort zone. He was making love with his wife. This bit he knew how to do.

He kissed her, soft and deep, allowing one hand to slide down her side, caressing her breast, her waist, her stomach and finally, settling between her legs. She let out a soft gasp. She was already wet.

Wolfgang’s attention was on Kala now too, as he touched her with gentle caresses. Kala opened up to Rajan’s teasing touches between her legs. Small whimpers and gasps leaked from her mouth. Wolfgang kissed her neck, teasing her nipples with light fingers.

‘Ah,’ she gasped. ‘Please.’

Rajan didn’t know who she was asking. Wolfgang nudged him and gazed at him with heavy lidded eyes. Rajan eased himself between her legs, looking into her eyes as he slid inside her. Wolfgang’s gasp was in unison with hers and Rajan wondered again how much her cluster could feel of Kala’s experience. Was he making love to them all right now?

They moved together, the three of them as one and Rajan lost himself in them. Their softness, their hardness, their heat; it was all too much. It wasn’t him making love to Kala; it was all of them, making love as one being.

It was just how it had been last night.

When their climax came, it was together. Their cries of pleasure filled the room and they were in an embrace that seemed to lock them all together forever.

Then it was over.

But they didn’t separate. Wolfgang’s arms gathered them both up and kissed them each in turn, slowly and deeply. Rajan didn’t want to ever move from right here with them.

He looked up and saw Wolfgang and Kala gazing at each other. They shared a smile before they laid their heads down next to his and the three of them went to sleep again.

Kala woke a little while later, in Wolfgang’s arms. Her back was cold. She turned and looked around. Rajan was not in the room. A breeze was lifting the curtain across the French doors leading to the balcony. Leaving Wolfgang sleeping, Kala dressed quickly and went to the balcony.

As she’d expected, Rajan was there, gazing out at the French countryside. He sighed deeply. Kala went to his side, a hand resting gently on his back.

‘Are you all right?’

He glanced at her and smiled. ‘I am, Kala, my beautiful wife.’ Yet there was something distant about him still.

She kept her gaze on him. ‘You’re not … regretting what we did? You’re not regretting being with Wolfgang, are you?’

He took a depth breath. ‘I am still getting used to everything but no, I do not regret it, Kala. I cannot, when I see the way you and Wolfgang look at one another.’

He put an arm around her but continued gazing out at the countryside.

‘What is it, Rajan? Something _is_ troubling you.’

He looked at her and frowned. ‘Was it … were the whole cluster with us this morning, when we …’

‘Oh,’ she breathed softly. ‘No, Rajan, this morning it was just the three of us.’

He nodded. ‘Good. I’m glad. Not that I _mind_ the connection you have but this morning, it was special. I want it to be just the three of us sometimes.’

She reached up and kissed him softly and sweetly. ‘Don’t worry. It will be. And if you want, sometimes, it can just be you and me.’

Rajan didn’t say anything to that, just held her and looked away.

After a little while Kala went to find something to eat, leaving Rajan on the balcony. It was difficult to sort out his feelings but he didn’t regret what had happened that morning, or the night before. How could he regret something that had felt so good, so right?

He just wasn’t sure where he fit in to everything. Kala and Wolfgang were so close; they seemed to know everything about each other, down to their very thoughts. He still had so much to learn.

His thoughts were interrupted by a low moan in the room behind him. Not a happy moan.

He turned and parted the curtain to peer nervously back into the room. Wolfgang was still in bed, asleep. But he held himself tense, his fists clenched and his back arched. He moaned again, turning away from some invisible threat. He pressed his face to his pillow and moaned again. This time it sounded more like a cry.

Rajan forgot his hesitation, darting into the room immediately. He went to Wolfgang’s side. He gingerly sat on the bed and reached out.

‘Wolfgang?’

The moment Rajan’s hand touched his arm, Wolfgang sat bolt upright, wide awake. He stared dumbly at Rajan for a moment, still tense. Then he sagged, covering his face with his hands and rubbing hard.

‘Sorry,’ he murmured, his voice thick and heavy.

Rajan reached for him again, gently stroking his elbow. Wolfgang kept his hands over his face but seemed to relax a little under the caress.

‘That did not look like a pleasant dream,’ said Rajan gently. It was strange to see Wolfgang so vulnerable. He was a strong man, who normally allowed nothing painful out to others.

‘My father was not a pleasant man,’ Wolfgang said, glibly.

Rajan shuffled closer and placed an arm around his shoulders. Wolfgang leaned into him, just a little at first, then he seemed to give up holding himself back and he collapsed into him.

Rajan said nothing, just held him, stroking his hair and letting himself drop kisses onto the top of his head. He thought Wolfgang might be crying but he wasn’t sure. He didn’t need to know; he didn’t need to ask what it was all about. All Wolfgang needed him to do was to be there.

Suddenly, Wolfgang pulled away and got up. ‘I think everybody’s getting breakfast,’ he said, then went to get dressed.

Rajan didn’t reply, just watched Wolfgang as he pulled some clothes on.


	2. Chapter 2

A little while later, the whole household were gathered in the dining room for a rather loud breakfast. Wolfgang seemed back to his normal self, sitting in between Kala and Rajan. It was late enough to be classed as brunch but somebody had gone out for croissants and fresh bread and cheese and someone else had made a lot of coffee.

Once everyone was sitting down, Will lifted his coffee cup. ‘To Nomi and Amanita, and to love, in all its forms.’

Rajan glanced at Wolfgang and Kala, who glanced at each other, then at him and smiled. His belly squirmed pleasantly.

They all clinked their coffee cups, then got started on breakfast. Next to him, Dani leaned against him.

‘A lot to get your head around, isn’t it?’ she said, gently.

‘I think all this sensate stuff is incredible.’

‘Of course, but I didn’t mean that.’

‘What did you mean?’

She laughed. ‘You, Kala and Wolfgang.’

He squirmed in his seat, feeling his face get a little warm. Did everybody know?

Dani patted his arm. ‘Don’t worry, nobody’s judging. It’s nice to see the three of you happy.’

He glanced at Wolfgang beside him. The German was turned slightly away from him, part of the conversation between Kala and Bug but as Rajan looked at him, Wolfgang reached out and laid a hand on his thigh, rubbing gently. 

Rajan smiled a little, enjoying the gentleness of Wolfgang’s hand. He looked back at Dani, who was beaming at him. She made an odd squealing noise, wriggling in her seat and clapping her hands. ‘Oh my god, you guys are so cute!’

Rajan blinked, non-plussed at being described as cute. Beside him, Wolfgang chuckled and shook his head.

Dani sighed contently and leaned back, taking a drink of her coffee. ‘You just wait, Rajan. As long as you keep yourself open to your partners and to new experiences and, oh, _everything_ , you’ll be happy. It’s the best.’ She glanced to her other side at Hernando and smiled dreamily. ‘Believe me.’ She patted his shoulder. ‘If you need to talk about it, you know where I am.’

Wolfgang kept half his attention on Rajan and half on Kala, keeping quiet himself. Dani was talking Rajan’s ear off about the joys of a poly relationship, whilst Bug was interrogating Kala about her work. She was chattering away using various Scientific terms he only understood through her and he was fairly sure Bug didn’t understand at all. But he was listening attentively, his eyes wide with wonder.

Wolfgang sat back in his chair. He’d had enough breakfast and was happy to enjoy the chatter washing over him. He kept one hand on Rajan’s thigh, caressing him absentmindedly and his other arm was around Kala. Her skin was warm through her dress. He closed his eyes, feeling the happiness and love of his cluster and friends washing over him.

If he could spend the rest of his life this happy, this content, he would have nothing to complain about. But the future lurked ahead of him, grey and uncertain. Could he go back to his old life, with just his one brother, after this? He could feel the love from his cluster, stronger than anything he’d felt before, and he wanted to hold onto it with all his strength.

Rajan laced his fingers through his and Wolfgang smiled, squeezing back in appreciation. He wasn’t sure exactly where this relationship was going, but he’d enjoyed the journey so far. If he could only keep hold of it, just for a while...

‘It blows my mind! How drugs, all drugs, are like codes, like our brains are computers and the chemicals are rewriting our brains like coding.’

Kala wasn’t quite sure she was following Bug’s ramblings but he was clearly excited and full of wonder as he talked about it. She smiled and patted his arm.

‘It is all fascinating.’

Wolfgang smiled at her gentle, indulgent tone. Bug grinned at her. ‘And remember, there are no rules.’

Wolfgang looked past them at Nomi and Amanita. The newly-weds were absorbed with each other, their love shining like a glowing light between them. They were talking to each other in low voices, both unable to keep the smiles from their faces. Wolfgang smiled; they were the epitome of love. They trusted each other completely, with every feeling, with every worry. Wolfgang envied them that. He wanted that, but there was too much to keep to himself. His cluster had felt some of it, but he did his best to keep it from even them. Nobody needed to hear that shit.

Zakia and Capheus were in an animated conversation with Sun and Mun about marital arts. Zakia was the only one who didn’t really know much about the subject but she seemed fascinated by the connection between them, the way their skills flowed from one to the other. Wolfgang felt the love growing in Capheus’s heart as he watched Zakia talk; the woman who could connect with anyone on any subject.

Will and Riley were next to Sun. Wolfgang glanced at them, but Will seemed to feel his gaze and he looked up into his eyes. Then he was next to him as well.

‘You all right? You need to talk?’

Wolfgang visited him so no one else would hear. ‘I’m fine. You don’t have to mother me, Will.’

He pulled away, mentally, though he could still feel Will’s worry. But he was fine. There was no point dwelling on experiences that had been and gone. Being held captive and tortured by Whispers and BPO wasn’t the most fun experience of his life but it was over now. He’d been through shit before and he’d come out of all of it okay and he didn’t need any help. He glanced at Kala and Rajan and smiled a little. He would lose himself in them. That was all he needed, as long as it lasted. Will was still watching him but Wolfgang ignored him. He was absolutely fine.

It was over. The others were off packing but Wolfgang didn’t really have much to pack. He couldn’t summon the energy to chuck his couple of outfits into a bag. You didn’t bring a lot when you were kidnapped.

He shook his head. He didn’t want to think about that. Neither did he want to think about the fact that they were all leaving. This coming together of all of them had been the best time of his life and the fact that they’d done it all for him made him feel things he wasn’t used to feeling.

He got up and made his way towards Rajan and Kala’s bedroom. He might as well throw his stuff in a bag and get it over with. At the door he paused. He could hear Kala.

‘You talk to him. It’ll mean more coming from you,’ she said, her voice higher with anxiety.

‘But you know him better, Kala, you’ll know how to phrase it.’

‘No, Rajan. It has to be you.’

Wolfgang sighed and turned away. It didn’t matter who talked to him about it. He knew the score. Rajan was going back to India. He could feel that Kala had made a decision. Maybe she had chosen him but he couldn’t think why she would, not when she had a husband like Rajan to go back with, to that nice steady life. She’d planned to come to Paris to meet him but she loved Rajan now. What could Wolfgang offer her? Certainly not as much as she deserved.

He sat back on the sofa and waited for one of them to come and talk to him. He’d be okay whatever. He would find somewhere to go now he couldn’t go back to Berlin, somewhere with plenty of bars and clubs. At least he’d always have the cluster. He had a part of Kala forever; he couldn’t be greedy and expect everything. And Rajan... Well that had been good but if it was over, what could he do about it?

Rajan came out of the bedroom and came over to him. Wolfgang took a slow breath in as Rajan sat beside him.

‘Kala sent me to talk to you.’

Wolfgang glanced at him, then away. ‘It’s all right. You don’t need to say anything.’

‘Oh!’ Rajan laughed in relief. ‘Oh, you heard. Of course you did. Er, well, erm.’

‘It’s fine. I’ll be fine. She’s made her choice. I don’t resent it. I’ll find somewhere. I always do.’

Rajan turned to him, placing a hand gently on his arm. ‘Wolfgang, what are you talking about?’

‘I won’t come between you.’

There was a silence, then a low ‘huh’ of surprise. The hand on his arm curled gently around his wrist, his thumb rubbing gently. ‘Wolfgang, we want you to stay with us, in Paris.’

Wolfgang looked up at him, finding himself blinking very hard. ‘You do?’

Rajan nodded. ‘Of course we do. I mean, we don’t know how this... whatever this is, is going to go but we both know that we want you around with us.’

‘Oh,’ said Wolfgang. He looked down at his lap, feeling at a loss for words. She’d chosen him. They’d both chosen him.

He could feel Rajan looking at him, waiting for him to say something. Wolfgang couldn’t. His mouth had gone dry and he could think of no words.

‘Wolfgang? You do... want to stay with us?’

Wolfgang could still say nothing but he felt an uncontrollable grin spread across his face. He turned and grabbed hold of Rajan in a fierce hug. Rajan hugged him back, chuckling uncertainly.

‘Er, is that a yes?’

Wolfgang felt Kala step into the room. ‘It’s a yes!’ she called.

Rajan chuckled again, now less uncertain. Kala walked up beside them and put an arm around both their shoulders. As one, Rajan and Wolfgang put their arms around her waist and held her to them.


	3. Chapter 3

Riley sat in the comfy chair in their bedroom, her hands curled around a cup of coffee, and watched Will pack. There was something fascinating, and rather sexy, about the way he carefully folded each item and placed it just so inside the case. He kept checking his list and murmuring to himself.

She smiled. The love she felt for him was all consuming, burning brighter than she thought anything could. It was hard to tell where she ended and he began. They were like one person, open forever to each other.

Will stopped suddenly and put his list down. He turned and glanced at her, with a smile on his lips. ‘Can you see that?’

She put her cup down. ‘What?’

He reached for her, taking her hand and tugging her to her feet. He pulled her into his arms. ‘Feel that,’ he whispered. ‘Kala and Wolfgang.’

She reached for them and smiled as she saw them, both wrapped together in a hug with Rajan. ‘They’re going to be together.’

‘Uh huh.’ He kissed her softly and sweetly on the lips. ‘Isn’t it wonderful? Kala and Wolfgang have each other, and Rajan. Capheus has Zakia, Sun has Mun, Nomi and Amanita have each other, Lito has Hernando and Dani.’ He smiled. ‘We have each other. We all have each other and we always will.’ He sighed contently. ‘Love. It’s a beautiful thing.’

‘Careful,’ she teased gently. ‘Or you’ll turn into a greeting card.’

He scoffed, but then grinned and kissed her deeply. ‘I love you,’ he whispered.

‘I love you too,’ she whispered back, sending him everything she felt for him and feeling it back in return.

‘So,’ he said, pulling away. ‘Where are we heading?’

She frowned. ‘What do you mean?’

‘Well, I have no job to go back to. I’m happy to follow you around wherever you want to make music.’

Riley felt a grin spread across her face. ‘I would love that.’ She took a moment, thinking back to all they had been through since she’d last been home, since she’d last stood beneath that Icelandic sky and felt happy, safe and at peace. It was a long time.

‘I want to go home,’ she said. ‘Back to Iceland. For a while.’

He’d been watching her and now he nodded and smiled. ‘Okay. It’s a plan. Your dad won’t mind if we stay with him?’

Riley laughed. ‘Mind? He’ll be ecstatic.’

Suddenly, Wolfgang pulled away from the hug. Kala felt a stab of worry from him. ‘What is it?’ she said, stroking his shoulder.

Wolfgang shook his head. ‘Felix. I need to talk to Felix.’

‘He’ll be in his hotel room still, won’t he?’ Rajan asked.

Wolfgang nodded. ‘He will. I have to go now.’

‘You’re leaving?’ asked Will behind them.

Kala nodded. ‘He has to tell Felix he’s staying in Paris with us.’

A moment later, without any words needed, the whole cluster came out of their rooms. As one, Will, Riley, Sun, Nomi, Capheus, Lito and Kala encircled Wolfgang, wrapping their arms around him and each other. Kala felt Wolfgang’s happiness explode out of him, though he didn’t make a sound. He just stood still, absorbing their love. Although they were parting now, they would be together always, they would love each other always. No matter what happened, they were one.

Wolfgang knocked on Felix’s hotel room door. There was a groan from inside, a scrambling, then footsteps stumbling toward him. The door opened and a hungover Felix peered blearily at him.

‘Hey, Felix.’

Felix brightened and threw his arms wide. ‘Wolfie!’ He grabbed Wolfgang into an enthusiastic hug, pulling him into the room and kicking the door shut behind him.

‘What happened to you last night? You fucked Rajan, didn’t you?’

Wolfgang let out a surprised breath. ‘How did you know?’

‘Heh, I know you, Wolfie. I can tell when you’re hot for someone.’

‘It was for Kala at first but he … we have something, I think. I don’t know how it’s going to turn out but … we’re going to try.’

Felix grinned. ‘So India plan?’

‘Not quite. Paris plan.’

Felix’s eyebrows shot up. ‘Ah, the city of love! How romantic.’

Wolfgang laughed and hit Felix lightly on the arm. ‘We’ll see.’ He hesitated, biting his lip a little before he spoke. ‘You know, they need locksmiths in Paris.’

Felix burst into laughter, grabbed Wolfgang into a hug and kissed him hard on the mouth. ‘I fancied a change of scenery.’ He pulled back. ‘There’s plenty of damsels in Paris, isn’t there?’

Wolfgang laughed. ‘There are.’

The packing was done, though Kala, Will and Hernando were still double checking to make sure they had everything. Rajan sat on the sofa, watching the activity. He felt the way you feel the night before you go on holiday to someone exciting and exotic. He was embarking on a brand-new adventure and his stomach fluttered madly in a mix of nerves and excitement.

But there was so much he hadn’t thought about. Would Wolfgang want his own bedroom? Rajan had pictured him sharing with them, as had Kala. But what if Wolfgang wanted his own space? How could he offer that without making it seem like they didn’t want him in with them?

Amanita bounded up to him, interrupting his spiralling thoughts. ‘Hey, Rajan, I need your number,’ she gabbled.

‘Sorry?’

She took a breath and slowed down. ‘All of us partners are swapping numbers so we can keep in touch. It’s like our own cluster.’

‘Oh, right, okay.’ He fished out his phone and passed it to her. ‘You can get me connected, then.’

Amanita tapped at the phone efficiently and was done in a few seconds. She passed it back to him. ‘There you go.’

He took it, nodding slightly. ‘Thanks.’

She hesitated, looking at him with her head on one side. ‘Are you all right?’

He shrugged. ‘Er, just worrying.’

When Rajan did not go on, Amanita came to sit beside him. ‘Whatever it is, Rajan, whoever it is … just be honest. So much has happened these last few months, it’s been crazy! None of us have really had time to process and now that it’s all over and everyone is safe, we have to start thinking more than five minutes ahead again.’

Rajan laughed quietly, nodding.

‘It’s not easy, I know. But we’re all still here. We have each other. And after everything that has happened, can you really afford not to do whatever it takes to be happy?’ Amanita nudged him with her elbow, returning his smile.

‘Thank you.’ He held her gaze for a long moment, his hand finding hers and squeezing gently. ‘I think I will enjoy having a cluster of my own.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big shout out to Maxximumride666 for helping me out with this one!


	4. Chapter 4

Wolfgang sat on the sofa holding Kala’s hand, with Rajan on the other side of her with his arm around her shoulders. They’d spent their first evening eating a takeaway and watching random things on the TV. They were too tired to chat much and this had allowed his thoughts to wander.

He’d explored the flat. It was nice and spacious and there were a couple of spare bedrooms. Kala had shown him the master bedroom, with its large bed and built in wardrobes. It even had an ensuite bathroom and an adjoining dressing room. Kala could quickly fill it with her beautiful clothes.

His thoughts were in that master bedroom, thinking about Rajan and Kala in there. It was the master bedroom; it should be used by husband and wife. He should stay out of the way, except for sex.

Kala stretched and yawned. ‘I think it’s bedtime.’

Rajan started stretching too. ‘I think you’re right, my love. We have things to sort out tomorrow.’

‘Do we?’ said Kala.

Rajan laughed. ‘Of course. We have no food in and I’m sure Wolfgang would like to buy a few more outfits.’

Kala nodded through another yawn. ‘Sounds good.’ She headed toward the master bedroom. ‘I’ve never been this tired.’ She wandered off into the bedroom.

Rajan leaned into Wolfgang and kissed him softly on the cheek. Wolfgang sighed into it; it was a sweet goodnight kiss. Nothing would happen tonight then. Rajan got up, checking the front door was locked, turning off lights and checking the empty fridge was still shut. Then he headed toward the master bedroom.

At the door, he glanced back at Wolfgang, stretching. ‘Aren’t you tired?’

‘Er, yeah, I’m going now.’

Rajan nodded and headed inside. The door swung shut behind him.

Wolfgang sighed and dragged himself to his feet. He chose the bedroom nearest the main bathroom and got ready for bed alone.

Rajan lay back on the bed, waiting for Wolfgang. He was taking a while. Kala was already asleep so he couldn’t ask her. Maybe he’d forgotten there was an ensuite and had got lost trying to find the bathroom. He got up and pulled his dressing gown on over his boxers.

The flat was dark and Wolfgang wasn’t there. Then he saw a light under the door of the spare bedroom next to the bathroom. He tiptoed across the living room towards the spare room. He raised his hand to knock, then lost his nerve and put his ear to the door. He heard the creak of the bed, then a sigh and the light went out.

Rajan felt an ache in his chest. He wanted Wolfgang to sleep with them, like last night, and again that morning, when they’d curled up in bed together, wrapped in one embrace. That had been a dream come true.

But well, he supposed it couldn’t be like that every night. Wolfgang obviously wasn’t used to sharing his bed beyond sexual encounters. He obviously needed his space.

He listened to Wolfgang’s deep breathing for a moment, then he turned away and returned to the master bedroom and to his sleeping wife.

Wolfgang stripped off and got into bed, pulling the sheet over him. He listened to the silence that lay around him. He could feel Kala, so close by. She was sleeping soundly, her dreams full of love and sex. He smiled then withdrew from her mind. She needed her privacy.

He thought about Rajan, remembering the kisses and embraces they’d shared that day. He thought about the sex last night and that morning. He’d had a lot of sex in his life, a lot, but that had been something special. He sighed and turned over.

Will was sitting on the side of his bed. ‘You’re a stubborn idiot, do you know that?’

Wolfgang glared at him. ‘Why do you always have to pop up when I don’t want to think about something.’

The other man raised an eyebrow. ‘I think you know the answer to that, don’t you?’

Wolfgang huffed. ‘Yes, mom.’

Will reached out for him and lay a gentle hand on his bare shoulder. ‘You know they want you in there with them, don’t you?’

He turned away. ‘They need their space. I’m going to sleep now, Will.’

Will sighed. ‘Well you know where we are if you need us.’

Wolfgang closed his eyes and didn’t reply. He felt Will leave but he could also feel that he wasn’t far away. Wolfgang, wrestling between the part of him that resented being mothered and the part that was happy to be loved, went to sleep.

Kala stretched in her bed, waking slowly to the gentle glow of the early morning light coming through the curtains. She’d had a wonderful night’s sleep; this bed was so comfortable. She reached out for her lovers. Her hand found Rajan’s warm chest and she slid her arm around him, searching for Wolfgang behind him. He was not there. She opened her eyes and sat up.

‘Where’s Wolfgang?’

Rajan sighed, his mouth downturned. ‘He spent the night in the spare room.’

‘Why? Didn’t you ask him in here?’

Rajan shrugged. ‘I thought I did but I guess I was too subtle.’

‘Subtle? Of all the times to choose to be subtle, Rajan! Well, you’re going to have to talk to him.’

‘Me? Why me?’

‘Because it’s you he’s shy of, Rajan. He doesn’t want to push you out. You have to tell him you want him in here with us. Unless … you don’t?’

Rajan sat up. ‘Of course I do, Kala, but I don’t want to push him. This is all a bit new and strange for all of us.’

‘But you’ll talk to him, right?’

Rajan nodded. ‘How about you stay here and unpack and put the grocery delivery away and I’ll take Wolfgang shopping?’

She smiled. ‘Ooh and I can have mum send me some more clothes.’

Rajan shook his head. ‘You’ll fill that dressing room up in no time.’

Kala put her hand on her chest. ‘I just like to look nice.’ She got up and pulled her dressing gown on. ‘I’m going to wake Wolfgang.’ 

_The metal cuffs dig into his flesh and his struggles do nothing. His mind searches for his cluster but he pushes them away; they need to stay safe._

_Whispers leans over him, pushing himself into his mind as well as invading his space. ‘This really is my favourite part.’_

_Then comes the pain, invading every cell in his body and he cannot control his thoughts. He fights with all his strength against it but he cannot keep her safe. He has failed her._

‘Wolfgang,’ Kala’s voice came to him like a ray of light in the darkness. He woke to find Kala beside him, real and alive and safe. Her hands were in his hair and she was gazing at him in concern.

His arms went around her and held her close to him. He felt safe with her. She drove the nightmare away.

He looked up at her, feeling her concern. ‘Good morning,’ he said, pushing the bad thoughts away.

‘Good morning. Are you all right?’

He cleared his throat. ‘I’m fine.’ He pulled her close and kissed her softly. It was so good to just be able to kiss her, whenever they wanted.

‘You know you can’t just push it away forever,’ said Will.

Wolfgang ignored him, pushing him firmly out of his mind.

Kala pulled back from the kiss and stroked his hair. ‘Will is right, you know,’ she said softly.

Wolfgang pulled away and got up. ‘I’m fine.’

He could feel Kala watching him and deciding not to push him. ‘Rajan’s going to take you shopping for some new clothes, while I sort a few things out from here.’

Wolfgang nodded, extracting clean pants and a shirt from his bag. ‘Good. I don’t know Paris myself.’

‘You and he can have some quality time together.’

Wolfgang didn’t reply to that. His stomach was in knots. He liked Rajan and he was eager to know him better but that involved Rajan knowing him better in return and there was nothing more nerve wracking.


	5. Chapter 5

It was nearly lunch time and Wolfgang and Rajan had been shopping for four hours. They were laden down with bags and Rajan could see that Wolfgang was starting to flag.

‘Time for lunch, I think,’ he announced.

Wolfgang brightened immediately. Clearly, he wasn’t an enthusiastic a shopper as Kala and Rajan had to admit, he shopped in a much different way to most men. In fact, it was with a passion for shopping approaching Kala’s that he had taken Wolfgang round many, many, many clothes shops. But he now had plenty of clothes, towels and toiletries to his name. ‘Not a moment too soon,’ Wolfgang said.

Rajan smiled at him. ‘Maybe we’ll head home after lunch. I think you’ve had your fill of shopping.’

‘It’s not really my thing, no. But thank you for bringing me to get what I needed.’

‘It’s no problem. It’s good to spend some time together, just the two of us.’

They went into a café and ordered themselves some crepes. While they were waiting, Rajan looked across the table at Wolfgang, who was fiddling with his napkin and not looking at him. Not for the first time, Rajan found himself wishing he could read Wolfgang the way Kala could.

‘I need to talk to you,’ he said.

Wolfgang looked up, his eyes wide. ‘Have I done something wrong?’

Rajan shook his head rapidly. ‘No, no, if anything, I have.’

Wolfgang frowned, confused but didn’t say anything.

‘Last night, I meant to invite you to bed with us, but Kala informs me I might have been too subtle.’

Wolfgang chuckled. ‘Did you get told off?’

Rajan smiled. ‘A little. But … I just want to make sure you know that you’re welcome in with us. In fact, we’d like you to consider the master bedroom as your room as much as it is ours.’

‘I don’t want to push you out, Rajan. You were around first and Kala loves you.’

‘She loves you too, Wolfgang. And I know we don’t know each other very well yet but I … I like you and I think we could make this work, in time, the three of us. What do you think?’

Wolfgang considered him for a moment, as if trying to read him. Rajan wondered if anyone in the cluster was helping him make sure Rajan was speaking the truth. Lito, perhaps, or even Kala herself.

Eventually, Wolfgang nodded. ‘I think you’re right and ... I like you too.’ He cleared his throat and looked away. ‘I was thinking,’ he said, glancing back at Rajan. ‘Maybe we should date, as a threesome. That’s what people do, isn’t it? To get to know each other. They go on dates.’

Rajan nodded. ‘That’s right, and Kala and I still go on dates. It’s good for a relationship.’

Wolfgang took a breath. ‘Then, we should do it too.’

The waitress brought their food and they tucked in in companionable silence for a few minutes, before Wolfgang spoke again.

‘Have you been with a man before?’

Rajan choked on his mouthful but recovered himself quickly. ‘Er, well, no, this is all a bit new, to be honest. Have you?’

‘A few but … I haven’t really had any relationships, with anyone, just sex.’

Rajan smiled at him. ‘Then I suppose this is new for both of us.’

Back in the flat, Kala put the last of the groceries away and nodded, satisfied at her work. The flat was beginning to feel like home now, and her mother was sending her some more clothes and a few other things. She didn’t know how long they would be staying here but long enough for it to need to be a proper home.

She tried to stay out of Wolfgang’s mind; he and Rajan needed some time just them. She kept getting little flashes from him though: quiet delight at his new clothing; the pleasure of walking with Rajan; a little bit of restrained impatience at Rajan’s shopping passion; nervousness during a conversation with Rajan; contentment as they left the café and Rajan slipped his hand through his.

She smiled. Things were slowly burgeoning between them. They had passion for each other; that had been clear after the wedding. Now, they had to develop the friendship that came with a relationship. They had to develop the trust, openness and honesty between them. Rajan was a fairly open sort of person but Wolfgang had so many walls, she wasn’t sure anyone else could break through them.

‘No one can break through anyone’s walls,’ said Sun. ‘They can prove they can be trusted to be let inside them.’

Kala looked up at her friend. It was late evening in Seoul and Sun was outside, in her tank top and shorts, doing taekwondo in the fading sunlight. As Kala joined her, she felt a peace settle over her. Sun always had that effect on all of them.

‘How do I help them trust each other?’ Kala asked.

‘You cannot. They have to learn to trust each other. Your only responsibility is your relationship with each of them, not their relationship with each other.’

Kala nodded. ‘You’re right. I’m just worried about Wolfgang. He won’t talk to me about everything he went through but I know he’s still having nightmares. We’ve all felt it.’

‘He needs time. He’s not ready to face it yet.’

Kala leaned back against her counter and sighed. She knew Sun was right but it was so hard to just leave him be. She loved him; she wanted to help him but he wouldn’t let her.

‘You know Wolfgang doesn’t find it easy to accept help,’ said Riley.

Kala glanced up at her. She was sitting on the sofa in her living room in her house in Iceland, her headphones around her neck and a contented air about her. Will was in the kitchen, making them some lunch.

Riley patted the sofa next to her and Kala sat down. The silence hung for a moment before the DJ spoke. ‘You’re afraid you’re still going to have to choose between them, aren’t you?’

‘I love them both so much. All I want is for it to be like the night of the wedding for the rest of our lives but I’m afraid they’re too different, or that Wolfgang is going to hold back too much and they won’t be able to find any common ground. I _can’t_ choose.’

Riley put her arm around her shoulders. ‘You just need to be patient for them. Reassure them that they’re both equally in your heart and give them permission to focus on each other.’ She kissed her cheek. ‘It’ll be okay. You already know they like each other. They just need some time.’

Will stepped through from the kitchen. ‘Wolfgang’s just scared, but he wants this as much as you do. That’s why he’s so scared. He doesn’t want to lose either of you.’

‘Give it time, Kala,’ said Riley. ‘It’ll be okay.’


	6. Chapter 6

When the boys returned from their shopping trip, there was a bright and happy manner about them. Rajan was laughing at something Wolfgang had said and Wolfgang was smiling, showing his dimples. They were loaded with shopping bags.

‘You bought plenty then?’

‘I think I took Wolfgang to the limit of his endurance,’ said Rajan.

Wolfgang grinned. ‘My _shopping_ endurance,’ he amended.

Rajan smiled a little shyly but Kala could see he was delighted. They dumped the shopping bags by the coffee table and sat down next to each other on the sofa.

‘We’ve got a plan, Kala,’ said Rajan.

‘A plan? What for?’

‘For developing our relationship, of course!’ Rajan reached out for both of their hands. ‘It was Wolfgang’s idea. We’ve decided we should go on a few dates, the three of us.’

Kala squeezed Rajan’s hand excitedly. ‘Ooh, I’d love that!’

‘Then it’s settled,’ said Rajan. ‘If we’re going to be in a relationship, we should do relationship things. We … er talked about the sleeping situation. Wolfgang knows he’s welcome, don’t you?’

Wolfgang nodded. ‘I do but … ‘ He glanced up at Kala. ‘I think I should stay in the other room for the moment. If we’re dating, we should take it slow.’ He grinned. ‘And if I’m sleeping in there with you two, I won’t be able to keep my hands off either of you.’

Kala looked back at him. She could feel something more to it than that, but he was not forthcoming and she didn’t want to push him. It was the nightmares maybe. But like Riley had said, he wasn’t ready to face it.

She nodded. ‘Okay, we’ll take it at your pace.’

Wolfgang gave her a small smile, took her hand for a moment, then pulled away. ‘I’m going to put my new clothes away.’

He left her alone with Rajan, who was looking at her. ‘He says he doesn’t want to push me out. I tried to reassure him that you love him.’

‘I love both of you, Rajan. Equally. All I want is for it to be the three of us. I don’t want to choose between you.’

Rajan took her other hand in his. ‘You do not have to, my love. Neither of us are going anywhere. It’s just going to take some time.’ He kissed her. ‘I can definitely see what you see in Wolfgang. He’s good company, as well as being rather attractive physically.’

She beamed. ‘He is, and he’s got something so good and gentle inside him hidden away. I don’t even think he knows it’s there. But that’s where we come in. I want him to know how much he deserves to be loved.’

Rajan nodded and returned her smile. ‘I want that as much as you do, my love. If we need to be patient and go at Wolfgang’s pace, that is exactly what we’ll do.’

Kala hugged him and thought how lucky she was to have two amazing men who loved her with their whole selves and whom she loved fiercely.

When Kala went into Wolfgang’s bedroom, he was lying on the bed, stripped down to his boxers and all his new stuff still in the bags.

‘Are you not unpacking?’ she asked.

Wolfgang shrugged. ‘Don’t know where to put it.’

Kala sat on the bed beside him. ‘I unpacked all mine and Rajan’s things and there’s a spare wardrobe in the master bedroom. Why don’t you unpack it in there?’

Wolfgang glanced at her. ‘I meant what I said about not sharing a room yet.’

Kala reached out for his hand. ‘I know, but I don’t understand why. We shared before. We’ve spent more nights than I can count sleeping beside each other.’

‘That’s different. That was just us. Now, it’s not a relationship between me and you. It’s between you, me and Rajan. I’d be in over my head with any relationship, even more with two other people. I don’t want to ruin it by rushing.’

‘I understand. I’m a little out of my depth myself. It’s frightening but we have each other and we all care about each other.’ She stroked his hair. ‘You know how much I love you, don’t you? You can feel it?’

He nodded, his gaze focusing on her. For a moment, they were one, feeling the strength of each other’s feelings overwhelming them.

She kissed his mouth softly and sweetly and he reached for her and held onto her like she was the only thing keeping him afloat.

‘I know what’s going through your mind, what’s haunting you,’ she whispered. She felt him try to pull away but she held on. ‘Just hold onto me, hold onto how much we all love you. We’re all with you, Wolfgang, no matter what.’

He held her wrist gently and didn’t speak but Kala felt something inside him relax. She let him pull away and he released her.

‘You can have as much time as you need, but I still think you should keep your new clothes in the spare wardrobe in the other room. Besides, there isn’t one in here and it’s silly to keep them all over the floor when there’s a wardrobe next door standing empty.’

He laughed and held his hands up. ‘All right, all right, I give up.’ He got up, grabbed his bags, and headed next door to put them away.

The three of them spent a pleasant evening together, chatting and laughing over their evening meal. Wolfgang had always felt relaxed and safe around Kala but now he found himself starting to feel that way about Rajan too. He could feel how safe Kala felt around him and that helped. But he could also see for himself that there was something good and kind about Rajan; this man who could have been his jealous rival but instead was taking him into his heart and showing him nothing but love and kindness.

Wolfgang kept stealing glances at him, watching the way his eyes brightened when he talked, the way his hands moved, his shy little smile and the way he kept stealing glances at Wolfgang when he thought he wasn’t looking.

Kala was more relaxed after their chat that afternoon. Wolfgang was satisfied that she understood that he wanted to take things slow. In fact, he could feel she understood a little more than he wanted her to. But never mind about that. He was learning to accept how much his cluster knew about him, stuff only Felix knew, and more now.

But he didn’t want to think about that either.

He focused on Kala. She was the most beautiful person he had ever met in his whole life. His heart seemed to swell with love for her and he could feel his face softening as he looked at her. She turned him soppy and he didn’t give a fuck. He would do anything for her. He was opening his heart for her. It was frightening but he would do it for her.

That night, as they parted for bed, Wolfgang watched them enter the master bedroom together and he felt a twinge. His heart wanted nothing more than to join them, to slip into that pleasurable double embrace, to give himself up to the pleasure of sex.

But this was about something deeper and he had to stop avoiding his feelings by having as much sex as possible. He was done with that.

He went into his own bedroom, stripped off and got in bed. He would just go to sleep and not think.

_Riley reached for Will, spreading her fingers across his jaw, and pulling him into a kiss._

Wolfgang groaned. Not now, for fuck’s sake.

_Amanita reached for Nomi, curling around her waist and pulling their warm, naked bodies together. Their kiss burned through their bodies, their arousal making them gasp into each other._

Wolfgang turned over in his bed. Why did they have to go at it now when he was trying not to think of sex?

_Capheus gazed at Zakia’s beautiful, curvaceous body as she stepped out of her dress and slid down her panties._

He could feel Kala too. She was asleep but her dreams were with Will, Riley, Nomi and Capheus. Wolfgang wanted nothing more than to give himself up to the pleasure shared within his cluster. He could almost feel Kala’s warm skin against his body.

_Will gathered Riley into his arms, kissing his way down her collar bone, then cupping her breast and teasing her nipple with his thumb._

Wolfgang squeezed his eyes shut like that could block the images in his mind.

_Amanita kneaded Nomi’s back, sending waves of pleasure through her body._

_Capheus’s strong hands gripped Zakia’s thighs, rubbing his thumbs over her warm skin._

Wolfgang held his hands behind his back, resisting the temptation to give into pleasure.

_Nomi pressed her body against Amanita’s. Her wife wrapped her legs around her, pulling her further into her. She fucking loved this woman so much._

Wolfgang groaned. As if it wasn’t bad enough, they had to start thinking how much they loved their partners as well?

_Kala moaned, squirming in her sleep as the cluster’s pleasure radiated across her mind. She was dreaming about all them all, all together._

_Will slid inside the love of his life, feeling her pleasure echo through him. She was beneath him, around him, inside him. She was everything._

Wolfgang reached for his phone and headphones. He had to block this out. Maybe it wouldn’t work but at least he’d have something else to think about.

_Capheus gazed with wonder at this beautiful woman on top of him. He felt his love for her growing, almost more than he could stand. How had he ever been without her?_

Wolfgang selected _Feel Invincible_ by Skillet and blasted it through his headphones.

Target on my back lone survivor lasts  
They got me in their sights  
No surrender no  
Trigger fingers go  
Living the dangerous life

The beat pounded into his brain, pushing his cluster away. He was strong. He didn’t need them for that. He could control himself. He could control everything.

Hey, hey, hey everyday when I wake  
I'm trying to get up, they're knocking me down  
Chewing me up, spitting me out  
Hey, hey, hey when I need to be saved  
You're making me strong, you're making me stand  
Never will fall, never will end  
Shot like a rocket up into the sky  
Nothing could stop me tonight

Nothing could get to him, not the sex, not the bad feelings trying to get through to him. He was strong. Nothing could stop him.

Fight song, raising up  
Like a roar of victory in a stadium  
Who can touch me 'cause I'm (I'm made of fire)  
Who can stop me tonight (I'm hard wired)  
You make me feel invincible

He _was_ fucking invincible, a stone-cold killer, and fucking _nothing_ could touch him.


	7. Chapter 7

Wolfgang stepped out of the shower, which was far larger than he was used to, and grabbed the towel from the heated rail. He patted himself dry, then chucked the towel into the wash basket and made his way to the master bedroom. Rajan was in there, wearing only a pair of navy-blue dress trousers, and searching through his wardrobe for a suitable shirt. He glanced around when he heard Wolfgang.

Wolfgang grinned when he saw where Rajan’s eyes went. Rajan cleared his throat. ‘Kala’s still in her dressing room, probably trying on a thousand outfits.’

‘I know how she feels,’ said Wolfgang, crossing to his own wardrobe.

Rajan glanced across at him. ‘You nervous?’

Wolfgang shrugged but he could see from Rajan’s expression that he didn’t buy it. ‘A little,’ he conceded. ‘I don’t usually date.’

Rajan nodded. ‘I don’t usually have sex before dating someone so I know how you feel.’

Wolfgang didn’t reply to that but he felt a little better. They were all going to be nervous for their first date. They’d decided to go on three proper first dates, one chosen by each of them. This was Rajan’s night and he’d chosen a restaurant, though he hadn’t told them what food they served.

Wolfgang opened his wardrobe and pulled out boxers, socks and a pair of black trousers. He hesitated a moment over his shirt choice, then picked a deep red shirt. It was new. Well most of his clothes here were; he’d told Felix he wanted very little from Berlin.

He knew he looked good in red, though he rarely wore it. He stuck to black mostly; it was more anonymous. He didn’t need to be anonymous tonight. He was in a brand-new city, with his brand-new lovers and he did not need to hide.

He dressed quickly, then went through to the living room to wait, leaving Rajan still agonising over his shirt choice. Except when it came to his body, Wolfgang still felt shy around Rajan. He knew him only through Kala really and there was so much Rajan didn’t know about him yet. If he was honest with himself, Wolfgang was waiting for the other man to realise he wasn’t worth bringing into his marriage after all.

He shook his head, pushing the thought away as he sat on the sofa. It was too quiet. He reached out and heard Kala worrying about the fit of her dress. He shook his head again; he didn’t need her nervousness as well. He needed calm.

‘You need to breathe,’ said Sun.

He glanced at her. She was sitting beside him on the sofa, looking ahead at the view of Paris from the large windows. He followed her gaze. It was just starting to get dark and the streetlights were just coming on. He loved the city at night, all cities at night. He understood the night, could exist unseen in the night. But tonight, he wasn’t going to be unseen. Tonight, his very self was going to be examined, laid out before someone new. His feelings for Rajan were all mixed up with Kala’s and he wasn’t sure how this was going to go.

He could feel his knee twitching. He felt Sun lay a hand on his knee and he stilled.

‘You have faced many frightening things. You can face this.’

He breathed in the familiar comfort of her certain touch and lay his head on the back of the sofa. The first thing he saw was Capheus. He was snuggled up on his own sofa with Zakia, watching Conan the Barbarian. Zakia did not look impressed but Wolfgang nodded approvingly.

‘Good choice.’

Capheus beamed at him and the sight of that infections smile, so full of joy, made Wolfgang grin back at him.

Then he was on set with Lito, who was being kissed, softly and sweetly. Wolfgang watched and he could feel the outpouring of emotion from Lito, a genuine moment, though he was playing a part. Though it was Blake Huntington kissing him, for Lito it was nobody but Hernando or Dani.

Wolfgang breathed out slowly. Kala had shown him he could love, and his cluster showed him how much that love could expand. There was room for Rajan in there, in time.

He turned and there was Nomi, still in bed though it was late morning for her. Amanita was with her and they were sharing coffee and croissants. Here, the love was so strong he could feel it enveloping him. This was what he wanted. If Nomi could have this connection, this closeness with someone who was not a Sensate, then so could he. Perhaps one day, he and Rajan would be as close and the three of them could experience their love together.

Nomi glanced up at him and smiled. Wolfgang returned the smile. Yes, he could have this.

Then he was in someone else’s living room. He looked around. There was a piano, though no one was playing it. On the sofa, were Will and Riley. They were lounging together, Will’s hand trailing up Riley’s arm, Riley’s hand drawing circles on his chest.

They smiled at him. ‘First date nerves?’ asked Will.

Wolfgang nodded. ‘It would be easier if it was just sex.’

Will chuckled. ‘But not as worth it.’

‘Here,’ said Riley, grabbing her phone. ‘Some music will help.’ She scrolled through before she hit play.

Got a bed, wit’ your name on it

Wit’ your name on it.

Got a kiss, wit’ your name on it

Wit’ your name on it.

Wolfgang nodded his head as the chilled-out beat began and his body moved to it by itself. He felt the last of his tension leave him. He felt a wave of love from his cluster and with it he felt his courage return.

‘What are you dancing to?’ asked Rajan.

Wolfgang blinked and found himself back in Paris. ‘Oh, just something Riley was playing.’ He turned and saw Rajan. He was wearing a rather sharp navy-blue suit, with a turquoise shirt worn with the collar open. He looked gorgeous.

‘You look hot,’ Wolfgang said.

Rajan smiled, somewhat shyly. ‘Thank you. You look beautiful. I mean, er, handsome, erm…’ He bit his lip, shifting awkwardly.

Wolfgang chuckled. ‘Beautiful will do.’

Rajan smiled. ‘I think Kala is about to make her grand entrance. Have you seen this new dress?’

Wolfgang shook his head. ‘No, she wouldn’t let me see.’

The bedroom door opened again, and Kala emerged. Both Wolfgang and Rajan turned to gaze in awe at her. She was wearing a beautiful lilac dress. The top criss-crossed her chest, showing a little of the smooth skin at her waist and just a little cleavage. The skirt flowed out from her waist, twirling as she moved. It came to her knee and her legs were bare. She wore white heels.

‘You look beautiful,’ said Rajan and Wolfgang together.

Kala beamed and did a little twirl. ‘Thank you. By your faces it was worth the money.’

‘Definitely,’ said Wolfgang.

‘How much money are we talking about here?’

Wolfgang turned and gave him a look. Rajan cleared his throat. ‘I mean, however much it cost, my beautiful wife deserves it.’

Kala smiled. ‘Thank you. Are we ready to go?’

Rajan clapped his hands together. ‘Yes. We’re walking but it’s not far.’


	8. Chapter 8

* * *

Rajan led the way out, Wolfgang and Kala following behind. Kala reached for Wolfgang’s hand and laced their fingers together as they walked down the street.

‘Are you feeling less nervous now?’

‘Yes, I’m not sure Rajan is though.’

Kala looked ahead. ‘Come on.’

They caught up with Rajan, and Kala linked his arm, keeping hold of Wolfgang’s hand. Wolfgang sighed in contentment. He was equal here; he could feel it.

They rounded the corner and Rajan grinned at them. ‘Here we are, the best Indian Restaurant in Paris, according to Papa-ji. Now, Wolfgang, it’s an authentic Indian menu so we’ll help you translate.’

Wolfgang opened his mouth to reply but Kala squeezed his hand and he thought better of it. Rajan would learn. They went inside and Rajan spoke to the maître d’. In a few minutes, they were sitting at a little table for three, all in easy reach of each other.

Wolfgang felt the urge to hold their hands, but he held it back. They couldn’t very well get through a meal holding hands. He took a deep breath and looked at Kala, then Rajan. They looked back at him, then at each other. Nobody said anything for a moment.

Then the moment got longer. Wolfgang looked down at his menu, fiddling with the corner of it. He could feel the silence getting heavier.

Beside him, Rajan shifted, then cleared his throat. ‘So … nice weather we’ve been having.’

Wolfgang looked up at Kala, who looked back at him in surprise. Her lips twitched. He felt his mirror them.

The next second, they were laughing. They looked at Rajan, who was gazing at them in a rather bewildered manner. Then he burst out laughing himself.

They were interrupted when the waiter came over. ‘Oh,’ said Rajan, picking up his menu. ‘We haven’t helped Wolfgang with the menu yet.’

Wolfgang handed his menu back to the waiter. ‘I would like chicken Dhansak with rice and onion bhajis and a lager, please,’ he said, in perfect Hindi.

Rajan stared at him and his mouth slowly opened as he realised his mistake. Kala ordered hers, then when Rajan didn’t say anything, she ordered his favourite for him. The waiter left.

‘I’m sorry, Wolfgang, I shouldn’t have … assumed.’

Wolfgang shook his head and laughed. ‘I know it because Kala knows it. It’s easy for a non-sensate to forget.’

Rajan pressed his fingertips together. ‘I shall try to remember. Though, can I make a request?’

Wolfgang shrugged. ‘Sure.’

Rajan glanced around and leaned in, lowering his voice. ‘Speak Hindi more often because your accent is fucking sexy.’

Wolfgang grinned, enjoying the way Rajan’s gaze focused on him. ‘Remind me to teach you a few words in German.’

Rajan beamed with delight. ‘I would love that!’

Kala smiled at their interaction. They were getting there.

They chatted easily for a while, about the weather, about what they knew about Paris, about how it was different from their home cities. Their food came and they tucked in eagerly. It was delicious, proper Indian food just like, well almost just like, Kala’s dad made.

‘This is nearly as good as your father’s, Kala,’ said Rajan and Wolfgang murmured his agreement. ‘Not that my father thought that, of course.’

Kala turned to Wolfgang. ‘Rajan’s father is not a fan of Indian food. He didn’t want any of my father’s food at the wedding.’

‘That’s because he’s a mean-spirited, controlling…’

‘Rajan, don’t say things like that.’

‘Back me up here, Wolfgang, isn’t my father the most awful dad ever?’

Wolfgang stared down at his food and didn’t speak. Kala stiffened and reached out for his hand. Wolfgang cleared his throat, pushing his chair back and standing up.

‘I gotta piss,’ he murmured and strode off.

Rajan looked helplessly at Kala. ‘What did I say?’

Kala sighed. ‘Rajan, if you would just _think_ …’

Rajan’s eyes were wide. ‘I didn’t mean to upset him. I didn’t think. I’m sorry. Will you tell him I’m sorry?’

Kala softened, reaching out and taking his hand. She squeezed it gently. ‘He’ll understand. We’ll just talk about something else.’

In the bathroom, Wolfgang splashed his face with cold water. He stared at his own reflection in the mirror. His fear, his disgust, his self-hatred showed too clearly in his eyes. He had to get rid of it.

He blinked hard several times. He was strong. He was a man, not a little boy. He’d killed Whispers. He’d killed his father. He was fucking invincible.

He watched the steeliness return to his eyes.

When Wolfgang returned, he seemed fine. He took a swig of his beer and began eating again. Rajan and Kala both watched him but he was completely normal.

‘So,’ said Kala. ‘When is Felix coming back?’

‘As soon as he’s sold up the shop and packed up.’ He smiled. ‘He’s looking forward to getting to know some Parisian damsels.’

Rajan sat up eagerly, seeing the way Wolfgang had brightened at Felix’s name. Here was a topic that had to be safe. ‘So, how long have you and Felix known each other?’

‘Since school.’ He laughed. ‘We met in detention not long after I first came to West Berlin.’

Wolfgang talked easily about Felix for a while and then Kala started talking about her work and her hopes to get transferred to the Paris branch. Rajan talked a little about hoping they would both be able to get most of their work done in Paris, at least for a while. Both avoided any mention of family.

By the time the conversation started to dwindle, they had finished their food and Rajan called for the bill.

When it arrived, Wolfgang put his hand on it. ‘We should split it.’

‘No, no, it’s my treat.’

‘You shouldn’t have to pay for me.’

‘It is my choice of date so I shall pay.’

‘Boys, can we please act like the civilised, cultured people we are and stop posturing and squabbling over who pays for a meal we have shared together?’ Kala said, sternly.

Wolfgang frowned, his gaze firmly directed at Rajan instead of acknowledging her pointed look. ‘Next is it my choice and then I pay,’ he said, insistently.

Rajan made a yielding gesture and smiled, then took the bill, filled in a generous tip amount, and placed his credit card on top of it.

When the bill had been paid, they headed off into the night together.

The three of them walked home in companionable silence, Wolfgang in between Rajan and Kala. Rajan kept glancing at him, wondering if he was still upset about Rajan’s gaff earlier. He must be upset. It had probably ruined the whole date for him. He probably wanted to forget this attempt at a relationship had ever happened and move back in with his friend.

Wolfgang was looking straight ahead, not looking at either of them, not giving anything away. He wished he could read the German as well as he could read his wife but he was too practised in hiding his emotions.

How could he have said that about fathers? He _knew_ Wolfgang’s father hadn’t been a nice man; Wolfgang had told him so himself. So why had he done it?

 _Stupid, stupid, stupid, speaking before I think, foot in my mouth_.

Rajan sighed, resigning himself to the fact that he’d fucked all this up before it had really started.

Suddenly, he felt something warm and soft brush against his hand. He looked down and saw that Wolfgang was lacing his fingers through his. His grip was firm but gentle. Something settled in Rajan and he found himself grinning. He hadn’t ruined anything.

Kala beamed as she saw Rajan’s delighted grin. She dropped back a little. This was a relationship between the three of them, but it was Rajan and Wolfgang who had to work each other out.

‘Good first date?’ asked Will.

Kala smiled at him. ‘It was a little bumpy but I think so.’

‘They’re doing well. It looks like Rajan’s getting through to him, slowly.’

‘He’s still having nightmares though.’

Will sighed. ‘I know.’

‘What can I do to help him?’

Will put his arm around her shoulders. ‘I think you’re already doing it, you and Rajan. Look.’

As they watched, Wolfgang turned his head towards Rajan and gave him a small, but genuine smile.

Back at home, Wolfgang stretched and yawned. ‘I’m going to bed.’ He tugged Rajan to him. ‘Thank you,’ he whispered. ‘For tonight.’ He cupped Rajan’s jaw and kissed him softly and sweetly on the lips.

‘Goodnight,’ he murmured against his mouth.

Rajan let out a little breath. ‘Goodnight.’

Wolfgang stepped away, then reached for Kala and kissed her too, his arms wrapping around her. ‘Goodnight, see you in the morning.’ He traced her cheek with his fingers, so gently and lovingly that it made Rajan’s heart ache. It was wonderful to see the love for Kala pouring out of Wolfgang. He could only hope that he would be the recipient of that love one day.

He watched Wolfgang retreat to his bedroom and once again wished he was joining them in theirs. But they would get there. And the wait would be _so_ worth it.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warning for this chapter: implied child abuse in a nightmare, references to torture shown in the show.

Wolfgang lay in his bed in his boxer shorts, feeling relaxed and content. That had been a good date. He thought of Rajan and felt a pleasant tingle in his belly. He was a gentleman and he’d looked gorgeous in his suit. Wolfgang almost felt as though he had been romanced, which was a new and strange experience. He never even romanced anyone else, let alone been romanced himself. It wasn’t even like that between him and Kala; they just had this automatic connection.

He and Rajan had to work at it, but they were making steps, and it didn’t feel hard. It felt … nice … exciting … exhilarating. It was almost like he was a normal person, who could experience the simple happiness of learning another person.

He settled down to sleep.

_The cuffs pin him down. Whispers leans over him, those blue eyes piercing him like needles._

_He cannot move. Anger surges inside him and he wants to fight._

_A heavy body presses him down and fear floods him. He cannot resist it; he has no strength left._

_Whispers' slick smile changes into a nasty grin. The blue eyes change to hazel and it is his father on top of him, pressing him down, pushing the air from his body._

_There are tears on his face, then pain inside._

_‘Shut your fucking whining, you little bitch.’_

_The pain is strong. The pain is everywhere. He stops his tears._

‘Wolfgang! Wolfgang!’

Wolfgang jerked awake to the semi-darkness of his bedroom to find Rajan sitting beside him, his hand on his shoulder.

‘It’s all right,’ Rajan whispered. ‘You’re safe.’

Wolfgang’s chest hurt with trying to control his breathing. Rajan put his arms around him and pulled him up. ‘I’ve got you,’ he murmured.

Wolfgang didn’t look at him, just held onto him, like he was the only thing keeping him grounded. Rajan rubbed gentle circles across his bare back.

‘Whispers? Or your father?’

Wolfgang pressed his forehead to Rajan’s shoulder. His chest was bare too and the warmth of his skin was comforting. ‘Both,’ he choked out.

‘They’re both gone. They can’t hurt you anymore. You’re safe now; you’re with us.’

Wolfgang nodded, trying to make himself believe the words. He knew Rajan was right but his body was so used to being on alert, it was hard to switch it off now. 

But as he felt Rajan’s gentle touches, listened to his steady breathing and felt the warmth of his skin against him and the tightness of his embrace, Wolfgang felt himself begin to calm down.

‘I’m okay,’ he said.

Rajan pulled back just enough to look at him. ‘Come in with us, Wolfgang. You don’t need to be alone.’

Wolfgang shook his head. ‘I’m fine.’

‘You should let him help,’ said Will, beside him. Riley was there too, watching him with compassion in her gentle brown eyes.

‘I’m fine,’ he repeated, though he did not let go of Rajan.

Rajan sighed. ‘All right, then I’ll stay here with you for a while. You shouldn’t be alone after a nightmare like that.’

Wolfgang didn’t argue, just lay down again. Rajan lay beside him and pulled the covers over them both. He kept hold of Wolfgang, rubbing his arm gently and dropping a kiss onto the back of his head.

‘Close your eyes,’ he whispered. ‘You’re not alone. I’m not leaving you.’

Wolfgang, a sort of peace settling over him, closed his eyes and drifted back to sleep. 

In the morning, Kala woke to an empty bed. Frowning, she got up, pulled on her dressing gown and went to find Rajan. He wasn’t in the living room, so she went into Wolfgang’s room.

She stopped in the doorway and smiled. Rajan was there, in bed with Wolfgang. They were both still asleep and spooning, with Rajan’s arms wrapped around the other man’s. Wolfgang looked so young and innocent in his sleep. She could see past the strength and see his vulnerabilities. But he looked content in his sleep, with Rajan.

They really were getting closer.

‘He had a bad nightmare last night,’ said Will.

Kala swallowed. ‘I didn’t hear him. He wasn’t alone?’

‘Rajan came to him, and Riley and I were there.’

Kala nodded, then stepped forward and leaned over Wolfgang. She kissed him.

‘Wolfgang, it’s time to wake up,’ she whispered.

He stirred and woke slowly. He blinked and looked around, then blushed as he realised Rajan was still in bed with him.

‘I couldn’t sleep. Rajan and I were talking.’

She smiled and brushed her hand through his hair. ‘You don’t need to explain. You can spend the night with either or both of us any time you like.’

Wolfgang nodded and looked away. He got up and headed for a shower. As he left, Rajan opened his eyes and looked up at her.

‘Good morning,’ he said. He glanced toward the door Wolfgang had just left through. ‘It was another nightmare.’

Kala nodded. ‘I know.’ She reached out and took his hand. ‘Thank you for being with him.’

Rajan sat up. ‘I just wish I could do more for him. I wish I could take the bad thoughts and the memories away from him.’

‘So do I. But you are helping him. It’s a big thing that he trusted you to comfort him last night.’

‘I’ll always be here when he needs me.’

In the shower, Wolfgang scrubbed himself clean, body and mind. He wasn’t going to think of the nightmare, wasn’t even going to give it room in his head.

‘You should talk about it, you know. It’ll help.’

Wolfgang glared at Will. ‘Can I not even get peace in the shower?’

‘I wouldn’t be here if you didn’t want me to be. You know that.’

Wolfgang closed his eyes and put his face under the shower spray. The hot water cleansed him, driving the bad thoughts away. He didn’t need to talk about them. He just needed to forget.

‘I understand, you know,’ said Will. ‘Remember, I shared my consciousness with Whispers for a year.’

‘Fuck off.’

‘Wolfgang…’

‘You dealt with your shit your own way. I’m trying to deal with this my way.’

‘But you’re not dealing with it, Wolfgang. That’s the problem.’

Wolfgang rinsed off and stepped out of the shower. ‘Just fuck off, Will. Leave me alone.’

He wrapped a towel around himself and went to the door. There he paused, half-glancing at Will. ‘I didn’t mean...' he whispered.

Will’s fingers brushed across his shoulder. ‘I know.’ He gave him a gentle smile, then he was gone. Wolfgang knew he’d be there when he needed him, just like Kala, just like Rajan. 


	10. Chapter 10

Wolfgang chucked his towel in the wash and went through to the kitchen. He wanted to cook breakfast for Kala and Rajan but he wasn’t entirely sure what Rajan would like to eat.

‘Omelette!’ declared Lito. He gazed appreciatively at Wolfgang’s naked body and grinned. ‘Looking good, you German lug.’

Wolfgang grinned back at him. ‘Thanks. So, Omelette?’

‘My mother’s special omelette.’

‘Show me.’

Lito nudged his way into Wolfgang, taking over and grabbing the ingredients from the fridge. ‘Cooking this omelette is like creating a work of art. You have to put all your love in it.’

The way he moved as he cooked was like a dance. It was a pleasure to watch him. By the time Rajan came through to the kitchen, dressed in lounge pants and a t-shirt, the omelette was nearly cooked through in the pan.

‘Kala’s just getting out of the shower,’ he said and stopped, staring open-mouthed at Wolfgang. ‘You’re …er… you’re not wearing …’ He cleared his throat. ‘You look good.’ He joined Wolfgang by the cooker. ‘What are you making?’

‘Spanish Omelette, with Lito’s help.’

‘We’re in for a treat.’ He put a gentle hand on the small of Wolfgang’s back and kissed his cheek. ‘Looks delicious. And so do you.’

Wolfgang grinned. ‘That was smooth.’

Rajan grinned back at him. ‘I try.’

They heard footsteps and turned to see Kala, dressed in a light, floaty sunshine yellow dress. She was holding a pair of Wolfgang’s boxer shorts.

‘Wolfgang, you are not allergic to getting dressed. Now put some clothes on. You’re embarrassing Rajan.’

‘I do not mind at all, my love,’ said Rajan. ‘He is quite a sight to behold.’

Wolfgang smirked and waggled his hips a little.

‘Well … it’s undignified,’ she spluttered. She pushed the boxers into his hands. ‘This is not The Naked Chef.’

‘You know Jamie Oliver wasn’t actually naked, Kala?’ said Rajan.

Kala glared at him and he closed his mouth. Laughing, Wolfgang pulled on his shorts. ‘Whatever makes you happy,’ he said, going back to the cooking.

Wolfgang didn’t say much as they ate. He wasn’t a talkative person but he knew that both his lovers understood that. He was content to listen to them chatter at him or around him. He liked listening to them. He could spend the rest of his life like this.

He caught that thought as it emerged and stuffed it back. There was no use in thinking about the rest of his life. He didn’t know what was going to happen. You never knew if you were going to get to keep hold of the good things that happened to you. He didn’t want to start relying on being happy.

Still, he had them now and he had to make the most of it.

‘So, Wolfgang, where are you taking us on your date?’

Wolfgang smiled. He had an idea but he would need Riley’s help with it.

‘Wait and see,’ he said.

He felt Kala poking around for an answer but he just smirked at her and kept it to himself.

A few minutes after they’d finished eating, Rajan’s phone rang. He peered at the screen and pulled a face.

‘My father. I guess now is as good a time as ever to break the news about the move.’ He glanced at Wolfgang. ‘I’ll take it in the other room.’ He rolled his eyes at Kala. ‘This could get ugly.’

He took the phone into the master bedroom and they heard his murmuring voice a second later.

‘Will he be all right?’ Wolfgang asked.

Kala nodded. ‘He’s used to his father. He can handle him pretty well.’

Rajan’s voice rose sharply. Kala glanced toward the bedroom, biting her lip. ‘I should go help him.’

Wolfgang nodded. ‘I’ll clean up.’

He carried the plates over to the sink and started the hot water running. He started to hum, a made-up tune at first then it started to take the form of a song and he started to sing.

When the days are cold  
And the cards all fold  
And the saints we see  
Are all made of gold

When your dreams all fail  
And the ones we hail  
Are the worst of all  
And the blood's run stale

I want to hide the truth  
I want to shelter you  
But with the beast inside  
There's nowhere we can hide

  
He dunked the plates into the hot soapy water and found the scrubbing brush. He could hear the music in his head but he wasn’t sure if it was his own memory or Riley obliging him. He didn’t need to know either way. He was alone and content and he was making the most of the feeling to let his voice soar.

No matter what we breed  
We still are made of greed  
This is my kingdom come  
This is my kingdom come

When you feel my heat  
Look into my eyes  
It's where my demons hide  
It's where my demons hide  
Don't get too close  
It's dark inside  
It's where my demons hide  
It's where my demons hide

He knew he had demons. His whole cluster, including Kala, knew. Rajan knew. Yet they were all still there and showed no signs of leaving.

When the curtain's call  
Is the last of all  
When the lights fade out  
All the sinners crawl

So they dug your grave  
And the masquerade  
Will come calling out  
At the mess you made

Don't want to let you down  
But I am hell bound  
Though this is all for you  
Don't want to hide the truth

He sang as he rinsed off the soapy dishes and stacked them on the drainer. He didn’t know what was going to happen but he couldn’t deny the growing feeling of contentment, no, happiness, burgeoning inside him. Despite all the shit, actual proper happiness was stubbornly fighting its way through.

They say it's what you make  
I say it's up to fate  
It's woven in my soul  
I need to let you go

Your eyes, they shine so bright  
I want to save their light  
I can't escape this now  
Unless you show me how

When you feel my heat  
Look into my eyes  
It's where my demons hide  
It's where my demons hide  
Don't get too close  
It's dark inside  
It's where my demons hide  
It's where my demons hide

He couldn’t deny his demons. He couldn’t deny he’d fucked up many times in his life. He couldn’t deny he’d done some monstrous things. He knew he didn’t deserve the pure happiness Kala and Rajan gave him. But fuck he wanted it so fucking much. And he wasn’t going to let it be taken from him without one hell of a fight.

‘You should sing more,’ said Rajan, as he reached the end of the song.

Wolfgang turned and shrugged. ‘I just sing for myself.’

‘You shouldn’t keep such a beautiful voice a secret.’

Wolfgang found himself smiling, thinking of similar words spoken in love to him many years ago. Keeping it casual, he ambled over to Rajan and kissed his cheek.

‘I’m gonna throw some clothes on then you can tell me about that phone call if you want.’

Rajan nodded. ‘I’d like that.’

As Wolfgang headed to his bedroom, Kala emerged from the master bedroom. Wolfgang gave her a smile and a kiss to her cheek as well.

In his room, Wolfgang dressed quickly in his black jeans and a t-shirt. Later on, he was going to head out and explore Paris a little. Hopefully with Riley’s help, he’d be able to find just the right place to take Rajan and Kala. He’d decided on taking them clubbing. He knew they both loved to dance and why not introduce them to his favourite sort?

He looked in the mirror and caught an expression crossing his face that made him think of his mother. He wished he could see her for real, the way he could see Angelica. 

He met his own eyes directly. His mama was in there, if she wasn’t anywhere else. She had loved him. She’d loved him with all her heart and she would be ecstatic to see him with these two wonderful people who were welcoming him eagerly into their lives. She would be happy for him.

He felt someone with him and he looked to his right. His eyes met Angelica’s. Her blue eyes were full of love. She smiled at him. He felt her soft kiss on his cheek and her gentle fingers caressing his hair. He smiled. Both his mothers wanted him to be happy.

A little while later, he was sitting on the sofa in between Rajan and Kala. She leaned against his shoulder and he had his arm around her. Rajan was sitting very close to him but not quite touching.

‘So? What happened?’ Wolfgang asked.

Rajan sighed. ‘He’s allowing the transfers though he doesn’t understand why we want to stay in Paris.’

‘He was never going to understand,’ said Kala. ‘My father probably won’t either.’

‘You can both go back to India if you want.’

Rajan looked at him and Kala took his hand.

‘Perhaps all three of us will go to live in Mumbai one day,' Rajan said. 'But I think we’d be best staying here for a while. We need to figure out our relationship without our parents around.’

Wolfgang chuckled. ‘Well, I’m your guy there.’

Rajan cringed. ‘Oh, I didn’t mean…’

Wolfgang put his hand on his knee and squeezed gently. ‘It’s okay, I’m not upset. My mama would have been pleased I was happy.’

Rajan smiled. ‘You are happy then?’

Wolfgang looked between Kala and Rajan then smiled. ‘Yes, I’m happy.’

Kala hugged him. ‘Then will you tell us where we’re going on this date?’

He laughed. ‘No. You’ll know in time to decide what to wear, I promise.’


	11. Chapter 11

They spent the right of the day pottering around. Kala popped out to buy some new curtains, while Rajan cooked the dinner. Wolfgang, at a loss of anything else to do, helped him. Rajan was happy to show him what he was doing and they spent the time working companionably. Rajan chatted a lot and Wolfgang was happy to listen.

After dinner, the three of them settled down to watch a movie together. Wolfgang was planning to go out to check out the clubs later but for now he was happy to relax with Kala and Rajan.

He knew they wouldn’t have long to relax together. A week or two maybe then they’d all be starting work, Rajan and Kala at the Paris branch of his father’s company. And as soon as Felix returned, they’d be finding and setting up a new shop together. Ordinary life would soon establish itself.

Kala was sitting in between them, leaning against Rajan and holding Wolfgang’s hand. Rajan’s arm was around her shoulders. As the evening drifted on and they all got a little tired, Wolfgang rested his head against Kala’s shoulder and Rajan’s hand brushed his shoulder, then began to play through his hair.

Wolfgang let out a soft gasp of pleasure, then caught himself and sat up. He glanced at Rajan over Kala’s head. He was looking at him, his eyes bright in the semi-darkness of the room. Wolfgang glanced down at Kala, whose eyes had drifted closed. He smiled.

‘I think she’s ready for bed.’

‘Mmm,’ murmured Rajan. ‘Are you coming?’

Wolfgang gazed back at him, taking in that dark, handsome face and those kind brown eyes. He leaned forward, Kala’s hair tickling his chin. He cupped Rajan’s jaw, caressing his beard with his thumb. Rajan’s gaze lowered to his mouth. Wolfgang bridged the gap between them and kissed him. There was passion and tenderness in the kiss and Wolfgang didn’t want to pull away.

But he did. Rajan looked bereft when he pulled away.

Wolfgang gave him an apologetic shrug. ‘I’m going out for a walk before bed.’

‘It’s late. I could come with you?’

Wolfgang shook his head. ‘It’s date related. Top secret.’ He got up, carefully extracting himself from a sleeping Kala. ‘Can you get her to bed?’

Rajan nodded. ‘I can lift her, though I’d rather take both of you to bed.’

Wolfgang leaned in and kissed him sweetly on the lips. ‘Soon, I promise. Goodnight. I won’t be long.’ He started to move off toward the door to grab his shoes and his coat.

‘Come home safe,’ said Rajan.

Wolfgang paused at the door, looked back and smiled. ‘I will,’ he said, then let himself out, the word ‘home’ still echoing in his mind.

Wolfgang stepped outside and breathed in the scent of the night. He loved the nighttime. He belonged to the night. Beside him, Riley grinned at him.

‘People like us belong in the night,’ she said.

He nodded. ‘Do you think Kala and Rajan will want to go clubbing?’

‘They both love dancing and they love being with you. It’s a win win.’

‘Back in Berlin, I’d know exactly the place to take them but I don’t know Paris well yet.’

‘I know just the place. Come on,’ she said and smiled before leading him towards the clubs.

Riley knew Paris like her own home town. She led him confidently down several streets until she reached the club she was looking for. There was an array of Pride flags outside it. That was a good sign. They went inside. The music was fairly light dance music, with a decent beat to get you moving. His and Riley’s hips both started moving to the music. Music flowed through both their veins.

He looked around. It wasn’t too busy but it was early. He examined the people. There was a lot of variety in the couples, not just same sex but a good mix. There were even some small groups that could be threesomes or more. He nodded with approval. The last thing they wanted was to stand out and it looked like they wouldn’t here.

‘What do you think?’ asked Riley.

Wolfgang nodded. ‘Perfect.’

‘Shall we stay for a drink?’

Wolfgang nodded. ‘Just one.’ He could feel Kala was asleep already and he didn’t want Rajan to be lying awake worrying about.

Riley smirked at him and he remembered that she was visiting and he’d just said that directly to her. He went to the bar and got himself a beer, one he knew Riley liked as well.

‘It’s cute,’ she said, as they found somewhere to stand and drink, their gaze on the dance floor.

He raised an eyebrow. ‘Cute? I don’t do cute.’

She just smiled, too polite to say she disagreed with him. ‘You’re falling for him and we enjoy seeing it.’

‘It’s different than with Kala but … yeah, you’re not wrong.’

‘You don’t need to be afraid to admit your feelings.’

Wolfgang sipped his beer and didn’t reply. He grinned as he spotted a man standing a few feet away gazing at him. He leaned against the wall behind him and swigged a little more of his drink. The man kept watching him.

He smirked at Riley. ‘I think he likes me.’

Riley grinned. ‘He’s hot.’

‘Not as hot as I’ve got waiting for me back home.’ He drained the bottle and, predictably the guy immediately made his way over.

‘Hey,’ he said, in what he clearly hoped was a smooth, seductive tone.

Wolfgang nodded at him. ‘Hi.’

‘You’re hot. Can I buy you a drink?’

‘No, thank you. I have to get home. My lovers are waiting for me.’ He winked at Riley, who grinned at him.

The flat was dark and quiet when he got in. He locked up and got himself a drink of water in the dark. Then he headed toward the master bedroom. He opened the door carefully and peered inside.

Kala was fast asleep, as he’d known she would be. Rajan was sitting up in bed. His lamp was on and he was reading by the dim light. He looked cosy and Wolfgang fought with the urge to join him.

Rajan looked up and smiled at him, genuinely pleased to see him. The sight made his belly squirm pleasantly.

‘You’re back!’

Wolfgang grinned at him. ‘Yeah, safe and sound. And I locked up. So you can go to sleep now.’

Rajan patted the bed. ‘You’re welcome to join us. No pressure, just sleep.’

Wolfgang hesitated. He could do it, just go to sleep with the comfort of his lovers beside him.

But they’d been on one date. It wasn’t time yet, not if they wanted this to be a real, proper relationship. He had to be patient.

‘Not tonight,’ he said. ‘Goodnight,’ he murmured, pretending he didn’t see Rajan’s disappointment. He also ignored the twinge of regret in his own chest. 


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Possibly triggery nightmare in this one.

_He is standing in blackness. Heavy silence surrounds him. He feels nothing but the emptiness. He is alone._

_A white light flashes on, illuminating him alone in the darkness._

_He reaches out and feels a barrier. Glass. There are glass walls all around him. No door. No way out._

_He looks desperately around for help, for some way to get free._

_He sees Will’s face, pale and out of focus on the other side of the glass._

_‘Will,’ he pleads._

_Will just stares at him._

_There is someone else beside Will. Whispers contemplates him, a humourless smile on his face. He knows he is trapped._

_Whispers advances, stepping through the glass like it is smoke. Wolfgang backs away but there is no where to go._

_Whispers' face cracks into another he fears._

_‘You little fucking pussy, you scared of me? You little bitch.’_

_He is alone, powerless to fight as his father grabs hold of his arms, pushing him against the glass._

_But he is never alone now. He has his cluster._

_He searches out Will’s face. He has been joined by the rest of his cluster. Wolfgang stares at seven faces as familiar as his own. They stare back at him as Whispers reaches for him._

_At the touch of The Cannibal, pain encompasses him. He cannot breathe; he cannot fight; he can only hope his cluster will help._

_Will and Sun shake their heads and turn away. Capheus and Nomi gaze helplessly at him and shrug before they too turn away._

_His father pushes him down, his weight suffocating him._

_Riley and Lito shudder in revulsion and walk away._

_Rajan is with Kala. She is crying. His eyes are sad. He looks at Wolfgang, sees the weakness and helplessness. He sees the full truth now._

_He puts his arm around Kala and leads her away._

_Wolfgang is alone now. Alone with his pain, with his self-disgust, with his fear. It is only what he deserves._

Wolfgang woke with a jerk, his breathing heavy and his heart racing. His skin was damp and clammy. He grabbed the t-shirt he’d discarded before bed and wiped his face.

The dark and the silence pressed close.

He couldn’t stand it. He got up, headed out of his room and across to the master bedroom. He opened the door and peered inside. Rajan and Kala were both peacefully asleep. The moon shone through the curtains onto their bed. He stood there, watching their faces. Standing there, watching them, he felt his heart rate begin to slow to normal and his breathing ease.

They were still there. They hadn’t left him. Not yet.

The silvery light shining on them made them look far away and vague, like the reflection at the bottom of a pool.

‘You could go to them. You know you’re welcome.’

Wolfgang felt Will behind him but he didn’t turn to look at him. He couldn’t face anyone right now.

‘They don’t need to deal with this shit.’

‘Isn’t that their choice? They’re still here, aren’t they?’ Will put his hand on Wolfgang’s arm. ‘We’re _all_ still here.’

Wolfgang said nothing. He came away from the master bedroom, shutting the door behind him. He glanced back at his bedroom but he couldn’t face going back in there.

He headed for the sofa and lay down. Will was still with him. A part of Wolfgang wanted to tell him to fuck off but no part of him would have meant it so he didn’t. Neither did he object when Will lay down with him and put his arms around him.

Kala drifted in a warm, cosy sleep. In her dream, she was surrounded by the love and warmth of her husband and her lover but as she woke, she realised only Rajan was there. She turned into him, only able to wish that Wolfgang would join them too.

‘Kala,’ a voice whispered urgently, not in her ear but in her mind.

She forced herself awake and peered around. She saw Riley leaning over the bed beside her.

Kala pushed her hair out of her eyes. ‘Riley? What is it?’

Rajan jerked awake suddenly. He peered blurrily at her. ‘Kala, what is the matter? Were you talking to me?’ he asked sleepily.

‘Er, no, Riley.’

‘Oh, you’re doing that visiting,’ Rajan murmured. ‘Hello, Riley.’ He rolled over and closed his eyes again. ‘Nice to see you.’

Kala chuckled, shaking her head. ‘He’s not quite awake yet.’

‘Neither is Wolfgang,’ said Riley, frowning. ‘But he’ll be awake soon. He had a bad nightmare last night.’

Kala sat up properly. ‘What? Why didn’t he come to us?’

‘You know what he’s like. He nearly did though. Will’s with him now but I think you should be there when he wakes.’ 

Kala scrambled out of bed, pulling on her dressing gown and immediately going next door to find Wolfgang in his bedroom.

She stepped into his bedroom and stopped, staring. Wolfgang was not in his bed.

‘Wolfgang?’

There was no answer.

Her heart racing, she turned back and stopped when she saw him lying on the sofa, fast asleep. Will was sitting on the chair beside him.

Will looked up at her. ‘I’ve been with him all night. I tried to get him to go to you but …’

Kala nodded. ‘I know.’

She went to him and knelt down beside him. Will and Riley left them alone. Kala brushed her fingers through his short blond hair and softly called his name.

Slowly, his eyes opened. His gaze softened as he looked at her.

‘Morning. Am I dreaming?’

‘Not now, but you were, weren’t you? Bad dreams.’

Wolfgang looked away. ‘Will told you.’

Kala shook her head, her hand dropping to his shoulder and rubbing gently. ‘Riley told me. You know, you could have told me. You could have told either of us, or just got in with us.’

He still didn’t look at her. ‘I’m fine.’

Kala cupped his cheek and gently tugged his head round so he had to look at her. ‘No you’re not,’ she said. ‘You’re not fine. You’re suffering and for some reason you’re deciding to handle it all by yourself. You’ve got eight other people who can be right here for you, nine once Felix gets back. Why are you insisting on dealing with this all by yourself?’

He closed his eyes, like it was too painful to look at her. ‘You shouldn’t have to deal with this shit. You don’t deserve it.’

‘Neither do you,’ she said gently. ‘We’re all here for you, Wolfgang. It’s about time you started letting us help.’

‘She’s right, you know,’ said Rajan, behind them.

Wolfgang opened his eyes and looked up at him.

Rajan gave him a gentle smile. ‘You know it’s always best to do what Kala says.’

Wolfgang let out a breath in a chuckle. ‘Yeah.’ He sat up and pulled Kala to him. He buried his face in her chest and breathed deeply. Rajan joined them, putting his arms around them and holding them both close. Kala felt love and warmth surrounding the three of them like a bubble. They were in this together.


	13. Chapter 13

It was Friday evening and Rajan and Kala had been out at their new workplace all afternoon and Wolfgang had been cooking for them. He’d had a little help but between a recipe he’d found online and help from Hernando, accessed through Sensates’ Google, he’d managed to create a rich vegetable lasagne, which smelled so good, he was becoming impatient for them to return. 

At six o’clock, Kala popped in to let him know they were on their way home so he put the lasagne in the oven to finish off and he started to make a salad. He hadn’t let her see what he was doing. He wanted it to be a little bit of a romantic surprise. He grinned to himself. What would Felix say if he could see him now? He’d never been known for being the romantic type. But things were different now. 

While the lasagne was in the oven, Wolfgang set three places at the table, opened the Pinot Noir and decanted it to let it breathe. That was another suggestion from Hernando, via Lito. He set the candles he’d bought in the centre of the table but didn’t light them yet. 

With Riley’s help, he’d put together a romantic classical music playlist so he put that on. He saw through Kala that they were nearly there so he put the fresh garlic bread in the oven and lit the candles. This was all a little foreign to him but he would do anything to make them happy. 

The front door opened and the happy chatter of Kala and Rajan preceded them through the door. But as they stepped across the threshold they stopped and stared around in amazement. 

‘Wolfgang! So this is what you were up to,’ Kala gasped. 

Wolfgang grinned. ‘I thought you’d enjoy a homecooked meal after working all afternoon.’ 

Rajan smiled. ‘It wasn’t too taxing but whatever you’re cooking smells amazing!’ 

‘You’ve got a few minutes before it’s ready if you want to freshen up before we eat.’ 

Kala smiled and nodded and headed off to the master bedroom. She was probably going to change. 

Rajan shut the front door and locked it securely, before he came over to Wolfgang. He kissed his cheek. 

‘It really does smell delicious. Is it from a recipe?’ 

‘Mostly. Hernando helped a little. I bought the garlic bread. I’m not that advanced yet.’ 

Rajan grinned. ‘You’ll get there. I’m happy to try anything you’d like to make.’ 

Wolfgang looked at him and saw earnestness and complete confidence in him. His eyes twinkled with joy and … love? Wolfgang felt affection rise inside him, filling his heart and he reached out for Rajan and tugged him close. One hand cupped the back of his neck and he brought him close for a deeper kiss. Rajan sank into the kiss, his own arms going around Wolfgang’s waist. 

When they parted, they didn’t pull apart. They stayed in an embrace and Rajan rested his forehead against Wolfgang’s. 

‘That was nice,’ he murmured. ‘What was it for?’ 

Wolfgang grinned at him. ‘You looked so delicious I couldn’t help myself.’ 

Rajan chuckled. 

Kala came up to them, her arms sliding around both of them. ‘This is a lovely sight and I hate to interrupt but the timer just went off.’ 

Wolfgang grinned and pulled back. ‘Then take your seats. Dinner is ready.’ 

Kala had changed from the skirt and top she’d worn to the office to a lovely, simple white dress with a gentle floral pattern. She looked as beautiful as always and smiled as both Rajan and Wolfgang told her so. 

Kala and Rajan took their seats while Wolfgang served up. He could get used to this. It was pleasurable to cook for others, to make them happy and make them feel special. 

Soon they were sitting down together. Before they ate, Rajan lifted his glass. ‘Let us make a toast, to being lucky enough to have each other in our lives.’ 

Both Wolfgang and Kala grinned at him and the three of them clinked their glasses. Then they began to eat. 

Kala let out a soft murmur of appreciation with her first mouthful. ‘Oh my Ganesha! Wolfgang, this is amazing.’ 

Wolfgang shrugged but his cheeks went a little pink. ‘Hernando helped.’ 

‘You can cook again!’ said Rajan, already finished his second mouthful. 

‘I plan to,’ said Wolfgang. ‘I’ve enjoyed it.’ 

They ate in companionable quiet for a little while, enjoying the gentle music playing around them. The atmosphere was at once romantic and comfortable. Wolfgang looked around at his lovers and smiled. Yes, he would be quite happy spending as much time as he could doing this. 

‘So, I’ve decided on my date,’ he said. 

Kala looked up and a smile spread across her face. She bounced a little on her seat. ‘You have? Where are we going?’ 

‘I’m taking you clubbing, tomorrow night. Riley helped me find the perfect place, where we can be ourselves.’ 

‘Exciting!’ said Rajan. ‘I enjoyed dancing with you at the wedding.’ 

Wolfgang grinned at him. ‘It’ll be fun.’ He looked at Kala, anxiously. ‘What do you think?’ 

She smiled. ‘It sounds perfect. Very you.’ 

‘Is that a good thing?’ 

Kala laughed softly. ‘Of course. I’m going to go out tomorrow morning and buy a new outfit especially.’ 

‘You don’t need to get a new outfit for every date, Kala,’ said Rajan. 

‘And why not?’ asked Kala, as Wolfgang chuckled. ‘Why shouldn’t I look my best? We earn enough, don’t we? Or are you getting tight like your father?’ 

Rajan held his hands up in capitulation. ‘All right, all right, I give! Buy as many new outfits as you like.’ 

‘I will,’ said Kala, with a grin. 

Wolfgang laughed softly to himself as he looked between them, feeling that love and affection filling his heart again. What was it about love? When you opened your heart to it, it never seemed to stop growing. He was beginning to learn that love wasn‘t a finite thing. That was the sort of thing Will would say, but it was true and he could feel the love inside him growing to encompass both of them. 

Even after dinner was over, they stayed talking at the table long enough for the candles to burn themselves out. Then they retired to the sofa, all agreeing to leave the washing up until the morning. They were all happy and sleepy from the wine and they ended up cuddled up on the sofa in a content bundle of three. Wolfgang and Rajan sat beside each other, with Kala sprawled across both of their laps. 

Wolfgang gazed at his lovers and they both seemed to shift into a soft focus as he looked at them. He kissed Kala softly and lovingly and he felt Rajan’s gentle lips on his neck, his beard tickling pleasantly. Wolfgang found Rajan’s thigh and he rubbed it gently. Rajan’s hand slipped up the back of Wolfgang’s shirt and his warm hand stroked a gentle path across his back. 

Kala cupped both their jaws, turning to kiss Rajan, then Wolfgang again and they all sighed in contentment. Wolfgang found himself resting his head on Rajan’s shoulder, with the other man’s arm settling around his waist, still beneath his shirt. Kala sighed and rested her head on both their shoulders where they met. She found Wolfgang’s hand and held it and Rajan’s other arm slipped around her waist and held her securely. 

Wolfgang could feel it happen but he didn’t care to stop it. Helped by the wine and the contentment, they slipped into sleep, wrapped up together on the sofa.


	14. Chapter 14

Wolfgang woke slowly in his own bed. He had a vague memory of waking in the night in a pile on the sofa with Rajan and Kala, then sleepily making their way back to their bedrooms. Now it was morning and he could feel that Kala was already up.

He got up himself and realised he was still in his shirt from last night, though he had stripped his black jeans off and abandoned them on the floor.

In his shirt and boxers, he went to the bathroom, then headed through to the living room. He smiled when he saw Kala. She was dressed to go out in a casual pale green dress and comfy shoes. Her handbag was sitting packed on the table and she was making a pot of coffee.

‘Good morning,’ he said.

She turned to him and gave him a sunny smile. ‘Good morning.’

He went to her and kissed her good morning. ‘Going shopping?’

She grinned. ‘Well I have to look beautiful when we go out.’

‘You always look beautiful.’

She grinned, nudging him slightly. ‘Sweet talker.’

‘You know I can’t lie.’

She gave him a half embarrassed, half flattered smile. ‘Shush, you’ll make me vain. This coffee is ready. Go and wake Rajan, will you?’

He nodded and headed off to the master bedroom.

Rajan was a lump under the duvet. Wolfgang lifted the corner of it and peered underneath. Rajan was curled up, still snoozing gently. Wolfgang grinned and climbed in beside him. As he wrapped his arms around him, Rajan stirred and murmured contentedly.

Wolfgang kissed the back of his neck gently. ‘Good morning.’

‘Mmm, morning. Have you been here all night?’

‘No, I’ve been sent to wake you up. Kala’s made coffee but I think we’re on our own for breakfast. Kala’s going shopping.’

Rajan turned over into Wolfgang’s arms. ‘What a treat to have you all to myself for the morning.’

By way of reply, Wolfgang kissed him, a slow deep kiss that left both of them pressing into each other for more. Arousal was building in Wolfgang’s belly and he could feel Rajan’s was as well. Still locked in a passionate kiss, Wolfgang pushed forward, rolling them so Rajan was on the bottom and he was on top. Rajan moaned low in his throat. It was a sound that made Wolfgang’s cock twitch. His hips jerked forward and Rajan pulled him closer to him.

Wolfgang slipped his hand beneath Rajan’s t-shirt, stroking his fingers across warm skin. Rajan’s hands slipped under Wolfgang’s shirt and into his boxers, cupping his buttocks eagerly.

With immense regret and difficulty, Wolfgang pulled away from the kiss. He gazed down at Rajan, whose dark eyes were half-lidded with arousal.

‘We’d better save it for later,’ he murmured, noting how heavy with arousal his voice was.

Rajan’s eyes widened hopefully. ‘Later? You think you’re ready?’

Wolfgang grinned. ‘Clubbing always makes me excited.’

Rajan grinned back at him. ‘I’ll look forward to that.’

Wolfgang climbed off the bed. ‘Come on. Kala will be wondering where we are.’

They quickly put some clean casual clothes on, then made their way to the living room.

Kala smirked at them. ‘I see you boys have been having fun.’

Wolfgang went to her and kissed her cheek. ‘We have. But not too much. That’ll be later, after our date.’

She beamed. ‘I can’t wait.’ She poured her coffee into her travel mug and picked up her handbag. ‘But not I’ve got shopping to do first.’ She kissed them both goodbye then floated off with a delighted air about her.

Once she had gone, they stuck some music on and started doing the washing up and clearing up. Working together, the housework was a lot more fun. It took longer though, because they kept stopping work to dance around together or sing along to the music.

After they’d finished, they flopped on the sofa with a sandwich and watched some random comedy on demand. They chatted more than they watched but it was good background noise. Wolfgang was beginning to find it incredibly easy to be with Rajan. He felt relaxed and he found himself talking quite a lot.

Late afternoon, Kala returned, flushed with happiness and carrying quite a few shopping bags. Rajan looked around at her.

‘I see you’ve had a successful shopping trip.’

Kala beamed at him. ‘I have. What time are we going out?’

‘After dinner,’ said Wolfgang.

Rajan sat up. ‘It’s my turn to cook,’ he said, then got up and headed over to the kitchen to work out what to make.

Wolfgang gestured to Kala.

She put down her bags then came over to him. ‘Have you had a good day?’ she asked.

He nodded and tugged her down onto his lap. He didn’t speak, just brought her close and met her lips in a kiss. It was a slow, deep kiss as they reconnected with each other. He could feel her happiness, her excitement at the date to come. He could feel her worry for him, deep inside. He could feel her hope for the future.

As the kiss went on and he raised his hand to caress her sensitive throat with gentle fingers, he felt her arousal, reflecting his own. Her graceful hand reached for him and settled at the back of his neck, fingers playing over the top of his spine.

She whimpered against him, squirming a little on his lap and he pulled back and gazed at her, a soft smile on his lips. Her eyes were still closed and he could feel her drifting on a cloud of happiness and arousal.

‘Feel good?’ he asked, though he, of course, knew the answer.

She opened her eyes and beamed at him. She didn’t answer in words, but leaned in close to him, put her arms around him and held him tight.

‘I love you,’ she thought at him.

He held her tight, kissed her shoulder and returned the thought.

Then he released her and she pulled away. ‘I’m going to go and decide on which outfit I’m going to wear tonight,’ she announced to the room.

Rajan looked around. ‘Which outfit? How many did you buy?’

Wolfgang waved a hand at him. ‘Rajan, don’t question it. Whatever she chooses it’ll be worth the money.’

Rajan shrugged. ‘You’re right, of course, though since she’s beautiful whatever she wears, I don’t see the point of spending all that money.’

Kala smiled, demurely. ‘Be quiet, Rajan. I earn enough to spend my money however I like.’

‘She’s right,’ said Wolfgang.

‘Huh, are you going to always stick up for her?’

Kala grinned at him. ‘As a cluster, we are of one mind. And he knows what’s good for him.’

With a happy little sigh, she skipped off toward her dressing room to start trying on her purchases.

Wolfgang got up and crossed to Rajan. He rested his hand on his waist and kissed his cheek. ‘She’s very excited about her choices. It’ll be worth it, trust me.’ He dropped his hand and squeezed his buttock firmly. ‘It’ll definitely be worth it.’

Rajan beamed at him, his eyes lighting up. Wolfgang felt a pleasant tug in his chest, and he returned his smile.


	15. Chapter 15

Kala looked phenomenal. She’d chosen a skin-tight red lace mini dress and red strappy heels. It clung to her delicious curves. Neither Rajan nor Wolfgang could keep their eyes off her. Rajan was also looking gorgeous in a red shirt and black trousers. Part of Wolfgang wanted to skip the club and take them both to bed right then.

But, no they were doing this properly.

When they entered the club, quite a few eyes turned to Kala, both men and women. Wolfgang also noticed that plenty of people took more than one glance at him and Rajan. But for once, Wolfgang had entered a club with no thoughts of picking anybody up. He already had his lovers and he was proud to be seen with them.

The music was pounding, and it made him want to dance. But he could feel Kala was a little nervous so he decided a drink or two was in order first, to let them get used to their environment.

He left them by one of the tall tables and went to the bar. He got himself a beer, Kala a vodka and orange juice, and Rajan one of those flavoured ciders he liked. When he returned, Kala and Rajan were both watching the dance floor.

‘Have a drink,’ Wolfgang said, handing the drinks out. ‘Then we can have a dance.’

‘It’s not the sort of dancing I’m used to,’ Kala said.

‘it does look fun though,’ said Rajan. He took a good swig of his drink and made an appreciative face. ‘Mmm, raspberry.’

Wolfgang chuckled, shaking his head. Rajan and Kala were probably the least likely clubbers but he knew they’d enjoy it once they relaxed a little.

They talked, shouting a little over the music, and watched the dancing for a while. Then a new song started, one that seemed to get everybody rushing for the dancefloor.

I threw a wish in the well  
Don't ask me I'll never tell  
I looked to you as it fell  
And now you're in my way  
I'd trade my soul for a wish  
Pennies and dimes for a kiss  
I wasn't looking for this  
But now you're in my way

Wolfgang grinned, put down his empty beer bottle and grabbed both Rajan and Kala’s hands. ‘We have to dance to this. Everybody dances to this.’

Without waiting for an answer, he pulled them both to the dancefloor. He felt them both laughing as they let themselves be dragged.

Now on the dancefloor, Wolfgang stopped and pulled his lovers to him. He placed each of the hands he held on his shoulders and he took hold of both of them by their hips. The light, happy beat seeped into his body and his hips moved automatically to the music. He guided their movements, encouraging them to loosen up and just feel it. Rajan got it, quickly, relaxing into the beat and into Wolfgang’s touch. In a few seconds, his movements were matching Wolfgang’s.

Kala was shyer but Wolfgang held her close, encouraging her to move with him. He grinned as she started to sing along with him and Rajan. Soon, they were all moving as one, wiggling their hips and jumping up and down to the happy song.

Before you came into my life  
I missed you so bad  
I missed you so bad  
I missed you so so bad  
Before you came into my life  
I missed you so bad  
And you should know that  
So call me maybe

They all laughed as they leapt around together, the joy of the dance flowing through them. _Call on Me_ was the next song, its club beat making them gyrate their hips in a manner Wolfgang hadn’t expected to ever see Kala do in public. But it didn’t feel like they were in public. The flashing lights in the darkness and the music all around them created their own private space around them, just the three of them, where no one else could see or hear them.

There were songs that Wolfgang wasn’t familiar with in between lots he did know. He knew Riley would be able to tell them exactly what they were all called. But the cluster was staying away for the moment. Tonight, it was about the three of them and no one else.

So raise your glass if you are wrong,  
In all the right ways,  
All my underdogs,  
We will never be never be, anything but loud  
And nitty gritty, dirty little freaks  
Won't you come on and come on and raise your glass,  
Just come on and come on and raise your glass

Wolfgang grinned. This was definitely their kind of club. He wrapped his arms around his lovers, pulling them into their own little bubble. He could feel their heat reflecting his own. They both gazed at him, the same joy that he was feeling clear in their eyes. Their hips were all still moving together, even as they embraced. They couldn’t help themselves as the pleasure of the music flowed through them. Anything that had gone before didn’t matter. All that mattered was them.

The music changed, suddenly changing to a slower beat.

The cars all stop where they are  
When you take my hand, there is no time  
Every moment that passes by with you  
I wish I could rewind  
Let go of your ways  
And forget today  
Just follow me tonight  
Do you understand why I put all my plans on hold?

Wolfgang found Rajan’s hand, then Kala’s and brought them to his chest, holding both their gazes with his own. They were so close, he could feel their breath on his face. The feelings burgeoning inside him frightened him, but he was brave. Like Sun had told him, he had done far scarier things than this. And this could hold the key to happiness for the rest of his life. Could they really last that long? He knew he could easily feel this way for the rest of his life. But what about them?

He looked at Kala, and he could feel her love for him, surrounding him like water when he swam. Rajan was more difficult. With him, he could only judge by what he could see. Rajan’s free hand reached for his cheek, caressing it gently and lovingly. His thumb traced Wolfgang’s lips as though they were the most precious things in the world.

Wolfgang moved towards him and kissed him, heat meeting heat. Rajan’s hand went to the back of his neck and inhaled him.

Stop. Breathe out. Slow motion  
This is our pure moment  
The sun stays frozen hidden down below  
Doesn't the night go slow?

He could feel the same love in the kiss that he felt when he kissed Kala. It pulsed around him, surrounding the three them. This moment could last forever. Kala’s lips were soft on his cheek and her hand was in his hair. He turned his head from Rajan, though keeping hold of his hand, and kissed Kala.

Kissing her was all at once familiar and exotic. Her feelings broadcast at him like she was shouting. Love, joy, and arousal all mixed together. Her emotions mixed with his own, amplifying them between each other.

Rajan’s hand sneaked beneath Wolfgang’s shirt and brushed his fingers across the base of his spine. Wolfgang moaned softly into Kala and immediately decided. It was time to take his lovers home and have his wicked way with them.


	16. Chapter 16

Wolfgang led his lovers into their flat and into the master bedroom. With a touch, he set playing the playlist he’d set up earlier. It filled the room with sensual, romantic music, soft in the background.

He entwined his hands with his lovers and brought them to him. He kissed them one at a time, pushing all his feelings into each kiss. He held them both as close as he could to him. He could feel their heat through his shirt, and they were both trembling. He was too. His feelings were overtaking him and making it hard to focus. He pressed his face to their shoulders and breathed in their scents. This wasn’t like him, but he felt lost, unsure of himself despite the small amount of alcohol he’d had. He felt like one wrong move could lose him everything.

Their arms went around him and he felt them glance at each other.

The next moment, Rajan was pulling slightly away. He smiled at Wolfgang, then leaned in to kiss his jaw. Wolfgang heard himself moan low in his throat as warm pleasure flowed through him.

Then Rajan’s fingers were at his shirt buttons. Ever so slowly, he undid them one at a time, kissing his way down his chest, one kiss for each button. By the time he slid the shirt from his shoulders, Wolfgang was whimpering in pleasure. Rajan brought him close and kissed his mouth, softly and tenderly.

Wolfgang felt a surge of pleasure and with it came certainty. One arm around each of his lovers, he guided them towards the bed. Remembering their first night together, he cupped Rajan’s jaw, kissed his neck, then ripped his shirt open.

Rajan laughed, huskily. ‘I’m going to get through a lot of shirts, aren’t I?’

Wolfgang smirked at him, then lowered his mouth to his nipple and teased expertly with teeth and tongue. Rajan grasped at him, letting out a whimper.

He felt Kala join him, kissing and nipping the sensitive spots on Rajan’s upper body. They could both feel him trembling, his breathing coming fast and hard as waves of pleasure washed over him.

Wolfgang reached for Kala too, sliding his fingers through her soft hair and down her back. He made circling motions down her spine and she shivered, the whisper of a moan escaping her mouth. She reached for him, her fingers hot and teasing on his bare skin.

Rajan’s hands were at his jeans’ buttons now, deftly undoing them, then sliding them down for him. Now naked, Wolfgang felt more confident. He knew how to do this. He was an expert.

He went to his knees, ridding Rajan of the rest of his clothes in seconds. Rajan’s cock was hard already but Wolfgang gave it no attention. Instead, he kissed his thighs, smoothing his tongue over his flesh, then nipping the sensitive skin of his inner thigh.

Kala sat on the bed and tugged Rajan down beside her. He turned his head and kissed her mouth, burying his hands in her hair and holding her close. Wolfgang stood, cupping both their heads as they kissed and scattering kisses over their heads and shoulders.

As the kiss ended, Wolfgang looked at Kala with a smirk. ‘Looks like you’re the only one too dressed now,’ he said.

She grinned back at him. He reached for her hand and tugged her to her feet again. Keeping eye contact with her, he reached behind her and slowly slid down the zip of her tight dress. His other hand slid down her body, feeling the warmth of her through the lace and coming to rest on her flat tummy. He peeled the dress from her, kissing her collarbone as it was revealed.

Her breathing was coming harder now and he could feel the pleasure and anticipation rippling through her body. Her arousal flowed over him, mixing with his own in his body.

She stepped out of the dress and stood in front of them both in her matching red bra and knickers. Rajan stood and they both gazed at her in awe. She radiated beauty and femininity and Wolfgang felt himself a little breathless as he gazed at her. He loved this woman more than he ever thought would be possible. Beside him, he could hear from Rajan’s heavy breathing that he felt the same. She blushed and the song in the background was appropriate.

Am I allowed to look at her like that?  
Could it be wrong  
When she's just so nice to look at?

And she smells like lemongrass and sleep  
She tastes like apple juice and peach  
Oh, you would find her in a Polaroid picture  
And she...  
Means everything to me

  
They glanced at each other, grinned and, as one, came forward to lavish their attention on the love of their lives. Wolfgang undid her bra with a deft hand and Rajan sank to his knees to slide her knickers down her legs. He kissed her naked hip, then her thigh and his hands slid around her body to grasp her buttocks gently.

Wolfgang slid her bra from her shoulders and cast it away. He grinned at her before lowering his attention to her breasts. He squeezed gently, making her murmur softly. He did love that sound. He lowered his mouth to one, first kissing it gently, then taking the nipple into his mouth and flickering his tongue over it. She gasped and held onto him.

He could feel Rajan’s attentions on her like it was his own body. He synchronised their actions by instinct and the shared sensations he was experiencing with Kala. As Rajan’s mouth made its way between her legs, one hand dropped to his shoulder and she was holding onto both of them as they pleasured her in unison. Mouths pressed pleasure onto her body and tongues flicked over her most sensitive parts.

Wolfgang felt his own legs go a little weak as her first orgasm shuddered through her. Rajan gathered her up and took her to the bed. Wolfgang followed close behind.

They lay on the bed, the boys either side of Kala and nothing separating their naked bodies from each other. Rajan and Wolfgang worked their way across Kala’s body with their hands, stroking and caressing and exploring as she switched between kissing and licking Rajan’s mouth, jaw and neck, to Wolfgang’s.

All at once, Wolfgang could feel his own arousal, mixing with Kala’s and the hardness of Rajan’s erection felt like it was pressing against both their hips. As hands and mouths and bodies moved against him, Wolfgang lost track of who was who and there was nothing but their pleasure melting together.

Rajan moved behind him, his arms firm around him and his mouth dropping kisses across his neck and shoulder. ‘She wants you inside her,’ whispered Rajan into his skin.

Wolfgang looked into Kala’s eyes and she smiled and nodded. There was a light in her soft brown eyes as she gazed at him and Wolfgang could feel her love and desire for him.

They hadn’t done this before, not with their physical selves. But he already felt like he knew every inch of her. He gathered her up into his arms, kissing her deeply. He could feel Rajan with them, his hand stroking his hip and his mouth dropping kisses into his hair.

He raised her up slightly on the bed, so they were face to face. He reached between his legs to position himself properly, then slowly brought her down onto himself. She gasped, then bit her lip as she felt him slip inside her. Wolfgang closed his eyes, focusing on his breathing. He could feel her and at the same time, he could feel himself through her body. He was inside her and she was inside him. Rajan’s hand was gentle on his hip and his breath tickled the back of his neck. The three of them were together, no matter what.

He began to move, slowly at first and deeply. She clung onto him, delicious moans escaping her mouth. She was warm, wet and close around him and her feelings washed over him, mixing with his own until he could no longer tell the difference between them. Rajan matched his rhythm, moving behind him. He was completely with Wolfgang. With no space between them, it was almost like they were one person. He could feel his cock pressing against his buttocks and he wished Rajan would fuck him. It had been too long since he’d had that feeling. But that would come in time, he hoped.

In that moment, he had to focus on what was happening between the three of them right then. In that moment, there was nothing else, no one else than the three of them and their love for each other.

With Kala in his arms and himself in Rajan’s, what moment could be more perfect than this one?

He increased his rhythm, focusing on the feeling of his lovers surrounding him. His mouth found Kala’s and they kissed as Rajan scattered kisses across their faces and shoulders.

As their pleasure crescendoed together, they fell into their orgasms as one. Dizzying pleasure swept over Wolfgang and for a moment, he couldn’t ground himself. Then Kala caught hold of his hand and Rajan encased both their hands in his.

Rajan laughed a little breathlessly. ‘That was a good date,’ he murmured. He nuzzled into Wolfgang’s neck and held their hands snugly.

Wolfgang grinned. ‘I promised it would be, didn’t I?’

Kala sighed contentedly and closed her eyes. ‘Mmm, I love you,’ she murmured.

Wolfgang and Rajan glanced at each other, wondering which one of them she was speaking to. As if she’d read their minds, she probably had read Wolfgang’s, she smiled and spoke again, still with her eyes closed. ‘Both of you.’

‘We love you too,’ said Rajan. He kissed her, then Wolfgang, then pulled back. Wolfgang took advantage of the space to readjust himself into a sleeping position. Rajan quickly cleaned them up, then pulled the sheet over the three of them.

Under the sheet, Kala settled her head against Wolfgang’s shoulder. Rajan’s arms slid around his waist and he buried his face in his hair, breathing him in.

Wolfgang felt his eyes drifting closed too. There were things he wanted to say, things he wanted to tell Rajan but sleep was already claiming him. The last thing he remembered was Rajan pressing the softest of kisses to the back of his neck and whispering words against his skin.

‘Sleep now, my loves.’

He wasn’t sure he’d heard right or if it was just hope.


	17. Chapter 17

Wolfgang woke slowly, still in Rajan’s arms with Kala in his. The fresh, early morning light poured in through the window. Peace and contentment flowed through him and he sighed. Behind him Rajan stirred and kissed the back of his neck.

‘Good morning,’ Rajan whispered. They were still covered by the sheet and he reached for Wolfgang’s hip and rubbed it gently. ‘How did you sleep?’

‘Fine,’ said Wolfgang, not particularly relishing the question. Though he had slept well actually. He didn’t remember any dreams and he felt good. He nuzzled into Kala’s hair, breathing in her scent.

Rajan kissed his shoulder. ‘I loved dancing with you last night, just like at the wedding. You’re so beautiful and such a good dancer. I think it was when we first danced together that I started to fall in love with you.’

Wolfgang wasn’t sure what to say. He remembered those words from last night. ‘My loves’. He swallowed. That was a big deal.

He decided to ignore it.

He turned over and kissed him, moving his body against Rajan’s. This would keep him quiet.

He reached around him and slid his fingers down his spine. Rajan shivered against him. Wolfgang moved his body rhythmically against the other man’s, stimulating him gently.

Rajan whimpered against him as his cock hardened against his belly. Wolfgang pulled back from the kiss to nibble at his jaw and then down to his neck and collarbone, scattering kisses, licks and nibbles as he went.

He made his way down to Rajan’s right nipple. He breathed hot air across it then flickered his tongue across it. Rajan whimpered and wriggled his hips. Wolfgang smirked up at him before lowering his mouth to his nipple again and sucking hard. Rajan gasped, clutching onto his lover.

Wolfgang’s hand trailed down his side, skimming over his waist, his hip, his thigh with teasing touches.

Then he grasped hold of Rajan’s cock in a firm, confident grip.

Rajan was caught between Wolfgang’s mouth and his hand as pleasure flooded his body. He buried his face in Wolfgang’s hair, breathing him in as this beautiful man expertly teased pleasure from his body.

He came with a cry muffled by Wolfgang’s hair. He was dimly aware of Wolfgang cleaning him up then lying down beside him again and kissing him softly on his mouth.

‘All right?’ Wolfgang asked.

Rajan grinned sloppily at him. ‘Good.’

He took a minute to recover his breathing then decided it was Wolfgang’s turn. He pushed the other man gently onto his back. He kissed his mouth then started to kiss his way down his body.

Wolfgang caught hold of his shoulder. ‘You don’t have to. I’m okay.’

Rajan smiled at him. ‘It’s your turn and I want to. Now be quiet and enjoy yourself.’

Wolfgang lay back and closed his eyes. He focused on the heat of Rajan’s mouth on him as he kissed his way down his body then gently took him into his mouth. A murmur of pleasure rumbled through Wolfgang’s body.

He smirked to himself. For a beginner, Rajan was good at this. He was gentle but teasing and he took Wolfgang slow and deep. He reached for Rajan, smoothing his hands across his shoulders then taking hold of them in a light grip.

Rajan worked the pleasure from his body with thorough attention. Wolfgang smiled. If you could say anything about Rajan it was that he was thorough and attentive.

Wolfgang sank into the sensations as pleasure swept over his body. His hands buried themselves in Rajan’s hair as his orgasm was eased from him and Rajan swallowed him down.

A moment later, Rajan was kissing him softly and Wolfgang felt himself drifting to sleep again. Rajan pulled the sheet over him.

‘Sleep, I’ll be back soon,’ Rajan whispered against his cheek.

As he left, Wolfgang turned back into Kala who murmured contentedly and snuggled into him.

Wolfgang woke to the sensation of being watched. Normally, this sensation made him immediately alert and on edge but, with it came a rush of love, settling over him like a warm blanket. He saw himself through Kala’s eyes. She saw a softness in him that he was never sure was really there. But it always was when she looked at him.

He opened his eyes and there she was, her gentle brown eyes sparkling as she gazed at him. She smiled.

‘Good morning,’ she murmured.

He returned her smile. ‘Good morning.’

‘It’s good to wake up with you again. I’ve missed it.’

‘We’ve only woken up together a couple of times.’

‘Physically, yes but we have so often in our minds. Except, lately you’ve been holding back.’

Wolfgang looked away. ‘I don’t want to talk about that.’

‘I know you don’t. And I also know why you’ve been doing it. It’s because you don’t want me to see your nightmares.’

Wolfgang looked at her. ‘You don’t deserve that shit,’ he murmured.

‘Neither do you.’

Wolfgang didn’t reply to that. She reached out and stroked his temple lovingly.

‘I’m not pushing you. Take your time but … talking will help, when you’re ready.’ Her fingers played gently through his hair and he nodded.

‘If I talk to anyone, it’ll be you.’

She smiled. ‘It doesn’t have to be. You have lots of people who love you now, and who you can trust.’

He gazed at her for a moment, then reached out and cupped her cheek. ‘I love you.’ He followed his words with a kiss. She pulled him in, and their naked bodies met beneath the sheets. Her hand was gentle but firm on his waist.

He reached for her, fingers trailing over the warm, soft skin of her waist. She moaned softly against him and he smirked as he broke off the kiss and turned his attention to her throat. He kissed and licked her throat in just the way he knew she loved. He felt her pleasure ripple through his body as well as her own. She clutched at him and he could feel her eagerness.

He pulled back to look at her. She gazed back at him, a smile on her face and her eyes half-lidded with arousal.

He smirked at her, then returned his attention to her beautiful body. He nipped lightly at her erect nipples, enjoying the way she whimpered then moaned beneath his attention. He kissed his way down her abdomen, down her flat stomach and settled in between her legs.

He reached up and cupped her breast at the same moment as he tasted her. She whimpered, her hands reaching out for his shoulders. She gripped him tight as his mouth and tongue expertly pleasured her.

Her pleasure flowed through her body and into his, so strong he could hardly focus on his attentions. He could hear her whimpering and feel the shuddering of her body as her orgasm began to overtake her body.

He didn’t stop yet but kept up his attentions as she lost control of her body and shouted aloud, before collapsing on the bed in happy exhaustion.

Tenderly, he kissed his way back up her body until he reached her mouth. He kissed her softly and sweetly on the lips, putting all his love into the kiss. She pulled him to her and scattered kisses across his cheeks and into his hair.

‘I love you,’ she whispered.

His heart raced and he knew he would do fucking anything for this woman, anything at all.

They heard Rajan striding back into the room and they both lay back and smiled at him. He was carrying a rather large tray. He brought it to the bed and they sat up and grinned when they saw what was on the tray. Rajan had made scrambled egg on toast and there was fresh orange juice in glasses, and honeydew melon cut up in a big bowl. There was also a pot of tea.

‘That looks delicious!’ said Kala.

Rajan grinned at them. ‘Well, I think you two will appreciate this after your exploits this morning.’

Wolfgang chuckled. ‘You talk like you haven’t had any yourself.’

Rajan grinned as he sat on the bed beside him. ‘I can safely report I’ve had plenty of satisfying activity this morning myself.’

They both smiled and kissed him in unison on each cheek, before together making a start on their breakfast.


	18. Chapter 18

After their lazy breakfast, Wolfgang got up and grinned at them. ‘Is that shower big enough for the three of us?’

Rajan scrambled off the bed. ‘If it isn’t, I’ll have it replaced within the week.’

Wolfgang smirked, one eyebrow lifting. ‘A fan of shower sex, are you?’

‘I’m a fan of any sex with you two.’

Wolfgang grinned wider, then grabbed Rajan’s hand and Kala’s, then tugged them both towards the bathroom.

They could all fit in the shower but it was a close thing. But being close was what they wanted. Wolfgang pulled his lovers to him, kissing them both in turn. The hot spray ran down their naked bodies, the heat and the power of the water feeling good on their bare skin. Their hands explored each other, still learning each other’s bodies.

Wolfgang could feel relief in Kala and he knew it was about him, relief that he was behaving more like himself. He did feel better. It felt good to be with them, to lose himself in their warmth and their softness. He could shake off his worries for a little while when he was with them. But they would come back. They were just waiting for him to let his guard down.

He felt a flicker of worry in Kala then and he realised he’d tensed. The next moment, both Kala and Rajan had taken hold of him by his shoulders and pressed him gently to the wall. As one, almost as though they were connected, they began to kiss him slowly, teasingly. They kissed his neck, nipping and licking and pressing their lips to his warm skin. Arousal fluttered in his belly as they moved further down, their hands brushing his nipples before their mouths followed. He felt his hands come to rest on their shoulders as he gave himself up to the attention of his lovers. How could he think of anything else when they were doing these things to him? He turned his face up to the hot water and moaned low in his throat in pleasure as their warm, soft mouths worked across his body and their hands caressed his sensitive skin.

This wasn’t about chasing an orgasm. He didn’t need to come. He only needed to feel their loving attention on him. It soothed something deep inside him.

Eyes closed, he slid his fingers through Kala’s hair and reached for her hand. She took it and he pulled her up, tugging her close to meet him. By instinct, their lips met in a slow, deep kiss. Wolfgang felt Rajan stand, then lay a hand on his waist. His breath was hot on Wolfgang’s neck, then he was kissing his jaw. One hand tangled in his hair, no in Kala’s hair and his other hand slid around his waist and down his buttocks, the touch tantalisingly slow and featherlight.

After a few moments, Wolfgang pulled back from the kiss and grinned at his lovers. ‘Perhaps we should get clean now?’

Kala grinned at him, then pulled back to reach for the shampoo. He laughed as she firmly grasped his shoulder and tugged him out of the spray. As she poured a little of the shampoo into her hand and started to lather it into his hair, Rajan reached for the shower gel and poured some into his hand. Wolfgang could see the way this was going. They were both determined he was still going to be the recipient of their attentions.

He closed his eyes and enjoyed the sensations as Kala used her nails to work the shampoo into his hair. She knew just how much pressure to use to cause maximum pleasure in him. Rajan was at a disadvantage there but Wolfgang would never have guessed it. His touch was both firm and gentle as he massaged the shower gel into his skin. He gave particular attention to his chest and Wolfgang grinned as he realised how much Rajan was enjoying touching and stroking his muscles.

He felt Kala’s mind probing his and he smiled and sent her the pure relaxation and pleasure that was now coursing through his body. She seemed satisfied with that and he felt her own happiness spike.

Thoroughly soaped down, they pushed him back under the spray and he rinsed himself off. He had thought to return their attention but they turned to each other and, with a practised air, soaped each other down. He grinned, guessing they’d done this before.

All clean, they stepped out of the shower and dried themselves off. Rajan looked at himself in the mirror.

‘I could do with a beard trim. It’s getting away from me a little. I’ll have to find a barber.’

‘I could do it,’ said Wolfgang. He rubbed his jaw. ‘I do my own.’

Rajan brightened. ‘I would love that!’

Wolfgang chuckled. ‘I’m no barber but it’ll look good.’

Kala wrapped her dressing gown around herself and watched her boys. Wolfgang retrieved a sharp pair of scissors and a comb from the bathroom cupboard and started working. Kala smiled as a look of intense concentration came over Wolfgang’s face. His brow furrowed and his mouth set in a firm line. At times she was overcome by just how beautiful he was. Oh, he had sex appeal; everybody could see that. But there was more to his beauty than that. There was beauty inside him, a gentleness and a goodness that he liked to hide from the world. But she could see it, feel it, and so could the rest of the cluster. So could Felix; that was why he would do anything for Wolfgang. Kala smiled as she watched her boys. As Wolfgang worked, Rajan gazed at him and Kala realised that her husband was beginning to see the beauty inside Wolfgang as well.

‘I’m going to go to the temple today,’ she said.

Wolfgang smirked. ‘Don’t forget to get dressed first.’

She rolled her eyes. ‘I’m not you. Now, can you boys behave yourself until I get back?’

‘We’ll be as good as gold,’ said Rajan.

Wolfgang pressed his naked hip against Rajan’s and smirked. ‘Speak for yourself.’

She blew them a kiss. ‘I’ll be home for lunch.’ She went off to her dressing room to get dressed.

Rajan watched Wolfgang as he continued trimming his beard. He enjoyed that look of concentration. It was cute. He held back a grin, glad Wolfgang couldn’t read his thoughts to hear him call him cute. He was pretty sure he wouldn’t be a big fan of the word. He was enjoying having Wolfgang’s naked body in close proximity to his own. He was pretty sure he could never tire of that beautiful body, and the beautiful person it contained.

He wanted Wolfgang to know how he felt. He’d tried to tell him but he knew he hadn’t been direct enough. It had been too easy for the stubborn German to ignore.

Wolfgang finished his work and stepped back to examine the results. He nodded in a satisfied way, then his gaze lifted to meet Rajan’s.

Rajan leapt upon the opportunity. ‘Wolfgang, I love you.’

Wolfgang blinked at him. ‘You … don’t mean that.’

Rajan let out a breath in a half-laugh. ‘You are a stubborn bastard, do you know that?’

Wolfgang shrugged. ‘So I’m told, by Felix. And Will, Riley, Kala … the whole cluster actually.’

‘They know you better than anybody.’ He reached out and took hold of Wolfgang by his shoulders and looked into his bright blue eyes.

‘I love you, Wolfgang. And you need to accept it,’ he said, firmly. ‘Because I’m pretty stubborn myself.’

Wolfgang returned his gaze for a long moment, then nodded. He smiled. ‘You are pretty stubborn.’

Rajan leaned forward and kissed Wolfgang softly on the lips. ‘Come on, I’m sure we can find some mischief to get into while Kala’s gone.’ He reached for Wolfgang’s hand and started to tug him away.

Wolfgang pulled back. ‘Rajan …’

Rajan stopped and looked at him. ‘What?’

Wolfgang bit his lip and, for a moment, his eyes were full of vulnerability. ‘I am trying, you know.’

Rajan squeezed his hand and kissed his cheek. ‘I know.’


	19. Chapter 19

The next few days went by pleasantly. Both Rajan and Kala spent some time at work, somethings both together, sometimes just one or the other. Wolfgang didn’t mind being alone at the flat, but since his job wasn’t set up yet, he made himself as useful as he could, keeping everything clean and tidy and cooking for them. Instead of relying on Hernando all the time, he bought a cookbook and taught himself a fair amount. But both Kala and Rajan enjoyed cooking when they were home as well. They were falling into a happy rhythm of life.

He missed Felix though. It wasn’t just the job. Over the years, Felix had come to understand him. They understood each other so well it was like their own cluster. He knew when Wolfgang was feeling bad and he knew how to distract him.

Wolfgang felt okay right then and he hadn’t had any nightmares for a few days. But he felt on edge, like he could sense something coming. It was that prickly feeling you got at the back of your neck when you felt someone following you.

It was a week after their clubbing date. Rajan had cooked a curry, with Wolfgang’s help and Kala’s input called across from the sofa where she’d spent the afternoon reaching a newly-released research paper.

She’d been full of praise for the finished meal and, afterwards, they lounged on the sofa in front of a movie. Wolfgang sat next to Rajan, his arm around his shoulders and his hand resting on Kala. She snuggled into Rajan and sighed contentedly as Wolfgang absently stroked her hair.

Rajan’s hand rested on Wolfgang’s thigh and rubbed absentmindedly. Wolfgang was half in his own body and half sharing with Kala but all of him was focused on Rajan.

It was hard to distinguish his own feelings about the man and Kala’s. He’d felt Kala fall for Rajan as clearly as he felt her love for himself.

But it was harder to separate out his own feelings. He knew he liked him, enjoyed spending time with him, fucking loved having sex with him. He loved creating pleasure in him, hearing him laugh and seeing him smile. He had a wonderful smile, full of joy. It reminded him of Capheus’s smile. It was the sort of smile that made everyone who saw it want to join in. When he saw Rajan smile, he got this jumpy feeling in his chest like his heart was about to explode.

But love made you vulnerable and that was frightening.

Kala yawned and stretched. ‘I think it’s bedtime.’ She smiled sleepily at them.

Wolfgang got a flash of happiness and contentment from her. She did love sharing the bed with both of them. He had to admit, he did too. It felt good to have someone there, even more to have two people who loved you to snuggle up with at night.

They got ready for bed. Kala was almost falling asleep before they even got there so between them, Rajan and Wolfgang helped her into bed, then climbed in either side of her.

Wolfgang pressed his face into Kala’s curls and breathed her in. Her scent was the most wonderful one in the whole world and it flowed through his body, bringing happiness to every inch of him. He closed his eyes. He felt Rajan place his hand on his at Kala’s waist. He felt warm and cosy. He breathed deeply and relaxed into sleep.

_He can smell blood, that sweet, copper wrongness of it. It cloys at him, filling his nostrils with the thick scent._

_It could be his own blood, or hers. Or both. One thing he knows is it never that man’s blood. He doesn’t bleed; he doesn’t suffer; nobody hurts him._

_It is them versus him. He is the only one who can protect her from him. He must protect her. He may not be a man yet but he is all she’s got._

_Her blue eyes are wide with fear. ‘Don’t fight, Wolfgang. It’s not worth it. Just let it happen. It’ll be over soon.’_

_She cries with pain. He is held down and he cannot move. He can do nothing._

Wolfgang woke with a cry. He looked down at his lovers and, to his relief saw them still sleeping. No one else was with him. He could hide this.

Slowly, he eased himself out of bed. Glancing back, he saw that neither of them had stirred.

_Sticky blood, warm on his skin._

Kala whimpered as the thought… the memory pulsed in Wolfgang’s mind. He shook his head. No, he would not give these nightmares to her. He would not allow her to see this shit. She didn’t deserve any of it.

He moved away, slipping from the room as quietly as a cat burglar. Outside the bedroom, he hesitated. What to do? He could try to sleep alone? He closed his eyes for a moment and came face to face with those frightened blue eyes and the bruises forming on pale skin.

No, he couldn’t sleep. He had to distract himself. He had to run from the memories somehow.

‘You could just talk about it,’ said Will.

Wolfgang turned to glare at him. The former cop was watching him with a careful expression, like a man watching a tiger that might strike at any moment. The concern he felt bombarded Wolfgang’s senses and he couldn’t stand it. He couldn’t stand feeling that worry Will had for him, that care and that love. It was too much.

Wolfgang fixed him with as hard a look as he could muster and spoke very clearly and definitely. ‘Fuck off.’

He walked past Will, ignoring him then pushing him out of his mind when he caught a whiff of hurt. No, he was a fucking monster, a criminal, a bad guy. He was ice. He was steel. And he felt no fucking remorse.

He threw on his black jeans and a black t-shirt, then left the flat.

The force with which Wolfgang pushed him away was so strong that Will stumbled as he returned to himself. Riley was there. She gripped his arm to steady him.

‘What is it? What’s wrong?’

Will shook his head, feeling himself trembling a little. ‘Its Wolfgang. He had a nightmare. A bad one. He’s going out, on his own.’

‘Does he need us?’

‘He does but he doesn’t want us. He just pushed me away.’

‘Let me try.’

When Riley joined Wolfgang, he was walking through the night towards the clubs. She joined him, falling into stride beside him.

He stopped and gave her a fierce glare. ‘If you’re here with a message from Will or to try and get me to talk, you can leave now. I’m not fucking interested.’

Riley shrugged. ‘I’m just here to dance.’

He scowled at her but didn’t object. He strode on.

Wolfgang entered the club with Riley by his side. It wasn’t the same club as he’d come to for their date, just an ordinary club like hundreds of others. Anonymous.

The only things he needed right then were darkness, booze and music. Anything else could go fuck itself.

He ordered a shot of vodka and threw it down his throat. It burned its way into his stomach, putting out the fear with its fire. He headed to the dance floor and started to dance, pushing everything out of his head.

Sun appeared but he saved his glares. He knew she wouldn’t push him. The three of them danced and he drank, allowing the alcohol to block all the bad thoughts clamouring to get into his head. He was not going to let them get to Kala.


	20. Chapter 20

It was Felix’s first night in Paris. The flight had been a late one, so he’d dumped his bag at his flat and headed straight out on the town. What was more important to explore than the city’s nightlife?

Tomorrow, he’d get in contact with Wolfgang and they’d start setting up the shop.

He went into the first club he came across, perfectly willing to try them all. He went straight to the bar and ordered a beer.

Then he found a table and sat with his drink, absorbing the atmosphere. The music was all right, perhaps not his first choice. He looked out onto the dancefloor. There were lots of pretty girls as well.

He frowned as he saw a face he recognised in the crowd. It was Wolfgang. He was dancing alone and it was clear from his manner that he’d had quite a lot to drink. He was more than a little unsteady on his feet and it took quite a lot to make Wolfie like that. He kept shaking his head like he was trying to keep something out of it.

Felix abandoned the rest of his beer and went over to his brother.

Wolfgang spotted him quickly and grinned. “Felix!” he shouted and threw his arms around him.

He stumbled and Felix caught him. ‘Woah, how much have you had?’

‘Not enough,’ slurred Wolfgang.

Felix looked searchingly at him. ‘What’s going on? Are you on your own?’

Wolfgang gestured haphazardly around him. ‘Sun and Riley are here. Will’s trying but I’m not talking to him. He’s not my mother.’

Felix raised an eyebrow. ‘All right, we need to get you home. You’re even too drunk for karaoke! I don’t know if it’s possible but if one of your cluster would like to help your drunk ass to walk, it’d be much appreciated.’

He slung Wolfgang’s arm around his shoulder. ‘Come on, Wolfie.’

He walked him out. It was a little easier than he expected so perhaps the cluster was helping. Wolfgang gabbled plenty of nonsense along the way.

‘It’s only a few drinks. What’s the big deal? He’s not my mother, why can’t he fucking leave me alone? I’m a big bad guy, you know. A villain! I’ve shot people. I’m ice, or something.’

‘Yeah, you’re ice, you’re ice. Okay, Wolfie, we’re nearly home now.’

He was glad it wasn’t too far to the flat Wolfie was sharing with his lovers. He wasn’t sure his legs could take much more. His brother was heavier than him, not to mention stronger.

At last they were outside the front door and Felix had to somehow manage to hold up Wolfie whilst retrieving the key from his pocket.

Wolfgang leaned heavily against him. ‘I love you, Felix. I do.’

Felix patted his pockets, then reached into the one he felt the key in. ‘I know, brother. I love you too.’

Wolfie grasped hold of Felix’s shirt. ‘Why is that so easy but with him it’s so hard?’

Felix patted his hand. ‘It’s all right, Wolfie, we’re back now.’

He pulled Wolfgang into the flat and locked the door behind them.

‘Where are Rajan and Kala?’

Wolfgang gestured ahead to a door on the far side of the open plan living area. ‘Come on, lets see if we can get you to bed without waking them up.’

He tried to guide Wolfgang towards the bedroom but Wolfie pulled back.

‘No, I can’t go in there. They’ll hear me. They’ll know.’

Felix frowned. ‘All right, show me where you want to sleep.’

Wolfie was rather wobbly but he headed towards another door. Felix followed him in.

‘All right, lets get you undressed a bit.’

Holding Wolfie steady with one hand, he undid his jeans with the other.

Wolfgang giggled. ‘I thought you were straight.’

Felix rolled his eyes. ‘I prefer you more sober.’

He manhandled him into bed. Wolfie obediently lay down but as Felix backed off, Wolfie reached out and grasped his wrist. He looked up at him with eyes wide with fear.

‘Please don’t leave me.’

Felix patted his hand. ‘All right, I’m not leaving you.’

He stripped off his own jeans and got into bed with his brother. Wolfie held onto him and closed his eyes. Felix watched him until he was soundly asleep. He smiled a little, as a relaxed expression settled over Wolfgang’s face. Felix remembered doing when they were boys, when things had got too much for Wolfie. He also remembered the nightmares that had plagued his friend.

From the fear he’d seen in Wolfie’s eyes, he could see they were back. Wolfie was not doing well and he needed help.

Kala woke slowly to find the golden light of the morning shining in through the window. She was alone in the bed. She stretched, then frowned. She had a headache and a dry mouth. She got up, put her dressing gown on and brushed her teeth, before going to get a drink of water and to see about some breakfast. Rajan and Wolfgang must be already up; maybe they were making breakfast.

She stepped into the living room and stopped. Rajan was in the kitchen making coffee and doing something with the blender and sitting on the sofa was Felix. Wolfgang was nowhere to be seen.

‘Felix … this is a surprise.’

He held his hands up. ‘Hi, sorry to intrude. I brought Wolfgang home last night.’

Kala frowned. ‘Brought him home? But he was here last night.’

‘It seems our Wolfgang decided to go clubbing last night,’ said Rajan, mildly.

‘Clubbing? But he never said anything. He didn’t say Felix was back in Paris.’

‘Ah,’ said Felix. ‘Well, he didn’t know. I ran into him in the club, fucking drunk as a skunk, so I brought him home.’

Kala glanced darkly at Rajan, then back at Felix. ‘Just how bad was he?’ 

Felix looked seriously at her. ‘Bad. He’s lucky I was there.’

Wolfgang woke to the worst headache he’d head since he’d been birthed as a sensate. His mouth felt like he’d swallowed a packet of cigarettes. His mind felt slow, but that was a good thing. He crawled out of bed and stumbled out of the bedroom for something to drink.

He stopped. Kala, Felix and Rajan were all there, looking at him. Rajan looked helpless, Felix looked worried and Kala looked fucking furious. He could feel it, and he could feel the worry it covered.

‘Morning,’ he muttered, his voice thick.

Kala glowered at him. ‘Morning? Morning? Is that all you have to say for yourself? You sneak out in the middle of the night, not even telling us you’re going just to get drunk and dance? All on your own in a new city.’

‘I’m not a child,’ said Wolfgang. His voice was sullen even to his own ears.

Kala pointed at him. ‘Don’t even. Don’t even start with me!’ She started pacing, gesturing wildly as she ranted at him. ‘Going out, on your own, throwing vodka down your neck.’

Wolfgang saw flashes of Lito in her anger and upset. ‘You’d rather put yourself in danger than talk to your family?’ he demanded.

Then Will was there, his manner softer and calmer. ‘Why can’t you just talk to us?’ There was such hurt in his face and voice that Wolfgang couldn’t stand it. He looked away. He had nothing to say.

‘All right,’ said Rajan, gently. ‘Let’s leave this for now. Wolfgang, come and sit down, I’ve made you a banana, red berry and oat smoothie with milk and a little bit of honey. It’ll sort your hangover out very quickly.’

Wolfgang sent him a grateful smile and did as he was told, sitting beside Felix on the sofa. Kala’s anger faded away and she sat in an armchair and looked at Wolfgang. He could feel her gaze but he daren’t look up.

Felix nudged him. ‘Don’t you want to say something to Kala?’

Wolfgang scowled.

Rajan came up behind him and handed him a glass full of the cold smoothie. His hand lingered on Wolfgang’s shoulder for a moment, squeezing gently. Wolfgang felt his resolve soften and he looked up at Kala.

‘I’m sorry,’ he murmured.

Her tense shoulders relaxed and she nodded. But he could still feel her worry. ‘Why, Wolfgang? Why did you go?’

Wolfgang shrugged. Felix put his arm around his shoulders. ‘Tell them Wolfie, tell them about the nightmares. They’re bad again, aren’t they?’

Wolfgang put the glass down and rubbed his hands over his face. It was harder to keep things from Felix. He knew him too well.

‘I can handle it.’

Kala came over and sat beside him. She put her arm around him and brought him to her. He buried his face in her chest and she held him tightly.

‘You don’t have to handle it alone, not anymore.’

Wolfgang didn’t reply, just breathed in the woman he loved more than anything in the world. But he didn’t know if could let them help him. The thoughts and memories pulsing in his head were too terrible to share.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of triggery talk in this one, folks. Proceed with caution.

Wolfgang felt better after drinking the smoothie. Rajan fussed over him, bringing him painkillers and food and water. Wolfgang knew he didn’t deserve the care or sympathy but he appreciated it and he felt a bubble of affection for Rajan. He could feel Kala was still upset with him though she was being kind and gentle now. He couldn’t stand feeling that hurt and worry in her. He would have to start behaving himself again, to reassure her that he was all right. He had to handle it better. This was the problem with being a sensate; you couldn’t hide anything from your cluster. He had to find a way. 

‘Right, Wolfie, go shower and put something decent on,’ said Felix. 

Wolfgang frowned at him. ‘Why?’ 

Felix patted him on the back. ‘We’re going to check out the shop.’ 

Wolfgang shook his head. ‘I’m not going anywhere today.’ 

‘Well, you’re not moping around here just because you’ve got a self-inflicted headache,’ said Kala. 

Wolfgang scowled. ‘I’ll go back to bed then.’ 

Rajan approached the back of the sofa, behind Wolfgang. He placed his hands on his shoulders and squeezed gently. ‘You should go, Wolfgang. You want to work, you want to get on with your life. You’ll feel better if you get on with it.’ 

‘Come on, Wolfie, we’re going to be working together again, you and me and nobody getting shot this time!’ 

Wolfgang looked at the bright eyes of his friend, his brother, and had to work to suppress his smile. ‘All right, all right, I’ll go. Anything to stop you all chatting at me.’ 

Wolfgang had to admit he felt better in the fresh air. And he was keen to see the shop and work with Felix again. Hopefully, they could stay on the right side of the law here. Though he hoped he’d still be able to play with safes. He liked safes. 

Outside the shop, Felix stopped and put his arm around Wolfgang’s shoulders. ‘Well, what do you think?’ 

Wolfgang nodded. ‘I like it. It’s bigger than the old one.’ 

‘Same rent though, including the flat.’ He patted him. ‘Come on, let’s get started.’ 

They went inside. There was a large main shop area and a workshop behind. It had been a locksmith’s before so it was set up already. 

‘I thought we could open tomorrow, what do you say?’ 

Wolfgang nodded. ‘Sure. How’s the flat?’ 

‘Come and see. It’s furnished so I don’t have to worry about that. Come up, I’ve got some of your things.’ 

Wolfgang followed him upstairs. The flat was two bedrooms and an open-plan living/kitchen area. Though if he knew Felix, the kitchen wouldn’t be used that much. 

‘I brought some things I thought you might want.’ He gestured towards the black hold-all on the floor. 

Wolfgang sat on the sofa and opened the hold-all. He smiled as he took out his favourite black leather jacket, his black jeans and a couple of black t-shirts which were still quite new. Then he spotted something else at the bottom of the bag. He picked it up reverently. It was a photograph. A young woman, barely more than a girl, gazed out at him with his own eyes. Her belly swelled with her baby and her cheekbone swelled with a bruise. It was the only picture he had of her, except the ones in his mind. He thought it was himself in her belly but he wasn’t certain. 

He covered his face with his hand and closed his eyes. He felt Felix come over to sit beside him, their thighs touching. 

‘Y’all right?’ 

Wolfgang glanced at his friend to find he was watching him. 

‘He killed her, I think.’ 

‘Yeah,’ breathed Felix. 

‘She was pregnant. I thought, or hoped, for a while she might have taken the baby away but she wouldn’t have left him. Never.’ 

Felix laid a hand on his knee and squeezed gently. ‘She loved you.’ 

‘He …' Wolfgang cleared his throat, struggling over the words. ‘He hurt me and she was trying to stop him. She pushed him. I'd never seen her do that before.’ He swallowed, his throat dry. ‘I never saw him so angry. He held us down and he was hurting her. He made me watch. Her blood was on me. Then he dragged her away and I didn’t see her again.’ 

Felix put his arm around him. ‘I remember when that happened. It was a long time ago. Why is it coming up now?’ 

Wolfgang looked at him. ‘Whispers. He poked around in my head, breaking down my barriers and now I don’t know how to build them back up.’ 

‘Maybe you shouldn’t.’ 

Wolfgang started to shake his head. ‘I can’t, Felix. I can’t. They can’t … I can’t let them see that.’ 

‘But you love them, don’t you? You should be able to trust them with your fears and the bad shit as well as the good.’ 

‘I do trust them and I love them, all of them but they don’t need to see those memories. They don’t need to hear those thoughts. It's up to me to protect them from it.’ 

‘You don’t have to bear it alone, Wolfie. They're strong too. And they love you. They rescued you from Whispers.’ 

Wolfgang didn’t reply. Felix watched him for a moment, then pulled him into a tight hug. 

‘You are one stubborn fucker, Wolfie.’ He kissed his cheek. ‘But I love you, brother.’ 

Wolfgang held Felix back just as tightly. ‘I love you too, brother.’ 

A few hours later, Wolfgang left the shop alone. He’d made plans to open the shop with Felix the following morning. But in the meantime, he had a plan of his own. He had to keep himself together, not get off his face, and get his emotions under control. He could not pass this shit onto his cluster, no matter what. 

So he’d made his own plans. It felt very strange but he voluntarily walked into BPO’s Paris headquarters. 

He was known here and just by asking, he was granted a face to face meeting with River El-Saadawi. 

‘Wolfgang,’ she said as he entered her office. ‘It is good to see you. We have a lot to thank you for.’ 

Wolfgang shrugged. ‘I gave the bastard what he deserved.’ 

River’s eyes widened in surprise but then she smiled. She extended her hand and gestured for him to sit. He didn’t, just shifted awkwardly. 

‘What can I do for you today, Wolfgang?’ 

‘I want some blockers.’ 

River raised an eyebrow. ‘I must say, fewer sensates are using them since you dealt with the cannibal. What do you need them for?’ 

Wolfgang shrugged. ‘Privacy.’ 

River nodded. ‘I see.’ 

She reached into her desk drawer and brought out a large bottle of blockers. She handed them over. 

Suddenly, Will was standing opposite him, looking at him, that motherly expression on his face. ‘Wolfgang, what are you doing?’ 

Wolfgang fixed him with a hard look and took a blocker. 


	22. Chapter 22

It was strange to walk down the street and be truly alone. Wolfgang missed his cluster’s presence already but he just couldn’t let them see what was in his head anymore. It was too much. After all they’d done for him, he could do this for them.

But he knew they wouldn’t like it. He knew they wouldn’t understand.

He got back to the flat and let himself in. Rajan was in the kitchen, making a chicken casserole for dinner. Kala was sitting by the window, staring out. It was strange to look at her without feeling how she was feeling. He felt empty.

He cleared his throat. ‘Hi.’

She started and turned, frowning at him. ‘I didn’t feel you coming.’

Wolfgang shrugged. He turned to Rajan. ‘Hey, how long ‘til dinner, Rajan?’

Rajan, frowning in confusion, glanced at Kala, then back at him. ‘Er, about an hour, I suppose.’

Wolfgang nodded. ‘I’ll go and have a lie down then, if you don’t mind.’

Kala crossed to him, putting her hand on his arm. ‘Wolfgang, what’s wrong? Why can’t I reach you?’

Wolfgang pulled away and gave her a smile. ‘I’m just tired.’

He saw her confusion and hurt but it was easier to ignore without their connection. He knew it wouldn’t be long before Will told her what he’d done anyway. He headed to his bedroom and lay down on his bed. Soon, he was asleep, reassured that whatever nightmares he had to endure, his cluster would see nothing of them.

‘Is he okay?’ asked Rajan. ‘He didn’t seem himself.’

Kala shook her head helplessly. ‘I couldn’t feel him. He wouldn’t let me in, at all. It’s like he wasn’t even there.’ She felt a sob rising in her throat. She swallowed it down and blinked her tears away.

Will put his arm around her. ‘It’s not you. He’s taken a blocker.’

Kala felt her eyes widen. ‘Why? Why would he do that?’

‘What’s he done?’ asked Rajan.

Kala blinked, remembering that Rajan couldn’t hear Will. ‘He’s taken a blocker.’

Rajan sighed, leaving the cooking and coming over to her. He put his hands on her shoulders. ‘Maybe he just needs some space. He’s been going through a lot.’

‘But we’re a cluster. We belong together. He shouldn’t have to face this alone.’ She looked at Will and could feel his hurt. He just wanted to help Wolfgang, as they all did. But he wouldn’t let them.

She looked around as Riley, Sun, Nomi, Capheus and Lito joined them. The hurt and the worry echoed through the cluster as they came together as one, but with a hole in their wholeness.

Kala looked at Will and the tears in his eyes mirrored hers. ‘What do we do, Will? How can we help him?’

For once, Will was at a loss. ‘I don’t know.’

Riley put her arm around him. ‘We’ll think of something, together.’

Wolfgang jerked awake, his nightmare still echoing in his mind. But he could feel the blocker was still working. He was alone and, alone he could handle it. He was used to doing that. He’d been handling this on his own since he was a kid and he could keep doing it.

He got up and went to the bathroom. He splashed his face with cold water and banished the haunting image of blood and the echo of pain from his mind.

In the living area, Kala was sitting on the sofa, hugging herself and not looking at him. Rajan was in the kitchen, lifting the casserole he’d made out of the oven.

‘Ah, Wolfgang, good nap?’ he asked.

Wolfgang smiled. Rajan did make him comfortable. He was the same whether he took blockers or not. ‘Yeah, I had a good sleep,’ he lied. ‘Can I do anything to help?’

‘You can set the table. Though I think we should skip the wine tonight, don’t you?’

Wolfgang grinned. ‘It might be a good idea, yeah.’

Rajan glanced across at Kala. ‘She’s worried about you, you know.’

‘Well, she doesn’t need to be. You hear that, Kala? I’m fine.’

She looked over at him. ‘You don’t seem fine, Wolfgang. Will told me you took a blocker.’

Wolfgang shrugged. ‘I just wanted a bit of peace from all of you worrying about me. I’ve told you I’m fine.’

He went to the table and started to set it. He could feel Kala watching him but he ignored her.

They ate dinner together. Rajan and Kala chatted but Wolfgang stayed mostly quiet. Rajan said a few things to him that he responded to but he couldn’t bring himself to look at Kala much. He might not be able to feel it from her mind but he knew that if he looked at her, he’d see the hurt in her eyes.

Unable to stand it, he went to bed early, on his own in the spare bedroom. He stripped down to his boxers and put some music on his phone. As he climbed into bed, he felt the faint echo of Will trying to reach him. He took another blocker.

_Blue eyes fix on him in the darkness. A slow smile spreads across that face and Whispers leans into him, pushing into his mind, breaking down the barriers that took years to form._

_‘Show them to me,’ his soft, dangerous voice whispers. ‘Show me your cluster. Think of them and I’ll have them.’_

_Wolfgang pulls away from him but someone else is there. That thick fist he knows too well grabs hold of him, throws him down. Pain squeezes his body and he cannot breathe. A whimper escapes his mouth._

_‘Shut up your crying, you fucking little bitch.’ The harsh, ugly face pushes close to him and spits in his face. ‘I’ll show you what pain is.’ He pushes down, pressing Wolfgang into the floor. The stink of alcohol surrounds him, choking him._

_Whispers leans over him, smiling as he watches what is happening. ‘This really is my favourite part.’_

Wolfgang woke with a cry. He sat up, rubbing his hands over his face. ‘You fuckers, you’re dead. I killed you. You’re fucking dead. Why won’t you leave me alone?’

What did he used to do when this happened? Go out clubbing, drinking, fucking. He needed something to distract himself. He needed to forget. He needed not to think.

He got up and left the room.


	23. Chapter 23

Kala woke to a gentle caress on her thigh. She opened her eyes and smiled as she saw Wolfgang standing by the side of the bed. He was gazing at her, his blue eyes intense but not quite meeting her own.

‘Can I get in with you?’ he whispered.

Kala shifted back for him. ‘Of course.’

He climbed in beside her and wrapped his arms around her. She sighed as she felt his warmth and his strength. But he still didn’t look properly at her.

His hand slid down her thigh and up underneath her negligee. He palmed her thigh, then his hand slipped round and squeezed her buttock. He sat back on his heels and with both hands, he slid her knickers down and off.

She reached for him, half-sitting as she trailed her hands down his bare shoulders. She wanted him to kiss her. But he wasn’t reading her.

‘Wolfgang,’ she murmured.

Suddenly, he grasped her by her shoulders and threw her back down on the bed. She gasped in surprise but he was soon pressing himself to her, then kissing her hard enough to take her breath away. His strength was exciting but this roughness was different than she was used to.

He cupped his hands beneath her hips, lifting her up and sliding inside her in one movement. She wrapped her legs around him.

He propped himself up on one hand as he began to move inside her. She searched out eye contact with him, as usual, but he wouldn’t give it to her. With his other hand, he cupped her breast, then squeezed her nipple firmly through her silk negligee as he fucked her deep.

It was fast and frenzied and they tumbled into their orgasms in just a few moments. She reached for him, cupping the back of his head, expecting him to look at her now at least. But she couldn’t feel him and he couldn’t feel her. He was still on blockers.

He aimed a kiss at her mouth but then he was pulling away. ‘I gotta piss,’ he said, then got up and left the room. Kala sat up and, with an ache in her chest, she realised he hadn’t looked her in the eyes once.

After a few moments, Kala went to the toilet herself. Wolfgang had already gone back to the other bedroom and that door was firmly shut when she checked.

She looked in the bathroom mirror. Her own confused face looked back at her. She splashed her cheeks with cool water and thought back on what had just happened. The sex had been good, as it always was with Wolfgang. But he wasn’t his normal self. He hadn’t hurt her and she’d wanted it, every moment, she wanted him. The problem was, he hadn’t given her enough of him. He’d been holding back.

She saw Riley’s face in the mirror, then her arm was around her. Riley didn’t speak but Kala could feel her love washing over her. After Wolfgang’s distance, it felt like she was being bathed in hot and clean water.

‘Come on, back to bed,’ Riley murmured. She guided Kala back into the large bed, where Rajan was still sleeping soundly.

They lay down together. Kala snuggled up to Rajan, who turned into her and dropped a sleepy kiss on the top of her head. Riley held her from behind, scattering kisses across her shoulder, into her hair and on her cheek.

Kala slipped her fingers through Riley’s, where her hand rested at her waist. Riley held her hand back tight and whispered soft words against her cheek.

‘I love you, we all love you. He loves you, he does.’

‘He’s not okay, he’s not.’

‘I know, Kala,’ murmured Riley, stroking her palm with her thumb. ‘We’ll help him, don’t worry.’

She began to sing, so softly that Kala couldn’t hear the words. But she knew the tune. It was the Icelandic lullaby she’d heard Riley sing to Will, or to herself in quiet moments.

Kala allowed the gentle tune to lull her to sleep. She knew that whatever happened, the cluster would get through it together.

When Kala got up the next morning, Riley was still there, and Wolfgang was still gone. She got up and found Rajan in the kitchen, preparing some fruit for breakfast. There was no sign of Wolfgang.

‘Good morning, my love,’ Rajan said, with a wide smile.

‘He’s gone to work then?’ said Kala.

Rajan nodded. ‘Looks like it. Are you all right? I woke up to find you clinging onto me like you thought I might float away.’

Kala sighed, leaning against her husband. ‘I’m worried about Wolfgang.’

‘Has something else happened?’

‘He came into the bed with us last night. We had sex.’

‘He probably had another nightmare. Did you manage to comfort him?’

‘I don’t know. He was … different. Rougher than usual but I didn’t mind that. It was more … he was distant. He didn’t even look me in the eye. It was …’ She glanced at Riley, struggling to articulate what she meant.

‘It was fucking, not love-making,’ said Riley.

Kala cringed but had to agree. ‘Yes, Riley, it was.’

Rajan frowned. ‘It was what?’

Kala pulled a face. ‘Riley says, not love-making.’

‘Ah, yes,’ said Rajan, nodding. ‘I know what you mean.’

He frowned contemplatively and Kala knew he was remembering what Wolfgang was normally like in bed: attentive, gentle, intense, and loving.

He put his arm around Kala and hugged her. ‘What do the others think about Wolfgang taking these blockers?’

‘The same as me. They’re confused, hurt, angry, worried. We don’t know what to do. He won’t let any of us in.’

‘Is there anything I can do?’

‘Maybe. See if he’ll talk to you. These last couple of days, he’s not been distant with you like he has been with us.’

He hugged her again. ‘I will try, Kala. He’s too independent and bull-headed for his own good but I do love him. I just want him to be all right.’

Kala smiled at him. Despite the situation, it was good to hear Rajan declare his love for Wolfgang so freely. Surely, with this much love surrounding him, Wolfgang had to get better. He had to be okay.


	24. Chapter 24

It was good to be working with Felix again. The shop was open all day and they even had a few customers. Wolfgang did his best to laugh and joke with his friend as they always did but he knew he wasn’t quite right. And he knew Felix could tell.

It was hard to meet his eyes, like it had been with Kala the night before. He felt a stab of guilt as he remembered how distant he’d been with her. He knew he’d hurt her, not physically, but with his refusal to connect.

But he couldn’t connect with her, not when any stray bad thought could go straight into her mind and cause her pain. He couldn’t let that happen.

‘So, how did it go last night?’ Felix asked, suddenly.

Wolfgang glanced at him. ‘What do you mean?’

Felix sighed. ‘You didn’t talk to them, did you?’

‘I told you, I can’t.’

‘And I told you that they can handle it. You on the other hand …’

‘I can handle it,’ snapped Wolfgang. ‘I can handle anything.’

‘Brother, you’ve been handling it for years. But maybe now it’s too much. Maybe this is the end of your tether and you need to lean on someone else now.’

Felix crossed to him and put his arm around his shoulders. ‘It’s not two against many anymore, brother. You have a whole family around you now and every single one of them would do fucking anything for you. So let them.’

Wolfgang closed his eyes and thought about what it would be like to pour all his worries out, to just let it all go.

He wanted to do it. He wanted to so much. Felix was right. His cluster would do anything for him.

But he would do anything for them too and right then all he could do was protect them from the shit in his head.

When Wolfgang headed home at the end of the day, he found Rajan there alone, sitting on the sofa waiting for him. He was still in his pink shirt and navy blue trousers from work, though he had shed his suit jacket and his stiff shoes.

Wolfgang stopped, letting the door swing shut behind him. ‘Hey. Where’s Kala?’

Rajan looked round at him, with a gentle smile. ‘She’s staying late at work. She’ll be back in an hour.’

Wolfgang nodded but wasn’t sure what else to say.

‘Come and sit with me. I want to talk with you.’

Feeling a little like he’d been called to the headmaster, Wolfgang went to him and sat beside him.

‘Kala told me about last night.’

Wolfgang glanced at him, then down. ‘It was nothing, just sex.’

‘Yes, that’s what she’s worried about. She missed her connection with you. She said it was fucking, not love-making.’

Wolfgang’s eyebrow shot up. ‘Kala said that?’

‘Er, no,’ conceded Rajan. ‘Riley said that.’

Wolfgang rubbed his hands over his face. ‘Is Kala upset with me?’

‘No, but she’s worried about you.’

‘I’m fine, I promise.’

Rajan cupped his jaw, rubbing his thumb gently across his stubbled chin. ‘You’re not and we can all see it.’

Wolfgang hesitated. Part of him wanted to just give up and let it all out right then. But a big part of him resisted that, had been resisting it since he was a little boy. It was too hard a habit to break now.

Rajan’s hand was still on his jaw, warm and soft. Wolfgang turned into him, pressing a kiss to his palm, then leaning in to kiss Rajan’s mouth. Rajan breathed him in, submitting to the kiss eagerly. Wolfgang felt a thrill inside him. This was easy. This was all attraction and sex and fun, with no worries about anyone reading his thoughts.

His fingers went to Rajan’s shirt buttons and started to undo them. Rajan broke off the kiss. ‘Wolfgang, should we be doing this?’

Wolfgang shrugged. ‘Why not? We’ve got an hour to ourselves.’ He pressed his mouth to Rajan’s again, pushing his tongue inside and snogging Rajan into submission.

At the same time, he worked Rajan’s buttons loose and pushed his hand inside his shirt. Rajan whimpered as Wolfgang’s clever fingers played with his nipples, then smoothed his hands across his chest and down.

He pressed at the bulge in Rajan’s trousers and smirked as he heard the moan that escaped Rajan’s mouth. In a moment, he had Rajan’s cock in his hand and was coaxing it, expertly to full hardness.

Rajan was putty in his hands, both eager and submissive. Wolfgang took a moment to wriggle out of his own clothes, then helped Rajan out of his. Rajan whimpered as Wolfgang claimed his mouth again in a hard kiss.

Wolfgang pulled his lover closer to him and they toppled backwards onto the sofa, Rajan on top. Wolfgang smirked, wriggling provocatively beneath him.

‘Wanna fuck me?’

Rajan choked with surprise and blinked at him. ‘Er, doesn’t that take a bit more preparation than that?’

Wolfgang shrugged. ‘I can take it.’ He wriggled so Rajan was behind him on the sofa. He pressed backwards into him deliberately. Rajan gasped.

‘Just fuck me, Rajan, quick and nasty.’

Rajan placed his hand on Wolfgang’s hip. ‘Wolfgang, I don’t want our first time to be like this,’ he said gently.

Wolfgang looked back at him. ‘Like what?’

‘Like just a fuck.’ He sat up and reached for his boxers. He slid them back on, then sat down again.

Wolfgang sat up too, letting out a long breath. ‘I’m sorry,’ he murmured.

Rajan put his arm around him and stroked the back of his head. ‘I won’t hold it against you.’

Wolfgang glanced at him and sighed. ‘I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Why do I have to ruin everything?’ 

Rajan kissed his cheek. ‘You haven’t ruined anything, Wolfgang. We know you’re struggling.’

‘I don’t _want_ to be struggling. Fucking Whispers, if he hadn’t … if he’d just left me the fuck alone, this never would have been brought up again.’

‘What is it that’s been brought up again, Wolfgang? I thought this was about Whispers?’

Wolfgang shook his head. ‘There’s a lot in my past that nobody needs to know about.’

Rajan nodded slowly. ‘Your father. I know you said he was a bad man.’

‘He was a fucking monster. But … but I don’t want to talk about him anymore.’

‘Wolfgang, you don’t have to do anything. But Kala and I are here for you, you know, if you need us.’

Wolfgang found Rajan’s hand and squeezed it. ‘Thank you, Rajan, for …’ He chuckled softly. ‘For being you.’

Rajan’s cheeks darkened with pleasure and he smiled. Wolfgang couldn’t help smiling as he watched him, a bubble of affection and, yes, love filling his chest.


	25. Chapter 25

Kala made her way home, not knowing what to expect. It was strange not being connected to Wolfgang. Even when he’d been kidnapped by BPO and Whispers, she’d been able to feel an echo of him. But now, not only was he on the strongest blockers, he was emotionally closing himself off as well.

Riley had stayed with her most of the day, with the others checking in on her when they could. They were all upset about Wolfgang. Will had been but he hadn’t stayed long. Kala had felt strong feelings of hurt and anger from Will that echoed her own. She could feel him trying to keep his emotions in check. It was too much for him, so he withdrew and, as Kala reached home, Riley left to be with him.

Kala let herself into the apartment, taking a deep breath before stepped into the lounge. Rajan and Wolfgang were on the sofa, dressed in just their boxer shorts. Wolfgang was asleep, his head resting on Rajan’s chest, Rajan’s arms firmly around him.

Rajan looked round when she shut the front door. ‘Hello, my love.’

She smiled at him. ‘Hello. How is he? Did you manage to talk to him?’

‘A little but he’s got so much bottled up inside.’

She walked round in the front of the sofa and gestured to the pile of clothes.

‘Did you … erm…’

Rajan looked a little embarrassed. ‘Well, we started to but he … well, he was not himself so I put a stop to it.’

Wolfgang stirred and woke. He looked around, then up at Kala. The blockers must be wearing off as she felt a stab of guilt from him. He sat up.

‘Kala … I … last night …’

‘What about last night?’ It came out a little harsher than she intended.

Wolfgang met her eyes for a second and there was nothing but pain in his intense blue eyes. Then he dropped his gaze.

‘I didn’t mean to hurt you.’

‘You didn’t. It wasn’t the rough sex, Wolfgang. It was your stubborn refusal to connect with me, to connect with any of us.’

Wolfgang’s face creased with anger. ‘I don’t have to connect with anyone if I don’t want to, do I? Haven’t I got a right to my own fucking thoughts?’

Rajan stood, reaching out for both of them in a placating gesture. ‘All right. There’s no need to argue. I know we’re all upset but…’

Wolfgang stood, stepping away from both of them and running his fingers through his hair. ‘I’m not upset. I’m just sick of having my every action, my every fucking thought questioned by seven other people. I can’t do anything alone without triggering a full-scale panic.’ He stopped and turned to look at them. ‘I’m a big boy now and Will, I know you’re fucking listening, so just fuck off, will you?’

Kala bit her lip. Will was indeed standing beside her. So was Riley. Nomi, Capheus, Sun and Lito were standing behind her and she could feel the hurt Wolfgang’s words caused in every one of them.

‘Wolfgang, why are you being like this?’ Kala asked.

Wolfgang stopped and stared at her. For a second she thought she might be getting through to him but then his face twisted in anger. ‘What, why do I have to ruin everything?’

‘Wolfgang, you haven’t ruined anything,’ said Rajan.

Wolfgang didn’t look at him. ‘You were wrong, Kala. This is who I am and there’s no changing it. You’re just going to have to accept it. I’m a monster and I always will be.’

‘Wolfgang, please stop this,’ Kala begged.

‘If you want me to leave, all you’ve got to do is say. Rajan, I’m sorry but maybe this isn’t going to work out after all.’ He turned and walked away, disappearing into his bedroom.

Kala looked helplessly at Rajan. ‘What just happened?’

Rajan shrugged, his mouth open. ‘I don’t know.’

Kala looked at the rest of her cluster. They were all hurt and confused.

Will’s mouth set in a line. ‘Oh, he is _not_ going to do this.’

In Riley’s house in Iceland, Will paced. ‘How can he do his? Why doesn’t he want to connect with us anymore? How could he speak to Kala like that? Is he like Todd? Does he not want to be one of us anymore?’

Riley sat on the sofa and watched him, feeling helpless. She didn’t have the answers either but she was sure Wolfgang wasn’t like Todd. He was hurting now but she’d felt how intensely he loved all of them. He’d do anything for them. He’d have killed himself for them. Was he doing this for them?

She watched Will go back and forth across the living room. She could feel his anger burning inside him and his hurt wrenching his insides. His emotions were too strong for him to see, to understand. ‘He’s taking another blocker.’

‘I know,’ said Will, his voice curt. He stopped and glanced at her. ‘Sorry, I don’t mean to take it out on you.’

She gave him an understanding smile. ‘We’re all upset.’ She stood, reaching for him. She lay her hands on his shoulders and looked into his eyes. ‘What are we going to do about Wolfgang?’

Perhaps it was unfair of her to expect him to come up with the solutions, but he was a natural leader and he always seemed to know what to do. He looked back at her, into her eyes and something passed between them. It wasn’t a thought, nor a sharing of emotion, but something else. They were within each other, almost one person, and together their minds arrived at the solution.

‘We need to go back to Paris,’ they said together.

Alone in his bedroom, Wolfgang sat on his bed with his head in his hands. The words he’d shouted at Kala, and through her, to the rest of the cluster, echoed in his mind. His chest ached as he thought of the pain he’d caused them.

But it was better than the pain he would cause if he let them see his nightmares. They didn’t deserve that.

With shaking hands, he reached for the bottle on his bedside table. He was starting to feel them again, _his_ cluster. He loved them. That’s why he had to do this for them.

He took another blocker.


	26. Chapter 26

Wolfgang was up and out before Rajan and Kala emerged the next morning. He hadn’t slept well as the usual nightmares had plagued him all night, waking him every hour or so. It was getting worse, not better. He’d had to fight the urge to go in with Rajan and Kala again.

It was too early to go to work so he got dressed in his workout clothes, shoved a set of casual clothes in a small rucksack, then set off on a jog instead. He’d found a good gym a few days ago and he was keen to try it out. The physical activity gave him something to focus on. When he was running, all he had to think about was his breathing and his form and direction. His mind cleared more with each step.

At the gym, he went to the kickboxing studio. There was no one else there. He thought of Sun. For the past couple of years, when he’d worked out, Sun had never been far away. When he worked out with her, she helped him breathe. She helped him stay calm and slow everything down.

It was strange to do it without her again. He pounded the punchbag with hard kicks and punches, his blood pounding in his ears and his anger pulsing through his veins.

He knew what she would tell him. ‘Breathe. Calm. Then you can use your anger.’

The problem was, he had nowhere to put his anger. For the first time in his life, there were no more enemies. He’d killed them all.

That’s who he was. He was a monster, a stone-cold killer. His cluster, so full of love and joy and goodness, would be better off without him. Now the war was over, now the killing was done, what did they need with a stone-cold killer? What was _he_ supposed to do with his anger and his fear now? What was he supposed to do with the violence that seemed to come so naturally? How could he change his nature now?

He took a shower, put his clean clothes on, then headed to the shop. It was time for work.

Kala woke to the sound of the front door shutting. She glanced to her side and saw that Rajan was still asleep beside her. Wolfgang had gone out. She tried to reach him but there was nothing there. Nothing, not even a whisper of him.

Then Riley was beside her, a gentle hand resting on the small of her back and her breath warm on her cheek. Kala leaned into the comforting presence and felt that fine bleached blonde hair tickling her cheek.

‘We’re coming,’ Riley murmured against her skin. ‘Will and I are coming to Paris.’

Kala threw her arms around her and hugged her tight. ‘Oh, thank you, thank you.’

Riley held her back and her warmth and softness enveloped her. Then five more sets of arms joined the hug. Kala breathed deeply into the embrace, the spirit of each of them flowing through her. She wasn’t alone in this and neither was Wolfgang. Together they would get through it, the way they had got through everything else. As a cluster.

‘You’ve got a face on you today. What’s up with you? You’re not hungover again, are you?’ Felix asked him, halfway through the day.

‘No. I’m fine.’ Wolfgang hesitated. ‘Kala and I had an argument last night.’

Felix looked searchingly at him and Wolfgang found himself saying more. It was hard to keep anything from his friend. He had that way of looking at him that made him confess things.

‘Well, _I_ had an argument with Kala. She didn’t do anything wrong.’

Felix sighed. ‘Wolfie, why are you trying to fuck up Paris Plan?’

Wolfgang rubbed his face with his hands. ‘I don’t know. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.’

‘You need help, brother, and I know that’s a foreign concept for you, Wolfie, but I don’t think you can get through this one on your own.’

Some part of Wolfgang knew his friend was right but the stubborn part, the part that loved his cluster so fiercely he couldn’t bear it, knew he had to keep it inside. He had to protect them.

Felix sighed and shook his head. ‘Damn, Wolfie. You’re too fucking stubborn.’

‘Yeah, I know.’ He looked at his friend. ‘Can I stay in your spare room for a bit?’

‘No.’

‘Just until I find somewhere.’

‘No. Wolfie, you’re my best friend, my brother, and I love you, so I’m doing this for your own good. Buy Kala some flowers or whatever, go home, apologise, then ask your cluster for some fucking help.’

‘I’m not a hearts and flowers kinda guy, Felix.’

‘Well tough fucking shit, Wolfgang. Suck it up. Cause Kala is the one for you and I know you fucking love her so I am not going to stand by and let you fuck it up.’

Wolfgang blinked at him but didn’t argue. ‘Fine, I’ll go, no need to have a go at me.’

‘Well someone fucking has to. I’m not pussy footing around your stubborn ass like the rest of them. I’ve known you too long.’

Wolfgang had known Felix long enough to know not to bother arguing with him anymore. Besides he was right. He did owe Kala an apology. Hearts and flowers were more Rajan’s style, but he would go home and make it up to them. They wouldn’t be home for a while yet. He could cook them something.

He said goodbye to Felix and headed off, his thoughts still with his lovers.

He wanted to stay, fuck he really wanted to stay with them. Felix was right. Kala was the one for him. And Rajan … well, he couldn’t deny, to himself at least, the feelings he was developing for the man. He smiled as he thought about him. Patient, romantic, shy, good natured Rajan. It was partly the way he adored and worshipped Kala but also the kindness and tenderness with which he treated Wolfgang. It wasn’t something he was used to. It was strange, but nice. Really nice.

He had to make it up to them both and hide his struggles better, push the bad shit away. The nightmares would stop, eventually and he’d be able to come off the blockers. Then everything would be all right, if he could just keep the others at bay until then.

A new determination and hope inside him, he opened the door to the flat and stepped inside. Kala and Rajan were there.

And so were Riley and Will.


	27. Chapter 27

Wolfgang blinked at them. For a moment, he thought his blocker might be wearing off, then he saw Rajan glancing from them to him and back again. They were here. They were really here. They had come back to Paris.

He wasn’t sure how to handle this. They were all looking at him, expecting him to say something. He smiled at Rajan. He was safe.

‘Hey, Rajan, Kala, good day at work? You’re home early. Hey, Riley, good to see you.’

He spared half a glance at Will, trying to read his mood. It was not good. Wolfgang only had two ways of dealing with other people’s anger. He could fight it, or he could walk away.

He started to make his way towards his bedroom. Kala took half a step towards him.

‘Wolfgang, please wait.’

He stopped and looked at her. Her warm brown eyes were full of worry for him. He felt a stab of guilt. He reached out and cupped her cheek gently.

‘Kala, I’m sorry but I’m not doing this.’

She blinked rapidly and her eyed were wet. ‘Wolfgang,’ she whispered.

He pulled away and continued to walk towards his bedroom. He heard someone step forward.

‘Wolfgang, we’ve come to help you,’ said Will.

Wolfgang jerked around to glare at him. ‘Well, I didn’t fucking ask you to.’

Will’s gaze found his and anger to match Wolfgang’s own blazed in his blue eyes. ‘Too fucking bad. You need it.’

‘You don’t have to be everybody’s saviour, Will. I don’t need this shit.’

‘You can’t live on blockers all the time, Wolfgang. Think of the rest of us. You're one of us. Don’t you care what this is doing to us? How can you cut yourself off from us? How can you cut yourself off from Kala?’

Wolfgang looked away.

‘Wolfgang,’ said Riley gently. ‘You’re hurting Kala by acting like this.’

Wolfgang closed his eyes in pain. He knew that and he almost couldn’t stand it. The only thing that made it bearable was knowing that allowing her to see the pain and filth in his mind would be worse. He was protecting her from all that. He was protecting the woman he loved. Why couldn’t they let him do that?

‘There are not going to be anymore blockers, Wolfgang,’ said Will, firmly. ‘We’ve taken the ones you had and River has agreed not to give you anymore.’

Wolfgang glared at him. ‘What gives you the right to fucking do that?’

‘Everybody else agrees with me. You need to stay off the blockers and stay connected with us. Then we can help you, like we always help each other.’ 

Anger and fear jerked through Wolfgang’s body and he leapt forward and grabbed at Will, blind with anger. Sun’s speed met him and in a moment, Will had Wolfgang’s arm trapped behind his back in a standard cop-restraint position.

For a second they were locked, face to face and glaring at each other.

‘You need to stop running from this,’ grunted Will. ‘You need to face it and fight. You don’t need to be afraid anymore.’

Wolfgang roared with anger, using all his strength and wrenching himself free. He shoved Will hard away from him. Will stumbled but caught himself before he hit the floor.

‘I’m not afraid of anything, Gorski. You fucking remember that.’ He turned and stalked away.

The silence he left behind was heavy.

A little while later, his bedroom door opened and Rajan came into the room. Wolfgang had been sitting alone on his bed, awaiting the inevitable return of his connection to the cluster. It would be okay. He just had to avoid sleep until he could get hold of some more blockers. There had to be someone who still made them on the quiet, even if the only ones he could get were the ones with side effects.

Rajan sat next to him on the bed and laid a gentle hand on his knee. ‘Have you calmed down yet?’

‘I’m calm,’ said Wolfgang, a little more testily than he had meant to.

Rajan sighed. ‘Why don’t you come and talk to them? All they want to do is help.’

‘Well they can’t. Anyway, I don’t need any help.’

Rajan chuckled gently. ‘You’re pretty deep in denial, aren’t you?’

Wolfgang shrugged but didn’t answer.

‘Look, I can’t pretend I know you really well yet but I know when someone is hurting and I can see you’re in pain. What does Felix say about all this?’

‘He says I’m a stubborn fucker and I need my ass kicked.’

Rajan smiled. ‘Felix has a way with words, doesn’t he?’

‘He’s always been the talker out of the two of us. Words have never been dangerous for him.’

He sent a glance at Rajan. ‘I’m not doing this to hurt Kala, you know. That’s the last thing I want. I’m trying to protect her.’

‘Protect her how, Wolfgang?’

Wolfgang shook his head and wouldn’t answer.

After a moment, Rajan sighed, putting his arm around his shoulders and squeezing gently. ‘I think you should come out and have some food with us and try to talk to them. Try and help us all understand.’

Wolfgang pulled away and lay down. ‘I’m not hungry.’

Keeping his eyes closed, he listened as Rajan sighed, then got up and left the room.

Will sat on the sofa, not really listening to the attempt at conversation around him. They were talking about nothing, anything to avoid talking about Wolfgang. But Will couldn’t keep his mind off him.

Wolfgang had been his fighting partner, his co-strategist, his strength and his courage when he faltered. He’d been his back up so many times. Even when he’d been captured by Whispers, he’d fought for their connection. Why didn’t he want to be part of them now?

Riley laid her hand on his knee and squeezed gently. He felt her warmth enveloping him and he was reassured that she had his back.

He glanced across at Kala. Nomi was with her, her arms around the shorter woman and her chin on her head, occasionally dropping a kiss onto her dark brown hair. Capheus was sitting on his own on the floor, his normally joyful face creased in misery. Sun was on Riley’s other side, saying nothing. Will kept feeling waves of hurt and anger from her but the only outward sign of her feelings was her clenched fists lying in her lap.

Lito however was keeping nothing in. He strode up and down, his hands dragging through his hair, and muttering to himself. Occasionally he burst out with some declaration of his feelings.

Rajan was sitting on the other side of Kala, holding her hand and looking deep in thought. Wolfgang seemed to trust Rajan, or at least seemed to be allowing him a lot closer than he was anyone else. Maybe he’d be able to get through.

He felt for Wolfgang again, hoping to feel something of him now he had no blockers. But no there was nothing. The blockers mustn’t have worn off yet.

He sighed and let his head fall back on the sofa. It was so difficult to work Wolfgang out without the connection between them. It could be difficult enough _with_ that connection sometimes. Wolfgang could be inscrutable.

Rajan stood up. ‘I think we should have something to eat, then get some rest. We might be able to get through to Wolfgang tomorrow.’

Will sighed. He’d had enough of this. They would rest tonight and tomorrow they would damn well make Wolfgang talk to them. It was time he explained himself.


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the big one, folks. Triggery nightmare in this one.

_The darkness surrounds Wolfgang, seeping inside him and infecting him. The stink of blood fills his nostrils, cloying in the back of his throat._

_A soft hand grips his and he holds it tight. He has to protect her._

_‘Wolfgang, stay strong, don’t let him find us,’ Kala begs._

_He is strong. He will protect them._

_But that familiar fear pulses in his veins. Metal binds him, holding him down and burning his flesh._

_Whispers jerks out of the darkness, that smile spreading across his face._

_‘I’ll find them, Wolfgang. You’ll lead me to them all.’_

_A harsh white light blinds him and he turns his head away from it. Kala’s comforting softness meets him and he nuzzles into her warmth. She is his first thought when he wakes and his last before he sleeps._

_Whispers laughs, gleefully. ‘I’ve found her! She’s mine.’_

_The laugh changes to a sick chuckle and Whispers becomes Anton_ _Bogdanow_ _._

_Wolfgang recoils in horror as the big man advances towards him. He shrinks back as stale breath blows in his face._

_‘You can’t get away from me, little boy. You’re mine.’_

_He is grabbed by hard, bruising fists and thrown to the ground. Then that heavy weight is on top of him, suffocating him with the stink of sweat and booze._

_Pain and fear wrench his body and he feels blood wet and warm on his thigh._

_‘No, Anton, please! Don’t hurt him,’ cries his mother._

_He shoves her away but she lunges at him again. Wolfgang struggles but he can do nothing_ _._ _He_ _is helpless as_ _his father grabs his mother and throws her to the ground_ _._ _She lands beside him with a dull thud._

 _She looks at him and blood pools around her. The light in her bright blue eyes fades to nothing._

_Whispers’ laugh echoes around them._

‘Mama!’ Wolfgang woke with a scream dying on his lips. 

His body was shaking, his fear echoing through the cluster. They had all seen it. 

‘No! No, no no.’ 

Blindly, he scrambled out of bed and flew out of the door, the instinct to run overtaking everything else. 

Two seconds after he’d ran out of his bedroom, strong arms grabbed him firmly. The instinct of flight was overcome in a second by his instinct to fight. 

He struggled hard, wrenching against the strength of his assailant. He lashed out blindly, oblivious to anything but the panic assaulting his body. 

‘Wolfgang, stop.’ 

Will was in his mind and standing with him, holding onto him all at once. 

The sight and feeling of Will with him jerked him out of his panic and his body stilled. His mind cleared and he was back in control again. 

He blinked at Will and saw that at least one of his blows had made contact. Will’s nose was bloody and his lip was beginning to swell. 

Wolfgang pulled away, folding in on himself as he collapsed onto the floor. He felt the others standing around him and the horrible truth crashed into his mind. They had all seen his nightmare. They all knew. 

Will slid down beside him and sat quietly, waiting for him to speak. 

‘Sorry about your face,’ Wolfgang murmured, after a long, heavy silence. 

Will shrugged. ‘I’m from Chicago. I’m just happy you didn’t shoot me.’ 

Wolfgang smiled weakly, unable to summon the chuckle he would normally have given a remark like that. Nobody else spoke. 

After a moment, Wolfgang looked up, risking a glance around the room. The cluster was all there, as real as ever. He looked around them. Both Kala and Lito had tears in their eyes and Kala was clutching onto Rajan, who looked anxious and confused. 

Capheus’s gentle brown eyes were wide with concern and Nomi was biting her lip. Sun’s mouth was set in a hard line and Wolfgang recognised her anger. He felt a stab of guilt as he realised how much his silence had hurt her. 

Riley had an understanding look in her eyes and her foot twitched like she wanted to step closer to him, but she didn’t move. 

Finally, Wolfgang looked Will in the eye. He was watching him levelly. Of all of them, Will had been the most angry and he had every right to be. He had made it his mission to protect every single one of the cluster and all Wolfgang had done was hurt them. He’d allowed his shitty memories and terrible nightmares to get in their heads. He could never forgive himself for that. Surely Will wouldn’t either. 

‘I’m sorry, you shouldn’t have had to see that. I never wanted that to get in your heads,’ he said to them all. He looked at Will again. ‘Do you see now why I have to be on blockers?’ 

Will let out a soft gasp of realisation and his arm slid around Wolfgang’s shoulders. ‘Oh, that’s why you were doing it? You wanted to protect us.’ 

Wolfgang looked back at him. ‘Of course. I don’t want you to see that shit. You don’t deserve it, none of you do.’ 

‘Neither do you, Wolfgang,’ said Kala, gently. 

Wolfgang glanced at her, wishing he could just pull her into his arms and not worry about anything else. But he couldn’t. 

‘If anyone deserves it, I do.’ He chuckled humourlessly. ‘I’m a cold-blooded killer, remember?’ A monster. Just like Whispers and just like my father.’ 

Kala gasped. ‘You’re nothing like them.’ 

‘You were just a little boy,’ sobbed Lito, tears Wolfgang couldn’t cry running down his cheeks. ‘An innocent.’ 

Wolfgang looked at him. ‘I’m not innocent anymore. You all know the things I’ve done.’ 

‘We’ve all done things we wish we hadn’t, even if they were necessary at the time,’ said Will. ‘But we did it to protect ourselves, each other or our loved ones.’ 

‘But all that’s over now,’ said Riley, stepping forward and sinking down beside him. She reached out and touched his arm. ‘We have to work through this and move on. Our minds don’t let us ignore our trauma; we have to work through it.’ 

Wolfgang shook his head. ‘I’ve been dealing with this for years. But Whispers broke my barriers down. I just have to get control again. I should be strong enough to deal with this on my own.’ 

‘We are stronger together,’ said Sun. ‘You and Will fought with me when I needed you. Let me fight with you now.’ 

Wolfgang looked at her and he felt her belief in him. She thought he was strong. 

His mind took him back to his escape attempt from BPO. He could have done it. He still could. He could choose the ultimate escape. 

‘Why didn’t you then?’ asked Kala, her voice hard. Wolfgang looked up in surprise, and saw that her eyes were blazing. 

‘You know why,’ he said, remembering her threat to follow him. 

She nodded. ‘Yes. And the same goes now. You self-destruct and so do I.’ 

‘Kala, please...’ 

‘No, Wolfgang. You don’t get to do this.’ Her voice was thick with controlled anger. ‘You don’t have a choice here anymore. You need help and by Ganesha, you will accept it.’ 

Rajan gave him a gentle smile. ‘Kala is right, my love. You need help.’ 

Wolfgang met his eyes and saw the love and the care in his eyes. He swallowed. Fuck, he knew he was lucky to have two people who loved him like that. And lucky to have his cluster who loved him too. But it was too hard to even contemplate giving space in his brain to this. He had to shut it down, had to push it all away. That had worked in the past. It would work again. 

‘It doesn’t work,’ said Nomi. 

Wolfgang looked up in surprise. She was looking calmly at him and Wolfgang could feel an understanding in her that went deeper than the others’. 

‘We haven’t been through the same things but I can tell you that childhood trauma doesn’t go away on its own. You have to deal with it.’ 

‘What do you think I’ve been trying to do?’ demanded Wolfgang. 

‘You’ve been trying to push it away, but that doesn’t work. You have to face it and you need therapy to do that.’ 

Wolfgang jerked, starting to scramble to his feet. ‘No, no no no.’ 

Will grabbed his shoulder and pushed him down. ‘Sit your ass down.’ There was no room for argument in his voice. 

Wolfgang let out a huff of frustration but stayed down. ‘I don’t want therapy.’ 

Lito came forward and sat in front of him. ‘You told me once that sometimes you make a mistake. You can either live with it or you can fix it. You didn’t make a mistake but you have the same choice I did.’ 

Wolfgang buried his head in his hands. ‘I don‘t know if I can.’ 

He felt Capheus’s hand gently touch his arm. ‘Have courage, my friend. We are all with you.’ 

Then he felt them all surrounding him, every single one of them embracing him. Their love draped over him like a warm blanket and he knew he was no longer alone and he never had to be again. 


	29. Chapter 29

Wolfgang woke feeling warm and settled. Before he even opened his eyes, he could feel his cluster around him, their love vibrating through his body. 

He opened his eyes and saw he was in bed, in the master bedroom. Kala was in his arms, with Rajan on her other side, his hand on Wolfgang's hip. Behind him, Will was cuddled up close, with Riley spooning him. He couldn’t see the rest of the cluster but he could feel them. They were close and he sensed they would not go far away for quite some time.

He realised that Rajan was awake and looking at him. 

‘Morning,’ he murmured. 

Rajan smiled warmly at him. ‘Good morning. How did you sleep?’ 

‘Better. I don’t remember coming to bed.’ 

‘Will and I brought you. You were a bit out of it.’ 

Wolfgang dropped his gaze ‘I’m sorry.’ 

‘Hush, you have nothing to be sorry about.’ He reached out and stroked Wolfgang’s cheek gently. ‘Come on, lets go and make some breakfast.’ 

Carefully, they climbed out of bed, dressed and made their way into the kitchen. Together they started to make pancakes. 

They worked in companionable quiet for a little while, then Rajan reached for him, wiped a bit of flour from his cheek and smiled. 

‘So, are you going to do the therapy?’ 

Wolfgang pulled a face. ‘I don’t want to.’ 

‘Nobody wants to but sometimes it’s necessary. Nobody wants surgery but sometimes it’s needed. You’d do that if it was needed, wouldn’t you?’ 

Wolfgang frowned. ‘Maybe.’ 

Rajan chuckled and shook his head. He kissed Wolfgang’s cheek. ‘You are stubborn, you know.’

Wolfgang shrugged then met Rajan's warm gaze. ‘Did ... did the others tell you about my nightmare?’ 

‘No, but I gathered from your … and their reactions that it was a bad one.’ 

‘The worst.' 

Rajan slid his arm around Wolfgang’s waist. Wolfgang felt the warmth of him through his shirt and something settled inside him a little. 

‘You don’t have to talk about it to me but … I just want you to know that you can, if you want to.’ He smiled. ‘Remember, I’m unshockable.’ 

Wolfgang chuckled. ‘As evidenced by your reaction when you found out your wife was in love with me.’ 

Rajan laughed. ‘See? Unshockable.’ He squeezed him gently, then kissed him softly on the mouth. ‘Just remember, I’m here, just like your cluster.’ 

Wolfgang nodded, then pulled away as he felt Will enter the room. He cringed as he saw Will’s face. His lip was bruised and swollen and there was a neat round bruise on his cheekbone. The swelling on his nose had gone down though so it wasn’t broken. 

Will gave him half a smile. ‘Morning.’ 

Immediately, Wolfgang went over to him. He stood in front of him and looked him in the eye. ‘I’m sorry for hitting you,’ he said and held out his hand. 

Will looked down at it, then took it and instead of shaking it, he pulled Wolfgang into a firm hug. 

‘It’s okay. Don’t worry about it.’ He pulled away and squeezed Wolfgang’s shoulder. ‘Next time I’ll remember not to grab a man having a panic attack.’ 

‘No, I needed grabbing hold of. I’ve been fucking everything up. We both know I’ve got a history of that.’ 

Will shrugged but Wolfgang could feel he agreed. 

‘I want you to know, I’m going to try. I can’t promise anything but that.’ 

Will cupped his jaw and looked into his eyes. ‘That’s all we ask.’ He patted Wolfgang’s shoulder then pulled away. ‘Do I smell pancakes?’ 

When Kala woke, only Riley was in the bed with her. The DJ was already awake and she smiled as she slipped her arm around her waist. 

‘Good morning,’ she murmured, dropping a kiss into Kala’s hair. 

Kala smiled. ‘Good morning. Where are the boys?’ 

‘Making breakfast. We’ve got pancakes coming.’ 

‘Ooh, I love pancakes.’ 

Riley smiled. ‘Me too.’ 

Kala frowned as she saw Wolfgang in the kitchen, cooking with Rajan and Will. He looked all right, though he had looked all right before and not been. 

Riley took her hand. ‘He’ll be all right. He’s a survivor and he’s listening to us now.’ 

‘I hope you’re right.’ 

‘I was thinking, we need to find a Sensate therapist for him. A Sapien one wouldn’t understand what he’s been through.’ 

Kala nodded. ‘That makes sense. But how do we find one? I can’t see Wolfgang trusting one BPO assigns, even now River is in charge.’ 

‘I’ll ask Mr Hoy. He knows so many of us, he’s bound to know a therapist.’ 

‘Then we just have to get Wolfgang to talk to them.’ She rolled her eyes. ‘That should be easy.’ 

When Kala entered the kitchen with Riley, she smiled to see Wolfgang smiling and chatting with Will and Rajan as they finished off cooking the pancakes. He had a relaxed, easy manner about him, like his old self. Somebody else might have been fooled. But she could see the storm still raging inside him. 

Though it did seem smaller and more distant than the night before. So he had some control back. She just hoped he was beginning to understand that he had to deal with it, not just shut it down. 

He looked up at her and their eyes met. He left Will and Rajan and came over to her. He said nothing, just took her hand in his and gently tugged her into his arms. 

He didn’t need to speak. As he held her in his arms, his cheek against hers, she understood him. She could feel his love, hot and intense. She could feel his sorrow and shame like a bitter taste inside him. She felt anger and fear, a barely controlled storm in his belly. 

But there too, the way it always had been, was his goodness, shining like a golden light in his heart. If only she could get him to see that goodness and let it out. She wasn’t sure if he even believed it was there. 

He pulled away. ‘Are we all right?’ He frowned a little and she could feel his worry. 

She reached for him, cupping his jaw. ‘We’re all right. Just remember what I said last night.’ 

He dropped his gaze but nodded. ‘I promise I’ll try.’ 

She kissed him softly on the lips, pouring all her love into it. They could feel each other as they opened themselves up to their connection. They were two people, joined by one soul. 

The feeling lasted only a moment, as they pulled away from each other. But it was enough to reassure Kala that Wolfgang was more himself again. The thing that reassured her the most was the willingness she felt in him. He wanted to get better. 

At breakfast, Wolfgang sat between Rajan and Kala, with Will and Riley on the other side of the table. As the chatter flowed around him, he stayed quiet, watching them. He felt like he’d let something out but he knew there was so much more inside, battling to get out. He didn’t like it and he recoiled from the idea of therapy but if it was a choice between allowing his cluster to see these thoughts and memories or a stranger, he’d take the stranger. At least he wouldn’t be hurting anyone else. 

He felt Will searching him and he looked up to meet those calm blue eyes. 

‘We all just want to help,’ Will said to him alone. 

‘I know but … I’d rather not spread that shit around.’ 

Will nodded in understanding. ‘Well, I can’t help you with the other stuff but I know all about having Whispers in your head. So, well, if you want to talk about that, you know where I am.’ 

He nodded, then frowned and hesitated before he spoke. ‘Will, do me a favour.’ 

‘Anything.’ 

'Don't treat me like I'm fragile, because I'm not.' 

Will nodded. ‘Got it. Do me one?’ 

‘What?’ 

‘Don’t be a stubborn fucker, and accept help.’ 

Wolfgang glanced at Rajan, who was oblivious to their telepathic conversation. ‘That’s what he says. He thinks I should do it too.’ 

Will smiled. ‘You love him, don’t you?’ 

Wolfgang huffed. ‘I wish you’d stay out of my mind sometimes.’ 

Will laughed gently. ‘I don’t need to be in your mind to know that. It’s obvious from a mile away.’ 

Wolfgang frowned, not sure how he felt about that. He hadn’t even told Rajan yet. But he knew it was true. He’d thought he was hot from the beginning, had liked him pretty quick, but after spending this time with him, building a friendship with him, he’d come to trust him. The affection had grown quickly from that trust. And now, yes, his heart had expanded and made room for Rajan. 

He pulled himself away from the conversation with Will and leaned back. He glanced at Kala, who took his hand. He looked at Rajan, who smiled at him. Wolfgang found his hand and laced their fingers together. With his two loves by his side and his cluster with him, surely he had to be all right? 


	30. Chapter 30

Wolfgang stood outside the non-descript grey building, taking regular deep drags on his cigarette and trying to decide which part of himself to listen to; the part that knew he should be there or the stubborn part that wanted to fuck off and find the nearest bar. 

‘You promised,’ said Will. 

Wolfgang turned away, though it made no difference, and took a long, deep drag on his cigarette. ‘I know.’ 

‘So, what are you waiting for?’ 

‘For you to fuck off.’ 

Will smirked. ‘As eloquent as ever, I see.’ 

Wolfgang shrugged. Will put his hand on his shoulder. ‘It will help.’ 

Wolfgang took another drag and said nothing. 

‘I had therapy when I was a kid. I remember before my first appointment. I was so nervous before it, I threw up in the street.’ 

Wolfgang glanced at him. ‘I’m not going to throw up.’ 

Will nodded. ‘I know. I’m just saying it’s normal to be nervous.’ 

Wolfgang said nothing, just stubbed out his cigarette, took a deep breath and headed inside. 

Ten minutes later, after a nerve-wracking wait in the reception, he was shown into his first therapy appointment. 

He'd been picturing some stuffy old bloke who’d diagnose him with trauma and Daddy issues but it was a kindly-looking middle-aged woman. She smiled as he entered the room and shut the door. 

‘Wolfgang, please do sit down and make yourself comfortable.’ 

He wrestled with himself, his stubborn side still strongly making itself known. But he remembered the promises he’d made to Rajan and Kala and the rest of his cluster. 

He sat down and considered her. She was in her mid-fifties, with short auburn hair. She had kind blue eyes and the little wrinkles in the corners of her mouth showed she smiled a lot. She was smiling then. 

‘Thank you for coming, Wolfgang. My name is Corinne and I’d like you to feel relaxed and comfortable here so anything you need to make that happen, just let me know.’ 

Wolfgang just looked at her for a moment but didn’t say anything. She reminded him of his Oma. He’d only been a little boy when his father had thrown out his ex-wife, now mother in law and forbidden her from ever coming there again, so Wolfgang didn’t remember her well. But she’d always been kind to him. Corinne looked kind. 

But it occurred to him that he wasn’t connecting with her. Hadn’t Riley said she was a sensate? 

‘That’s what Mr Hoy said,’ said Riley. ‘Ask her.’ 

Wolfgang looked back at Corinne. ‘I was told you were a Sensate.’ 

‘I am but I always take a blocker when meeting with somebody new. It's up to you if and when we connect.’ 

Wolfgang felt himself relax a little despite himself. 

‘So, what would you like to talk about today?’ 

Wolfgang looked away, not sure what to say. Will popped into his eyeline, looking anxious. ‘Tell her about the nightmares.’ 

Wolfgang scowled. ‘Can you fuck off, Will? I don’t need any of you in here for this.’ 

‘Yes,’ said Corinne. ‘I would like all your cluster to leave you alone right now. We need privacy in this room.’ 

He caught sight of Kala’s shamed face before she felt. Then Riley pulled an apologetic face at him and dragged a reluctant Will away. 

‘They’re gone,’ he told Corinne. He pressed his lips together, unsure how to start. ‘I’ve not done this before.’ 

She nodded, in an understanding why. ‘Most of my clients haven’t.’ 

‘Who do you normally treat?’ 

‘A lot of us spent years being hunted by BPO and the Cannibal, or expecting to be. That creates a lot of anxiety and paranoia. I … I know about you being captured by BPO. You’re one of the only people to have escaped that place. How do you feel about that? 

Wolfgang pulled a face. ‘How am I supposed to feel? I was there and now I'm not. That's all there is to it.’ 

‘Then why are you here?’ 

Wolfgang shrugged, then sighed, letting his head fall back on the sofa. ‘I get nightmares. Whispers, the Cannibal, is always there, like he’s still trying to make me remember things.’ 

‘That’s very common. He enjoyed getting in his victims’ heads. What is he trying to get you to remember?’ 

Wolfgang shifted uncomfortably. ‘I don’t want to talk about that.’ 

‘That’s all right.’ 

He felt a white-hot stab of anger in his belly at her calm, gentle manner. She should get mad, be inflexible and demanding, so he could tell her to fuck off, then storm out and never go back. He knew how to deal with anger. But she was so nice. It was infuriating. 

‘Look, I’m only here because my cluster strong-armed me.’ 

She regarded him carefully. ‘You don’t seem the type to let anyone make you do anything.’ 

He frowned. ‘Look, I just want the nightmares to stop. My cluster doesn’t need to see them. I tried to take blockers but it sent them all into a panic so …' 

She watched him evenly and waited for him to carry on speaking. He frowned impatiently. ‘Look, can you stop my nightmares or not?’ he snapped. 

She smiled, completely unmoved by his anger. ‘We can stop them together,’ she said, gently. ‘But the only way to do that is to talk about it. It wants to come out, but you have to let it.’ 

He ran his hand through his hair and realised he was shaking. ‘My cluster want me to share it with them but they don’t deserve to see that shit. Rajan wants me to talk to him about it but he doesn’t deserve it either.’ 

‘Who is Rajan?’ 

Wolfgang felt a smile cross his face. ‘My lover. He’s married to Kala, who is one of my cluster. We … the three of us love each other.’ 

Corinne smiled. ‘Love is a wonderful thing. We can gain a lot of support through our loved ones. But it can be hard to let them see our pain because we don’t want them to feel it. Is that how you feel Wolfgang?’ 

‘I … I couldn't stop my mother being hurt. But I can stop my cluster feeling my pain. I can stop Rajan having to know what happened. I can’t forget it but … if I can get control back I can deal with it myself.’ 

‘And Whispers broke your control? He made you see things you didn’t want to remember. And now you just want to forget them again, don’t you?’ 

Wolfgang didn’t answer. 

‘The problem is, Wolfgang, that you’ve been pushing these things away for too long. Now they’ve come back, you won’t be able to push them away again. You have to deal with them now.’ 

Wolfgang felt her calm gaze on him but he didn’t meet it. His hands were still shaking. He thrust them into his jacket pockets and stood up. ‘I … I can’t talk about this anymore. I need to leave.’ 

Corinne sat back in her chair. ‘That’s all right, Wolfgang. You can end the session when you like.’ 

He strode towards the door. 

‘See you next time?’ she asked. 

At the door, he hesitated. Then, not glancing at her, he gave a curt nod. ‘Next time.’ 

Outside, he strode forward for some minutes, not thinking about where he was going. Then, suddenly he felt weak and he sat abruptly on a bench nearby. He lit a cigarette and tried to pretend he wasn’t shaking. He leaned back, exhaling and watching the smoke join the gloomy sky. It was a cool day and he could tell the weather was changing as September rolled on. 

He closed his eyes, trying to banish the thoughts which threatened to invade his mind. He smiled when he suddenly felt warmth on his face. 

He opened his eyes and he was standing beneath the clear blue sky and the hot sun of Nairobi. 

In front of him, Capheus was climbing onto his bus. Wolfgang followed him. Capheus turned and beamed at him. Wolfgang couldn’t help but smile. He’d never known anyone full of so much joy as him. Despite the hardships and the violence he’d been through, he exuded a pure joy that could be quite contagious. 

‘Wolfgang, hello! It’s so good to see you!’ 

‘Good to see you too,’ said Wolfgang, giving him a hug. 

‘How did your session go?’ 

Wolfgang shook his head and didn’t answer that. 

Capheus seemed to sense his unease. He patted him on the shoulder. ‘Let’s just go for a drive then.’ He swung into the driver’s seat. 

Wolfgang looked around the empty bus. ‘No passengers today?’ 

‘I’m not supposed to take passengers or drive my old route anymore because of the election.’ He shook his head like he still couldn’t believe it was happening to him. ‘No, I am picking up some medication for my mother.’ 

‘How is she?’ Wolfgang asked, taking a seat to one side of and just behind Capheus. 

‘She is good, getting healthier every day.’ 

‘Good.’ 

Capheus started the engine and set off. He drove in companionable quiet for a while, whistling a tune and giving Wolfgang no pressure to talk. 

Wolfgang looked out of the window at the streets of Nairobi, now as familiar to him as the streets of Berlin. How lucky Capheus’s mother was to have a son like him, who’d do anything to protect her, who’d been successful in protecting her. They'd protected each other. 

Wolfgang’s thoughts strayed to his own mother. Her face was still so clear in his mind, so young and so pained. He’d failed to protect her. But he’d taken his revenge. He'd made the world a better place without _him_. 

‘I killed my father,’ he found himself saying. 

Capheus glanced at him. ‘You said the world is better off without him.’ 

‘It is. I just wish I’d done it sooner. I should have protected her better, then she might still be alive.’ 

‘How old were you when she died?’ 

‘Eleven.’ 

Capheus shook his head. ‘You were a child. It was her job to protect you.’ 

Wolfgang frowned. ‘She tried. She wasn’t strong.’ 

Capheus said nothing but he didn’t need to. The only words in Wolfgang's head were _why not? Why couldn’t she be strong for him, for her son?_


	31. Chapter 31

When Wolfgang got home, he found the flat empty apart from Rajan. His lover was preparing dinner and he turned and gave him a genuine smile.

‘Good evening, my love.’

‘Hi. Where are the others?’

‘They went for a drink, to distract themselves from worrying about you, I think.’

Wolfgang nodded. He felt so tired suddenly and the world seemed to sway.

Rajan was in front of him in an instant, holding him firmly by the shoulders. ‘You all right?’

Wolfgang blinked slowly, trying to steady himself. He leaned against Rajan. ‘I feel a bit … tired.’

‘You look exhausted. Why don’t you have a lie down?’

‘Yeah, I feel like I could sleep for days.’

‘Go on. I’ll wake you for dinner. Can you make it to the bedroom all right?’

Wolfgang pulled himself up straight and nodded. ‘I think so.’

Reluctantly, Rajan let him go but watched him carefully as he made his way to the master bedroom and lay down in that big bed. The last few nights, he’d slept in this bed with Rajan and Kala. Sometimes, Will and Riley had joined them physically, sometimes just in their minds. But with their company, he’d not had any nightmares since that big one.

He knew they were not far away. It would only be a matter of time. But he hoped they would stay away long enough for him to get not so tired.

He closed his eyes and let out a long breath. He was okay, he was safe. Rajan was in the next room and his cluster would be there in an instant if he needed them. Feeling surprisingly relaxed, he allowed his exhaustion to overcome him and he sank into the welcome comfort of sleep.

He was woken what felt like days later but was probably only an hour or so, by a gentle hand on his cheek. He breathed in Rajan’s scent, the sweet clean smell of his satsuma soap and the rich scent of the dahl he’d been cooking still lingering around him.

He didn’t open his eyes, just reached for the man he loved and pulled him onto the bed beside him. Still with his eyes closed, he found Rajan’s jaw and kissed it, rubbing his lips against that soft beard.

Rajan murmured low in his throat and the sound vibrated through Wolfgang’s body. He slid his hand down from Rajan’s shoulder to his hip, then pulled him firmly against him. Rajan moaned louder as their crotches brushed together.

Wolfgang opened his eyes to see the way Rajan’s mouth fell open as Wolfgang deliberately rocked his hips into his. He trailed his hand across Rajan’s hip and round to his buttocks. Gripping them firmly, he pulled him as close as he could so there was nothing between them but their heat.

He slipped his hand down the waistband of Rajan’s slacks, tracing his fingers across the warm skin of his buttocks, then palmed the roundness of his hip bone before reaching round and grasping Rajan’s cock in a firm grip that made him groan with pleasure.

He kissed Rajan hard, swallowing the groans that spilled from his mouth. At the same time, he worked his cock, the heat of the other man’s arousal flooding his senses.

Then he felt Kala. Her breath was hot on the back of his neck and her hands were gentle and skilful as she slipped them beneath his clothes and trailed them across his skin.

He broke off the kiss with Rajan to watch the naked pleasure on his face. He increased his speed as Kala’s touches fired across his body. His breathlessness mirrored Rajan’s and he knew he was feeling the same things he was. Rajan may be a Sapien but that didn’t seem to made a difference. He could read him, he could feel him, just like he was a sensate.

Rajan came with an unabashed cry that filled the room. The sight of his lover abandoning himself to pleasure and the feel of Kala’s hands on him and her breath on his neck, tipped Wolfgang over the edge and he came with a cry of his own.

When they had recovered, Rajan gazed at Wolfgang in wonder as he bit his lip to stop himself saying something. Wolfgang smiled a little as he knew exactly what Rajan wanted to say.

He stroked that dark beard with one finger and looked into Rajan’s eyes.

‘Raj, with you, it’s never just a fuck.’

Rajan’s eyes lit up and he smiled, but didn’t speak.

Again, Wolfgang felt Kala with him and he could feel the love in her, shining brightly for both of them.

‘Kiss me.’ Wolfgang smiled. ‘Kiss us.’

Rajan grinned as he got Wolfgang’s meaning. He cupped Wolfgang’s cheek, then leaned in and gave them the softest of kisses. He poured all his love into the kiss and both Kala and Wolfgang could feel it.

‘Hello!’ called Will as he stepped into the flat a little while later. ‘We’re back. Anybody home?’

Wolfgang smirked. He knew Will knew they were there but was keen not to interrupt. Rajan pecked Wolfgang on the lips, then climbed out of bed. ‘I bet they’ll be hungry. I’d better go see to the food.’

Wolfgang nodded. ‘I’ll be out in a minute.’

He watched Rajan go then took a deep breath and got up. He crossed to Kala’s dressing table and looked at himself in the mirror. He still looked tired and sort of grey but there was something determined about the set of his jaw. He could do this. He could, if he kept on trying. He wasn’t going to give up. He was strong.

_‘How can a child be this brave?’_ His mother’s broken voice echoed in his mind and he felt a stab of hurt and anger in his belly. He remembered her refusal to even try to run. She could have taken him and just left one day, just gone somewhere, anywhere else. Why had she not even tried to go further than his uncle’s house?

He thought of his cluster, who’d crossed the world for him. He thought of Angelica, who’d ended her own life for them. Why couldn’t his mama have done something, anything to save him, to save them both from that monster?

He saw Angelica in the mirror, gazing sadly at him. She reached out and touched his cheek. He felt the echo of her gentle hand and a wave of love washed over him.

‘I’m so sorry, baby.’

He closed his eyes as a memory rushed his senses. Those same words, reaching him through agonising pain and fear, cuffed to Whisper’s table. His thoughts had betrayed him then, taking Whispers straight to Kala. His guilt for that still echoed in him and he knew he would do fucking anything to protect her. Was he brave enough? Was he strong enough? He had to be.

He went through to the other room. Will was helping Rajan finish the cooking, Riley was choosing some music for with dinner and Kala was waiting for him. She came over to him.

‘Are you all right?’ she asked.

He nodded, reaching for her and pulling her to him. He kissed her, softly and sweetly, breathing in that rich clean scent that had become so familiar to him. She smelled like home and safety.

She broke the kiss but stayed close. ‘Are you sure? You look tired.’

‘I am. It’s surprisingly exhausting.’

‘But you talked? She seemed nice.’

‘She is.’

‘So, did you talk?’

Wolfgang took a deep breath. ‘I started. It’s … I don’t think it’s a quick thing.’

Kala nodded. ‘I know. The important thing is that you’re trying and working on it.’

He nodded, taking her hand. ‘I promise.’

She kissed him again, then they parted, turning to smile at the others. Riley had put on some piano concerto and Rajan was starting to dish up. Kala went to help him.

Will came over to Wolfgang and gripped his shoulder. ‘You good?’ he asked.

Wolfgang nodded. ‘I’m good.’

Will ghosted his thumb across Wolfgang’s collarbone where it showed above his t-shirt. ‘I’m proud of you, you know, for going and for sticking with it.’ He grinned. ‘And for not telling her to fuck off.’

Wolfgang glanced briefly at him but found it hard to meet those understanding blue eyes. He found himself nodding again. ‘Thanks,’ he said and pulled away.

He felt Will trying to feel what he was feeling but he pulled away from the connection too. He didn’t need mothering from Will fucking Gorski. What fucking good had mothering ever done him?

It hadn’t saved him from Whispers.

It hadn’t saved him from his father.


	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning on a nightmare at the start.

_Pain invades his body and forces the air from his lungs. It burns inside him, pushing itself inside his body. His chest is tight with pressure and he cannot grab a breath. That broad, dirty face twists in anger as it presses close to his, spitting as he hisses at him._

_‘You fucking little queer. Is this what you want?’_

_The stink of alcohol chokes him and he recoils. But there is nowhere to go._

_‘Mama!’ he cries. ‘Mama, please help me!’_

_His mama’s eyes are wet with tears and she shakes her head. ‘I’m so sorry, baby,’ she whispers._

_She watches, weeping, as his father slams into him. She does nothing._

Wolfgang woke with the echo of his screams in his head. For a moment, he thought he’d been screaming aloud but Kala and Rajan were still asleep on either side of him. His breathing was fast, and his chest hurt. He needed to get out.

He crept out of bed, grabbed a t-shirt, and headed out of the room. The living room was dark and quiet. So Riley and Will hadn’t been woken either. He felt in his jacket pocket for his cigarettes and his lighter, then headed out onto the balcony. He closed the doors firmly behind him, then leaned on the railing and lit his cigarette with shaking hands.

His first long draw steadied his breathing. He looked out across Paris, trying to push the feelings down that were bubbling up out of him.

His nightmare kept coming back to him in waves. It wasn’t a memory, not quite. She hadn’t been there when …

He shook his head. He didn’t want to think about that. He took another drag on his cigarette and watched the smoke disappear off into the night sky.

‘Bah, bah, bah! Pah, pah, pah!’ came a sudden loud voice, making Wolfgang jump. He looked round and smiled as he saw Lito beside him. He didn’t seem to have noticed he was visiting as he barked out his vocalisations into the cool night air.

‘Hey,’ said Wolfgang, by way of greeting.

Lito looked at him and gave him a wide smile. ‘Wolfgang, my friend! I didn’t expect you to be awake.’ 

Wolfgang shrugged, avoiding Lito’s eyes and taking a nervous drag on his cigarette. ‘Couldn’t sleep. Er … Rajan was snoring.’

Lito laughed. ‘You really can’t lie, can you?’

Wolfgang glanced at him and gave him half a smile. ‘No. It’s a burden.’

‘So what’s the truth?’ asked Lito.

Wolfgang looked down at his hands. ‘Nightmare.’

Lito didn’t say anything, just watched him for a little while. There were a few moments of silence, during which Wolfgang did nothing more than smoke his cigarette and try not to think.

‘So, what are you doing? You on set?’ he asked, just to stop the thoughts and images that flooded his brain.

Lito showed him the script. ‘Trying to rehearse. Hernando and Dani are both out. Will you run some lines with me?’

Wolfgang shrugged again. ‘Sure.’

Lito passed him the script and Wolfgang glanced over it. It was in English. Before being born a sensate, he wouldn’t have been able to read it but now it was as clear to him as if it had been in German, a fact which was still strange to him.

‘Is it harder to stay in character with us all in your heads?’ he asked.

Lito grinned. ‘Sometimes. Just like you find it harder to keep up your big bad mobster image with a drama queen, a cop and a moralistic scientist in your head.’

Wolfgang gave him a look. ‘I’m not a mobster.’

Lito shrugged. ‘But you like the big bad image, don’t you? That’s safer.’

‘Do you want me to run lines with you or not, because I could just go back to sleep.’

Lito held his hands up in a surrendering gesture. ‘All right, we’ll just run the lines.’ He pointed to a line a little way down the page. ‘Start from here.’

Wolfgang took a deep breath and began to read. ‘You say you would die for me, but if you loved me like you say, you’d want to live for me.’ He frowned, glancing at Lito.

Lito wasn’t looking at him. His eyes had closed and one hand lay on his chest. ‘I would do anything for you, my love.’

‘What are you thinking of when you say that?’ Wolfgang asked.

Lito frowned and opened his eyes. ‘That’s not the next line, is it?’

Wolfgang shook his head. ‘Do you think of Hernando?’

‘Of course. I would do anything for him.’

‘You risked your life for him, and your dreams.’

‘I did, with your help if you remember.’

Wolfgang nodded. ‘You have to fix your mistakes. What if … what if the mistake was somebody else’s and it’s too late to fix it?’

‘Then you have to live with it.’ Lito reached out and touched Wolfgang’s shoulder gently. ‘You cannot change the past or fix someone else’s mistake.’

Wolfgang looked away as his stomach jolted with anger. He pushed it down. It wasn’t her fault, she hadn’t hurt him. She’d been as much a victim as he was, more even. It wasn’t fair to be angry with her. So why couldn’t he get past this?

He felt Lito watching him and he returned his gaze to the script. ‘Then prove it,’ he read.

‘Then there’s a kiss,’ explained Lito.

Wolfgang raised his eyebrows and smirked. ‘Is this just a ploy to get some action from me? Have you been jealous of all the attention Kala’s been getting?’

Lito held up his hands in mock surrender. ‘What can I say, I’m helpless under the attention of beautiful men.’

Wolfgang’s smirk widened and he grasped hold of Lito and gave him a searing kiss. He felt Lito go weak against him, moaning into the kiss. He pulled away and grinned at Lito’s dazed face.

‘You’d better hold it together a bit better than that when Blake Huntington is kissing you. That guy’s pretty hot.’

Lito recovered himself, standing straight. ‘If I can hold myself together when my Hernando kisses me, I can do anything.’

Wolfgang chuckled. ‘You’re doomed then.’

He took one last drag of his cigarette, then stubbed it out and put it in the jar left on the patio table for his fag ends. ‘I’d better get to sleep.’

‘You need any help? I could come with you.’

‘No, I’m all right.’ He gestured inside the flat. ‘I’ve got half the cluster in there with me, remember? Besides, you need to rehearse, not fall asleep with me.’

Lito nodded. ‘Well, I’m around if you need me.’

‘I know.’

Lito gave him a genuine smile, then he was gone. Wolfgang took a deep breath and went back inside.

All was still dark and quiet in the flat. He made his way back to the master bedroom, briefly visiting the en suite bathroom to clean his teeth. He knew Kala was not a fan of the taste when he’d been smoking.

In his absence, Rajan and Kala had moved closer together, so he slipped back into bed behind Kala and nuzzled into her hair. She sighed softly and turned into him. He pressed a soft kiss to her lips, and he felt her sleepy contentedness wash over him. She reached for him, though she was still half-asleep, and cupped the back of his head. She brought him closer for another, deeper kiss and he murmured against her.

His hand settled on her waist, feeling the heat of her skin through her negligee. She was all warmth and softness and he wanted nothing more than to be wrapped up in her.

Her arm went around his shoulders, holding him to her and he kissed her again. Then she was in his head as well, kissing the back of his neck and nuzzling into his shoulder. ‘Make love to me,’ she whispered in his head.

He slid his hand down from her waist, over her hip and down across her thigh until he found the bare skin just above her knee. He trailed his fingers across her skin, then slipped his hand beneath the silk.

She sighed softly against him as his fingers created gentle pleasure in her that echoed across him as well. He was hard and he could feel her arousal floating across his body.

He found that warm, secret place between her thighs and she gasped as he trailed his fingers across her wetness. His soft finger tips teased her, just skirting over her clit, then dipping inside her. He grinned as her thighs tightened around his arm.

She was still too asleep to speak aloud but, in his head, she was whispering encouragements and pulling at his clothes.

‘I want you inside me,’ she whispered. He slid his fingers out of her and quickly shed his clothing before he returned to her. She opened herself to him, her thighs clenching around his waist as he slid inside her.

She opened her eyes and gazed up at him. ‘I love you,’ she murmured and he grinned at her.

‘I love you too. Fuck, Kala, you’re so beautiful like this.’

She smiled, her eyes drifting closed again. She pulled at his hips. ‘Make love to me,’ she said, aloud.

He was only too happy to. He started to move, slow and deep at first, then faster as she moved with him, her thighs clenching hard around him.

He was lost in her. There was nothing but her heat and her softness and her love wrapping around him like a blanket. This feeling was everything he lived for; the feeling of being loved by her; the feeling of being the one who could make her face look like that; the feeling of being able to make her feel the love he could feel pouring out of her. 

She came with a cry that went deep inside him, filling him with love and pleasure. Her body quivered around him and she clutched at his arm with a hard grip. He kissed that beautiful mouth and came deep inside her.

Immediately, her arms wrapped around him and she pulled him to her bosom. He could feel himself trembling and he could do nothing but hold onto her. She loved him. She would do anything for him. He would do anything for her.

She shifted them slightly into a sleeping position and smoothed her hands through his hair, then across his shoulders. She held him to her and made soft, soothing sounds against his forehead. He closed his eyes and felt himself sinking into a happy, peaceful sleep, knowing he was safe. 


	33. Chapter 33

Wolfgang jerked awake, scrambled out of bed and ran for the bathroom. Two seconds later, he was on his knees throwing up in the toilet.

He felt Will behind him. ‘Are you all right?’

‘Fuck off,’ Wolfgang snapped, during a brief respite.

‘I can bring you a drink of water,’ persisted Will.

‘Fuck off!’ he repeated and gave Will a mental push.

Finally, he left. Wolfgang was sick once more, then sat back on his heels, his stomach churning. He sat there, dazed for a moment, his head spinning.

What the fuck was wrong with him? He struggled to his feet and looked at himself in the mirror. He was very pale, almost grey. He could feel Will’s worry at the edge of his mind and he pushed him away furiously. 

He looked into his own eyes, his stomach twisting and saw himself at thirteen. For a week after it had happened, he’d thrown up every day before school, after school. Sometimes during school. He still remembered the hot, burning fear invading every part of his body, the fear that _he_ would do it again. It had only stopped when Wolfgang had strangled the motherfucker to death in that alley and burned his body. If only he could dig the bastard up and kill him all over again.

He splashed his face with cold water, cleaned his teeth and headed out of the bathroom. Rajan and Kala were still asleep. It was still early. He couldn’t face going back to bed so he got dressed and headed into the lounge.

‘Fuck,’ he muttered. Will was sitting on the sofa, drinking coffee.

He looked up at Wolfgang and his eyebrows lifted. ‘Good morning to you too. Feeling better?’

Wolfgang shrugged. ‘I’m fine.’

‘Oh yeah, I always chuck my guts up when I’m fine.’

Wolfgang huffed and crossed to the fridge.

‘There’s coffee if you want some,’ said Will, still watching him.

Wolfgang said nothing and poured himself a drink of water.

‘Maybe you should have some toast. It might settle your stomach.’

‘Will you stop mothering me? I’m the same fucking age as you, remember?’

Will held his hands up. ‘All right, all right, I’m sorry.’

Wolfgang felt a stab of guilt as Will’s hurt echoed across to him and he wrestled with his conscience. But, no, it was easier if he was a bastard. It was easier if he didn’t give a fuck. The trouble was, he did.

He drank his water, then pulled his jacket on and put his boots on.

‘Bit early for work, isn’t it?’ asked Will.

‘I’ve got a key,’ said Wolfgang shortly. ‘Tell Rajan and Kala I’m fine, will you?’

‘I would but I won’t lie to them.’

Wolfgang rolled his eyes. ‘Will you stop being such a fucking know-all? I said I’m fine.’

‘You can say whatever you like,’ said Will, mildly.

Wolfgang huffed. How was he supposed to have a cleansing, blazing row with someone who wouldn’t rise to his bullshit?

He didn’t say anything else, just grabbed his keys and left the flat.

When he got to the shop, it was still dark, as was the flat above. He let himself in, locking back up behind him, then headed upstairs. He crept into the flat silently, using all his skills as a cat burglar, then lay down on the sofa, waiting for his friend to wake up.

He must have dropped off for the next second, Felix was punching his shoulder to wake him. ‘What are you doing here, Wolfie? You’ve not had an argument with Kala or Rajan, have you?’

Wolfgang sat up, shaking his head. ‘No. I left before they were awake.’

Felix grunted. His eyes were half closed, and his hair was sticking up in all directions. ‘You want some breakfast?’

Wolfgang shrugged. ‘Some toast, I guess.’

Felix shuffled to the kitchen area and grabbed four slices of bread from the freezer. Wolfgang stayed sitting.

‘So, why you here this early?’

Wolfgang hesitated. ‘You remember when we were thirteen and I kept throwing up?’

Felix dropped something with a thud and Wolfgang could feel him looking at him. ‘Er, yeah, just before you went on a murderous rampage and killed your dad.’

‘Well it happened again this morning. My stomach won’t stop churning.’

‘Has … has something happened?’

Wolfgang looked at his hands. ‘I keep dreaming about it, about what happened back then. My mother is in the dreams.’

Felix walked back over to him and sat beside him. He put one hand on his. ‘But Wolfie, she was gone by then. You know she was.’

‘I know … but … we should have both been gone. She should have taken me, and her fucking secret and run away. Why couldn’t she do that? He was an old drunk. We could have got away. Gone to the other end of the country, gone anywhere except my fucking uncle’s. Gone to find Oma.’

Felix took a deep breath. ‘Oh, Wolfie. She … she wasn’t like you. She had no more strength left to fight.’

Wolfgang pulled away, standing up and starting to pace the room. ‘Why fucking not? Why couldn’t she do it for me? And for the baby.’ He swallowed. She could have left when he was a secret inside her, could have saved him from all of that shit before he’d even known about it. Why couldn’t she have done that?

‘I dunno what to say, Wolfie. Maybe you should talk to your therapist about this? She’ll know what to say.’ There was a desperation in his voice and a helplessness.

Wolfgang stopped, pushing his anger down. It wasn’t fair to burden Felix with this. He’d done enough at the time. He wasn’t even sure if Felix had ever worked out the full extent of what his father had done to him. If he hadn’t, Wolfgang wasn’t about to tell him. He’d rather nobody knew, not ever. He couldn’t talk about it. He couldn’t let it out. He had to push it down, keep it from everyone, keep it from his cluster. Then it wouldn’t hurt anyone else.

He glanced towards the kitchen, ignoring the look Felix was still giving him. ‘The toast has popped,’ he said, then flopped back down on the sofa.

Felix watched him warily for a moment, like he might explode, then he got up and went to butter the toast.

‘He’s right, you know,’ said Will. ‘You should talk to Corinne about it. Or us, any of us.’

Wolfgang shoved his shoulder hard. ‘Fuck off.’

Will regarded him mildly, barely even reacting to the push. ‘You know where we are if you need us,’ he said, then he was gone.

Wolfgang huffed, letting his head fall back on the sofa. Why did they all have to keep pushing him? Why couldn’t they just let him deal with this on his own, the way he always had? He didn’t need mothering. He didn’t need protecting. He could look after his own damn self.

He saw his mother, gazing at him. Her blue eyes were wet with tears and her lip was split and bruised. There were finger mark bruises around her neck. Guilt swarmed him. Anton Bogdanow had hurt her so much, had ruined her life, then ended it. What right did he have to feel angry with her? She had protected him as much as she could, had given him so much love. He had no fucking right at all.

He pushed the anger down, squashed it deep down into his stomach and refused to feel it anymore.


	34. Chapter 34

Kala was worried when she woke up and discovered Wolfgang was gone. She looked at Rajan, who was stretching as he woke up.

‘Where’s Wolfgang?’

Rajan sat up and looked around. ‘I don’t know. Can you visit with him?’

She did and saw that Wolfgang was in the shop. He was busy working on something alone but he felt her there and looked up at her.

He gave her a smile. ‘I’m all right. I went to work early.’

‘Are you sure?’ Despite the smile, she could still feel the storm inside him and his stomach was churning.

He leaned in and kissed her cheek. ‘Don’t worry, everything is fine. I’ll see you later.’

She found herself back in the bedroom with Rajan watching her expectantly.

‘He’s in the shop. He says he’s all right but …’

‘But what?’

‘I can feel a sort of … storm in him.’

‘Well, he’s going through a lot. Maybe this is how he’s dealing with it. He’s still going to his therapy, isn’t he?’

‘He’s got his second session tomorrow but what if…’

‘Kala, he’s getting help, that’s the important thing. But I don’t think he wants us to treat him like he’s fragile.’

‘But he’s been through so much. You couldn’t see his nightmares. He …’

Rajan held up his hand. ‘I don’t need to know unless he wants to tell me. But I do know that he wants to be strong.’ He took Kala’s hand in both of his. ‘He is strong. He’s a survivor and I think we should treat him that way.’

Kala let out a long breath. ‘You’re right, of course you’re right. It’s just so difficult to do that when I can feel his pain.’

Rajan looked pained, as though he too could feel it. ‘I know, my love, but we must try. For Wolfgang.’

Kala took another breath and nodded, squeezing Rajan’s hand. He wrapped his arms around her and hugged her gently but firmly.

Wolfgang had spent all day at work with Felix, avoiding visiting and just focusing on the work that had to be done. The churning feeling had followed him round all day but he’d tried his best not to think about it.

When he got home just after five, he found that Will was in the flat alone, making dinner.

‘Where is everyone?’ Wolfgang asked.

Will looked up from where he was chopping tomatoes and smiled. Wolfgang could feel how pleased he was to see him. ‘Hey,’ he said, his voice tender. ‘Kala and Rajan are still at work and Riley’s gone to see Georges about doing a show while we’re here. How was work?’

Wolfgang didn’t answer. He crossed the lounge and flopped down on the sofa. ‘How long are you staying?’

Will appeared next to him on the sofa and put his hand on his knee. ‘If you really want us to go…’

‘I don’t give a shit what you do,’ he snapped.

Will gave him a look and Wolfgang could feel his hurt. ‘If you’re going to pretend to be fine, you need to do a better job.’

Wolfgang looked away, that twinge of guilt making his stomach drop.

He got up and crossed the kitchen to where Will was still chopping tomatoes. Without a word, he took a bottle of Sangiovese from the wine rack and two glasses from the cupboard. He poured them each a glass of the red wine and set one down in front of Will.

Will glanced at him and Wolfgang could feel and see him trying to read him.

Wolfgang looked away, not giving anything away. ‘Stay,’ he said, then turned away, sipping his own wine as he returned to the sofa. He felt Will watching him but he didn’t let him in.

Riley, Kala and Rajan arrived home together. Riley had gone to meet them after work, and they’d made their way home together. They arrived in a happy, laughing group and Will felt lighter with their presence.

Wolfgang hadn’t snapped at him again, but he had sat there silent and morose, sipping his wine. It felt like the German was mad at him but Will wasn’t sure why exactly, or how to fix it. Wolfgang was too good at keeping things to himself. Will could feel the churning, angry feeling inside him but little else and every time he tried to feel more, Wolfgang pulled further away.

But when the others came in, it was like someone had flipped a switch. Wolfgang jumped up and went to greet them at the door. He kissed both Kala and Rajan and gave Riley a warm smile.

‘Welcome home. I don’t know what Will’s cooking, but it smells amazing. Wine, anyone?’

When everyone answered in the affirmative, he brightly started pouring everyone a glass and topping up his own.

Riley came over to Will and hugged him from behind. ‘What are you making?’

‘Pasta Puttenesca,’ said Will, stirring the pasta. ‘Do you think Wolfgang is all right? He’s barely said two words to me tonight.’

Riley sighed, leaning against the countertop next to him and glancing across the lounge at Wolfgang.

‘He is struggling but honestly? He knows we’re all here for him but I think what he needs right now is for us all to back off. When he’s at home or at work or with us, he needs to be normal, otherwise he’ll feel like his life is all pain and examining that pain. It’s our job as people who love him to help him feel normal again.’

‘But …’

‘I know it’s hard for you, Will,’ she said, rubbing his arm gently. ‘You just want to save everyone but sometimes you just have to support them while they save themselves.’

‘It’s the hardest fucking thing in the world,’ he admitted. It was something he’d only admit to her.

She put her arms around him and pulled him into a hug. ‘I know, elskan min, I know.’

After a moment, he pulled away. ‘Will you put some music on, Riles?’

She gave him a smile. ‘Sure.’

She put some bright, happy music on the Bluetooth speaker. Immediately, Wolfgang took hold of Kala and spun her round. She laughed, delighted that he seemed more like himself again. Rajan joined them, his arms circling both their waists as they swayed and twirled to the music.

Riley shook her head, laughing as she watched them with an indulgent expression. Will himself watched them as he served up the pasta and felt a little bit hopeful. Maybe Wolfgang really was going to be all right.

Riley was already naked when Will returned from cleaning his teeth ready for bed that night. He grinned as he closed the bedroom door. He looked her up and down; this beautiful woman; the woman in his head; the woman he could feel love him with every part of herself.

‘God, I love you,’ he murmured.

She didn’t say anything, just smiled and beckoned him closer. He went eagerly to her and gathered her up in his arms. She wrapped her legs around him. All at once, he got the feeling of her naked skin against his clothed body and her feeling of his clothed body against her naked skin. He cupped her chin and kissed her, slow and deep. She moaned softly against him and he returned it, loving the feel of her pleasure vibrating through him.

She slipped down, took his hand and led him towards the bed.

Wolfgang lay back in bed, waiting for his lovers. Kala had been in the bathroom for an age and Rajan had taken a while sorting out in the lounge before going through to the ensuite to sort himself out for bed.

Wolfgang had already stripped off and was waiting eagerly for somebody to join him. Next door, they were already absorbed in each other. Their pleasure vibrated through him, driving him mad, despite his attempts to block them out.

Rajan emerged from the bathroom in just his boxers. He stopped, his mouth falling open as he saw Wolfgang, naked and half-hard, waiting for him.

Wolfgang smirked; he did love the effect he had on Rajan. He sat up, reached for Rajan’s wrist and tugged him closer. He brought the other man’s wrist to his mouth and kissed it tenderly. ‘I don’t think you’re going to need those boxers.’

Rajan grinned and shed them. A moment later, he was on Wolfgang and they were scrambling to be the first to kiss the other.

Wolfgang won, rolling himself on top of Rajan and claiming his mouth in a kiss that left him moaning beneath him.

Suddenly, Will was there too, his hand trailing gently up his back. Wolfgang frowned and rolled away from him, pulling Rajan with him. They moved against each other, falling into a natural rhythm. Wolfgang could forget himself in this, in Rajan’s heat and warmth and tenderness. Rajan’s hand settled on his hip, his thumb rubbing back and forth across Wolfgang’s skin.

Then Will’s hand was on his shoulder, gentle and loving. Wolfgang looked into his face and saw care and worry. He could feel Riley with him too, all compassion and empathy.

It was too much and he closed his eyes, trying to block them out. Rajan stilled and Wolfgang opened his eyes to see only Rajan there, frowning slightly at him.

‘Is something wrong?’

Wolfgang shook his head. ‘Nothing, just some uninvited guests.’

Rajan looked behind him like he might actually be able to see the visitors, then he looked back at Wolfgang, searching his expression. His hand was gentle on his cheek.

‘If you want them to leave, just tell them.’

Wolfgang rubbed his hands over his face. ‘Ugh, I know they just want to help but I can’t deal with them here all the time.’

Rajan cupped his jaw, rubbing his thumb across his cheek. ‘Then tell them to go.’

Wolfgang looked at where Will was watching him anxiously. ‘Fuck off.’

Will disappeared and Rajan shook his head, laughing in disbelief. ‘I’m not sure you had to put it quite so bluntly.’

Wolfgang pulled a face, trying to ignore the stab of guilt in his belly. Rajan put an arm around him and pulled him closer, his touch warm and soothing. Wolfgang pressed his face to Rajan’s chest and focused on nothing else but the scent of him and the feel of him against him. He felt Kala join them, lying on the bed behind him and wrapping her arms around him. The anger and guilt swirled in his belly but he pushed them away and focused on nothing else but the presence of his lovers with him.

Will buried his face in Riley’s shoulder as she trailed her fingers across his shoulders. Her mouth was soft on his temple and she murmured quiet words of comfort against him.

He didn’t want to think about what had happened. He just wanted to lose himself in the woman he loved.

He pulled back and kissed her. They moved lazily against each other, finding their own rhythm quickly and naturally. They could feel Kala and Wolfgang but they stayed away. Will focused himself on Riley, trying to forget everything else that was happening and think only of her. She was all warmth and softness and he could feel nothing but love from her. There was no anger and no pain twisting inside her like there was in Wolfgang. He needed her to get him through this. He needed her to help him help Wolfgang.


	35. Chapter 35

Late that night, Wolfgang woke with a jerk. For a moment, he lay in bed, staring up at the ceiling and trying to remind himself where he was. His breathing came hard and he could feel himself shaking. His nerves were ragged and frayed, and he was dying for a smoke.

He sneaked out of bed without waking his lovers and pulled on black jogging pants and a t-shirt. In the lounge, he grabbed his cigarettes from his jacket and headed outside to the balcony. This time, he didn’t want anyone visiting so he forced up his mental barriers as he shut the door behind him and lit his cigarette.

He breathed deeply, inhaling the smoke and letting it calm him. He was still shaking. He closed his eyes, squeezing them tight shut to try and push the images away that crowded his thoughts.

‘You all right?’ Will asked.

Wolfgang rolled his eyes, the anger welling up inside him and spilling over. He rounded on Will, turning and shoving at the other man.

Will took a step backward, anticipating and avoiding the shove. He was just wearing his boxer shorts and a t-shirt and his eyes were wide with bewilderment.

‘Have I done something wrong?’ he asked.

‘Yeah, you won’t fucking leave me alone. I never asked you to come here. I never asked for you lot in my fucking head, did I?’

‘Wolfgang…’

‘Don’t, don’t say anything. I don’t want to hear it. For fuck’s sake.’ He took a quick drag of his cigarette, then stabbed it out on the rail.

Will stepped towards him, his manner cautious but calm. ‘I know you had a nightmare,’ he said, gently. ‘We can talk about it if you want … or I could just give you a hug.’

Wolfgang turned away. ‘I don’t need your fucking help, Will. You’re not my mother.’

‘I’m not tryin’ to be. I’m just trying to help.’

He felt Will come closer and he rounded on him, shoving him again and this time making contact. Will let the shove send him a step back, bracing himself. But he didn’t get angry. He barely reacted, just that calm look.

That only made Wolfgang angrier. It was spilling over and he couldn’t get hold of it. ‘I don’t need your fucking help, okay? I’ve been looking after myself since I was ten years old, younger cause she couldn’t…’ He broke off, choking on the words. ‘I don’t need any fucking help.’

Will was moving closer and Wolfgang couldn’t find it in himself to stop him.

‘Everybody needs help sometimes,’ Will said softly. He reached out and put a hand on Wolfgang’s shoulder. ‘You deserve help. You deserve to be cared about.’

‘Stop it,’ barked Wolfgang. ‘Stop.’

Will slid his arm around his shoulders. ‘You deserve to be loved.’

Wolfgang tried to push him away and for a few seconds, they were wrestling with each other. But Will didn’t let him go and Wolfgang found himself pressed close to Will, his face to his shoulder. The anger raged inside him and he had nowhere to put it.

‘You’re not my mother,’ he rasped.

Will held him tightly and his anger spilled out in a sob. Will said nothing, just held him. Wolfgang resisted. He didn’t want to cry. He didn’t want to need help. He didn’t want someone to be there for him.

But it was happening. He was sobbing in Will’s arms.

Will said nothing, just held him.

After a while, there was nothing left and Wolfgang let himself be manhandled inside and onto the sofa. Will sat beside him and was silent, waiting for him to speak.

‘You don’t have to do this,’ he said.

Will looked at him. ‘Why don’t we skip past all that. I’m here and I’m listening.’

Wolfgang looked at his hands. They were shaking. ‘I don’t know how to do this.’

‘What was your nightmare about?’

Wolfgang rubbed his hand over his face. ‘It’s always about the same thing.’

‘Whispers?’

Wolfgang shook his head. ‘I’m not frightened of fucking Whispers.’ He shut his mouth, tightly as he realised he’d just admitted that he was frightened of someone.

‘Your father hurt you,’ Will said. ‘It’s normal to be frightened of him.’

‘It didn’t stop me doing what I needed to do though.’

‘Because you’re brave. And you’re strong, so strong.’

‘If I could do it, why couldn’t she?’ He felt Will looking at him, trying to read him again. He looked up, letting Will in for the first time in a long time.

‘Your mother?’

Wolfgang nodded. ‘I shouldn’t feel like this. She was young. She had no one. She did the best she could. I shouldn’t be angry with her.’

‘But if you are angry with her, you need to let that out and face it.’ He took a deep breath and looked down for a moment, before looking up at Wolfgang again. ‘It’s not the same thing but … for a while, I was angry at my mom.’

Wolfgang frowned at him. ‘Why?’

‘Because she died, because she left me to deal with my dad. It wasn’t her fault but that didn’t get rid of my anger.’

‘It won’t go away. It’s worse than ever and I can’t see any way out.’

‘Have you felt like this before?’

Wolfgang nodded. ‘After it …’ His voice caught in his throat as he felt that Will knew what had happened. He’d seen it in his dreams. ‘After it happened, there was nothing but anger and pain and I didn’t know what to do with it. After I killed him, it was easier.’

‘Because you pushed it away. But you can’t push it away anymore.’

Wolfgang huffed and lay back on the sofa. ‘It was so much fucking easier when I could.’

‘You have Whispers to thank for that,’ said Will. ‘The psycho brought up a few things for me as well.’

Wolfgang nodded. ‘I wish I could kill him again too.’ He glanced at Will. ‘If I could, you could share it.’

Will chuckled. ‘That’s very giving of you.’ He patted him on the shoulder. ‘You’re going to talk to Corinne about this tomorrow, aren’t you?’

He rolled his eyes. ‘Yes, mom,’ he drawled.

Will gave him a smile and squeezed his shoulder. Then he stood up. ‘Time for bed.’

Wolfgang hesitated and again he could feel Will reading him. Will took his hand and tugged him up. ‘Do you want to come in with me and Riley?’

Wolfgang didn’t have to say anything. Will could feel what he needed. Wordlessly, he led him into the bedroom he and Riley were staying in. Riley was awake and together, she and Will undressed him to his boxers and pulled him into bed with them. With them either side of him, he felt calm, steady and strong.


	36. Chapter 36

The next morning, Wolfgang woke feeling calmer than he had in a while. Riley was up already but Will was there, awake and watching him. The former cop smiled at him and there was tenderness in the look he gave him.

‘You’ve slept late today,’ Will said.

Wolfgang glanced at the alarm clock and saw it was past ten. ‘You didn’t have to stay with me.’

Will rubbed his arm gently. ‘I thought it might be good for you to have someone with you, in case.’

‘In case I had a nightmare?’ He smiled. ‘No, I slept well since …’ His gaze flickered up to meet Will’s. ‘Thanks for last night. I didn’t know … I didn’t know I needed that.’

‘It’s been a while since you cried for yourself, isn’t it?’

‘Not since I was a kid.’

‘Then you definitely needed it.’

Wolfgang shrugged. ‘I’m not a big crier, not like you,’ he said, teasingly.

Will grinned, unabashed. ‘You cried for Kala and for Felix when you thought you might lose them.’

‘I love them.’

‘Let me tell you a secret, Wolfgang.’ He leaned in and whispered in Wolfgang’s ear. ‘It’s okay to love yourself too.’

‘Hmm, but that’s harder.’ He pulled back. ‘Come on. I can smell pancakes.’

He got up and headed out of the room. He needed normality.

Rajan, Riley and Kala were in the lounge, still in their night things. Rajan was making pancakes, while Riley and Kala were whispering worriedly to each other near the dining table. Wolfgang went over to Rajan and hugged him. ‘You always know when I need pancakes.’

Rajan chuckled. ‘Would you honestly object if I made them every day?’

Wolfgang smirked and shook his head. He leaned against the counter and watching as Rajan added more batter to the pan. There was already a stack of pancakes keeping warm on the back burner and there wasn’t much batter left to cook.

‘Kala felt some of what happened last night,’ said Rajan quietly. ‘She might need a little reassurance.’

Wolfgang nodded, letting his hand rest in the small of Rajan’s back. ‘I’ll take the syrup to the table then,’ he said, grabbing the bottle and heading over to the table.

As Wolfgang approached the girls, Riley stepped back to give them some space. Wolfgang placed the syrup on the table, then reached for Kala’s hand. She came to him but she was quiet, watching him.

‘I’m all right,’ he whispered. He cupped her cheek, leaned in and kissed her softly on the mouth. ‘I love you.’

‘I love you too,’ she murmured back. She reached up and cupped his jaw, stroking his cheek with her thumb. He turned his head and kissed her palm.

‘Will says you’re going to talk to Corinne about last night,’ she said.

He nodded. ‘I … I have a lot of anger about … about my past and I’m trying to deal with it but … I promise I’m not angry with any of you. And my feelings for you aren’t going to go away.’ He took her hand and squeezed it gently but firmly. ‘You know that, don’t you? You can feel it?’

She nodded. Her arms slid around him and she pulled him close in an embrace. ‘I can feel it, like I always could. And I’m not going anywhere either. We are all here for you, because we love you.’

He had no reply to that, other than to kiss her and let her feel his love for her. He met her lips softly and she opened up to him, meeting his kiss with an undeniable force of love. Healing was hard but he knew he had so much love and support. He had to be able to get through it.

‘I need to know how to deal with my anger.’

It was the first thing he’d said to Corinne as he sat down in that day’s therapy session. Corinne looked searchingly at him.

‘You’re having some issues with your anger?’

‘I exploded at one of my cluster last night. It wasn’t his fault. It’s not even him I’m angry with.’

‘Who are you angry with?’

Wolfgang looked at her. It would be so much easier if she knew everything that had happened to him and he didn’t have to explain. He took a deep breath. ‘My parents.’

One eyebrow quirked but she made no other sign of surprise. ‘And what makes you angry with them?’

‘My father was a violent drunk. He was abusive to my mother and me,’ Wolfgang explained dispassionately.

‘I see. Well, it would be obvious to anyone why you have a lot of anger towards your father, but you’re angry with your mother too, aren’t you? Because she couldn’t protect you from him.’

‘I shouldn’t be angry with her. She was … just a kid when he went into her room and raped her. He took her away from her mother and beat and raped her every day of her life since then. What could she do? She had nowhere to go.’

‘That’s the logical part of you, Wolfgang. But it doesn’t stop the emotional part of you from feeling let down because your mother didn’t protect you. Have you ever spoken to her about this?’

Wolfgang shook his head. ‘She’s dead. They both are.’

Corinne nodded. ‘That makes it harder. But you can still talk to her. You see her, don’t you? It’s very common for Sensates to see relatives who have died. Your mother may even have been an unborn Sensate.’

Wolfgang nodded. ‘I see her. Sometimes, I can feel how she feels, but I’ve never … we rarely spoke back then about what he did. We tried to create a bubble of happiness when he wasn’t around.’ He shrugged. ‘It didn’t always work though.’

Corinne was silent a moment, as if waiting for him to say more, but he didn’t.

‘I think you need to get these feelings out, Wolfgang, otherwise they will eat away at you. Could you try writing things down?’

Wolfgang shook his head. ‘I’m more of an action person.’

‘It doesn’t matter how you get the feelings out, as long as you do and it’s safe. Your cluster will help you.’ She smiled. ‘From what I hear, they have quite an array of skills between them.’

He grinned. ‘They do.’ He drew in a deep breath. ‘Okay, I’ll try and get them out somehow.’ He looked at her. ‘I don’t mind if you don’t take a blocker next time. It might be easier to explain some things.’

Corinne nodded. ‘If that’s what you want.’ She sat back. ‘How are things with Rajan and Kala?’

‘I want… I want to be normal with them but it’s hard for them. Kala can feel so much of what’s going on inside me that it makes her nervous. She’s careful around me and I don’t want her to be. I just want it to be normal. Rajan’s better about that, I suppose because he can’t feel what’s going on. He hasn’t seen my nightmares either. But … I know I could trust him with them if I needed to talk.’

‘It sounds like you love them both a lot.’

He nodded. ‘I do. I haven’t told Rajan yet. I should really, but it’s frightening.’

‘It’s always frightening to let ourselves be vulnerable emotionally. And it’s different with a Sapien lover, because we can hide from them.’ She smiled. ‘But it’s so much more rewarding when we do show ourselves to them. It’s worth feeling vulnerable.’

She was right, he knew that. It didn’t stop it being frightening. He looked up at her. ‘I’m still having nightmares. I told Will last night, they’re all about the same thing really.’

‘Do you want to tell me about it?’

Wolfgang shook his head and was silent for another moment, trying to find the words he needed. ‘Do you think if I let you see what happened, I might be able to stop dreaming it all the time?’

She hesitated, appearing to be choosing her words carefully. ‘I think if you allow yourself to remember this traumatic event in full, that might be the first step in dealing with it. Instead of pushing it from you, trying to make it go away, you need to examine it in the cold light of day and face it. Only then can you deal with it.’

‘It’s …’ He raised his eyes to the ceiling. ‘It’s the hardest fucking thing in the world.’

‘It is,’ she said, kindly. ‘But that doesn’t mean you can’t do it.’

He looked at her eyes and saw compassion there that reminded him of Riley. She smiled at him. ‘We’ll do it together, all right?’

He nodded. ‘Next time. I guess in the meantime, I can work out with Sun and fight with Will to get my anger out.’ He laughed. ‘Kala will probably try to get me to meditate with her.’

‘That might not be a bad idea.’

‘Heh, well as long as she doesn’t try to get me to pray with her.’ He stood up. ‘I’m going to go now. See you next time.’

She smiled. ‘Next time. You’ve done good work today, Wolfgang.’

He shrugged but he was pleased as he headed out. He felt pretty good, calm and in control. He could do this. 


	37. Chapter 37

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Forgive my high school French. It's supposed to mean 'My angel, a pleasure to see you, as always.' and 'My rival, we meet again'

Wolfgang got home to Rajan, Kala, Riley and Will all chatting animatedly. They stopped when he came in. He waved his hand at them.

‘Don’t stop because of me,’ he said, taking of his jacket and shoes.

Rajan smiled at him. ‘You look tired again. Maybe you should go and have a lie down.’

Wolfgang returned the smile. ‘That’s a good idea.’ He went over to where Rajan and Kala were sitting on the sofa. He lay down, with his head in Rajan’s lap. Kala, on the other side of Rajan, ran her fingers through his hair comfortingly. Rajan’s hand rested on his bare arm. His touch was warm and gentle.

‘We were just talking about going out tonight,’ said Riley. He felt her smile. ‘I’ve got a show. Will you come?’

‘I’ll come. I could do with blowing off some steam.’

‘Then you should sleep now,’ said Rajan.

Wolfgang smirked. ‘I’m going to, right here.’

Rajan laughed. ‘Then how am I going to cook dinner?’

‘I’ll do it,’ said Will. ‘You’re putting us up. We might as well do something for you.’

‘You’re doing plenty for us,’ said Kala.

‘I’ll get started,’ Will said, heading over to the kitchen.

Wolfgang stayed where he was, closing his eyes and listening to the chatter around him. It wasn’t long before he sank into the warm release of sleep.

Late that night, after Wolfgang had napped and they’d all eaten and chatted for a good while afterwards, they headed out to Georges’ club. Wolfgang had gone for his traditional black, something he felt comfortable in. He felt Rajan eyeing him up as they made their way in.

‘Like what you see?’ he asked, wiggling his denim-clad backside.

Rajan grinned at him, reaching out to pat him. ‘Always.’

‘Always flirting, you two,’ Kala said, slipping her hand through Wolfgang’s and grinning. She was looking gorgeous in a short red and black dress. Rajan had co-ordinated rather well, in black trousers and a red shirt. Riley and Will were also well co-ordinated, both wearing black and white. Was that something couples did? Or triads? Is that what they were? A triad? It was as good a word as any.

He’d been to this club before. It was where his cluster had arranged the exchange. Him for Whispers. They’d risked so much for him. He still couldn’t believe they’d gone to all that trouble. For him.

Rajan put his arm around his shoulders. ‘Is Riley going to play some good dancing music?’ he asked, in Wolfgang’s ear.

Wolfgang grinned back at him. ‘She always does.’

There was some pretty standard dance music playing over the speakers but there were plenty of people in. Riley would soon get them dancing enthusiastically.

Georges approached and greeted Riley with a kiss. ‘Mon ange, un plaisir de te revoir comme toujoirs.’ She smiled at Will. ‘Mon rival, on se revoit.’

Riley smiled widely. ‘I’m glad to be doing a show here instead of a rescue mission.’

‘So am I,’ said Wolfgang. ‘Thank you, for helping us.’

She smiled and shrugged. ‘Vive la résistance.’ She took Riley off with her, towards the stage.

Will watched her go and Wolfgang felt a mix of jealousy and arousal from him and he grinned. He draped his arm across his shoulders.

‘She chose you, remember?’

‘Yeah,’ said Will. ‘How did that happen?’

‘Heh, tell me about it,’ Wolfgang said, glancing back at Kala and Rajan. How had that happened? Not only Kala, but Rajan too. They had both chosen him.

Riley stepped up onto the stage as Georges announced her. There was a loud cheer as most people recognised her. As she put her headphones on and started her first track, she was also beside Will, joining in the dancing. On stage, she was demure, almost shy and focused completely on her work. In amongst the dancers, she was wild, moving with abandon against Will.

Wolfgang focused on his own partners as they danced and he grinned as he remembered their last date. What a night that had been. Now, as then, the music got inside him, making him move without thought. Rajan and Kala moved with him, following his lead.

He laughed as the track changed to Katy Perry. If he didn’t know Riley so well, he’d have said it wasn’t her style but he knew there was no music she dismissed. She loved it all, equally.

Do you ever feel like a plastic bag  
Drifting thought the wind  
Wanting to start again

He bounced to the music, letting his body do the work instead of his mind for a change. In the flashing blue and red lights, he could see only glimpses of Rajan and Kala’s laughing faces as they jumped about and danced with him. Nearby, he could feel Will’s happiness and pride in Riley as he danced too. To anyone else, he looked alone but Riley was dancing with him and he had eyes for no one ese.

Baby you're a firework  
Come on let your colors burst  
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"  
You're gonna leave 'em fallin' down down down  
Boom, boom, boom  
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon  
Boom, boom, boom  
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon

The next song was slower. Wolfgang stopped jumping and instead reached out for Kala and Rajan and pulled them both close to him. He smiled as he recognised the song. He glanced at Riley, who winked at him.

The cars all stop where they are  
When you take my hand, there is no time  
Every moment that passes by with you  
I wish I could rewind

It was the song the three of them had danced to on that second date, before they’d gone home and made love. The song they’d danced to before he’d let them in. They were in now. They had him, no matter how he tried to resist. He was theirs.

And doesn't the night go slow?  
When we are here alone  
Something inside you shows  
Doesn't the night go slow?

The music shifted again, another love song, a little faster than the one before, plenty to move to. The triad pulled back a little from each other to move to the faster music. Wolfgang’s attention diverted slightly from his lovers as he looked across at Will and Riley. This song was just for Will.

And now your song is on repeat  
And I'm dancin' on to your heartbeat  
And when you're gone, I feel incomplete  
So if you want the truth

I just wanna be part of your symphony  
Will you hold me tight and not let go?  
Symphony  
Like a love song on the radio  
Will you hold me tight and not let go?

Riley’s hand brushed through Will’s hair, then down, over the nape of his neck, then sliding round to cup his jaw and stroke his cheek, before she kissed him, deep and slow.

Wolfgang closed his eyes as he felt the love they shared wash over him too. It was a pure love, free of complications. They trusted each other totally, hiding nothing. He wanted that. He looked back at Kala and Rajan, who slid their arms around his waist, pulling him to them. He was building this. They were building it together.

I just wanna be part of your symphony  
Will you hold me tight and not let go?  
Symphony  
Like a love song on the radio  
Symphony  
Will you hold me tight and not let go?  
Symphony  
Like a love song on the radio  
Will you hold me tight and not let go?

This was what he needed, to just dance and forget fucking everything. He needed this normality of just being to able to move and dance with people he loved. He needed this moment of nothing but fun and laughter and movement and music.

Made a wrong turn, once or twice  
Dug my way out, blood and fire  
Bad decisions, that's alright  
Welcome to my silly life

This was a popular song and a few more people crammed onto the crowded dancefloor. It was the sort of song his father would have called him queer for listening to.

You're so mean, when you talk, about yourself you were wrong  
Change the voices in your head, make them like you instead  
So complicated, look how big, you'll make it  
Filled with so much hatred, such a tired game  
It's enough! I've done all I can think of  
Chased down all my demons, I've seen you do the same

He didn’t give a fuck. He was queer and he was fucking proud of it. He looked around and the whole cluster was with him, moving with him and shouting along to the music. He was proud of them, proud to be one of them. He loved them, every single one of them. And he knew they were with him. They all had their own demons but not one of them had to face them alone.

Oh, pretty, pretty please, don't you ever, ever feel  
Like you're less than fuckin' perfect  
Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel like you're nothing  
You're fuckin' perfect to me

He wasn’t perfect but he was good enough for them. They loved him for who he was. He was one of them and that was one thing he couldn’t fuck up.

Rajan put his arm around him, then Kala did too. Then Will. Then the whole cluster was there, dancing with him and holding him. They wouldn’t let him face this alone. When had they ever let him face anything alone? Even when he hadn’t asked them, they had been there. He wasn’t alone anymore. He was loved.


	38. Chapter 38

Wolfgang jerked awake, panting and shaking. His stomach flipped and he scrambled out from between Kala and Rajan and ran to the bathroom. He threw up in the toilet.

Afterwards, he washed his face and cleaned his teeth. He was still shaking. Will appeared and rubbed his back.

‘All right?’

Wolfgang nodded. ‘Yeah.’ He looked into Will’s eyes in the mirror. ‘I’m all right. I’m going back to bed now.’

Will gave him a smile, then was gone.

Wolfgang returned to bed. Kala had rolled over into Wolfgang’s space in the middle so he got in on her side and spooned up against her. She murmured softly and he closed his eyes to go back to sleep.

_Sad blue gaze, a growing pool of blood._

His eyes flew open again and he groaned as he felt himself start to shake again. His stomach churned. He felt a slender hand grasp his in a firm grip and pull him to his feet in one movement. Sun. She looked at him with a somewhat hard expression but there was understanding in her dark eyes.

‘Come with me,’ she said and there was no room for argument in her voice. He pulled on some joggers and a t-shirt and followed her in silence.

She led him up to the roof. It was dawn, and the air was clear and fresh. The city lay before them and they could see the Eiffel Tower, clear and ever present in the morning air.

Sun didn’t speak, just stood in a starting position and looked at him, waiting for him to do the same. It wasn’t his usual working out or fighting style but he copied her position. He could feel her calm as she worked through the positions and he followed her movements, trying to copy her breathing.

But his was still ragged.

‘Deep breaths,’ she said, meeting his eyes and sending him calm.

He let it wash over him. She had anger inside her but she also had the strength to control it. He needed that. He could do that.

He felt his breathing slow down and his pulse calm. Her calm washed over him in gentle waves and he took it deep inside himself. The nightmare faded away and he was in control.

Afterwards, they sat on the rooftop and smoked a cigarette each. It was mid-afternoon for her and she was in a park, sitting on a bench. He looked around her. There was a lot of green here and he could hear running water nearby. He missed the water. He used to go swimming every day in Berlin.

‘They have swimming pools in Paris,’ said Sun.

He took a drag on his cigarette, then watched the smoke billow away in front of him.

‘I’ll go,’ he said. ‘It relaxes me.’

She nodded. ‘We all need that.’

There was silence between them for a few moments. It was easy to just be with her without talking. There was no pressure to make conversation. It made it easier to say things that needed to be said.

‘It’s hard to ask for help,’ he said, looking down at his bare feet.

He could feel her looking at him. Then she spoke in her simple, direct way. ‘You do not need to ask us.’

He looked up at her and met her eyes. An understanding passed between them. In some ways, they were the same. Neither of them were used to needing help. They had been used to looking after themselves for a long time now. But things were different now and they weren’t alone. They had seven other selves to lean on. He was learning how to do that.

He stood up, took a last drag on his cigarette and stubbed it out. ‘We should do this again.’

‘Whenever you need,’ she said, inclining her head. Then she was gone and he was alone again.

He looked out at the lightening sky and felt a peace in his heart he definitely wasn’t used to. He headed back downstairs and sneaked back into bed with Kala and Rajan, snuggling in with them until it was time to get up again.

Kala woke to find herself sandwiched between her two lovers. She grinned to herself. What a way to wake up. Rajan was behind her, his body warm through his pyjamas. Wolfgang was facing her, still asleep. He was wearing boxers and a t-shirt, which he hadn’t been when they’d gone to bed. A pair of jogging pants lay abandoned on the floor near the bed. So, Wolfgang had been awake already. Maybe he’d gone out to the balcony to smoke.

But he was sleeping peacefully now. She gazed at him, examining his face. He looked so young when he was sleeping. The little frown so often furrowing his brow smoothed out completely.

She could feel him too. He felt calm and peaceful. She smiled as the feelings washed over her. It was good to feel him like that.

As if sensing her attention on him, his eyes opened. He gazed at her for a moment, his blue eyes bleary with sleep. He blinked a few times, then smiled.

‘Morning,’ he said, his accent thick with sleep.

‘Good morning,’ she said, returning his smile. She felt such a rush of love. It overcame her and she couldn’t tell which was hers and which was his. But it didn’t matter.

He kissed her, softly and sweetly. He wasn’t one for saying how he felt but he showed her, every single day, he showed her. He cupped her cheek and the kiss grew more intense. She reached for him, sliding her arm around his waist and pulling him closer. She could feel his heat.

She slipped her hand up beneath his t-shirt and felt the warmth of his skin. Her fingers played teasingly over the dip of his waist, then over his tight stomach muscles. He moaned softly against her. She pulled his t-shirt up and over his head, regretting that they had to break the kiss to do so. He was eager and, once he was bare chested, he came back to her, pressing into her so he was slightly on top.

She gazed up at him, running her fingers through his hair, smoothing over his temples, then down to his strong arms. She loved his arms, the soft skin, the muscle. He was so strong, and she loved the way she felt when he held her.

He kissed her, more intensely and passionately than before. If there was one word that could describe Wolfgang, it was ‘intense’. He seemed to do everything like that. He loved her intensely. He made love intensely.

His hand caressed her side through her silk nightdress. She wanted to feel his skin against hers. He understood this and he pulled back from the kiss to undress them both fully. Now naked, they lay together touching and caressing, focusing on nothing but the feel of each other with nothing between them.

Then he nudged his knee between her leg and pushed himself against her. He was hard and his breath was coming heavily. Her hand settled on the nape of his neck and she looked into his eyes. They were dark with arousal.

‘I want you,’ she murmured.

In response, he kissed her, shifting slightly to get in the right position. He broke off the kiss, focused, and slid inside her in one movement. She gasped as he filled her and she let her pleasure and his wash over her. His gaze was on her alone and she relished his focus.

She didn’t need to tell him to start moving. He knew. Supporting himself with one hand and burying his other in her hair, he began to move. Pleasure and love mingled together and enveloped them both. There was nothing else but each other and the sensations of their lovemaking.

They kept their eyes on each other through every moment, sharing every moment of each other’s pleasure as well as their own. Their connection was a miracle and she couldn’t be without it now.

He was inside her, all around her, with her. She wrapped her legs tightly around her, pulling him in. He was deep inside her, staying so close as he moved. Her pleasure rocked her, making her whole body tingle and jolt. He didn’t stop, he carried her through her orgasm, kissing her and swallowing the cries that spilled from her body.

A moment later, he let out a soft cry and she wrapped her arms around his neck as he came. He collapsed into her, panting and shaking. She kissed his temple and smoothed her fingers through his soft hair. They didn’t need to tell each they loved each other. They could feel it every moment.

‘What a sight you two are,’ murmured Rajan beside them, his voice full of awe.

Wolfgang, his eyes closed and his head resting on Kala’s shoulder, reached out and pulled Rajan to him. He grinned at Rajan then kissed his lips softly.

‘Sorry you didn’t get to join in.’

Rajan shrugged. ‘We all need one on one time. Besides, I very much enjoyed witnessing those last few moments. You two are hot to watch.’

Wolfgang smirked and Kala put her other arm around Rajan. She held her boys close and knew there was no better feeling in the world than being with them. Then, as the two men exchanged a lazy kiss, she wondered what it would be like to just watch the two of them together. She blushed and squirmed a little as she imagined it. Oh, yes, that was something they would have to do.


	39. Chapter 39

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was productive while the archive was down!   
> This chapter has Wolfgang's most intense therapy session and as such contains a flashback of physical and sexual abuse, and some homophobia. It might be triggery so proceed with caution.

Wolfgang walked back and forth outside the now-familiar grey building. He was finishing his third cigarette of the morning already and as soon as he finished it, he lit another one. He had to go inside soon. He had to face it, let Corinne see it. This was the start.

He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t make himself walk inside. He’d been running from it for too long.

His leg twitched and he wanted to run away. He sat down on a nearby wall and took a deep drag on his cigarette. He stared blankly ahead, not seeing what was in front of him. His mind wanted to take him back but he didn’t want to see it. He wanted to be better but he didn’t know if he could get through what he needed to do to get that.

He felt someone with him, a quiet, supportive presence beside him. He didn’t look at her, just kept smoking and staring ahead, because he knew she was here to get him to go inside.

‘Nobody’s going to make you do this,’ said Nomi, gently.

He glanced at her. ‘Isn’t that why you’re here?’

She smiled at him. ‘I think we all know you well enough to know that nobody can make you do anything.’

‘Huh,’ scoffed Wolfgang. ‘Tell that to Mom.’

She chuckled gently. ‘Will has his own issues. He means well.’

Wolfgang nodded, taking another drag. ‘I don’t blame him for getting frustrated. I’m a stubborn fucker.’

She smiled, gently. ‘You are. And I know you want to get better. So, why aren’t we going in there?’

He stared ahead, smoking, for a few minutes then sent half a glance her way, not meeting her compassionate blue eyes. ‘It’s hard. I’m not sure I can do it.’

She considered him in silence for a long moment before she spoke again. ‘I never thought of myself as brave, not like you and Will and Sun. I can’t fight with my fists or use a gun. But … sometimes life requires a different sort of bravery, a different sort of fight. That’s what you’re up against now.’

He looked at her again. Her eyes were wet and he marvelled at how easy it was for his cluster to shed tears for him when he couldn’t do that for himself.

‘Nobody is going to _make_ you face this but we’re all here to support you while you do. Like you help us use our fists, we can help you in this fight.’

He stubbed out his cigarette and took a deep breath. ‘I just wanna skip to the end of this shit.’

She chuckled gently. ‘That’s what I thought at the beginning of my transition. All these things needed to happen before I could be who I was meant to be, but each thing was more frightening than the thing before. I wanted to skip to the end but I couldn’t. This is the same.’

He turned to look properly at her, giving her his full attention. She deserved that, because she _was_ brave. To have defied the whole of society and her family to get what she wanted, what she _needed_ , to be who she was, that was the bravest fucking thing he could think of.

‘You have to go through it and when you come out the other side, you will be stronger.’ She smiled. ‘And we’ll be there if you need us.’

‘I do need you,’ he said.

She reached out and took his hand. ‘Then we’ll be here.’

He stood up. ‘It’s time to go in.’ He glanced back at her. ‘You are brave, Nomi.’ He looked ahead at the front door. ‘I need to borrow some right now.’

He felt her smile and then a little push of her bravery sent him inside. 

‘Deep breaths, in, out, in out.’

Corinne’s voice was soft and soothing as she took him into a deeply relaxed state. ‘Go back, into your memory. Show me where you are, show me what happened.’

It was as if he were watching a movie with Felix, but the pictures on the screen did not show Conon the Barbarian. He saw himself, not long after his thirteenth birthday. He was shocked by how skinny he looked. But he was smiling. He was in a park near his house, sharing a cigarette with the boy who lived next door.

_‘Hey Friedrich, gimme another drag,’ he says._

_Friedrich is all dark eyes and blond hair. He has just one dimple on his left cheek. His eyes are rich and warm as he passes the cigarette over. Wolfgang takes it and their fingers brush. A charge goes through him and Friedrich grins at him._

_‘It’s good, isn’t it? I stole them from my dad.’_

_Wolfgang nods. ‘They’re good.’ He takes a drag and glances at Friedrich. He finds him watching him._

_Friedrich smiles at him, showing him his dimple. ‘You’re pretty.’_

_Wolfgang grins back at him. ‘So are you.’ He hesitates, then stubs out the cigarette and leans in. Friedrich’s mouth meets his halfway and Wolfgang cups his soft cheek as they share a kiss._

_They part and smile at each other. Wolfgang loves the way Friedrich’s eyes sparkle at him. He wants to kiss him again._

_A hand grabs his shoulder, yanking him back with a sharp jerk on his t-shirt. Half-choking on his collar, he looks up and sees his father’s red face._

_‘I knew you were a fucking little bitch.’_

_He catches a glimpse of Friedrich’s startled face before he is dragged away._

Wolfgang shuddered and the screen in his mind flicked until he could no longer see the picture. He could feel himself shaking.

‘I can’t,’ he gasped. ‘I can’t.’

He felt Corinne with him, all warmth and comfort and safety. ‘I’m here with you,’ she said. ‘You can do this. You’re safe here.’

He covered his face with his hands. ‘I don’t want to see it. I can’t.’

‘Your mind will bring it back to you wherever you try to run. You need to face this. Take a slow, deep breath for me.’

He drew in a deep breath, trying to let it calm him.

‘That’s it,’ murmured Corinne. ‘In and out. In and out.’

He closed his eyes, focusing on nothing but his breathing and the sound of her voice.

‘Show me the screen again, Wolfgang. Show me what happened next.’

He doesn’t want to but the screen flickers in front of his eyes and the movie is playing again.

_He is thrown inside the house and lands on the tiled floor of the hall. He feels pain, then the drip of warm blood from his nose. The front door bangs shut behind them. He is grabbed again, his t-shirt tearing as he is lifted off the ground by it._

_‘_ My _son, my_ fucking _son?’_

_Wolfgang tries to speak, tries to explain but he can’t. He can’t even breathe._

‘Deep breaths, in and out, in and out. I’m with you.’ Corinne held his hand as they watched the scene unfolding. He could see it, like a movie, but he could feel it too, like it was happening all over again.

_Anton slams him down onto the living room floor. The friction against the carpet burns his cheek. A hard punch to his rib winds him and he gasps into the floor._

_He clenches his body, ready to take the beating he knows is coming. Maybe he will kill him. Maybe he’ll end up like mama. There is nothing he can do to stop it happening. All he can do is try to survive it._

_His arms are grabbed and jerked behind his back. The pain shoots through him and his shoulders burn. The pressure of his father’s heavy body forces the air from his lungs and cracks his body._

_His chest is tight with pressure and he cannot grab a breath. His father’s broad, dirty face twists in anger as it presses close to his, spitting as he hisses at him._

_‘You fucking little queer. Is this what you want?’_

_The stink of alcohol chokes him and he recoils, struggling. But he cannot get free._

_His clothes are ripped from his body and he is helpless beneath his father’s strength. He is weak and he cannot fight._

_The pain is almost more than he can take but not enough because he is still conscious, still living. He is still here._

_'Little faggot, you’re not a man. If you were a man, you’d kill me.’_

_Wolfgang squeezes his eyes shut but it does not take him away. He sees his mama, her blue eyes wet with tears for him. But she isn’t there. She cannot save him._

_He feels the wetness of blood on his thighs and he lets his body go limp._

_Nobody can save him._

He came back to himself sobbing and shaking. He couldn’t catch his breath, but Corinne was with him. She sent him warmth and comfort and safety. He was safe. There was nothing that could harm him here.

He found a breath, then let it out slowly. Then he took another one and it was easier. He thought of Sun, of how she would breathe, and copied it. His face was wet; he wiped his cheeks with his sleeve.

Corinne’s voice came to him from the darkness. ‘You have seen it, you’ve faced it. It can’t hurt you anymore, Wolfgang.’

‘I’m not that little boy anymore. I’m strong. I’ve killed people. I’ve protected the people I love. The kid that I was feels so far away but it stills hurts.’

‘You have been hurt, Wolfgang, as bad as anyone can be hurt. You have to heal from that.’

‘How can I do that? And how long is it going to take?’

She smiled gently. ‘It can take years. There is no quick fix.’

He huffed. ‘I was afraid you were going to say that.’ He sat up. ‘How do I start?’

‘You’ve made a good start. You need to keep coming to me and we’ll keep talking about it. Have you thought about sharing with your cluster or telling Rajan about what happened? If you can talk about it with them, that might help.’

Wolfgang considered that in silence. It was frightening. But he had to be brave now. It was time to stop being afraid. He wasn’t that little boy anymore. He was a man.


	40. Chapter 40

‘It’s important that you’re not alone now,’ Corinne had said as Wolfgang had left. ‘You need your cluster with you now.’

He walked home but he wasn’t alone. Every member of his cluster walked with him. He hadn’t needed to ask them, just allow them to help. They didn’t speak and he didn’t know how much they had seen. It didn’t matter. They were there for him no matter what.

He could hear music and he knew it was Riley. She always had a song for the occasion. He’d never known someone who had so much music in their heads, whose thoughts were so entwined with the rhythm of music and the poetry of lyrics. The music ran through her blood and she shared it with all of them.

I'm only one call away  
I'll be there to save the day  
Superman got nothing on me  
I'm only one call away

Call me, baby, if you need a friend  
I just wanna give you love  
Come on, come on, come on  
Reaching out to you, so take a chance

No matter where you go  
You know you're not alone

He smiled as he felt the message of the song. They were all there. All at once, he knew they knew but it didn’t seem to matter. They had seen him at his worst and they still loved him. He wasn’t alone.

He was tired and he felt like he’d been in the longest fight of his life. His body ached and his mind felt numb. He was exhausted but his work wasn’t done for the day. When he got home, he had to talk to Rajan.

When he got home, Will and Rajan were cooking whilst Riley and Kala were in the living area talking in low voices. Everybody stopped what they were doing and looked anxiously at him when he came in.

Wolfgang went directly to Rajan and took his hand. ‘I need to talk to you.’

Rajan’s expression was bewildered but he followed Wolfgang without argument. Wolfgang tried not to think ahead, just focused on leading Rajan to the bedroom.

‘What is it, Wolfgang?’ Rajan asked, as he shut the bedroom door behind them.

Wolfgang sat on the edge of the bed and tugged Rajan down beside him. ‘I need to tell you because Kala and the rest of the cluster know and you’re … you’re just as important to me as they are,’ he said, meeting Rajan’s eyes to show him that he was serious.

Rajan nodded slowly, his cheeks darkening with a slight blush. ‘You can tell me anything.’

Wolfgang looked down at their linked hands. ‘It’s … it’s not easy to say it.’

‘Take your time,’ Rajan said, his voice so tender that Wolfgang felt a rush of love for him.

He took a deep breath. ‘I’ve told you before that … my father was not a nice man.’

‘I think I know you well enough to say that that’s probably quite an understatement. I know your nightmares are about him.’

Wolfgang nodded. He glanced at Rajan, to find his lover watching him with love in his eyes. He looked down again, holding his hand tightly. ‘I need you to just listen while I tell you.’

‘I can do that. I can do whatever you need.’

Wolfgang nodded again, then took a deep breath. He kept his eyes focused on Rajan’s hand in his and the warmth of their thighs touching.

‘My father was a violent drunk. He … beat and raped my mother.’

He felt rather than heard Rajan’s intake of breath. He kept going, not thinking, just speaking.

‘She tried to protect me from him but after he killed her, there was no protection for me. The beatings got worse. For anything, or for nothing, cause he was mad, cause he was drunk, cause he fucking enjoyed it.’

Rajan rubbed his thumb over his palm but obediently kept quiet. There was still time to turn back, just leave it at that. It was the truth and painful, but less painful. Easier to deal with.

But no. This man loved him and he deserved the whole truth.

He closed his eyes and focused on keeping his breathing slow and steady. ‘One day he caught me kissing the boy next door. He was angry and he dragged me home. He … hit me, then … he raped me.’

The silence hung around the words for a terrible long moment. He couldn’t look up, couldn’t see the disgust in Rajan’s eyes, the disgust he felt with himself. He let go of his hand.

The next thing he knew, Rajan’s arms were around him and he was pulling him close into an embrace. ‘I love you,’ he murmured.

Wolfgang pressed his face to the warmth of Rajan’s shoulder and let out a long, shaky breath. There was no disgust in Rajan’s voice, only love and tenderness in the way he held him. He kissed Wolfgang’s cheek and stroked his hair as he held him.

Later, Wolfgang woke to find himself in bed with the blanket tucked in around him. He could feel he wasn’t alone. He still felt weary, and a bit out of it but he wasn’t shaking and he felt calm.

‘Feeling better?’ asked Rajan.

Wolfgang looked up to see Rajan sitting on the chair near the bed. ‘Yeah. I don’t … remember going to sleep.’

‘Mmm, you kinda passed out on me. But Kala said you were exhausted. Tough session?’

Wolfgang turned his face into the pillow. ‘The worst.’

Rajan reached out and laid a warm hand on his back. ‘It’ll get easier.’

Wolfgang glanced at him. ‘I didn’t imagine that I told you, did I?’

‘No, you didn’t imagine it. It doesn’t change who you are. Not to me, anyway.’

‘It doesn’t?’

Rajan shook his head. ‘Not a bit. I still think you’re strong, smart, brave, beautiful …’ He smiled. ‘And Kala was right, there is something so good inside you, something nobody can destroy. You have to hold onto who you are and how loved you are, to get through this.’

Wolfgang sat up and reached for Rajan’s hand. ‘I don’t deserve you, Raj, or Kala.’

‘Yes, you do,’ said Rajan. He brought Wolfgang’s hand to his mouth and kissed it gently. ‘You deserve all the love in the world. And I promise you that I’ll be here, loving you, no matter what. You’re going to be okay.’

Wolfgang gazed in wonder at this man, this ordinary human being who had this beautiful soul, this heart that loved Kala so completely and passionately, yet had expanded to love him just as much. How was this possible?

He couldn’t say anything. He just pulled Rajan close and hugged him tightly.

Rajan held him back for a moment, then pulled back. ‘Dinner should be ready by now. Come on, I bet you’re starving.’

Wolfgang hadn’t realised just how hungry he was so he didn’t argue, just allowed Rajan to pull him to his feet and lead him from the room.


	41. Chapter 41

Wolfgang didn’t say much at dinner, just ate and watched the others. They chatted normally between them and he tried to sink into the normality of things. Rajan was next to him and Wolfgang glanced at him. Was it different now? How could it not be, now he knew?

Rajan found his hand under the table and squeezed it. His warmth was a comfort. He looked across at Kala, who was on the other side of Rajan and she looked back at him. Her eyes were wet and she blinked away her tears as their gazes met. She gave him a gentle smile and he felt a rush of warmth and love from her. He could feel no disgust in her either, only compassion, empathy and love. Maybe he hadn’t fucked this up. Maybe he could have this. Maybe they could make a go of it.

He glanced at Will and Riley and felt their compassion and understanding. They both had their traumas too and they did understand. He could feel it. Will gave him a smile that communicated his pride as well as his love.

He still felt tired but he felt calm, almost cleansed. He’d faced it and he was still there. He’d survived. He was strong. There was more work to do though, more pain to deal with. But he had to keep going and it would get easier.

That night, in bed with his lovers, he reached for them. He was tired but he needed that closeness. They seemed to know what he needed. On either side of him, they pushed him gently down on the bed and kissed him, softly and gently on his mouth, one at a time. He closed his eyes, just to feel the warmth of his lovers.

They undressed him and each other slowly and there was nothing between them, nothing separating them from each other. Rajan held him tightly, kissing his neck and shoulders as Kala smoothed her hand across his chest and stomach, her fingertips light and soft on his skin.

He murmured in pleasure and turned to meet Rajan’s mouth in a kiss. He opened his eyes and looked into Rajan’s face, into those dark eyes were full of warmth and love. ‘I want you,’ he said. ‘I want you inside me.’

Rajan pulled back, startled and worried. ‘I don’t want to hurt you.’

Kala sat up and watched them.

Wolfgang reached out and touched Rajan’s cheek gently. ‘You won’t hurt me. I’ve done it before. It feels good.’

‘But … I wouldn’t want to remind you of what happened when you were a kid.’

Wolfgang shook his head, sitting up and cupping Rajan’s cheek. ‘This is _nothing_ like that. That was violence. This would be sex, pleasure … love.’ He glanced at Kala. ‘Tell him, Kala. You can feel what I want, can’t you?’

She gave him a soft smile and touched his arm. ‘I can.’ She looked at Rajan. ‘This is what he needs, if … if it’s something you want to do.’

Rajan smiled. ‘I want to do everything with you, except _ever_ hurt you.’

Wolfgang reached for him and pulled him into a searing kiss. ‘I know,’ he murmured against his mouth. ‘You would never hurt me.’

Rajan kissed him back. Wolfgang pulled him to him and they were lying back on the bed again, kissing passionately. Kala lay behind him, running her hand over the dip of his waist, then down over his hip bone. Rajan lay his hand on his thigh, his touch warm and solid.

‘You’re sure?’ he whispered.

Wolfgang looked back at him. ‘Absolutely.’ He reached past Rajan and into the bedside drawer. He pressed the bottle of lube into his hand. ‘Do you know what to do?’

Rajan cleared his throat. ‘I’ve never done it but … I’ve read about it.’

Wolfgang smiled. Typical of Rajan to have researched it. ‘The main thing is not to rush it.’

Rajan nodded, his face serious. Kala laughed gently, reaching out and stroking his cheek. ‘Relax, Rajan, this is supposed to be fun.’

Wolfgang grinned. ‘It will be.’ He turned into her, cupping her waist. Her skin was so soft and warm under his touch. He kissed her and she moved against him. He could feel her arousal washing over him, mixing with his own. He wondered if she could feel how his nerves and excitement mixed together in his stomach.

He was hard and, through her, he could feel his cock against her thigh. He smiled as he realised how much she enjoyed that feeling. Her arousal thrummed through his body, making his breathing come heavier as it mixed with his own. Rajan’s hand joined hers on his hip, just as gentle and he felt utterly safe and cherished between his two lovers. He felt loved.

Rajan’s hand moved over his buttocks, squeezing gently. Wolfgang could feel his nervousness and he pushed back into him, trying to encourage him. Rajan’s caress became more confident, then he pulled his hand away. The next moment, his lubed fingers were probing gently, then pushing inside. Wolfgang broke off from kissing Kala and put his cheek against hers to focus on the sensations Rajan’s gentle touch was creating inside him. Kala’s clever fingers trailed along his thigh and her body moved against his, creating a burning heat of arousal between their bodies.

More fingers joined the first and Wolfgang found himself moaning softly in pleasure. He felt Kala’s arousal spike as she listened to him and she claimed his mouth in a kiss that took his murmurs of pleasure right into her body.

He was ready but he couldn’t find the words to tell Rajan. The only sound that came from his mouth was that low hum of pleasure. But Kala knew.

She broke off from kissing his neck, then he could feel her searching his face. She stroked his cheek, then looked to Rajan.

‘He’s ready. He’s _so_ ready.’

Rajan took a breath and the fingers withdrew. Wolfgang heard himself whimper at the loss. Rajan settled into place behind him and Wolfgang could feel the heat of his cock against his buttocks. One hand settled on his hip, while the other, achingly slowly, guided himself inside.

As Rajan slid home, Wolfgang let out a gasp, reaching for his hand and gripping it tightly.

‘All right?’ Rajan asked.

Wolfgang nodded. ‘Wait, just wait. It’s been a while.’

Rajan stayed still and Wolfgang could feel him exchanging glances with Kala. He looked at her and found her watching him. Her cheeks had darkened with pleasure and he could feel her arousal washing over him in waves.

He smiled at her. ‘You like watching this, don’t you?’

She smiled widely. ‘I love it. I love watching you give each other pleasure.’

Rajan dropped a kiss on his shoulder. ‘Ready?’

‘Fuck, yes,’ Wolfgang gasped.

Rajan laughed then began to move. Wolfgang cried out as those familiar sparks of pleasure pulsed through his body. It had been a long time but it was more intense than he remembered. He held Rajan’s hand tightly.

Kala moved against him, sharing her arousal with him as the heat overtook their bodies. The three of them fell into an easy rhythm, moving as one. There was nothing but their triad, cocooned in each other.

Kala’s body was trembling as she moved against him and he felt his cock twitching against her belly. Rajan’s breath was heavy on his shoulder as his cock created pleasure deep inside him. Kala grasped their hands and they were as one, their own cluster of three in that moment.

He couldn’t hold on any longer. His mouth met Kala’s and he cried into her mouth as his orgasm shuddered through his body. She was coming too, quivering against him. He held her and felt her pleasure rock him a second time. Rajan came with a groan that he buried in the nape of Wolfgang’s neck.

They fell back onto the pillows together. Wolfgang kissed Kala lazily, then turned his head to kiss Rajan as well.

‘Thank you,’ he murmured.

Rajan rubbed his thumb over his hip and kissed his shoulder. ‘Thank you for trusting me.’ 

Kala stretched her arm around their waists. ‘That was hot,’ she murmured. ‘Watching you two.’

Wolfgang grinned at her. ‘You did a little more than watch.’

She grinned sheepishly. ‘I couldn’t help myself.’

He laughed. ‘Never hold back on our account.’ He kissed her. ‘I needed both of you.’ He ran his fingers over her cheek. ‘You gave me what I needed.’

She just smiled back at him.

Rajan cleared his throat. ‘I think we should have a shower before we go to sleep.’

Wolfgang yawned and stretched. ‘It had better be a quick one, before I fall asleep.’

They showered quickly, then returned to bed. Again, Wolfgang found himself cocooned between his two lovers. Kala settled with her head against his chest and he put her arms around her. Rajan wrapped his arms around them both. Feeling safe, soothed and satisfied, he found his eyes drifting closed and he sank into sleep surrounded by his lovers.


	42. Chapter 42

_He is in Berlin, just walking alone. The stones of the memorial tower above him, creating a secret path for him to walk down. He has been here before, to make the biggest decision of his life. He has faced his demons here before._

_He is not alone._

_Someone is walking with him, a few steps behind him. He doesn’t look back at her. He cannot look back at her._

_He can hear her breathing. At first it is calm, then it gets harsher, then ragged. He can hear her crying._

_He looks down at the paved ground and feels his heart race. He should be helping her. He should be rescuing her, like always._

_His chest burns and he swallows down his anger. No, she should be rescuing him._

_He reaches the end of the path and looks into the mirrored wall. He can see himself, a man, but the boy lingers in his eyes._

_Behind him, his mother is reflected in the glass. Her face shifts between Irina’s and Angelica’s. Both his mothers, both unable to save him._

_‘I’m so sorry, baby.’_

_He stares impassively at her, making his eyes hard and clenching his jaw. She left him to die, left him to nothing but pain and violence._

_But the pull of love he feels is too strong. He feels his face soften despite himself. She reaches for him and he feels the familiar softness of her touch. Her love washes over him._

_‘Why couldn’t we leave? Why couldn’t we have run away?’ he asks._

_‘I tried once,’ she says. ‘After you were born. You were so small and precious. I had never loved anyone the way I loved you, not even myself. I would do anything for you.’_

_‘Then why didn’t you leave?’_

_‘I tried. You were a year old. I walked to the train station with you in your carrier and a rucksack on my back. It was late at night and you were sleeping. There was no one there.’_

_He turns and watches her as she speaks. She looks so young, younger than he is now. A child._

_‘He found us, before the train came. He dragged me to the ground. I was so scared he’d hurt you. He broke my arm and pulled me by my hair. You were crying. He … he raped me there at the station. He told me if I ever ran away again, he’d do the same to you.’_

_‘He did it anyway,’ he says and turns away before he can see her tears fall._

Wolfgang woke to his chest aching and his face was wet with tears. He sat up and realised he was still in between Rajan and Kala but they were both still sleeping. He looked at his shaking hands, clenching them to try to stop the shaking. It didn’t really work. His stomach was in knots. He got up, pulling on some workout clothes and heading out of the flat.

He headed up to the roof. He was aiming to work out, get the knots in his stomach to smooth out. He knew Sun would be there if he needed her. So would Will. But by the time he got to the roof, the anger had dissipated, and he was left with just an aching sadness inside. He sat down, leaning against the wall and let out a long, shaking breath.

He wasn’t sure how much of his dream was imagination or memory, or whether his mother had been speaking to him, the echo of her. He kept remembering her face, how young she was, how helpless. She’d done what she could to protect him. She’d done it at the cost of her own safety, believing, _hoping_ that his father wouldn’t hurt him too.

He felt tears on his face but he didn’t wipe them away. He just hugged his knees and let them fall. What a waste of life. What happiness had she had? Just moments with him, snatched from a life of fear and danger.

But he knew what it was to be loved because of her. It was messed up and there had been too much pain and fear and neglect in his childhood but there had been love as well. Because of that, he had a chance now and he had to take it. He could have a life of love and closeness. He could have more than just snatched moments of happiness. She had given him that.

He felt someone with him and he looked up to see Kala stepping towards him. He didn’t hide his tears from her, just watched as she approached him and sat down beside him. She put her arms around him and held him close.

They didn’t speak. They didn’t need to. He could feel her love and it soothed him. He knew she could feel what he felt and he didn’t need to explain it. She just held him, kissed his temple and smoothed her fingers through his hair.

After a while, he felt her shivering and he realised she was actually there, not visiting. He pulled back, staring at her.

‘Kala, it’s nearly October, only just past dawn and you’re on the roof of a tall building in your underwear.’

She frowned at him. ‘It’s not my underwear, it’s my dressing gown.’

‘It’s silk, not a fluffy fleece. You’re gonna freeze.’

‘It is c-chilly,’ she said, her teeth chattering.

He shook his head, standing up and pulling her to her feet. ‘Come on, we need to get you inside before you freeze. You could have just visited, you know.’

She shrugged as they walked across to the door off the roof. ‘I felt like you needed me to really be here.’

Wolfgang shut the door behind them and they made their way to the lift. ‘I did but next time I can wait long enough for you to get dressed.’

She smiled. ‘I’ll remember that.’ She slipped her hand through his. ‘Was it another nightmare?’

He shook his head. ‘Not really. I saw my mother.’

‘Are you still angry with her?’

He looked down. ‘No. She did her best for me. She loved me and she gave her life for me. I’m just … sad it had to be like that.’

She squeezed his hand. ‘Are you … all right?’

He smiled at her. ‘I will be.’ He pulled her into the lift with him and kissed her as the doors closed behind them. 

When they got back, Kala went off for a hot shower to warm herself up and Wolfgang started to make coffee. He’d just put it on and was contemplating what he could make everyone for breakfast, when Will came in, stretching.

‘Mmm, thought I could smell coffee.’

‘I was just thinking about breakfast. What about waffles?’

‘Do you know how to make them?’

‘Kinda. You can help if you like.’

Will got the flour out of the cupboard. ‘You’re getting good at cooking. How come you never did it before?’

Wolfgang shrugged, getting out the eggs and breaking a couple into the flour Will had measured out. ‘Never had anyone to cook for before.’

‘You never cooked for Felix?’

Wolfgang snorted. ‘Felix is more of a takeaway guy, or a cook from frozen pizza if we were broke.’

‘I didn’t cook much when I was on my own either. It’s nice to cook for other people. At home, I cook a lot. So does Gunnar.’ He laughed. ‘Riley doesn’t cook that much.’

Wolfgang put the milk down on the counter. ‘I wanted to talk to you about that.’

‘What? About Riley’s cooking skills?’

Wolfgang smiled. ‘No, about home.’

Will leaned against the counter. ‘You want us to go, don’t you?’

Wolfgang shook his head. ‘Not exactly. You can stay as long as you like. It’s just, I’m okay. Well, not okay exactly but … I’m getting there and you don’t need to play mom anymore. I’m going to keep going to therapy and I know I’m on the right track now.’

Will nodded. ‘You’ve been doing really well but … I’m worried you’ll have a relapse.’

Wolfgang shrugged. ‘I probably will. Corinne says that’s normal. It can be two steps forward, one step back, or one step forward, two steps back.’

‘But what if…’

Wolfgang reached out and took hold of Will by his shoulders. ‘Will, it’s going to be all right. I’m not going to take blockers again so I’ll visit if I need you. You can take the fucking blockers with you if you want.’

‘I think I will, not that I don’t trust you, of course.’

Wolfgang patted his shoulder. ‘I scared you. I know.’ He looked down, then up again into Will’s eyes. ‘I’m sorry.’

Will took his hand. ‘You don’t need to say that. You were ill.’

‘Maybe. But I was also a stubborn fucker and I … I said things to you I shouldn’t have and that I didn’t mean. You were on the receiving end of most of my anger and you didn’t deserve it.’

Will smiled at him, then pulled him into a tight embrace. ‘I know, Wolfgang. I know.’ He kissed his cheek. ‘We’re good, don’t worry.’

Wolfgang pulled back, picking the milk back up and adding it to the batter. Will handed him the whisk and he started to beat the batter. ‘I’m not telling you to go. I’m just saying … you can now. You have your life to get back to and I have mine, with Kala and Rajan.’

Will nodded and Wolfgang could feel he understood. 

Behind them, a door opened and Wolfgang turned to see Rajan emerging, fully dressed but his hair still damp from the shower. From the happy glow he could feel from Kala he guessed they’d showered together.

He could see a glow about Rajan too. He beamed at Wolfgang, then came up to him and caught him in his arms.

‘Good morning, my love,’ said Rajan.

Wolfgang felt a smile spread across his face and a happy glow rose inside him that matched both his lovers. 


	43. Chapter 43

Will and Riley left a few days later. Will was still anxious about leaving but Wolfgang had seemed bright enough the past few days, brighter than usual even. He was probably just happy to be getting better and able to get on with his life.

Will hugged Kala close as they said goodbye. ‘You know where we are if you need us.’

Kala nodded, squeezing him tight. ‘Thank you.’

‘Anytime.’

‘It’s been a wonderful visit and you are welcome anytime,’ said Rajan.

‘Yeah, anytime,’ agreed Wolfgang.

‘I’m sure I’ll have more shows here,’ said Riley.

‘You can come and stay with us whenever you do,’ said Kala.

They said their goodbyes, then Will and Riley left the flat and made their way to the airport.

‘Do you think he’ll be all right?’ said Will in the taxi.

Riley took his hand. ‘Well, if it isn’t, we’ll know. We can always come back. But I think it’s time to let him try to be normal now.’

Back in the flat, Wolfgang settled down with Kala and Rajan to watch a movie. They cuddled up together and Wolfgang promised himself he would cause his loved ones no more problems.

Their life together fell into an easy rhythm of work, movie nights, dinners together and sex. The sex, the closeness between them, was the best thing in the world and Wolfgang couldn’t get enough of them.

He hadn’t had a nightmare in days. He slept peacefully in between Rajan and Kala every night, usually in a post-coital bliss. He felt good. He felt strong.

It was two weeks after Will and Riley had gone. It was a Monday morning and he headed to his therapy appointment that morning. He was hoping to be alert enough to go to work afterwards. He hadn’t seen Felix in a few days and he missed him.

‘Good morning,’ he said, as he sat on the sofa in Corinne’s office.

She smiled at him. ‘Good morning. You seem in a good mood.’

‘Why shouldn’t I be? Life is good.’

She nodded. ‘That’s good to hear. How are the nightmares?’

‘Not had any since I showed you what happened. I think that’s what I needed to do so I’m not getting them anymore.’

He felt a flash of sorrow from her before she controlled it. ‘Wolfgang, I’m not sure it’s that simple.’

He shrugged. ‘Well, I feel fine now. I’m not getting nightmares, it’s not in my head all the time.’

‘Then what is in your head?’

‘Just Rajan and Kala. When I’m not with them, I’m thinking of them.’

‘Well, that’s good but are you sure you’re not just burying things again?’

Wolfgang frowned at her. ‘What, I’ve always gotta be thinking of something that happened over fifteen years ago? I just want to put it all behind me now.’

‘Then you need to keep talking about it, keep letting it out.’

‘I told you I’m not having the nightmares anymore.’

‘But if you start pushing it away and burying it again, they could come back.’

He looked at her for a moment, then turned away. ‘Well, like I said, things are working well right now. I’m happy.’

She smiled. ‘That’s good. I just don’t want the work we’ve done to be undone. You need to keep coming and keep talking.’

He looked at her, then away. Why did she keep going on? He was fine. He gave her a smile. ‘You’re right. Don’t worry, I’ll keep coming.’ He projected calm and confidence at her and stopped her visiting.

He felt her trying to probe his feelings but he was an expert now at keeping his feelings to himself and she got nothing from him.

He smiled at her. ‘I’m going to head off. There isn’t anything else I’d like to talk about today.’

She sat back, frowning a little but then she nodded. ‘You get to decide when the session ends.’

He nodded, then got up. ‘See you next time,’ he said, surprised by how easily the lie came. He headed out, not booking another appointment on the way out.

Outside, Wolfgang lit a cigarette and walked to work. The cluster had got used to staying away during his appointments and he relished the space. They’d get on his back straight away if they knew.

He pushed the thoughts out of his mind and just made his way to the shop. Felix had already opened up and he grinned when he saw Wolfgang.

‘Wolfie!’

‘Hey, Felix.’ He plonked himself down in the nearest chair.

Felix frowned at him. ‘What’s up with you?’

Wolfgang shrugged. ‘Nothing, I’m fine.’

Felix came over, sitting next to him and looking into his face. Wolfgang looked back at him, giving nothing away.

‘You still getting those nightmares?’

‘Nope, I’m fine now. Hey, do you wanna go out tonight? We’ve not been clubbing for a while, just you and me.’

Felix shrugged, sitting back and still frowning a little. ‘All right.’

He spent the day pottering around the shop, dealing with a few customers and selling a couple of safes, while Felix cut lots of new keys for people and booked a few appointments to fit new locks. The business was going well and Wolfgang was pleased for him. They were making their lives here and it was a better life than their old one.

When he got home that evening, he found that Rajan was home alone. He was cleaning the kitchen and there was a casserole in the oven.

‘Hey, where’s Kala?’

Rajan turned and smiled at him. ‘Hey. She’s at temple. It’s just you and me for another hour.’

Wolfgang didn’t reply to that, just walked over to him, took hold of him by the hips and pressed him against the wall. Rajan gazed at him, surprised but pleased. Wolfgang leaned into him and claimed his mouth in a deep kiss that made Rajan moan against him.

When the kiss ended, Rajan was a little breathless. ‘Well … that was a nice greeting,’ he panted.

Wolfgang smirked at him. ‘Can you leave that cooking for a bit?’

Rajan nodded. ‘I’m all yours.’

Wolfgang’s smirk widened and he took Rajan’s hand and led him off to the bedroom.

Sex with Rajan was always passionate, fun, easy to throw himself into. Rajan was attentive but also enraptured by him that Wolfgang was able to just focus on the sensations and not worry about any bad thoughts that crossed his mind.

His back up against the bedroom wall, Wolfgang pulled Rajan against him, their cocks hot and hard in their pants. They kissed each other hard, moving against each other. Wolfgang pulled at Rajan’s hips, wanting him to press him harder to the wall. He needed there to be nothing but Rajan, to feel that pressure of his body pressing him down.

‘Fuck me, Raj,’ he murmured against the other man’s mouth.

Rajan pulled back to look at him. ‘Here?’

Wolfgang pulled him closer. ‘Right fucking here. Fuck me hard.’

Rajan was breathing hard but he looked into Wolfgang’s eyes. ‘You want it rough? You sure?’

Wolfgang nodded, digging in his pocket for the little tube of lube he kept there and pressing it into Rajan’s pocket. ‘Rough.’

Rajan pushed his hands beneath Wolfgang’s shirt, running his fingers over his abs, brushing roughly past his nipples and smirking as he made him gasp. He pushed the shirt off over his head, then grasped him by his bare shoulders and turned him roughly into the wall.

Wolfgang let out a breathy laugh of surprise and arousal as his often meek, sometimes shy lover took control. Yes, this was what he needed.

Rajan’s hands landed on his waist, then slid round to his belly, skirting over his belly button then down to the fly of his jeans. They were undone in a second and the next moment, they were around his knees and Rajan was pressing close to him.

He bit into his shoulder and Wolfgang groaned as pain and pleasure mixed and he pushed back against Rajan, desperate for him.

Rajan got the message. One hand firm on Wolfgang’s hip and his mouth still on his shoulder, he guided himself inside. The pressure and the fullness made them both moan deeply.

Wolfgang was caught deliciously between the wall and the firmness of his lover’s body as Rajan began to move. His breath was heavy on Wolfgang’s shoulder as he fucked him into the wall and Wolfgang abandoned himself to the pleasure assaulting his body. This was it. This was what he needed.

Rajan didn’t touch his cock but Wolfgang didn’t need him to. Getting fucked into the wall, hard and mercilessly was all that he needed. Rajan pursued his orgasm single-mindedly and Wolfgang was magnificently helpless under his attention. He came with a loud and guttural cry and felt his body tightening around Rajan. Rajan came with a softer cry that he buried in Wolfgang’s shoulder.

They held each other up, leaning heavily against the wall. Wolfgang felt weak but Rajan’s arms were strong around him and they stood in that embrace for a few moments.

Then Rajan kissed his shoulder where he’d bitten it and murmured soft words against his skin. ‘All right?’

Wolfgang nodded but didn’t speak. He looked at the wall ahead of him, then closed his eyes and pressed his forehead to it.

Rajan shifted slightly behind him, regaining his footing, and his hand came to rest in the small of Wolfgang’s back. ‘You sure? Do you need to have a sleep?’

Wolfgang shook his head, pulling away. ‘No, I’m gonna go shower.’

‘I could join you? Wash your back for you?’

Wolfgang shook his head. ‘No, you’d better check on that casserole.’

Rajan frowned and looked searchingly at him but Wolfgang turned away and headed for the bathroom without another word.


	44. Chapter 44

Rajan tried not to feel hurt at Wolfgang’s rejection. He was probably just feeling a little overwhelmed after a long day and needed some time to himself. That was it. He’d leave him to shower in peace and rejuvenate himself. He went to the other bathroom, had a quick wash and got dressed again, before returning to the kitchen and checking the casserole.

Kala returned a few minutes later, happy and content after her visit to the temple. That always had that effect on her. She smiled as she floated over to him and kissed him. ‘That smells wonderful,’ she said. ‘Is Wolfgang home yet?’

Rajan cleared his throat. ‘Er, yes, he’s showering.’

Kala frowned, pulling back to look at him. ‘Is everything all right?’

‘I don’t know. We had sex but afterward he was kind of distant. But maybe he just needed some time to himself. Can you feel anything from him?’

She frowned. ‘Nothing much.’

‘He’s not on the blockers again, is he?’

She shook her head. ‘No, he’s more sort of … just not sharing.’ She turned. ‘I’ll go and check on him.’

Rajan watched her go. If anyone could discover what Wolfgang’s mood was, it was her. He knew it was difficult for him to hide things from her.

Wolfgang lay on the bed, staring up at the ceiling and trying to focus his mind. It felt sort of fuzzy at the edges and he was finding it difficult to clear it. He was still naked and a little damp from the shower, which hadn’t been quite as cleansing as he’d hoped. His stomach churned with guilt from having walked away from Rajan. He hoped he hadn’t hurt him. He’d have to show him he was all right. Just as soon as he could get focused.

_Pressure on his back, burning pain in his shoulders, burning pain inside._

He shook his head, as if he could shake the thoughts from it. He rubbed his hands over his face, trying to focus on that feeling instead of the echo of the memory of pain.

The door opened and he hastily sat up, swinging his legs over the side of the bed so his face was no longer visible from the door. He didn’t want anyone to see his expression. He felt immediately that it was Kala and he focused harder on banishing the bad thoughts from his mind, before she felt it.

Instead, he focused on her, remembering the softness of her embrace and the sensations of her touch on his skin.

She approached him and laid her hand on his shoulder. ‘Hi,’ she said, her voice gentle.

He looked up at her and smiled. ‘Hey. Good day? How was the temple?’

‘Wonderful. How was therapy?’

Wolfgang shrugged. ‘It was fine.’

‘Sure?’

He looked at her, feeling a twinge of annoyance. ‘I’m sure. Why can’t you two believe me when I tell you something?’

She looked startled and withdrew her hand. ‘I’m sorry.’

He shrugged, standing and moving past her. ‘Forget about it.’ He pulled on a comfy pair of lounge pants and ran his hands through his damp hair. ‘I’m starving,’ he said, then walked from the room.

Rajan was perched on the arm of the sofa, chewing his lip. He stood up when Wolfgang came into the room.

‘Hey, er, dinner’s ready. Good shower?’

Wolfgang shrugged. ‘A shower’s a shower.’

Rajan reached for him, trailing his fingertips across the bite mark he’d left on Wolfgang’s shoulder. ‘I didn’t hurt you, did I?’

Wolfgang grinned at him and leaned forward to kiss him. ‘No, it was hot.’

‘It’s just … you seem a bit distant.’

‘I don’t mean to be.’ He pulled away. ‘I’m going out tonight, with Felix.’

‘Oh, okay.’

‘You don’t mind, do you?’

Rajan shook his head. ‘Of course not. It’s important to spend time with your friends.’

‘Heh, friend. Just the one,’ Wolfgang said, setting the table.

‘Are you going to be drinking?’

Wolfgang shrugged. ‘I’ll have a few.’

Rajan didn’t reply to that but Wolfgang could tell he was worried. He focused on what he was doing. He had to make more of an effort to keep things normal. He was absolutely fine; he just needed to stop thinking about it. As long as he kept pushing it away when it cropped up, it would go away. That had worked in the past. It would work again. He was determined to make a go of this life and to stop inflicting his problems on his loved ones.

Late that night, when Rajan and Kala were starting to get ready for bed, Wolfgang put on his black jeans, a black shirt and his boots and went out. It wasn’t time to meet Felix quite yet but he felt the need for space.

He put some music on his phone and just walked, trying to block out his thoughts with the music pounding into his headphones.

Finding refuge in my own lies  
How are you I'm doing alright  
Small talk is a great disguise  
Just let me be  
Empty thoughts start to crowd my mind  
Am I only living, living to survive?  
Shake it off but I've lost the drive  
Just let me be  
let me be okay

No one knows what goes on up inside my head  
There's a new kind of poison and it's starting to spread  
No one knows what goes on up inside my head  
They don't think I need help  
But I'm scaring myself  
I just want to be okay

All the voices in my head are coming to life  
They're getting louder and I'm terrified  
How do you run from your own mind?  
Is this what I've become?  
Take it back, what have I done?

No one knows what goes on up inside my head  
There is a new kind of poison and starting to spread  
No one knows what goes on up inside my head  
They don't think I need help  
But I'm scaring myself  
I just want to be okay

He just wanted to live his fucking life. Why couldn’t he do that? He was happy, why couldn’t he just let himself be happy? Why did he have to fuck everything up?

A street away from the club where he was supposed to be meeting Felix, he stopped, sat on a wall and lit a cigarette. He stared out into the darkness. He was alone. That was what he needed, to be alone with his thoughts and keep them to himself.

If he focused hard enough, he could keep his cluster away and keep the thoughts and memories to himself. They had seen enough. They’d helped him enough. They’d all helped, been there for him, yet still he wasn’t happy. Why wasn’t he fucking happy?

Someone shoved at his shoulder and his hand shot up and grabbed his assailant by the collar.

‘Hey, new shirt,’ said Felix.

Wolfgang let out his breath. ‘Fucking hell. Don’t sneak up on me like that.’ He let go of his friend and tugged his earphones out.

‘Try not listening to your music so loud, then you might hear me. What you doing sitting here, anyway? Aren’t we going clubbing?’

‘Yeah.’ He put his headphones back in his pocket. ‘Let’s go.’

Felix caught him by the arm, holding him back. ‘Are you sure you’re okay?’

Wolfgang yanked himself out of his friend’s light grip. ‘I’m fine. I just wish everybody would stop fucking asking me that.’

Felix raised an eyebrow. ‘Whatever you say, man.’

Wolfgang ignored that comment and they made their way into the club. This was what he needed. Drinking, dancing, music so loud he couldn’t hear himself think. He’d feel better after this.

He knocked back shot after shot of vodka, even after Felix refused to join in anymore and started telling him he’d had enough. He danced, letting the music cleanse him.

You know, but you don't understand  
You were told, you can't comprehend  
You flow  
It was something someone said somewhere  
So low

I don't know what to do  
I'm going to lose my mind  
I don't know what to do  
I'm going to lose my mind  
I don't know what to do  
I'm going to lose my mind  
(I don't know what to do, I'm going to lose my mind)

I don't know what to do  
I'm going to lose my mind

‘Come on,’ said Felix. ‘I think we’ve had enough.’

‘I haven’t started,’ said Wolfgang, pulling away and going back to the bar.

‘Wolfie,’ said Felix, following him. ‘You’ve gotta have had nearly two bottles of vodka by now. If it wasn’t for your Russian blood, you’ve be on the floor.’

Wolfgang ignored him and ordered another double. He knew when he’d had enough.

Sometimes I don't know where we're going,  
Sometimes I feel you should be crawling back to me,  
Time is ticking by without us knowing  
Before you know it, it will be too late to see

You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all  
You try to fake it but you’re breaking every rule  
Right from the start you've always made me feel a fool  
The guilt you hide will come between us after all

You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all  
You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all  
You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all  
You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all

It didn’t make sense. He had the best situation he’d ever had in his life here. He had a nice place to live, non-criminal work to do, his brother living close to him and two lovers, who both loved him. He had his cluster, who would each do anything for him. Why couldn’t he just be happy?

He didn’t want to be like this. He stopped dancing and clutched suddenly at Felix. ‘Need to get outta here.’

Felix stared at him in sudden panic, then grabbed his arm and manhandled him out of the club.

Outside, Wolfgang threw up in a bush. Felix waited nearby for him. ‘I told you you’d had enough.’

Wolfgang was shaking. He clenched his fists, desperate to stop it. His heart was racing like he was about to have a heart attack. He couldn’t breathe, couldn’t catch his breath. He could feel Felix watching him but he couldn’t find his voice to ask for help. He couldn’t see. Everything was blurry. His chest was tight and he knew he was going to die. He was going to die right then. He knew it. He couldn’t survive this pain.

There were arms around him suddenly, a soft but firm grip. He saw blonde hair and felt Riley’s warmth wash over him.

‘You’re not dying,’ she said. ‘You’re panicking. Breathe. You can breathe.’

Wolfgang shook his head, frantically. ‘Can’t. Can’t breathe.’

She put her hand on his chest and looked into his eyes. ‘Watch me.’

He couldn’t focus but … she wasn’t blurry. She was clear. He looked into her warm brown eyes and watched her take a deep breath and hold it, before letting it slowly out again. He found he was copying her.

He felt Felix’s hand on his arm. ‘Are you okay, brother?’

He couldn’t explain it, couldn’t explain. But he could breathe. As he watched Riley and she took him through each breath one at a time, they began to come easier. The pain in his chest eased and the shaking stopped.

He still had no words but he didn’t need them. Felix put his arm around his shoulders. ‘Come on. I’m taking you home.’

He felt weak and shaky, like he’d just lost a lot of blood. He could do nothing but let Felix lead him home.


	45. Chapter 45

Felix almost had to carry Wolfgang home, he felt so weak and faint. It seemed like a massive effort just to put one foot in front of another. It wasn’t the first time he’d got rather too drunk when out clubbing but he’d never not been able to breathe. He’d never felt so weak. He’d never felt so afraid, and why? Nothing had happened. What the fuck was wrong with him?

It was a struggle for Felix to take his weight but last, they were outside his front door. Kala opened the door for them and seemed to know immediately what had happened. She helped Felix get him inside.

Wolfgang still couldn’t speak but he didn’t need to with her either.

‘Do you want some help with him?’ Felix asked, after they’d got Wolfgang to the sofa.

Kala shook her head. ‘I’ll get Rajan. Thank you for bringing him home.’

‘He’s … there’s something up with him. I dunno…I didn’t know what to do.’

‘I know. Don’t worry, Felix. We’ll look after him.’

‘I’ve never seen him like this before,’ gabbled Felix. ‘I thought therapy was supposed to make him better. But this? He’s never been like this. I’m … not gonna open the shop tomorrow. He can rest. He’s gonna have a fucking wicked hangover.’

Their words came to Wolfgang as though he was under water. He couldn’t focus. Numbly, he watched Felix leave, then he could see Kala’s face in front of him. She was looking into his eyes, examining him.

‘I woke up in a panic and Riley told me what happened. Are you all right?’

Wolfgang shook his head, still not able to speak. She seemed to realise this. She kissed his forehead. ‘Stay right there. I’ll get Rajan. I think you need to go to bed.’

He held onto her. He didn’t want to be alone. She stayed with him, visiting, while her physical self went to the bedroom to fetch Rajan. He could feel her worry.

‘He’s had some sort of panic attack,’ she was explaining to Rajan as they came back into the room. Her words were still fuzzy in Wolfgang’s head and everything felt far away.

Rajan sat beside Wolfgang on the sofa. He was calm and in control. He cupped Wolfgang’s cheek and looked into his face. His warm eyes were a comfort. ‘You’re home. You’re safe. We’re going to get you to bed now. You don’t have to say anything.’ His voice was calm and clear. He took his hand and tugged him up.

Wolfgang still felt weak but Rajan and Kala half-lead, half-carried him to the bathroom. Somehow, he managed to clean his teeth and Rajan helped him wash his face. Then Kala and Rajan took him to bed. They undressed him to his boxers, then lay him down. They lay either side of him, their arms around him. He tucked himself in between them and allowed himself to fall asleep cocooned between them.

The morning brought with it a banging headache, a dry fuzzy feeling in his mouth and a creeping horror as he remembered what had happened. What the fuck was wrong with him? Why did he always have to fuck everything up?

He was still in a tight embrace between Kala and Rajan. He moved carefully, aiming to sneak out of their grip without them noticing. He didn’t want to have this conversation right now.

But Kala stirred and woke. Then Rajan woke and they both sat up. He felt immediately that Kala was not happy. Worry and anger mixed inside her and he felt guilt churn up inside him.

‘I guess I’m in the doghouse, huh?’ he asked, trying to keep his voice light.

‘We’re not angry. We just want to know why it happened,’ said Rajan gently.

He knew that wasn’t quite true. He could feel Kala’s fury, though she was keeping a tight control over it, and her worry was just as strong. He swallowed, getting up and going to the window. It was already light, past time they should be up for work.

‘We should be getting ready for work,’ he said.

‘We’re not going today and neither are you,’ she said tightly.

‘I’m fine, just got a hangover. I suppose that’ll teach me not to down that much vodka.’

‘It wasn’t just that though, was it? What happened outside the club, Wolfgang?’ Kala asked. ‘Tell us.’

Wolfgang shrugged, still staring out the window. ‘Dunno. Just felt ill. Too much vodka.’

Rajan, possibly hoping to stop the argument before it really got going, got up and went over to him. He put his hand on the small of his back and spoke softly.

‘You had a panic attack, Wolfgang.’

Wolfgang didn’t look at him. ‘I don’t know what’s wrong with me. It felt like I was going to die.’

‘That’s very common with panic attacks. A lot of people have them, you know. I’ve had a few myself.’

Wolfgang looked at him, surprised. ‘You have?’

Rajan nodded. ‘When I was a young man mostly. It’s nothing like what you’ve been through but my father was very controlling when I was growing up and it gave me a lot of anxiety well into my twenties.’

‘I don’t know why it happened. How do you stop them?’

‘They happen because we’re used to being on high alert for danger. We’re so used to it that our bodies expect it and react even when there is no danger. There are lots of techniques to stop it, like the breathing Riley did with you last night. Corinne will know some more.’

Wolfgang looked away. ‘I stopped going. I haven’t really talked to her since before I told you about... you know. She said I had to face what happened and I did. It should be done now.’

Kala huffed, frustrated. ‘Wolfgang, you can’t just stop talking about it. Why is it so hard just to ask for help?’

‘Look, I’ve got a headache,’ he snapped, on edge again. ‘I don’t want to dissect last night all fucking day.’

‘All right,’ said Rajan, in a placating tone. ‘Nobody’s asking you to and we certainly don’t need you two having an argument just now. Let’s go and have some breakfast and I’m sure we’ll soon feel better.’

‘Well I couldn’t feel worse,’ said Wolfgang, hating the sulky tone of his voice but unable to correct it. He felt Kala watching him and his guilt was almost too much to bear. He hated himself for doing this to her. She deserved better.

Rajan went off to start on breakfast. Wolfgang hoped for that amazing smoothie he’d had last time he’d got this drunk. He felt a stab of anger and disgust with himself. What the fuck was wrong with him? She didn’t deserve this. She deserved love and safety and steadiness. She deserved someone who wasn’t broken. He looked at her to find her still watching him.

He looked away. ‘I’ll go. I can go to Felix. Maybe we’ll move back to Berlin.’

‘Wolfgang, what are you talking about?’

‘We’ve tried it. It isn’t working. You’d be better off with Rajan. He treats you right.’

In silence, Kala came over to him, reached out for him and tugged him close. He resisted the embrace, as much as he wanted it. He had to pull back for her sake. She deserved so much more than the fucked-up son of a monster. She frowned, settling for her hand on his arm.

‘I want both of you, Wolfgang. I love you.’

‘You don’t deserve to be treated like this. You were right, I do ruin everything. Felix is always telling me that too. I fuck everything up.’ He caressed her cheek. ‘You don’t deserve that. You deserve the best in the world and that’s not me.’

‘You’re ill, Wolfgang, and you need help. This is not your fault.’

He looked down. ‘I can feel how angry you are with me. You’ve got every right to be.’

She cupped his cheek, bringing his gaze up to meet hers. ‘I am not angry with you, my love.’

He frowned. ‘Then why are you angry?’

Her face became tight. ‘I’m angry with that fucking bastard who did this to you.’

His eyes widened. It wasn’t often she used that kind of language. He could feel her anger. It was pounding inside her, wrenching her insides. It felt stronger than the anger inside him.

‘I won’t even call him your father, or a man. He’s a disgusting, vile piece of shit,’ she continued, the venom in her voice surprising him. He wasn’t used to having someone care that much about him, to have someone have that much anger towards someone who’d hurt him.

She looked into his eyes again and placed her hand over his heart. ‘Wolfgang, I’ve told you before there is so much good inside you. I know you’re frightened to let that part out, because you don’t want to be hurt anymore, but you can’t keep bottling this up. That’s why you drank so much, that’s why you panicked, because you can’t push it away anymore. You have to keep talking.’

‘I’m … I’m scared,’ he whispered. ‘I just want to be okay.’

She pulled him close and this time, he let her pull him into an embrace. She was soft and warm and he felt something settle inside him. He didn’t deserve her, but he was so grateful for her.

She pulled back and gave him a gentle smile. ‘Now, call Corinne and arrange an appointment. And no more talk about leaving. We both want you here.’

He held onto her for a moment, taking in her warmth and softness. He gazed at her and he could feel her. Her warmth for him, the heat of her love, burned for him. He had to hold onto that. He had to try to be worthy of that love.

‘You are,’ she said, her fingers soft at his temple. She reached up and kissed him softly and sweetly on the mouth. ‘You _are_ worth it.’

He still didn’t feel it but the force of her conviction lightened him a little and he felt calmer. His head was still pounding though and he knew the fear wasn’t that far away.

‘And you’re worth the effort to get better as well, so give Corinne a call and arrange that appointment,’ she said firmly.

She kissed him again, then left him to go and help Rajan with the breakfast. He didn’t want to make that call but he knew he had to. He got dressed, but then there was nothing else to do to delay it so he sat on the bed and grabbed his phone. His hands were shaking as he dialed.

But he wasn’t alone. Will sat beside him. He didn’t say anything, just held Wolfgang’s free hand firmly between both of his to stop it shaking. His mere presence was calming.

Wolfgang raised the phone to his ear, listened to it ring and waited for Corinne’s receptionist to answer.


	46. Chapter 46

‘Talk to me, Wolfgang. I can feel a lot of feelings from you and I think you’ve been bottling them up,’ said Corinne. She exuded calm and patience.

Wolfgang had been at his appointment for over ten minutes and hadn’t really said anything so far. He sighed. ‘You could say that.’

‘I was worried you’ve been pushing your feelings away for a few sessions now. I know it’s painful. I can feel how much pain it’s causing you. You need to talk about it.’

‘I just want to be okay, but I’m not.’

‘Tell me what happened Friday night.’

Wolfgang shrugged. ‘I had too much to drink.’

‘And?’

Wolfgang looked down at his hands. ‘Rajan says it was a panic attack. He said you’d be able to help me stop them. Well I want to stop that ever happening again.’

Corinne nodded. ‘I can show you techniques, but Wolfgang, you need to address the root cause. You need to talk about your traumas and your feelings. That’s the only way to really deal with how you’re feeling.’

Wolfgang sighed, leaning back against the sofa. ‘I was afraid you’d say that.’

Corinne smiled gently. ‘You know that’s what you need. It’s just frightening. And that’s normal.’

‘I’m not used to talking about my feelings.’

‘All right, let me help. I can feel anger. Who are you angry with?’

Wolfgang shrugged. ‘I don’t know. My father, I guess.’

‘You don’t sound very convinced about that.’

He looked away. ‘Well, why wouldn’t I be angry with him? He was a monster and he hurt me and my mother. I should be angry with him.’

‘But you’re not?’ she probed.

‘I hate him and I’d happily watch the motherfucker burn.’ He paused as the memory of his father’s body burning in his car flashes through his mind. ‘But … anger? Not really, no matter how much I try. He was a monster, that’s who he was. But …’

‘You’re angry with yourself, aren’t you?’

He blinked at her, a sudden lump in his throat. He looked away, forcing out a chuckle. ‘I guess that’s the disadvantage of having a sensate therapist.’

‘Why are you angry with yourself?’ she persisted.

Wolfgang shrugged, keeping his eyes away from her gaze. ‘I should have been able to do something. I knew how to throw a punch. Or … I should have got a knife or strangled the bastard before … before … I should have taken my mother and run. Maybe we could have got away.’

‘Maybe you could. But you were a child and what happened wasn’t your fault.’

He gave her a wry smile. ‘It’s lot easier for you to say that than it is for me to believe it.’

She smiled sympathetically. ‘I know.’ There was a moment’s silence, then she spoke again. ‘Anger towards yourself can be very dangerous. It leads to self-destructive behaviours like the ones you’ve been showing. You need to deal with it.’

‘How do I do that?’

‘Keep talking, keep coming to see me. And do something physical. You do kick-boxing, don’t you?’

‘Sometimes.’

‘Well, go more. Work your anger out, then when you come here, we can talk it through and eventually, the anger will subside.’

‘How long will that take?’

She smiled, shaking her head. ‘There are no quick fixes here, Wolfgang. You have to accept that.’

He sighed deeply. ‘I guess so.’

‘What about your nightmares?’

He hesitated. ‘I haven’t been having nightmares for the last few weeks. It’s more … I get flashes of thought or memory when I’m awake and trying to just live my life.’

She nodded. ‘It’s all in there, trying to get out. You have to let it, in small manageable ways. Part of that is us talking about it. But I also think it would help you if you talked about it with your partners, or your cluster.’

Wolfgang shook his head. ‘They don’t deserve to hear about that shit.’

‘They want to help you and they’re the people you trust most in the world. Trust them to help.’

‘Also easier said than done.’

‘You have already managed to share some of your experiences with them. You managed to share what happened to you with Rajan, didn’t you?’

‘It’s … it’s easier to talk to him. He can’t feel when I’m in pain. He can’t see the memories in my head. He only sees what I let him see. I … I don’t want to hurt any of them.’

‘Your cluster feel what you feel and you’re only bringing yourself, and them, pain by trying to keep this inside. Letting it out might be the least painful option you have here. I’m not saying it’s easy. In fact, it’s probably one of the most difficult things in the world, almost certainly the most difficult thing you’ll ever have to do in your life. But it is something you need to do.’

He rubbed his hands over his face. ‘Fucking hell, why do I have to deal with all this shit? Why couldn’t I have a family like Kala’s? Hell, even Rajan’s.’

‘You can only deal with what life has dealt you. But you _can_ deal with it and you can have a happy, worthwhile life. It’s just going to take some work.’

He let out a breath. ‘I’ll try. I’ve got to. I want to make this work.’

She nodded and smiled. ‘Good. That’s good.’

He looked at his watch and saw that the session was almost over. It was the first one he’d made it all the way through. Corinne smiled at him.

‘You’ve done well today. We can wrap it up now. I suggest you go and do something to help you wind down. Try and get some of that anger out.’ She reached out and put a hand on his. ‘I can still feel it in there. You need to get it out.’

He nodded. ‘I will. Thanks.’

‘Don’t forget to book another appointment, Wolfgang, or I’ll have to come and visit _you_.’

He smirked, then made his way out. He booked the next week’s appointment on his way.

Once he’d made his way outside, he found Will had joined him. They walked together in silence for a few moments, before Will spoke.

‘How did it go?’

Wolfgang shrugged. ‘Okay. I feel a little better. She said I need to get my anger out.’

‘Perfect. I was about to work out. We could go kick boxing.’

Wolfgang shrugged again. ‘All right.’

They made their way to the gym. Wolfgang didn’t say anything but he was glad Will was there and he knew Will could sense that. But he was done pushing him away. He knew he needed help and his cluster was there for him. And he knew Will could handle him.

They were alone at the kickboxing studio, which made it easier. Wolfgang didn’t particularly want to be seen sparring against himself. Will was an excellent fighting partner. Wolfgang wasn’t sure how much of his style was himself and how much he was sharing Wolfgang’s.

Will’s fighting was structured, well trained like any police officer. Wolfgang knew his own style was messier, less controlled, more brutal. Wolfgang won the first fight. They came apart, panting.

Will grinned at him. ‘You don’t follow any rules, do you?’

Wolfgang advanced on him, ready for another fight. ‘I don’t give a shit about rules.’

He kicked out but Will anticipated him and dodged it. They circled each other; fists raised and bodies alert. Will caught him a blow to his cheek and Wolfgang was glad they weren’t physically sparring.

He surged forward, landing two blows to Will’s chin, then stomach. Will grunted but held his own with a kick in return. For several more minutes, they sparred. Wolfgang’s heart was beating fast and adrenalin surged through his body. It felt cleansing in a way, to let his aggression out but cause no harm.

Wolfgang won the second fight too, but it was a close thing.

He sat down, leaning against the wall and panting. Will sat beside him.

‘Did that help?’

Wolfgang nodded. ‘Yeah.’

‘We should do it again.’

‘Anytime.’

‘And you can talk to me as well, you know. I can handle anything you’ve got to say.’

Wolfgang looked down at his hands. ‘I guess, being a cop, you’ve heard and seen all kinds of shit.’

‘I have,’ said Will, gently.

Wolfgang looked sharply at him. ‘I don’t need pity and I don’t need you to be careful with me either.’

Will nodded. ‘Got it.’

Wolfgang looked away again. ‘I guess, you’ve been to domestic abuse cases?’

‘Uh huh, a few unfortunately.’

‘Some people get away, don’t they?’

‘Some. But not easily. It’s never easy.’

‘I killed him. That was the only way. He’d already killed her and he would have hurt me again. I would never have got free, unless he’d killed me one day.’

‘It ends in someone dying all too often,’ said Will, his voice heavy with grief.

Wolfgang looked at him. Will was extraordinarily sensitive for a Chicago cop from a cop family. Maybe it was because he was sensate, but his empathy was strong and he wanted to save everybody. Wolfgang wished he’d had someone like him around as a kid. Things might have turned out differently. 

‘Do you think I could have stopped him killing her?’

Will put his hand on his arm. ‘Wolfgang, if you came across any other ten-year-old boy, would you think he could stop his abusive father doing anything?’

‘Of course not.’

‘There you are. You were a little boy, Wolfgang. He was a grown man and a dangerous one. You couldn’t stop him. She couldn’t stop him. You deserved more help than you got.’

‘I wish I’d had all of you back then. Things might have been different. Still, can’t change the past.’

Will found his hand and squeezed it. ‘You have us now. And always.’

Wolfgang glanced at him, nodded, then looked away. It was hard to be reminded just how much Will would do for him. 


	47. Chapter 47

The weeks went by and things started to get easier. He kept going to therapy and he kept working out, sometimes with Will, sometimes with Sun and sometimes alone. He began to feel more even. His stomach stopped churning and he felt calmer. But Felix was being _careful_ around him and that, he couldn’t stand, so he stayed away. Instead of going to the shop, he stayed home and cooked, or went to the gym and worked out.

He also spent a lot of time visiting Kala while she was at work. He didn’t talk much, but it was a comfort to just watch her work. At first, she talked to him but when he didn’t really talk back, she let the companionable silence fall. He sensed she didn’t really understand why he wanted to just watch her but he knew she sensed how much comfort it brought him.

Sometimes, he got to watch Rajan at work as well, though Rajan couldn’t see him. He sometimes knew he was there though, as Kala kept looking at him, and he always gave him a smile. Whenever he was feeling anxious, he visited Kala. Spending time with her, and Rajan, made him feel calmer.

But sometimes, the flashes of memory still plagued him.

It had been a bad day. He was due for a therapy appointment and he’d not gone to the gym that day, because every time he tried to leave the house, he felt his heart begin to race and his breathing quicken.

He sat in on a meeting at Kala and Rajan’s work, letting the dull business talk wash over him. But still, he couldn’t keep the memories out of his mind.

_Pain, hot pain convulsing through his body. The hot wetness of blood on his thigh._

He could feel Kala watching him but he couldn’t stop the flashes long enough to look at her.

He pulled back. Being there wasn’t helping him and was just making her worry. Back in the apartment, he sat on the sofa and tried to breathe.

_Heavy pressure on his back, stinking breath choking him. The scent of vodka and blood in the air._

He tented his hands in front of his mouth and blew his breath into the space, like Corinne had taught him. It was supposed to focus his breathing. It didn’t always work.

‘Try the counting,’ said Riley. ‘In for four, hold two, out for four.’

He met her eyes and focused on her and his breathing. Slowly, it returned to normal. But he could feel the flashes were not far away.

Riley took his hand and led him onto the balcony. ‘Look out over Paris,’ she said. ‘And keep breathing.’

He did as she urged him. He breathed in the cool, fresh air of the day. Then the music came to him, soft and calming.

I remember tears streaming down your face  
When I said, I'll never let you go  
When all those shadows almost killed your light  
I remember you said, Don't leave me here alone  
But all that's dead and gone and passed tonight

Just close your eyes  
The sun is going down  
You'll be alright  
No one can hurt you now  
Come morning light  
You and I'll be safe and sound

Don't you dare look out your window darling  
Everything's on fire  
The war outside our door keeps raging on  
Hold on to this lullaby  
Even when the music's gone

Just close your eyes  
The sun is going down  
You'll be alright  
No one can hurt you now  
Come morning light  
You and I'll be safe and sound

Just close your eyes  
You'll be alright  
Come morning light,  
You and I'll be safe and sound

When Rajan and Kala came home, he was still outside on the balcony, breathing in the air, even as it got dark. Kala came out to him, taking his hand and sitting on the ground beside him.

‘Are you okay?’ she asked.

He glanced at her and smiled in what he hoped was a reassuring way. It didn’t seem to work that well. ‘It’s … been a bad day.’

‘Is there anything I can do?’

‘I don’t know. I don’t know what to do.’

‘Let’s go inside. It’s getting cold. Rajan’s going to cook dinner.’

He let her guide him back inside. Rajan was already making himself busy in the kitchen. He glanced across at Wolfgang and gave him a smile. Wolfgang couldn’t help but return it. He loved that gentle smile.

Kala guided him to the sofa. She sat with him but after a moment, he leaned into her and she tugged him to her. He lay, cradled against her, his head on her chest.

‘Do you want to talk about it?’ she asked, her mouth against his forehead.

He shook his head. ‘No. Just … just do this.’

She let out a slow breath into his hair and put her arms around him, just holding him. He closed his eyes. Her chest rose and fell beneath his head and her fingers smoothed through his hair. He was safe here, in Kala’s arms, with Rajan pottering around in the kitchen nearby. Safe and sound.

They went to bed early. Kala and Rajan seemed to sense that he needed something, needed them. He needed to lose himself in them. They both took him by the hand and led him into the bedroom.

Kala put the bedside lamp on as Rajan pulled Wolfgang close and kissed him. Wolfgang pressed against him, feeling the warmth of his body through their clothes. Kala joined them, her hands slipping between them to unbutton Wolfgang’s shirt. Her fingers were soft against his skin as she ran them over his chest.

He shrugged off his shirt and kissed her, cupping her jaw and caressing her soft cheek. Rajan stepped up behind him, kissing his way across his shoulder and up his neck. Wolfgang murmured softly into Kala. He slid his hands down her body, over her gentle curves. She pressed herself firmly against him and he felt her little jolt of pleasure as she realised he was already hard.

He reached around her and unzipped her skirt. She pulled back, stepping out of her skirt and grinning at him. She lifted her top up over her head and stood before them both in just her underwear. Her grinned widened as they both gazed at her in wonder.

She stepped forward, reaching for Rajan and pulling him to her. Wolfgang watched as she kissed her husband and started to undress him. They were beautiful. He was so fucking lucky.

As Rajan’s chest was bared, Wolfgang went to them, kissing that dark shoulder and trailing his fingers up Kala’s back. She gasped into Rajan and Wolfgang felt a little spike in her arousal.

The next moment, both hers and Rajan’s hands were at his jeans, scrambling to open them between them. He stepped out of them eagerly, pushing his boxers off seconds later.

Rajan grinned. ‘You’re always the first to be naked, aren’t you?’

Wolfgang smirked back at him. ‘Then hurry up and join me.’ He didn’t wait for Rajan to do it himself, but undid his trousers for him and pushed them and his boxers down. Rajan, stepping out of his clothes, caught Wolfgang in his arms and kissed him hard. Wolfgang clutched at him, pressing their hot, hard cocks together. He grinned as he felt Kala enjoying the sight of them.

Wolfgang reached out for her hand and pulled her to them. They were wrapped in each other’s arms and there was nothing but the three of them. They were as one and nothing else mattered.

Together, Rajan and Wolfgang turned their attention to Kala. Rajan met her lips in a deep kiss while Wolfgang kissed her neck and one hand sneaked round to undo her bra. He licked a path up her throat as he uncovered her full breasts.

He cupped her left breast and lowered his mouth to her right nipple. She gasped softly into Rajan’s mouth and her skin dimpled. He smirked around her breast, then flicked her nipple with his tongue.

She whimpered, her hips jerking forward as his mouth did wicked things to her. Her hand landed in his hair, then down to his shoulders, holding onto him. Rajan’s fingers trailed down his back as he kissed his wife and Wolfgang felt their pleasure wash over him. He could lose himself in them. The love in his heart swelled to overcome every bad feeling.

They moved to the bed. Wolfgang found himself in between his two lovers, with them both lavishing attention on him. They kissed him and caressed him all over and he held them to him. They were soft and warm and being in bed naked with them, exploring each other and just being together was the best feeling in the world.

He turned into Kala, cupping her jaw and kissing her deeply. God, he loved her. He loved her so much. He didn’t need to say it; he knew she could feel it. If only it were as easy to show Rajan how he felt.

Rajan’s hand was on his hip and Wolfgang pushed back into him, feeling his hard cock brushing his buttocks. Rajan kissed his shoulder and murmured softly against him.

‘You want it?’

Wolfgang let out a soft sigh of pleasure. ‘I want both of you,’ he breathed.

Kala’s hand joined Rajan at his hips and she smiled. You’ve got both of us.’

They didn’t need any more words. Rajan reached for the lube as Kala moved against Wolfgang. His cock was hard against her and he wanted to be inside her. 

Rajan, his hand on Wolfgang’s hip, guided himself inside him. Wolfgang gasped at the feeling of being filled up by this man he loved. He reached back, pulled Rajan further into him and groaning aloud as his cock edged against that pleasurable bundle of nerves. Heat sparked through him and he felt Kala’s body jerk as she shared his pleasure.

He reached for her and she knew what he wanted. He nudged her thighs apart with his knee and a moment later, she was sliding onto him.

The three of them were one, their pleasure washing over them all. Nothing else existed but this moment. They began to move together, instinct driving them.

Their moans filled the room as they made love together. Pleasure sparked across their bodies and Wolfgang was overcome by his lovers. They were in him and he was in them and it was almost more than he could take as they both moved against him.

Their mouths were on him, kissing his mouth, his neck, his shoulder. Rajan kissed the nape of his neck and his breath was hot and heavy on his skin.

Rajan was moving fast now and Wolfgang gave himself up to the feelings assaulting his body. Burying his face in Kala’s neck, he came inside her with a cry. His pleasure seemed to tip her over the edge and she clenched around him, her body jerking as her orgasm swept over her. Rajan made a few more thrusts, then he came too, burying his cry in Wolfgang’s neck.

They collapsed into each other, their arms around each other and their bodies entwined. Rajan stroked his hip and Kala pressed lazy kisses along his jaw. They didn’t need to say anything. They all knew how they felt. Wolfgang knew he was right where he was supposed to be, with his lovers. He was safe here and this was all he wanted.


	48. Chapter 48

Wolfgang was alone when he woke the next morning, but he smiled as he hazily remembered Rajan and Kala kissing him goodbye before they’d left for work. He touched his lips, where the echo of their kisses still remained.

He grinned. There was a happy bubble inside him and he felt like today was going to be a good day. Or at least, better than yesterday.

He turned over and grabbed his phone from Kala’s bedside table. He looked at the screen and his stomach dropped. There was a message from Felix.

_Hey, Wolfie, you coming to the shop today? Got some new safes in. Miss you, brother._

He groaned, sitting up and rubbing his hands over his face.

‘Why don’t you want to see Felix?’ asked a voice he knew well.

Wolfgang glanced at Lito, who was sitting on the bed next to him, in nothing but his dressing gown.

He shrugged. ‘Dunno.’

Lito gave him a look. ‘Yeah, you do.’

Wolfgang shrugged again and turned away. He got up and went to his wardrobe to find some clothes, but he didn’t put them on yet.

‘So, how come you’re here? Or did you just fancy a look?’ he asked, teasingly. He swayed his hips and smirked when Lito’s gaze shifted downward.

‘Well, it’s a perk. There’s always a reasonable chance you’re naked.’

‘You’re not overdressed yourself.’

Lito grinned. ‘I was getting ready for bed.’

Wolfgang shrugged and pulled his boxers on. No point Lito getting too distracted.

‘So, why are you avoiding Felix?’ Lito persisted.

Wolfgang sighed. Maybe he should have let Lito be distracted. He dumped his clothes in the chair, then sat back down next to Lito. ‘He’s being different around me, cautious. I don’t like it.’

‘You need to talk to him.’

Wolfgang shook his head. ‘You do it. Tell him some lie.’

Lito shook his head, gravely. ‘He’s your best friend. You need to trust him with the truth. You shouldn’t live a lie with the people who love you.’

Wolfgang frowned and looked down at his shaking hands. He rubbed his thighs, trying to stop the shaking. ‘I just want it to be like it was before.’

‘Why can’t it be?’

‘He used to see me as Conan. That’s who I wanna be.’

Lito put his hands on Wolfgang’s shoulders and looked into his face. ‘Wolfgang, you killed your uncle to protect Felix, you blew up Whispers with a fucking rocket launcher, and now you’re fighting your traumas, the worst enemy you have ever had, and you’re winning.’

‘Am I?’

‘Of course!’ He grabbed Wolfgang into an exuberant hug. ‘Wolfgang, my friend, you are Conan.’ He pulled back. ‘And Felix knows this. So go and see your friend.’

‘Well, he did say he had new safes in. I suppose I’ll go in.’

Lito grinned at him. ‘Remember, my friend, fighting is what you do. So don’t give up now.’ He patted his shoulder. ‘Wolfgang, you are the bravest man I ever knew.’

Wolfgang gave him a half-smile. ‘You’re pretty fucking brave too, you know. Even if you can’t throw a punch for shit.’

Lito laughed and then he was gone.

Wolfgang let out his breath and reached for his phone. He texted ‘be in later’ to Felix, then he got dressed.

Late that morning, Wolfgang made his way to Felix’s shop. His belly jangled with nerves but he ignored them, trying his best to be Conan. And this was Felix. He trusted Felix with his life.

There was a customer in the shop when he got there. He saw Felix’s eyebrows raise when he came through the door but he didn’t say anything to him. He finished up with the customer and saw them out, then turned the sign on the door to closed and locked it before he turned to Wolfgang.

‘Where the fuck have you been, man? I was worried.’

Wolfgang shrugged. ‘You didn’t need to be.’

‘How am I supposed to know whether you were dead in a ditch or not if you don’t answer messages or come to see me?’

Wolfgang flopped down in a chair. ‘Kala would have told you.’

‘Don’t give me that shit, man. Fucking talk to me. We’ve been through enough, haven’t we?’

Wolfgang let out a breath and looked at his friend, the truest and dearest friend he’d ever had, the one person he’d always known would do anything for him.

‘I have to tell you the truth.’

Felix sat down next to him. ‘The truth about what, Wolfie?’

Wolfgang stared at his hands. ‘Felix, my father … he didn’t just beat me. He … he raped me.’

There was silence. Wolfgang hesitated, then looked up at his friend. There was sadness in Felix’s eyes and he shook his head slowly.

‘Oh, Wolfie, I know. I always knew.’

Wolfgang frowned. ‘You did? How?’

Felix gave him a small, sad smile. ‘You never could keep anything from me. That’s why you killed him, isn’t it?’

Wolfgang nodded. ‘He would have done it again.’

‘I’m glad you killed the fucking bastard. The motherfucker deserved it. But you didn’t deserve what happened.’

Wolfgang looked at him. ‘I should’ve stopped him.’

‘You did. You stopped him hurting anyone ever again.’

‘I couldn’t save my mother.’

‘It wasn’t your job to, Wolfie. Everything that happened, it was his fault, not yours. He did that, not you.’ Felix reached over and pulled Wolfgang to him. He pressed their foreheads together. ‘I love you, man. You know that, don’t you?’

Wolfgang held onto his friend, like he was the only thing keeping him above water. ‘I know. I love you too.’

Felix patted his back then pulled away. ‘So, at the club... What was that?’

Wolfgang looked away, shrugging. ‘I panicked.’

‘Is it gonna happen again?’

‘Maybe. It’s happened a few times now. But it’s getting better.’

‘You still talking to that therapist woman?’

‘Yeah. It does help. It doesn’t feel like it sometimes but it is.’

Felix nodded. ‘Good. I dunno if I can do anything but if I can I will.’

‘You can do something. Just treat me normal. I don’t want you to think I’m weak.’

‘Fuck, Wolfie, you’re the strongest person I’ve ever met. All the shit you’ve gone through and you’re still here. You’re still fighting.’ He hit him lightly on the shoulder. ‘Fucking hell, Wolfie, this is why you’re Conan and I’m the sidekick.’

Wolfgang got up, pulling Felix up and into his arms. ‘I wouldn’t be here without you, brother.’

After his intense conversation with Felix, Wolfgang knew he needed to wind down. As he made his way to the gym, he found himself visiting Kala, who was alone in her lab. She was so focused on pipetting some chemical into a beaker that she didn’t notice him.

He watched her in silence, a smile spreading across his face. She had such a mind; it held so much knowledge and thought in such unexpected ways. She did not know how to use her fists like he did, or like Sun and Will but, like she’d told him once, she still knew how to fight. She was beautiful and her body was so sexy but it was her mind and her romantic soul, full of wonder for the world, that he had fallen in love with.

He waited until she’d put down the pipette before he spoke. ‘If I go swimming here, do I need to buy trunks?’

She turned and that soft smile spread across her face, the one that made butterflies flutter in his belly. He felt a rush of love and he didn’t know if it was his or hers but it didn’t matter.

‘Hi,’ she said, her voice full of warmth. ‘How long have you been there?’

He shrugged. ‘Only a few moments. I was watching you work.’

She frowned. ‘You’re not … having a bad day?’

Wolfgang shook his head. ‘No. I feel good today.’ He smiled. ‘Last night helped, a lot. And I just talked to Felix.’

She smiled. ‘Good. Have you sorted things out between you?’

‘I think so, thanks to Lito. He persuaded me that I needed to be honest with Felix.’

She stepped closer to him, reaching out and giving his cheek a gentle caress. ‘Were you? Did you tell him what happened to you?’

Wolfgang nodded, looking into her warm brown eyes. ‘I did. He already knew.’ He shrugged. ‘I guess that means he doesn’t think any differently of me because of it. He told me as much.’

She kissed him, softly and sweetly on his mouth. ‘Nobody would think any differently of you for it. It wasn’t your fault.’

He gazed sadly at her, stroking her hair. ‘I wish I saw the world as you do, Kala. You always see the good, in everything. Even in me.’

She stroked his stubbled jaw. ‘There is good in you, Wolfgang. I can feel it in you every time you look at me, or hold me, or make love with me and Rajan. I feel it when you sing or dance with us, and when you protect us all. You are a _good_ person, Wolfgang. You _are_.’

He could say nothing. He just gazed at her, then pulled her close and buried his face in her hair. ‘I love you,’ he whispered into her soft brown curls.

She held him close in silence for a few moments, before he heard her take a breath. ‘And yes, you _do_ need to wear swimming trunks.’

He huffed. ‘I suppose I’ll get used to it.’

She laughed. ‘When we go back to Mumbai, I promise you can swim naked in our pool there.’

He grinned at her. ‘I’ll hold you to that.’ He pulled back. ‘I’m at the gym now. See you at home. I’ll cook.’

Her eyes lit up. ‘I can’t wait.’

His grin widened, then he was back on the streets, just approaching his gym.


	49. Chapter 49

Wolfgang worked out first, beating the hell out of the punchbag in the kickboxing studio. There were other people around, so none of his cluster joined him. But he’d been content with the punchbag and it had done the job. His muscles were a little sore now and he was looking forward to plunging into that pool.

He’d showered and put on the snug black swimming trunks he’d bought. It was odd to be wearing something whilst swimming, as he never had before, but everyone else was wearing something similar so he wasn’t out of place. There were only a handful of people in the pool and at least half were lying around on loungers. Only a few were actually in the water.

He dived into the pool, plunging into the deliciously cool water with barely a ripple. He glided through the water, his muscles working by instinct. The water soothed them and soothed his mind. No unbidden thoughts came to him. He felt at peace with himself, settled, for the first time in a long time. No, _more_ at peace with himself than he could ever remember feeling in his whole life. There was no danger. He didn’t have to be constantly alert.

He suddenly realised there was someone else swimming with him, following his own strokes through the water. But they were a little over dressed for a French swimming pool. A dark, well-muscled body, wearing trousers and a tank top, swam alongside him.

He grinned at Capheus, who beamed back at him. They surfaced and Capheus’s bald head glistened with water.

‘Life is good!’ the Kenyan said.

Wolfgang chuckled. ‘Yeah, life is good.’ He rested his head against the pool wall, letting his legs rise from beneath him. He floated there and Capheus floated with him.

The next moment, he was in Nairobi. He could feel the heat of the late afternoon sun and see Capheus sitting beside him. They were in a garden, sitting on a bench with Zakia. Wolfgang breathed in the peace of the moment. He could feel Capheus’s love for her so strongly that he could almost see it bursting out of him. He couldn’t help but smile. It was a good feeling.

‘You love her,’ he said. It wasn’t really a question. He could feel it too strongly to need to ask.

Capheus beamed at him. ‘With all my heart.’

Zakia looked at him and smiled. ‘Who is it?’

‘Wolfgang.’ He sighed contentedly. ‘He’s swimming. I can feel the water, the coolness on my skin.’

Her face took on a look of wonder and Wolfgang had to grin. It was wonderous. It really was, to be able to feel both the extreme heat of the African sun, whilst simultaneously feeling the cool water of a French swimming pool bathing his body.

‘What a marvellous thing,’ sighed Zakia. ‘What a gift to be able to feel so much all at once.’

‘It is.’ Capheus’s smile widened. ‘Do you know, he can feel my love for you, as strong as the love he feels for his partners?’

Her smile was gentle and she gazed at Capheus with an expression of such love that Wolfgang could almost feel that too. ‘Life is never more beautiful than when you’re in love,’ she said.

‘It is,’ Wolfgang said, thinking of Kala and Rajan.

Capheus beamed at him. ‘You love them. I can feel it. You should tell Rajan how you feel. He’d like to hear it.’

Wolfgang nodded. ‘He would.’

He plunged back into the water, skimming through the gentle waves created by his mini dive. This was easy. Swimming had always come naturally to him and it made his body feel strong and beautiful. He could do such things with his body. It owned him and he owned it. It was his to do with what he wanted. It belonged to him alone, even when one of his cluster shared with him; that was something he allowed to happen to him, not something that was forced on him. He was in control.

After he’d finished his swim, he showered the chlorine from his body and got dressed again. He found himself humming a tune as he made his way home. He laughed as he realised the song was playing perfectly in his head.

There is no combination of words I could put on the back of a postcard  
No song that I could sing, but I can try for your heart  
Our dreams, and they are made out of real things  
Like a, shoe box of photographs  
With sepia-toned loving

‘Riley,’ he said, shaking his head. ‘You’re like a jukebox.’

She grinned at him and he was in her living room. She and Will were alone and they were wrapped up in each other. He watched them, feeling the love they felt. Will was kissing her and the tenderness with which he caressed her cheek made Wolfgang’s chest ache. They deserved each other; they deserved the happiness they brought each other so much. They were one, just like him and Kala.

Will looked up at him and smiled warmly. ‘You’re welcome to join us.’

Wolfgang gave him half a smile but shook his head. Then he was back in Paris, but the song continued to play in his head.

Love is the answer, at least for most of the questions in my heart  
Like why are we here? And where do we go?  
And how come it's so hard?  
It's not always easy and  
Sometimes life can be deceiving  
I'll tell you one thing, it's always better when we're together

Sun was in bed. Wolfgang was a little surprised to find himself there but he smiled as he saw her. She was almost asleep but she had a contented smile on her face. He didn’t blame her; Mun was cuddled up in her arms, his head on her chest, and her dog was curled up at their feet. It was a sight that made him smile.

Sun was probably the most like him of all the cluster, used to being independent, not used to being vulnerable. If she had allowed herself to fall so completely in love, with all the vulnerabilities that brought, there was just as much hope for him.

She smiled sleepily at him, then sighed and closed her eyes, pressing a kiss into Mun’s silky black hair, mussing it even more than it already was.

He heard himself sigh softly, then he was letting himself into his flat.

It's always better when we're together  
Yeah, we'll look at the stars when we're together  
Well, it's always better when we're together  
Yeah, it's always better when we're together

And all of these moments  
Just might find their way into my dreams tonight  
But I know that they'll be gone  
When the morning light sings  
And brings new things  
For tomorrow night you see  
That they'll be gone too  
Too many things I have to do

As he opened the door, he blinked, blinded by the bright morning sunlight coming through the window of Lito’s hotel room. Lito was in a bed the size of two double beds pushed together, spooned up against his Hernando. In Hernando’s arms was Dani, asleep with her dark hair spread over the pillow.

Lito was awake, kissing Hernando’s naked shoulder, his hand moving reaching across to stroke Dani’s hips. Wolfgang still sensed a little confusion from Lito about how his family had happened, but stronger than that was the love he felt for them.

Wolfgang smiled as Lito turned his head to look at him. He didn’t say anything, just smiled back. It was good to feel the happiness that emanated from Lito. He practically glowed with it. He was living his dream and he was doing it with the people he loved. Wolfgang wasn’t sure what his own dreams were; he’d never really thought beyond surviving and giving the occasional ‘fuck you’ to his family. That family was gone now and he had a new one. But he wasn’t sure he had a dream, except to keep that family safe.

But if all of these dreams might find their way  
Into my day to day scene  
I'd be under the impression  
I was somewhere in between  
With only two  
Just me and you  
Not so many things we got to do  
Or places we got to be  
We'll sit beneath the mango tree now

Yeah, it's always better when we're together  
We're somewhere in between together  
Well, it's always better when we're together  
Yeah, it's always better when we're together

I believe in memories  
They look so, so pretty when I sleep  
Hey now, and when I wake up,  
You look so pretty sleeping next to me

Wolfgang went into his apartment and shut the door behind him. He took off his jacket and went to look in the fridge to see what he could cook. As he turned away with a packet of chicken in his hand, he found himself in Nomi and Amanita’s loft apartment.

They were in bed too, but they were utterly absorbed in each other. Nomi was running her hand along Neet’s side, gazing at her with an open expression of love and adoration on her face. He smiled as Nomi kissed her wife softly on the mouth and those dark, slender hands slid around her pale waist.

Wolfgang pulled back. This was private moment and he did not want to intrude. But it made him happy to see it. It made him more happy than he could express to see all his cluster so happy. They deserved it after all the shit and the danger they’d all been through. He’d do anything to hold onto this happiness, for all of them.

But there is not enough time,  
And there is no, no song I could sing  
And there is no combination of words I could say  
But I will still tell you one thing  
We're better together

As he got out the wok and started slicing the chicken, he saw Rajan fetching his and Kala’s coats, while she picked up her handbag. They would soon be on their way home and he would have their dinner ready for them. This was his family and he was going to look after them.


	50. Chapter 50

‘Mmm, I can smell the chlorine,’ said Rajan, as he kissed Wolfgang hello after walking into the flat. ‘Kala said you’d been swimming.’

Kala shut the door behind them and locked it before she, too, kissed Wolfgang hello. ‘Did you have a good swim?’

He wrapped his arms around her, lifting her up and twirling her round as she laughed. ‘Wonderful,’ he said. ‘I’ve made stir fry.’ He put her down and turned his attention back to the still sizzling wok. He took the packet of fresh noodles from the fridge, opened it and tipped them in.

He felt Rajan approached him from behind and kissed the back of his neck, before resting his chin on his shoulder. ‘Smells delicious. So do you.’

Wolfgang smirked. ‘Fan of chlorine, are you?’

‘I do quite like it, actually, but I’m a big of fan of you. You always smell delicious.’

Wolfgang pushed back into him. ‘You can taste me later.’

Rajan laughed, then joined Kala in going to get changed out of their work clothes.

At dinner, the chatter came easily. Rajan and Kala told Wolfgang all about their day at work. Kala was beginning to make friends with her new colleagues and a couple of them had invited her out to go shopping after their half-day finish on Friday. Rajan was still getting used to being in charge of the branch, without his father around.

Wolfgang told them about his workout and his swim, though he didn’t mention why he’d needed to go. They already knew that.

‘I think I’ll go swimming there regularly. It’s a nice pool, nearly as good my old one back in Berlin.’

‘Just fewer naked people,’ said Kala, rolling her eyes.

‘Oh, there’s nothing better than swimming naked.’ He smirked at her. ‘You should try it sometime.’

She pursed her lips and sipped her wine. ‘I prefer a bathing suit.’

Wolfgang grinned as he picked up his glass of beer. ‘I like your bikini.’

She gave him a look. ‘Then you can borrow it next time.’

Rajan laughed and patted Wolfgang on the shoulder. ‘Stop winding her up, Wolfie.’

Wolfgang glanced at him, wondering if he’d noticed what he’d just called him. But he was just tucking into his stir fry. Wolfgang debated questioning him on the nickname but then he decided he liked it, so he said nothing.

Kala was smiling at him, noticing his hesitation and his acceptance. Wolfgang grinned back at her and took another gulp of his beer.

‘So, I was thinking,’ said Wolfgang, ending the companionable quiet. ‘We never got our third date.’

They both looked at him in surprise.

‘You’re right,’ said Rajan.

‘I hadn’t thought about it,’ said Kala, her eyes meeting his. Wolfgang knew she was carefully not saying what it was that had driven the dating thing from her mind.

‘And it’s your turn,’ said Wolfgang. He grinned. ‘I’m looking forward to what you choose.’

She opened her mouth, then closed it again and frowned, thinking. ‘All right.’ She put her glass down and pointed at Wolfgang. ‘But you stay out of my head while I’m planning it. I want it to be a surprise.’

Wolfgang smiled gently. ‘All right. I’ll stay out. Just let me know in time so I can decide what to wear.’

She pressed her lips tightly together and gave him The Look again.

Rajan grinned. ‘Wolfie, you really do like to live dangerously, don’t you?’

Wolfgang shrugged, smiling. ‘I just love to see that fire in her eyes.’

Kala relaxed, a soft smile spreading across her face. She said nothing but Wolfgang could feel she was pleased. He wondered what date she was going to surprise them with. He could feel her planning, though he obediently didn’t try to probe. He was looking forward to the surprise. He was looking forward to getting back to dating and having fun with his lovers. He might be ‘in recovery’ as Corinne put it but fun and closeness with the people he loved was the most important thing to him now.

That night, after a little wine and a lot of chat, they went to bed. Wolfgang was in a good mood, eager to experience his lovers before they slept. He was the first to finish in the bathroom but Rajan was close behind him, while Kala was washing her face, then applying moisturising cream.

Seconds after he returned to the bedroom, he felt Rajan behind him. He turned, smiling as he reached for his lover and brought him against his naked body.

‘You ready to taste me, Raj?’ he asked, smirking.

Rajan grinned, pulling Wolfgang closer to him. ‘Fuck, yes,’ he said and kissed him hard. Wolfgang felt himself moaning as his mouth was claimed by Rajan’s kiss. He loved the fire between them, how it could be hot and passionate, yet also soft and loving.

He pulled Rajan with him until they were against the wood-panelled wall of the bedroom. Rajan pulled back to look at him, searching his face. Wolfgang didn’t shy away from his intense gaze.

Rajan grinned at him, then kissed his neck. Wolfgang murmured softly in response and he felt Rajan grin against him. He continued down, kissing his way down his chest. He licked and nipped at his skin, making Wolfgang’s moans deeper.

Somewhere at the edges of his mind, he was aware of Kala becoming aware of what they were doing. He could feel her arousal reflecting his own but he couldn’t tell if she was watching them, or just feeling them.

Rajan sank to his knees and reverently took Wolfgang’s cock in his mouth. Wolfgang’s hands landed in his hair and he gasped as Rajan’s heat enveloped him. Through half-lidded eyes, he looked ahead and saw Kala sit on the bed, watching them. She wore only her short silk nightdress. Her gaze was focused on only them and he could feel her arousal burning between her legs.

He met her eyes and they shared the intensity of their arousal across the space between them. Rajan was still working, his gentle but sure mouth producing moans and gasps from Wolfgang’s mouth. His cock was hard and aching and he could just come right then. But he wanted to experience their shared orgasm, the three of them together.

He dropped his hand to Rajan’s shoulder and pushed him gently back. Rajan looked up at him and smiled. He knew what Wolfgang wanted. It was what he wanted too.

He stood, taking his hand and turning. He saw Kala and beamed. ‘I didn’t hear you come in, my love.’

She smirked, folding her arms across her chest. ‘I am afraid, I’ve caught you with your boyfriend,’ she said, in a teasing tone that had a touch of Riley to it.

Rajan laughed. ‘And I’m sure you enjoyed the sight very much, my love.’

She blushed, smiling demurely. ‘I did. Now, I want to enjoy both of you with me.’

They went to her, needing no further urging. They each took a hand, bringing her to her feet. They kissed her, one at a time. Wolfgang kissed her neck, licking the hollow of her throat, as Rajan moved behind her and kissed her shoulder.

Wolfgang moved down her throat, kissing the bare flesh above the low neckline of her negligée. Her moan vibrated through him. Rajan eased down the straps of her nightdress, kissing the skin he uncovered.

As the negligée slipped down, Wolfgang cupped her breast, bending to kiss the other one. As Rajan kissed his way down her spine, Wolfgang nipped, sucked and licked her nipple. Her soft gasps of pleasure made his cock ache. He really wanted to be inside her. He wanted to feel her orgasm around him. He dropped to his knees as Rajan slipped the negligée from her body.

Wolfgang kissed her belly, then slipped down and tasted her. She was wet. Her thighs twitched as his tongue flickered expertly over that little spot of pleasure. The sensations rippled through her body as well as his own. He could feel Rajan kissing her too, exploring her body with his mouth as Wolfgang teased her towards her orgasm.

He felt her body begin to twitch and he pulled back. Kala whimpered at the loss and Wolfgang grinned up at her, panting as her near-orgasm pulsed through him too.

‘Bed?’ asked Rajan.

Wolfgang nodded, rising up and grabbing hold of Kala by her thighs. He lifted her into his arms and carried her to the bed.

Rajan joined them as he lay her down and kissed her. The two men worked together to worship her body, kissing and licking her sensitive skin. She whimpered, writhing under their focused attention.

She reached blindly for Wolfgang’s shoulders and tugged at him. Then she was beside him, whispering in his ear as she visited.

‘I want you inside me.’

He grinned, lifting her up and bringing her close to him. He slipped inside her, then moved forward, pressing her into the bed beneath him. She looked up into his eyes and he could feel her love. It made him feel as though he were flying to feel how much she loved him.

Rajan was with them as he began to move inside her. Wolfgang wrapped his arm around Rajan’s waist, pulling him close. Rajan moved with them, following Wolfgang’s rhythm against his thigh. Wolfgang could feel the heat of him and his breath was heavy on their faces.

Kala reached for them both, pulling them tight to her and Wolfgang could feel her desire for both of them pulsing through her body and mind.

They moved together, falling naturally into their rhythm. It didn’t matter who was inside who, all that mattered was that they were together. He was lost in their heat and their softness, in their curves and their edges.

They came together, their cries lost in a shared kiss but their bodies trembling against each other. They collapsed together, breathless and panting. They lay in a tangle, unsure where they each ended and another began.

As Wolfgang lay there, Kala’s head nestled in his shoulder and Rajan’s hand stroking his stomach, he felt totally at home and at peace. There was music in his head, a song he knew, a song that seemed to describe his feelings perfectly.

What's going on in that beautiful mind  
I'm on your magical mystery ride  
And I'm so dizzy, don't know what hit me, but I'll be alright

My head's under water  
But I'm breathing fine  
You're crazy and I'm out of my mind

'Cause all of me  
Loves all of you  
Love your curves and all your edges  
All your perfect imperfections  
Give your all to me  
I'll give my all to you  
You're my end and my beginning  
Even when I lose I'm winning  
'Cause I give you all, all of me  
And you give me all, all of you

How many times do I have to tell you  
Even when you're crying you're beautiful too  
The world is beating you down, I'm around through every mood  
You're my downfall, you're my muse  
My worst distraction, my rhythm and blues  
I can't stop singing, it's ringing, in my head for you

Kala looked up at him. ‘Is that you I can hear singing or is it Riley again?’

He laughed. ‘I’m not sure. It’s accurate though.’

‘What’s the song?’ asked Rajan.

Wolfgang started to sing the words in his head and he felt Rajan gazing at him as he sang. He felt shy about it, unused to singing in front of others, but he sang the words clearly.

My head's under water  
But I'm breathing fine  
You're crazy and I'm out of my mind

'Cause all of me  
Loves all of you  
Love your curves and all your edges  
All your perfect imperfections  
Give your all to me  
I'll give my all to you  
You're my end and my beginning  
Even when I lose I'm winning  
'Cause I give you all of me  
And you give me all, all of you  
Give me all of you

Rajan hugged him as his voice faded away to silence. ‘You’re a beautiful singer.’

Wolfgang shrugged, squirming a little. ‘Not really.’

Rajan glanced at Kala, who gave him a somewhat sad smile. Rajan looked back at Wolfgang and squeezed his hand. ‘Whether you think so or not, I like it.’

Wolfgang couldn’t help but smile as Rajan looked earnestly at him. Despite the other man not being a Sensate, he could still feel his love washing over him. Wolfgang envied him that; here was a man who was not afraid to show his love. If only it was so easy for Wolfgang.


	51. Chapter 51

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few French words/phrases in this chapter. 
> 
> voilá le marchand de vins - there is the wine shop  
> le marché - the market (a farmer's market)  
> la boucherie - the butcher's  
> la boulangerie - the bakery

Wolfgang jerked awake, fear crowding his body and pounding in his mind. His breathing came hard and he could feel his hands shaking. He needed to get out, to run from the images that assaulted his mind.

He sat up, aiming to scramble out of bed. But Rajan’s hand landed on his arm. ‘What is it?’ he asked.

Wolfgang shut his eyes, trying to control his breathing. ‘Nothing, I’m fine.’

‘No you’re not,’ said Rajan, his arm sliding around Wolfgang’s shoulders. ‘Take a deep breath, then let it out slowly.’

Wolfgang did as he was told, trying to remember the techniques Corinne and Riley had taught him. Rajan rubbed his back and that helped. Slowly, he felt his breathing return to normal.

‘Nightmare?’ Rajan asked.

Wolfgang nodded, rubbing his hand over his face. ‘Yeah. I’m fine now.’

Rajan looked at him. ‘No, you’re not. You’re still shaking. Come on, talk to me.’

‘No, I’m fine.’

Rajan took hold of his shoulders and turned him to face him. ‘Wolfgang, you need to talk about it. Trust me with this. You _can_ trust me.’

Wolfgang looked into those warm brown eyes. ‘You don’t want to see the shit in my head, believe me.’

Rajan stroked his cheek. ‘Wolfie, that’s the thing about being in love. It’s not just about the good stuff. It’s about everything, even the shit.’ He shifted and pressed gently on Wolfgang’s shoulder. ‘Lie down and tell me about your nightmare.’

Wolfgang lay back down beside Kala, and Rajan lay back down next to him and pulled him into his warm embrace. His beard was soft against his forehead as he held him close and kissed him.

‘Talk to me,’ he whispered, and Wolfgang couldn’t resist anymore. He sagged against Rajan and began to talk. His voice was so low, he wasn’t sure if Rajan could hear everything, but it didn’t matter. The important thing was to say it.

At some point, he felt Kala wake up and cuddle up behind him, listening to but also saying nothing. That didn’t matter either. As he talked, surrounded by their love, the fear faded away.

A couple of days later, it was Friday and, as Kala had arranged to go shopping with her new friends after work, Rajan and Wolfgang decided to go out themselves after work. But not clothes shopping. Instead, they went food shopping. They planned to make a meal for Kala to come home to. They had been to _le marché_ for the vegetables, _la boucherie_ for some lamb, and _la boulangerie_ for some fresh bread. They now had all the ingredients they needed to make ratatouille.

‘Shall we get a nice bottle of wine?’ Rajan asked.

‘Sure. Kala will probably need a glass or two after all that shopping.’

Rajan laughed. ‘You know she actually enjoys shopping, as do I. Though I know it’s not your favourite thing.’

Wolfgang glanced at him. ‘I don’t mind this sort of shopping. Ah, _voilá le marchand de vins_.’

Rajan looked curiously at him as they made their way to the wine shop. ‘What languages did you speak before the cluster?’

‘German and Russian mostly. Little bit of English, a little French. I definitely didn’t know a word Hindi, Icelandic, Spanish, Swahili or Korean. And my English was very basic.’

‘Do you know you and Kala slip between languages all the time when you’re talking to each other?’

Wolfgang shrugged. ‘We don’t mean to. Sorry.’

‘It’s all right, I like hearing it. Though maybe you could teach me some German. You and Kala speak that a lot.’

Wolfgang nodded. ‘I will.’ He smirked. ‘As long as you’re a good student,’ he teased, patting his bottom.

Rajan smiled shyly. ‘I’ll certainly be an eager one.’

Wolfgang laughed and they entered the shop together. ‘So, where do you think Kala is going to take us for our date?’

Rajan shrugged, examining the wine on offer. ‘You’re the one in her head.’

‘Uh uh, I’ve promised to stay out.’

Rajan, turning to smirk at him. ‘As long as you don’t promise to stay out of me.’

Wolfgang turned away from where he was idly scanning the shelf next to him to look at Rajan. ‘You …’ He cleared his throat. ‘You want that?’

Rajan grinned at him. ‘Well, it looks like fun if your reactions are anything to go by.’

‘Oh it is, a lot of fun.’

‘I’d certainly like to try then, sometime.’

Wolfgang nodded. ‘I’ll keep that in mind. As long as you don’t get too keen on that and I never get to do it anymore. I had this long-term fuck once and he only ever wanted to receive. Got boring quickly.’

‘You know, most people would just say boyfriend.’

‘Oh, he wasn’t a boyfriend. Told you, I never had a boyfriend before. Or a girlfriend really. Well, a few girls who said they were my girlfriend. But there was nothing in it.’

Rajan selected a moderately expensive _Chateau Latour_. ‘You’ve always had a lot of walls up, haven’t you?’

Wolfgang shrugged. ‘If it wasn’t for Kala, if it wasn’t for falling in love with Kala, I’d still be like that. And believe me, I tried to resist.’ He smiled. ‘For a little while.’

Rajan paid for the wine, as Wolfgang had paid for the food. They walked home through the park, carrying the shopping bags between them.

They walked in companionable quiet, enjoying the scenery around them. Occasionally, they made a comment to each other, pointing out a pretty bird, or discussing what Kala might think of the meal, but mostly they were quiet. Wolfgang listened to the peaceful quiet around them, surprising himself by how at peace he felt. Normally, he avoided quiet.

‘The court date is coming up,’ said Rajan, suddenly.

Wolfgang looked at him, waiting for him to say more.

‘You know, the corruption trial. I have to go back to Mumbai.’

‘Do you want us to come with you?’

Rajan shook his head rapidly. ‘No, Kala needs to stay here, needs to stay safe. I need you to look after her.’

Wolfgang stopped, putting his free hand on Rajan’s arm. ‘What about you? Will you be in danger?’

Rajan shrugged. ‘There are people there who want to kill me, but I’ll have police protection and my own private bodyguards. I’ll be all right. I just want you to make sure Kala stays safe. There are people who would hurt her to get to me.’

Wolfgang felt his jaw tense. ‘Not while I’m around.’

Rajan nodded and smiled. ‘That’s why I want you to stay with her.’ They started to walk again. ‘I know you understand that I’d rather die than let anything happen to her, because you feel the same.’

Wolfgang nodded. ‘I do.’

‘So, I know she’ll be safe with you.’

‘She’ll always be safe with me.’

‘Of course, I hope it doesn’t, but if anything does happen to me, just know that I want you two to stay together and be happy. You both deserve that.’

‘Nothing’s going to happen to you, Rajan. Because I’m not going to let you go alone.’

‘Wolfgang…’

‘No, listen to me,’ Wolfgang said, stopping again. ‘I can keep you both safe. But only if I’m with you. When the time comes to go to Mumbai, you’re not going alone because we’re coming with you. The three of us … well, we’re a triad, aren’t we? So that means, we’re in this together, no matter what happens.’

Rajan looked back at him, gazing into his eyes for a moment, then he nodded and, accepting Wolfgang’s words, started to walk again.

Wolfgang walked beside him and wondered what was causing the prickling at the back of his neck. He glanced backwards but there was nobody there. Perhaps he was just a little over-aware after all that talk of staying safe. Still, he stayed alert and stayed close to Rajan as they returned home.


	52. Chapter 52

Wolfgang enjoyed cooking with Rajan. He didn’t get grumpy or impatient when he cooked, and he didn’t take over either. They did the work together. They listened to music and danced around, laughing as they worked. 

When Kala got home from her shopping trip, the food was nearly ready, the table was set and the wine was breathing, decanted on the table. She beamed, watching Wolfgang carry the freshly cut bread over to the table.

‘What a welcome! What have you made?’

‘Ratatouille,’ said Wolfgang. ‘It was Rajan’s idea.’

‘And Wolfgang has ably assisted me.’

‘It smells wonderful. I’ll just go and put these away and freshen up, then I’ll be back.’

‘You going to show us what you bought?’ asked Wolfgang.

She grinned, clutching her bags. ‘Nope, you’ll have to wait until I wear them.’

Wolfgang grinned at Rajan. ‘Whatever she’s bought, she’s very excited about it.’

Rajan smiled back. ‘Well that’s good for us. Oh, we need butter.’

A few minutes later, they were sitting down to eat. Kala was in a good mood as she chattered about her day. Wolfgang was content to just listen. Her mood was infectious, and he found himself smiling as he watched her happy smile and bright eyes.

‘These women sound like nice people,’ said Rajan. ‘It sounds like you’ve made some good friends.’

‘It helps that I can speak French almost like one of them. It’s lucky Riley is so good at languages.’

‘She’s increased our language ability by a few just by herself,’ said Wolfgang.

‘Wolfgang says he’s going to teach me some German,’ said Rajan to Kala.

Kala smiled. ‘We could just speak in German if it would help.’

‘Ah, maybe wait until I’ve had a few lessons first.’

‘You need to work on your French too,’ said Wolfgang, mildly. He smirked as he took a sip of wine.

Rajan frowned at him. ‘What’s wrong with my French?’

Wolfgang glanced across at Kala, whose eyes were twinkling with mirth. ‘It’s a little … tourist.’

Rajan’s mouth fell open and he looked from Wolfgang to Kala and back again. Then he scowled at them as he saw them both trying not to laugh. ‘Well, I am the only one reliant on my own skills so I am content with my tourist French.’

Wolfgang and Kala started to laugh then and Rajan joined in. After a moment, they fell quiet.

‘We should tell her about the trial,’ said Wolfgang.

Kala looked at Rajan. ‘You have a date?’

Rajan shook his head. ‘Not yet, but I’m expecting to hear soon. I … wanted to go alone but …’

‘But Wolfgang has put his foot down,’ said Kala.

Rajan shrugged helplessly. ‘Who can say no to that face?’

Wolfgang gave him a look then returned his attention to Kala. ‘The best way for me to protect you both is to stay with you.’

‘You don’t need to protect me, Wolfgang.’

‘Yes, I do,’ Wolfgang said firmly. ‘These people we’re talking about are criminals. Who better to protect you from them than another criminal?’

‘Wolfgang, you are not a criminal,’ she said.

‘I know what I am,’ he said and the words echoed in his head, a reminder of words said to him long ago. ‘And if I can protect you, both of you, because of that, then it’s worth it.’

She held his gaze for a moment, then nodded. ‘All right. We stay together.’ She reached across the table and took both their hands in hers. ‘No matter what.’ She looked at Wolfgang. ‘And we look after each other.’

He looked into her eyes and saw her determination. He smiled a little; she was as stubborn as he was. He nodded. ‘We look after each other,’ he repeated.

They parted and went back to eating.

‘So,’ said Wolfgang, after a few moments of silence. ‘Do I get to swim naked in your pool when we go?’

Kala gave him a smile, blushing slightly. ‘I promised, didn’t I?’

‘Well, I for one will be joining you,’ said Rajan, grinning. ‘In fact, I can’t wait. It’ll make getting subpoenaed worth it.’

Wolfgang snorted. ‘You don’t have to go that far to see me naked,’ he said, starting to stand up.

Kala raised her finger. ‘No, Wolfgang, no!’

He laughed, sitting back down again and leaning back in his chair. ‘That goes for you both, you can see it anytime you want.’

She pressed her lips together primly. ‘Time and a place, Wolfgang.’ She cleared her throat. ‘Anyway, to change the subject, I thought we’d go on our date tomorrow. Is everybody free?’

Wolfgang took another slice of bread. ‘I’ve got therapy in the morning.’

‘I was thinking late afternoon or early evening. Will that give you enough time to rest after your session?’

Wolfgang nodded, ripping his bread in half. ‘Yeah, probably.’

‘Well, it can be rescheduled if you’re not up to it,’ Kala said, gently. ‘It’s nothing I need to book. Actually, it’s quite a … relaxed sort of date. No pressure. Casual.’

‘Sounds good to me,’ said Rajan.

‘Dress code also casual?’ said Wolfgang, carelessly.

Kala looked sharply at him. ‘ _Fully_ dressed please, Wolfgang.’

Rajan shook his head in amusement and Wolfgang chuckled. He really did love to get her going. Kala gave him her sternest look but Wolfgang couldn’t keep the grin from his face, and he felt her own mirth inside her. He knew she quite enjoyed him winding her up in a way as well, or perhaps it was just seeing him happy.

‘I’ve been talking about my nightmares a bit more,’ Wolfgang said, as he sat on Corinne’s couch Saturday morning.

‘That’s good. With your partners?’

He nodded. ‘Yes. It was … Rajan really. I had a nightmare the other day. I was ready to fuck off outta there, go for a smoke or something, but he … put his arm around me, helped me with my breathing, then pulled me down with him and got me to talk.’ He frowned, fiddling with the zip on his jacket. ‘It’s weird, or strange for me at least, but I dunno, I felt safe with him, like he could protect me.’

He sat up straighter, shaking his head. ‘I don’t need anyone to protect me. I protect _them_ but … I dunno, I didn’t mind feeling like that with him. Not that I’m going to shout about it or anything but well, I dunno, it was a good feeling.’

‘And if you could put a name to that feeling, to how you feel when you’re with Rajan, what would it be?’ Corinne asked, gently.

Wolfgang frowned at her. ‘Don’t.’

‘Don’t what?’

‘Don’t try to get me to say things I don’t want to say.’

She smiled gently. ‘Wolfgang, I hate to break it to you, but that’s a large part of my job.’

He rolled his eyes and turned his head away. ‘This isn’t easy for me, you know. It’s different with Kala, it’s impossible to deny. It’s like … we’re one person and I can’t deny anything with her.’

‘I understand that. Why is it so difficult to tell Rajan how you feel? You know how you feel so why can you not express it?’

‘You’re the therapist, you tell me. Something about self-esteem issues or self-destructive behaviour.’

She watched him, mildly, out-waiting him. He hated when she did that.

‘All right, all of that’s true, fine. But I don’t have to like it.’

She smiled. ‘You’ve come a long way, Wolfgang. Let yourself take those last few steps.’

He sighed. ‘He does know how I feel, I’m sure he does but … I know he wants me to say it. I can feel him waiting for me to say it. I should give him what he wants.’

‘You don’t have to do anything, Wolfgang. And if you’re not ready, or you’re not sure, you shouldn’t let anyone, even me, pressure you into it.’

‘But I want to be ready. I want him to … I want him to not have to wait to hear it.’

‘The answer is simple, Wolfgang, and you know this. You were not ready to talk when you first came to me but when you _wanted_ to be ready, you were. It’s the same with this.’ She smiled. ‘You’ll know when.’ 

Wolfgang stayed quiet, letting her words sink in.

She waited a moment, then changed the subject. ‘How are your nightmares? And the intrusive thoughts?’

‘They’re still there. Maybe they’ll always be there but, I’m learning to cope with them now. They’re not stopping me living my life.’ He hesitated. ‘I might be leaving the country soon, going to Mumbai with Rajan and Kala.’

Corinne nodded. ‘Are you coming back?’

‘Yes, this is our home. But, I’m worried if I’ll … be okay without the therapy for a little while.’

‘You might find it difficult. But we can always visit if you’re struggling. I’m always happy to help. And you know your coping techniques now. Use them. Confide in your loved ones, stay off the alcohol and breathe.’

He nodded, letting out a breath. ‘Why does it have to be such hard work?’

She chuckled, gently. ‘That’s the way it works, I’m afraid. But I’m proud of the work you’ve put in.’

‘Keeps you in work, doesn’t it?’ he said, consciously deflecting again.

She gave him a knowing look and he shrugged apologetically. Old habits die hard. She smiled softly and he knew she could read him. Much as he knew it helped, it still made him somewhat uncomfortable. Just like when he talked to Will.

She glanced at her watch. ‘I think we’ll wrap it up there, shall we? Have you got any plans for the rest of the day?’

Wolfgang smiled. ‘Oh, yes. Kala’s taking us on a date.’


	53. Chapter 53

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is some German in this (hopefully correct but I'm a beginner!) but it's mostly translated in the chapter, except Liebling, which means favourite or loved one.

‘Guten morgen,’ said Wolfgang, as he returned to the flat.

Rajan and Kala were sitting on the sofa together, drinking coffee and eating croissants. He smiled as he saw the happy glow about them and guessed they’d had some quality time together while he’d been out.

‘That’s ‘good morning’ right?’ asked Rajan. ‘Guten morgen.’

Wolfgang smiled. His pronunciation was a little off but endearingly so. ‘Das ist gut, liebling.’

Kala smiled. ‘That means ‘that’s good’.’

Wolfgang noted she didn’t translate the endearment. She was probably waiting for Wolfgang to say it himself, when he was ready.

Rajan nodded. ‘Want a croissant? And there’s plenty of coffee.’

Wolfgang went over, sitting between them and helping himself to a croissant. He’d had toast before his appointment but he was starving again. He ate in silence for a few moments, before he spoke.

‘I told Corinne about us going to Mumbai. She thinks I’ll be all right, as long as I keep on with my coping strategies.’

‘You can always visit if you need her,’ said Kala.

‘That’s what she said. So, do we get to know where we’re going this afternoon?’

‘Nope, but I have laid out appropriate clothing for you both on our bed and you can take your time in there while I get something ready out here.’

Wolfgang and Rajan glanced at each other and smirked. She rolled her eyes. ‘Just behave yourselves and don’t get your clothes dirty.’

Wolfgang laughed, then settled back on the sofa. He needed to zone out for a little while, though he wasn’t tired enough to sleep. It was getting easier, less exhausting, to talk to Corinne with every session. Still, it was hard work.

He rested his head against Rajan’s shoulder and Kala cuddled up on the other side of him. He closed his eyes. He didn’t need to sleep. He just needed to close his eyes for a few minutes.

He was woken what felt like five minutes later by Kala kissing him softly on the mouth. He kept his eyes closed, reaching out for her and finding her hand. He pulled her back to him and they kissed again, deeper this time. Their touch mingled, the sensations of each other entwining as their hands did. He could feel only her, indistinguishable from himself.

Then he felt Rajan’s thigh against his and he reached out his free hand to rub it a little. He could feel the warmth of his skin through his thin lounge pants.

Kala pulled back and Wolfgang opened his eyes to look at her. A smile spread across her face and he feel her joy gushing over him. He smiled back.

‘Hello. How long was I sleeping?’

‘Only an hour. Rajan fell asleep too.’

Rajan stretched and yawned. ‘I didn’t. I was only resting my eyes.’

Kala chuckled. ‘Well neither of you noticed what I was doing so I think you were both fast asleep.’

Rajan started to look round. ‘What have you been doing?’

‘Ah ah,’ said Kala. ‘It’s a surprise. Now, time for you to get dressed. Off you go.’

Wolfgang glanced at Rajan with a grin. He rather enjoyed assertive Kala. From the look on Rajan’s face, he did too. They got up and headed to the bedroom, eager to find out what they were wearing as it might give them a clue where they were going.

On the bed was laid out two pairs of dark blue jeans in their sizes. For Rajan she had laid out a new white long-sleeved t-shirt and a plum jumper. For Wolfgang, she had laid out a new long-sleeved black t-shirt and a black and burgundy checked shirt. They both also had brand new woollen overcoats.

‘I guess the date’s outside,’ said Wolfgang.

‘So this is what she was buying yesterday,’ said Rajan. ‘Well, she certainly knows how to design an outfit.’ He picked up the checked shirt and held it against Wolfgang. ‘These colours suit you.’

‘I’ve never worn so many colours as I have since being here.’

‘They suit you. Come on, we’d better get changed.’

Wolfgang shrugged and started to pull off his black jeans and black t-shirt. ‘She said we should take her time. She’s busy doing something out there now.’ He smirked as he caught Rajan watching him strip.

‘Like what you see?’ he asked, wiggling his hips at his lover.

Rajan grinned at him. ‘Always.’

Wolfgang watched his eyes darken with arousal as he looked at him. Then Rajan was striding towards him and grasping hold of him in a fierce kiss. Wolfgang felt his cock harden in his boxer-briefs; he did love it when Rajan was confident and in control.

Rajan pressed him against the wall, still kissing him hard. Wolfgang could do nothing but experience the sensations, giving himself up to Rajan’s fire. His hands begin to explore Wolfgang, touching and caressing, squeezing and pressing in all the right places. His hand pressed firmly against him, stimulating him through the material.

He broke off the kiss to kiss and lick his way down Wolfgang’s neck. His free hand found a nipple, pinching and squeezing. Wolfgang let the soft moans of pleasure escape his mouth with abandon. He smirked as he felt a twinge of fond irritation from Kala in the next room.

Rajan was still kissing and licking at his neck and shoulder. Wolfgang pushed into him, wanting more, harder contact. As if reading his mind, the kisses became harder, then he nipped lightly on Wolfgang’s shoulder, provoking a loud cry of pleasure. Rajan grasped his cock through his pants and nipped his shoulder again, harder this time.

Wolfgang lost it, coming hard, his fingers digging into Rajan’s arms. The bite turned back into a kiss as Wolfgang came back to himself. Weak with pleasure, he leaned against the wall and held onto his lover.

Rajan grinned at him. ‘Good?’

Wolfgang nodded, then reached for the waistband of his pants. ‘You want me to…’

Rajan shook his head and kissed Wolfgang softly on the mouth. ‘Later. Right now, we’ve got to get dressed.’

Wolfgang smirked at him. ‘I guess I’m gonna need a shower first.’

Rajan grinned back at him, before Wolfgang headed off for a quick shower.

When he returned, clean and damp and rubbing his hair dry with a towel, Rajan was fully dressed and putting his shoes on. The plum jumper suited him and Wolfgang thought he looked rather delectable. From the way his dark eyes swept him in return, Rajan clearly felt the same about him.

The door opened and Kala came in. She was dressed in a plum jumper dress, black leggings and ankle boots. She smiled approvingly at Rajan, then frowned at Wolfgang.

‘Why aren’t you dressed yet?’

Wolfgang shrugged. ‘I needed a shower.’ He smirked. ‘Ask Rajan why.’

‘Oh, I know exactly why. I could hear you, you know.’

Wolfgang, unabashed, just grinned and started to get dressed. ‘So, we’ve worked out we’re going outside.’

She smiled, just watching him get dressed and not giving anything away. ‘Yes, so we all have to wrap up warm.’

He raised an eyebrow as he buttoned up his jeans. ‘It’s not _that_ cold.’

She stared at him in horror. ‘It’s 12 degrees centigrade out there!’

He just laughed as he pulled on his shirt and buttoned it up. He picked up the coat. ‘I do like this coat though.’

She smiled, her cheeks darkening. ‘It suits you.’

Rajan pulled his own coat on. ‘You can dress us as much as you like, Kala. You have good taste.’

She grinned at him, then turned. ‘Come on, time to go.’

On the table was sitting a large coolbag. Kala directed them to carry it, then she picked up her handbag, put on her light but warm cashmere jacket and led them out of the flat.


	54. Chapter 54

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Other languages in this. 
> 
> Aufschnitte - German for a meal of cold cuts and cheeses  
> la boulangerie - French for bakery  
> Muséum National D’Histoire Naturelle - probably obvious but this is French for the National Natural History Museum. 
> 
> The place they visit is a real place called Jardin de plantes, a park with a zoo in Paris. I haven't been there so forgive any errors in its description if you have! It sounds beautiful though so it's on my list when I get to visit Paris! 
> 
> There is a little more German in this chapter but Wolfgang will tell you what it means :)

Wolfgang could feel Kala’s joy emanating from her as she led them through Paris. He couldn’t help but smile as he watched her. She felt so light and happy; it was good to see that he wasn’t dragging her down anymore. He still felt guilty about that. She deserved nothing but this kind of happiness and joy.

She took them on the Métro to one of the older parts of the city. The part of him that was Riley recognised it as the part of Paris where there was a lot of green space and several parks. They were near the Seine when they got off the Métro and after just a couple of minutes’ walk, they were in beautiful park. Despite the autumn season, there was still plenty of green and colourful flowers. Paths entwining the plant beds and trees were laid out before them and, far ahead was a large, beautiful building.

‘That’s the Muséum National D’Histoire Naturelle,’ said Kala. ‘Riley says it’s worth a look if we have time.’

Wolfgang breathed in the cool, fresh air and he could smell the fragrant mix of all the different sorts of flowers, plants and trees.

‘I thought we could have a walk and there are picnic tables further on so I’ve packed some delicious food.’ She looked at Wolfgang. ‘There’s even a little zoo.’

‘It is beautiful, Kala, truly beautiful. What a wonderful find,’ said Rajan, gazing around.

Wolfgang smiled too. ‘It really is.’

They started to walk, taking their time to enjoy their surroundings. For Wolfgang, it was a pleasantly cool day, the perfect day for a walk in the fresh air. But Kala held her cashmere coat close around herself and Rajan had pulled out a long scarf and wrapped it several times around his neck. Kala walked in between the two men, slipping her hands through theirs as they ambled along the gravel paths.

They didn’t talk much, just enjoyed each other’s company, occasionally pointing out different plants they liked, or particularly beautiful flowers. Wolfgang felt content and peaceful. What was better than just spending time with those he loved?

He glanced across at Rajan, who had bent over to sniff a rose. It wasn’t such a big deal was it? He loved him. It suddenly seemed absurdly simple. He trusted him, he fancied him, he wanted to spend time with him. He loved him. How simple was that?

He felt Kala looking at him. He met her eyes and saw, by the smile on her face, that she knew exactly what he had just realised.

He cleared his throat. ‘When are we having that picnic?’

Rajan stood up straight and looked around. ‘There’s a picnic table just up there. Let’s eat there. I have to admit, I’m getting hungry too.’

Wolfgang nodded and set off walking again, still feeling Kala watching him. But she didn’t say anything. Maybe she figured it was up to him to do the talking on this one. She was probably right.

The picnic table was near a large, mature tree. Its leaves rustled plenty in the light breeze. They sat down and started to unpack the picnic. Kala had put many delicious things in there, almost an _Aufschnitte_ type of meal, with a few extra things added to it. As well as the usual cold meats and different cheeses, there was fresh bread, tapenade, salad Niçoise, a tomato and broccoli quiche, and a leek and potato galette. There were freshly made madeleines for dessert.

‘Did you make all this?’ asked Rajan, in awe.

Kala smiled. ‘Some of it. The rest I got from _la boulangerie_. I hope it tastes as good as it looks.’

Wolfgang grinned. ‘So it’s not just Indian food you can turn your hand to?’

‘Well, I am a chef’s daughter.’

They tucked into the food and it did taste as good as it looked. It disappeared far too quickly, and they tried to slow down but every bite was just too delicious.

At last, they had finished everything but the madeleines. They were too full to eat them yet, so they sat and talked instead.

‘I think we should come here again. It’s so beautiful,’ said Kala. ‘And it’s not crowded, quiet enough to just listen to the sounds of nature all around us.’

‘And that’s before we get to the zoo,’ said Wolfgang.

She laughed. ‘I don’t know what sort of animals they have there but it’ll be nice to see them. I’ve never been to a European zoo.’ She shivered. ‘It is cold today. Maybe we’ll come back in the summer.’

Rajan took his coat off and draped it around her shoulders. ‘It’s because we’re sitting still. We should get walking again. We can eat these madeleines on the way back.’

They headed off again. This time, Wolfgang was in the middle. Kala was wearing Rajan’s coat properly now and she linked his arm to keep warm.

Rajan walked on his other side, close to him but not touching. Wolfgang glanced at him and saw his fists were clenched. He frowned, wondering if he was okay. He shivered and Wolfgang smiled as he realised that Rajan was absolutely freezing. Wolfgang eased his coat from his shoulders and draped it around Rajan’s.

Rajan glanced at him. ‘You’ll get cold.’

‘Not as cold as you are,’ said Wolfgang, with a smile. ‘Put it on. I’ve got two layers on. That’s plenty.’

Rajan gave him an embarrassed smile, then shrugged and gratefully slipped the coat on properly. Wolfgang felt fondness sweep over him and he reached out and took Rajan’s hand in his.

Rajan glanced at him and smiled, both surprised and pleased. They walked on in quiet for a few more moments, before Wolfgang found himself speaking again.

‘There’s some German I wanted to teach you,’ he said.

‘Oh?’ said Rajan. ‘Well, you know I’m always keen to learn.’

‘Ich hab mich in dich verliebt. It means, I have fallen in love with you.’

He felt Rajan hesitate. ‘That’s quite hard to say.’

Wolfgang raised an eyebrow. ‘Maybe it’s simpler to say ich liebe dich. That just means I love you.’

He stopped and looked at Rajan. Kala laced her fingers through his, watching him in silence.

‘You need to know it because I need to say it to you.’ He took a deep breath. ‘Ich liebe dich, Rajan. I love you.’

Rajan stared at him, for a moment, then surged forward and kissed him full on the mouth. ‘I love you too,’ he murmured against him. Then he kissed him again, slow and deep and full of his love. Wolfgang felt Kala explode quietly with joy beside him as she grasped both of their hands.

Wolfgang suddenly felt the hair on the back of his neck prickle and his heart thudded in his chest. It was like the panic attacks but, no, he was calm and in control. But in his mind, there was only one word. _Danger_.

He pushed Rajan and Kala away and grabbed the shoulders of the man as he leapt out at them.

Kala gasped as she realised what was happening. The man’s gaze was focused on Rajan and the knife gleaming in his hand was aiming straight for him.

Wolfgang knocked the knife from his hand and punched him hard in the face. He heard bones crunch and their assailant crumbled to the ground.

But Wolfgang didn’t stop. He was on him in a second, grabbing hold of him by his jacket and banging him into the ground again. The man blinked at him; his eyes unfocused. Wolfgang knew he was concussed and wouldn’t be getting up in a hurry, but anger pulsed through him and he couldn’t stop. This _fucking piece of shit_ had tried to hurt his partners, those he loved, and he was _not_ _fucking_ standing for that.

He punched him again, ignoring the pained whimper that came from his enemy’s mouth.

‘Wolfgang, stop it, he’s nearly unconscious,’ cried Kala but he ignored her.

He felt Rajan pulled at his shoulder but he shrugged him off.

‘You don’t get to hurt these people,’ he spat. ‘I’ll fucking kill you.’

‘Wolfgang, stop it,’ said a firm voice beside him. He didn’t look but he felt Will, that stern but soft voice.

Wolfgang punched the man again.

Will’s hand landed on his shoulder, though he didn’t try to pull him away. ‘They’re safe now, Wolfgang. You’ve done enough.’

Cold suddenly swept over him and he felt Kala’s fear. He stopped, sliding off the man’s limp body. ‘Is he alive?’ he asked, his voice faint.

Kala went to the man and checked him over. ‘Yes. He’s still conscious, just.’

Wolfgang rubbed his hands over his face. ‘Sorry, I don’t … I didn’t …’

Rajan crouched down beside him and put his hand on his shoulder. ‘You just saved our lives, Wolfgang. You don’t need to apologise.’ He looked at the knife, abandoned on the ground. ‘He would have killed us.’

Kala was pulling her phone out of her handbag. ‘I’m going to call the police.’ She glanced at Wolfgang. ‘Don’t worry, it was self-defence. You won’t get in trouble.’

He shrugged. ‘I’m used to trouble.’

But his insides were not as calm. His chest was tight and he could feel his breathing was coming heavy. What the fuck was wrong with him? Why did he always have to take things too far?

Rajan rubbed his shoulder. ‘Breathe, Wolfgang. It’s all right. You did what you had to do.’

Wolfgang looked at him. ‘Nobody’s going to hurt you. Ever, or Kala. I won’t let them.’

Rajan gave him a soft smile. ‘I know. I just saw what you’d do for us. We both know we’re safe with you.’

Wolfgang glanced at the man on the ground. He was blinking a little more normally now, then he pushed himself up on his arms to look at them. Wolfgang glared at him. ‘Don’t move,’ he said. ‘Or I _will_ kill you.’

The man swallowed and Wolfgang could see from the look in his eyes that he knew he meant it. He wouldn’t be going anywhere.


	55. Chapter 55

Ending up in a police station hadn’t been exactly what Kala had had in mind for the end of their third date. They’d each been taken in for statements. She’d felt Wolfgang’s fear as he’d been taken into the interview room. He’d been brought up to stay the hell away from the police or, if that wasn’t possible, to shoot to kill. For Wolfgang, only Will and Diego were exceptions. He’d hidden his fear well, the only sign of it being the twitch in his cheek as he clenched his jaw hard.

Will and Kala had both visited him in the interview room, encouraging him to just tell the truth, despite his instincts. Rajan had been able to give them details of the subpoena, and the fact that he was a valuable witness. The police were polite and friendly enough and they informed them that their attacker, although in the hospital, was under arrest.

Finally, they were allowed home. They made their own way home, on the Métro. Wolfgang was silent and watchful. He refused to enter into conversation, even when Kala tried. He just stared around them, examining everyone with a hard gaze, like he was their bodyguard.

They got back to the flat. Wolfgang shut and locked the door behind them, then did a sweep of the flat.

‘Is that necessary?’ asked Kala.

‘Yes,’ was all Wolfgang said.

Will and Sun stood with her and Rajan, both alert and aware. Kala could feel their anxiety too, though theirs was more controlled. Wolfgang’s was almost spilling over and she could feel his shaking as she flittered into his body.

Then he was back and she felt him relax a little. ‘It’s safe. There’s no one here.’ With that, Will and Sun left them, though Kala could sense they would be there in an instant if they were needed.

‘Nobody back home knows about this flat,’ said Rajan. ‘I’m sure they don’t know where we are.’

Wolfgang looked at him. ‘They knew we were in that park. Your enemies in India must have traced you here and they’re having you followed. From now on, I’m escorting you both to work and back home, and either Will or Sun or I will be with you all the time at work.’

‘Wolfgang, I’m sure it’s going to be all right,’ said Kala, gently.

He stopped abruptly. ‘No. It’s not all right. There are people out there who want to hurt you. And I will _not_ fucking let that happen.’

‘We know, Wolfgang,’ said Rajan gently. He took a step forward and took Wolfgang’s hand. ‘We know we’re safe with you.’

Wolfgang looked at him, then Kala. ‘I won’t let anything happen to you. I’d rather die.’

Kala went to him, took hold of him by the back of his head and brought their foreheads together. ‘Let’s try and get through this without any of us dying, please,’ she said gently. Wolfgang closed his eyes but Kala could feel him reaching for her. She felt his anxiety and the comfort he was drawing from her presence.

Rajan put his arm around them both. ‘It’ll be all right. The trial will happen soon and then all of this will be over.’

Wolfgang straightened his head and put his arms around them both. For a moment, they held onto each other and there was nothing else in the world but the three of them.

Then Rajan pulled back and he was smiling. ‘So, did you mean what you said, just before all that happened?’

Wolfgang looked hard at Rajan. ‘I always mean what I say.’

Kala grinned as she felt mirth inside Wolfgang, then laughed as she saw Rajan’s startled expression.

Rajan cleared his throat, then smiled himself. ‘So you do love me. Can I expect chocolate hearts and fresh red roses delivered to my door?’

Wolfgang glared at him. ‘Rajan, I am not a hearts and flowers kind of guy.’

Rajan laughed. ‘I know.’ He pulled him close and kissed him. ‘But I am, so you might have to forgive me if I get a little soppy here and there.’

Wolfgang grumbled. ‘If you must.’

But Kala felt the little spark of pleasure in his belly and, from the sparkle in Rajan’s eyes, she knew he saw through Wolfgang’s act as well.

Wolfgang turned. ‘Come on, we’re going to bed.’

Kala frowned, glancing at the kitchen clock. ‘It’s still early.’

Wolfgang grinned back at her. ‘We’re not sleeping.’

Kala laughed. ‘I see. That would be a better end to the date.’

Wolfgang’s grin turned into a smirk. ‘Genau.’

‘Wait, wait, don’t tell me. That means ‘exactly’ right?’ asked Rajan.

Wolfgang smiled indulgently. ‘Yeah, that’s right. Come one, this is no time for a language lesson.’

Kala could still feel his anxiety, bubbling under the surface, but she knew he needed this. He needed their closeness. She smiled. Sex had always been a problem-solver for Wolfgang. She had to admit, a lot of the time, it did seem to help.

In their bedroom, they moved together, wrapping their arms around each other and sharing kisses. Without words, they shed each other’s clothing, exploring each other’s bodies with soft, teasing touches and loving caresses.

Kala loved nothing more than the feeling of their warm skin against hers. Her hands settled on their waists as, in unison, they turned their attention to her. Rajan kissed her mouth, while Wolfgang, agonisingly slowly, kissed his way across her jaw, then down her neck. He licked that sensitive hollow of her throat and her cry was swallowed by Rajan. He broke off from the kiss and moved behind her, kissing her shoulder, then leaving a trail of soft kisses down her spine.

Wolfgang cupped her waist, his strong hands gentle but firm as he held her. He kissed her collarbone, then dropped lower, taking her nipple into his mouth and sucking hard.

She gasped, grasping his shoulders and holding on tight as his expert mouth and tongue gave her pleasure. Rajan’s smooth fingers slid around her waist, his fingers spanning across her stomach, then down. They dipped teasingly into her wetness, skirting over her clit.

Her hands tightened on Wolfgang’s shoulders as pleasure sparked through her body. She felt her own pleasure echo across the cluster.

Wolfgang broke off what he was doing. His hands went under her thighs and in the next second, he had lifted her off her feet and into his arms. She found herself laughing in delight and his grin matched hers.

He carried her to the bed and lay her down on it, kneeling up on the bed above her. Rajan was close behind him. With Kala safely on the bed, Wolfgang turned to Rajan, who climbed onto the bed beside him.

Wolfgang grasped hold of Rajan, kissing him hard. Kala watched, delighted at the spectacle before her. Her two lovers were pressed against each other, their cocks hard against their bellies. They kissed hungrily, devouring each other, as their hands grasped each other’s jaws. She could not ever get sick of this sight. She could feel the love burning between them and she could not believe she was this lucky. She had everything she had ever wanted.

They turned back to her and she sat up, eager to feel their bodies against hers again. They sat, entwined in a circle, kissing and touching each other. Although both Kala and Wolfgang could feel their pleasure echoing across the cluster, in that moment, nothing else mattered but the three of them.

Then Wolfgang’s hands were on her hips and he was shifting her body effortlessly. She was happy to let him direct her. To her surprise, he directed her into Rajan’s lap. She put her arms around Rajan’s neck and kissed him. Wolfgang shifted so he was beside them and could wrap his arms around both of them at once.

Kala knew what he wanted. He wanted to feel them both at once. She met Rajan’s eyes and they exchanged a smile. She lifted herself up and, teasingly slowly, lowered herself down onto Rajan’s erect cock.

Wolfgang let out a low moan of pleasure and Kala knew that the sensations she was experiencing were flowing across his mind and body. He kept his arms around them both as Kala and Rajan moved together. He stayed with them as their pace quickened together. His eyes were on them every moment and he moved with them as the waves of pleasure overcame them all.

They came together, as one and their cries filled the room and filled the minds of the whole cluster.

Wolfgang kissed them, one at a time, softly and sweetly, then pulled them down with him and wrapped his arms around them both. He kissed their shoulders, then buried his face in Kala’s hair, his arm stretching across her to Rajan’s hip.

‘I’ll keep you safe,’ he whispered. ‘Both of you.’


	56. Chapter 56

Wolfgang didn’t sleep. When Kala and Rajan were safely asleep, he pulled on some pants and sat up, watchful and alert. He wasn’t going to leave anything to chance.

He missed his gun but he knew he could defend himself and his lovers with his fists easily enough. He would not let anything happen to them.

‘You need to sleep,’ said Sun.

‘She’s right,’ said Will. ‘You’ve checked the flat. You’re safe here and you need to sleep.’

Wolfgang shook his head. ‘I’ll sleep when they’re at work and you two can look after them.’

Will and Sun glanced at each other and he could feel their exasperation. He looked at them. ‘I appreciate your help with this but I’m not going to let them be unwatched for a moment.’

‘I will stay,’ said Sun. ‘Now you can sleep.’ She pushed gently but firmly on Wolfgang’s shoulder. He rolled his eyes but lay down behind Kala. He felt Sun’s presence near him and, with her there, he knew he could relax a little. But at the same time, he knew he wouldn’t sleep deeply. He would be awake in a second if he had to be.

Although he wasn’t a sensate, Rajan could feel Wolfgang’s anxiety. In the morning, as they got ready for work, he was quiet and watchful, on edge. Rajan’s stomach twisted with guilt. Wolfgang had just been getting himself on an even keel, now Rajan’s legal issues had brought all the anxiety back again. The sooner this trial was over, the better.

He made scrambled eggs on toast for breakfast, as Wolfgang stood and stared out of the window, as though examining even the sky for any threats.

Kala came out of the bedroom, talking to somebody. ‘There’s a lot of security at the lab. I don’t think anyone unauthorised could get in easily.’

Wolfgang looked around. ‘Any problems last night, Sun?’

It was still strange watching Kala and Wolfgang have conversations with people who he couldn’t see and it was difficult to work out what was being said, or to who. He thought there were at least two others there with them, Sun and Will for sure. But perhaps more.

‘I’ll call my lawyer today,’ Rajan said. ‘See if he has any idea when the trial will be. I can’t help but think they must believe it’s soon. They seem a little more desperate.’

Wolfgang nodded. ‘You had personal security in Mumbai, didn’t you?’

Rajan spooned the scrambled eggs onto three slices of toast and carried them across to the table. ‘I did. I can employ them again.’

Wolfgang shook his head and he and Kala took their seats. ‘Never trust hired goons.’

Rajan looked at him. ‘Then what to do you suggest?’ He took his own seat next to them. 

Wolfgang glanced at Kala, then at the space beside her. ‘We’ve all agreed to it. Sun and Kwan-Ho, and Will and Riley are coming to Mumbai with us. Between us, nobody except our enemies will get hurt.’ His voice was hard and fierce. Privately, Rajan thought it was both frightening and … arousing.

He swallowed, nodding. ‘Thank you. He looked at the space between Kala and Wolfgang, where he presumed Sun and Will were both standing. ‘All of you.’

At work, despite the security of the building, Kala and Rajan decided to stay in the same room, on Wolfgang’s advice. He’d escorted them to work, before going to Felix’s shop. But Rajan knew he was visiting constantly. From Kala’s behaviour, he also knew that Will was there with them, occasionally sharing Kala’s body to check for danger.

The only time he was alone was when he retreated into his office, after Kala as Wolfgang had cleared it, to call his lawyer.

‘Ah, Mr Rasal, how can I help?’ said Mr Patel.

‘My wife and I were attacked yesterday. We presume the man was sent by Ajay Kapoor or someone connected to him.’

‘Was anyone hurt?’

‘We had our … bodyguard with us. If he hadn’t been there, we’d likely both be dead. Do you have any news on the trial date? We can’t go on like this much longer. The sooner the trial, the safer we will be.’

There were a few moments of silence on the other end of the phone, before his lawyer spoke again. ‘I think you would be safe to book your flights for a couple of weeks from now. The trial won’t be more than a month away. I will arrange security for you.’

‘There’s no need. We have arranged some for ourselves. We have to be able to trust them one hundred percent.’

‘Very well, Mr Rasal, you’re the client.’

‘Yes, I am. Please keep me informed of any developments.’

He hung up, then left the office and returned to Kala in her lab. She looked expectantly at him and Rajan wondered who was with her. It was mostly likely Will, or Wolfgang. Possibly both. Sun was probably asleep, as it was night in Korea. 

‘Well?’ Kala asked.

Rajan got the feeling that wasn’t Kala. But the directness could be Wolfgang or Will; it was hard to tell which.

‘He says the trial shouldn’t be more than a month away. I guess we should book flights.’

Kala nodded, taking a deep breath. She leaned against him and he knew it was her. He put an arm around her.

‘It’ll be all right. I’ll testify. Ajay and the others _will_ be imprisoned, and we can come back here, or stay in Mumbai. Whatever we want, and we’ll be safe.’

‘Wolfgang doesn’t have much faith in the law,’ she said, looking to an empty space beside her. ‘Will says we should trust in the law. That it will work, just like with Joong-Ki. We just have to wait.’ She smiled a little. ‘Wolfgang says killing them would be easier.’

‘We’re not going to kill anybody,’ said Rajan, firmly. ‘We’ll go to Mumbai. I’ll testify. Then it will all be over.’

She said nothing, just hugged him.

Wolfgang watched his two lovers hug each other. He could feel their worry, adding to his own anxiety. Fear, anxiety and anger swirled inside him and he knew he could easily have killed that man. The intensity of the feelings frightened him but he knew he would do anything for the two people standing in front of him. He would kill for them, in an instant. But more than that, he would stop himself killing for them. He couldn’t be parted from them, he couldn’t hurt them, not ever.

He had to protect them. But he couldn’t sacrifice himself for them, because that too would hurt them. He had to protect them all, to keep them together no matter what happened. He loved them. He was determined to keep them all safe, all together. No matter what he had to do. 

Though, he was also more than a little worried about what his lovers’ families would think of him. Would he be welcomed? Did he have a place there? He knew how important Kala’s family was to her. He didn’t want to take her away from them but if they couldn’t accept him, he would have to be a secret. He could do that. He’d been a secret before.


	57. Chapter 57

Wolfgang decided he wasn’t a big fan of flying. Rajan had insisted on first class, so the seats were incredibly comfortable, the food was decent and there were plenty of movies to watch. But he didn’t like being trapped somewhere, penned in and unable to run. It felt dangerous. He wasn’t as close as he’d have liked to Rajan and Kala either.

First class was only four rows across. Rajan and Kala were in the middle seats and Wolfgang was by the window, an aisle between him and Rajan. He couldn’t see Kala directly, so he kept visiting her, to make sure she was all right.

‘Wolfgang, nothing’s going to happen on here,’ she whispered. ‘The security is stringent. Just relax and enjoy it.’

‘I don’t like it,’ was all he said.

Rajan reached across and patted his knee. ‘Don’t forget to breathe. It’ll be all right. Why not have a drink. It is free.’

Wolfgang shook his head. ‘I’m not drinking. I need to keep a clear head.’

Rajan sighed, pulling his hand back. ‘Suit yourself, but I still think you’re getting too worked up. I doubt they would try anything again so soon. And there are easier places than a plane to get to us.’

‘I promised to keep you safe and I will.’ He sat up straighter, glancing around at the other occupants of their section. He would make sure his lovers stayed safe, no matter what.

Capheus kept popping in, agog at the luxury of the flight and gazing out of the window at the clouds below them. He kept trying to get Wolfgang to pick a movie. Wolfgang couldn’t help but smile as he watched him. What a gift to be able to see such joy in the world. Capheus’s life had been as full of violence as his own, yet he lived his life like he’d never had anything but love and safety. Wolfgang envied him his joyous nature. It was the sort of joy Wolfgang had only ever found in sex.

It was a long fight, nearly nine hours, and Rajan and Kala both slept. Wolfgang didn’t want to, though he was tired. He wanted to keep an eye on them, to make sure they were all right.

‘ _I’m_ awake,’ said Will in his ear.

Wolfgang turned to look at him. The other man was looking earnestly at him, his hand on his shoulder. Wolfgang felt an urge at the back of his mind, the urge to just sink into Will’s arms and not have to worry anymore.

Will squeezed his shoulder. ‘You don’t have to worry. I’m here.’

Wolfgang closed his eyes for a moment. When he opened them, he was with Riley. She was sitting in the window seat on the plane from London to Mumbai. She looked tired but she wasn’t asleep, though she was wrapped in a blanket. She smiled at him.

‘You should sleep. They’re in the safest place they can be right now. You can sleep. We’re all with you.’

He turned away and he was back on his own plane. He looked at Rajan, who was sleeping peacefully, then at Kala, who he could also feel was asleep. He looked at Will, who watching him, his hand still on his shoulder.

‘You’re safe here. You can sleep. I’ll watch over them.’

Wolfgang felt himself give in. He was so tired. And when they got to Mumbai, he would have to be constantly alert. He could sleep now, for just a little while. 

Reassured by the presence of Will close by, he allowed himself to sleep.

When they got out of the airport, it was early morning. They were tired and achy after so long in one place but Wolfgang was struck by the sensation of familiarity. Here was a place he’d never been but through Kala. Yet the warmth of the early morning sun, the faint scent of jasmine and marigold on the air and the language of the people chattering around them was all familiar.

He glanced at Kala and she smiled at him, feeling what he was feeling. He closed his eyes and breathed in, remembering that moment with her, on that rooftop under the Indian sun, yet getting soaked by a typical cold Berlin downpour. He remembered gazing at her, listening to her speaking about miracles, about _their_ miracle, and feeling all his cynicism just melt away. He remembered wanting to kiss her but, stronger than that feeling was the desire just to listen to her talk like that forever. It was probably the moment he’d fallen in love with her.

Rajan had wanted to arrange a car but Wolfgang had vetoed it. A company who knew their names was too easy to infiltrate. Instead, they joined the taxi queue. Rajan pulled a face at the length of it and Wolfgang shook his head.

‘Used to the finer things in life, aren’t you?’ he teased. Though the edge to his voice was a little harder than he intended, and he felt Rajan glance at him. But he didn’t say anything.

Rajan and Kala chatted in the taxi but Wolfgang stayed silent and alert. Despite the beauty of the country around him and the desire to explore with his lovers, he knew he had to keep them safe. They were going into danger and he had to protect them. That was his job here.

They reached Rajan and Kala’s building. Wolfgang was amazed at how big and beautiful it was, nothing like the flat he’d left behind in Berlin. There was even a door man.

‘Can we trust him?’ he asked Kala, visiting.

Kala nodded. ‘It’s his job not to let anyone up who isn’t approved.’

‘And we have a private elevator with a key fob. I've got some spares upstairs so you can have one.’

They got in the elevator and made their way up to the apartment. Wolfgang couldn’t help but stare as he followed Rajan and Kala inside. He’d seen it in snatches before, through Kala, but, being here, it felt bigger. Just this floor was bigger than the Paris flat, if you included the balcony, and he knew there were more floors.

‘Want to see the swimming pool?’ Rajan asked. ‘It’s on the top floor.’

Wolfgang glanced at Kala and grinned. ‘I know.’

Rajan rolled his eyes. ‘Ah, yes, I forgot you two have been there together. How many times was that?’

Wolfgang smiled at him. ‘Just once. One memorable time.’

He did a sweep of the apartment, checking everywhere, just in case. Satisfied that the place was safe, he returned to Rajan and Kala.

‘The others should be here in a few hours, but I think we can relax a little.’

‘Good,’ said Kala. She reached for Wolfgang’s hand and pulled him close. ‘Then come swimming with us.’

Wolfgang shook his head. ‘I didn’t mean that relaxed, not until the others get here.’

Rajan joined them, putting his arm around Wolfgang’s shoulders. ‘We’re safe here. The building is secure and my lawyer tells me the government have stationed security outside at all times. You can go off duty now.’

‘Besides,’ said Kala. ‘If anything were to happen, it wouldn’t be your first time defending yourself while naked.’

Wolfgang grinned. ‘So you’re giving me permission to swim naked in your pool?’

Rajan laughed. ‘I heard that too, Kala. You can’t change your mind now. In fact, maybe we should _all_ go for a swim.’ He pulled back and started to undress.

Kala smiled and also started to undress. Wolfgang shook his head, laughing. ‘I can’t be the only one not naked.’

They undressed and headed for the top floor and the swimming pool. Kala was shy to be naked outside the bedroom but Wolfgang found her small blush endearing. And from the way Rajan smiled at her, so did he.

But within a few minutes, they were slipping into the refreshing water. It felt so good on their hot, tired naked bodies that they all made soft sounds of pleasure as the water engulfed them.

Wolfgang closed his eyes as he was enveloped by the water. He sunk down, letting it surround him, keeping him safe from the world. He felt at home, safe and natural in the water. He had been born to it.

He swam a few lengths under the surface, his muscled arms skimming through the water, propelling himself quickly through it. He felt Kala with him, then she was swimming alongside him as well. He watched her body working and he could see her muscles working beneath her smooth skin. She seemed to forget she was naked and he felt her lose herself in the simple joy of the water holding her body.

Rajan floated on his back and, as Wolfgang surfaced, he could hear his breathing. He stopped swimming, coming to rest against the side of the pool and kicking his legs idly. He watched his lovers swimming, with the warm, bright sun shining down on them. It was a beautiful country. Perhaps Rajan and Kala would want to stay here. It was their home after all.

He banished the thoughts from his mind. It was not time to think about that yet. They had the trial to focus on first, and he had to make sure they all survived past it.

He felt Kala swim over to him. She kissed his cheek and her soft fingers combed through his hair. He turned into her, breathing in her scent and feeling her warmth. He closed his eyes, remembering their first time together, in this very pool, sort of. The memory was so physical, as real as she was in his arms right in that moment.

He straightened up, reaching for her and bringing her to him. Under the water, she wrapped her legs around him and he wrapped her arms around her waist. He kissed her; her lips parted for him hungrily.

Her hand gripped his shoulder, her thumb playing over his skin. It moved down, squeezing his bicep and sending droplets of water down his arm and back into the water. His mouth moved from hers, making its way down her jaw, then to her throat. He licked a path up her throat, his tongue chasing the waterdrops. She moaned against him and it vibrated through his body.

Rajan was still swimming through the cool water, giving them the space they needed. The waves his body made as he cut through the water lapped over them.

This wasn’t about sex, not exactly, or at least, it wasn’t about chasing an orgasm. He could feel her yearning just to touch him, just to feel his skin against hers and his soft caresses across her body.

He was keen to indulge her, in fact he couldn’t tell how much of the desire he could feel was hers and how much was his own. She held onto his arm as he kissed and licked at her throat and collarbone.

Her other hand was in his hair. Her fingers combed through, scratching his scalp and provoking soft moans against her skin. Then her fingers were soft at the nape of his neck, then descending to the top of his spine. She knew just how to touch him, just how to make him moan with pleasure.

He moved against her in a lazy rhythm. Her legs were snug around him and they could be no closer. He could feel her mind, her feelings washing over him like the water lapping around them. They were one and there was nothing in the world but each other.

He kissed her shoulder, feeling the softness of her wet skin against his cheek. She held him close, trailing her fingers down his spine, over his buttocks to the tops of his thighs, then back up again. He shuddered against her and she held on tighter to him. It was something they’d only experienced as a sensate; the height of pleasure without an orgasm. He felt the ripples of the rest of the cluster responding to them and he didn’t care what he was interrupting. There was nothing but this feeling.

She turned her head towards his and kissed his neck. ‘Love you,’ she whispered against his skin.

He turned and kissed her softly on the mouth. He didn’t need to tell her how he felt; she could feel it in him. He dropped his head to her shoulder and just breathed her in for a moment.

He must have drifted, as suddenly, Rajan’s hand was on his shoulder. ‘Hey, you’re nearly asleep, not the best idea in a swimming pool.’

Wolfgang shook his head, trying to wake himself up. ‘I’m all right.’

‘No you’re not,’ said Rajan, firmly. ‘I know you didn’t sleep much.’

Kala undocked herself from him and took his hand. ‘Come on, let’s all go to sleep for a bit. Riley and Will won’t be landing for another hour or so.’

He nodded and they climbed out of the swimming pool and made their way downstairs to the master suite. The bed was a little smaller than their one back in Paris but there was still room enough for the three of them. Wolfgang smiled as he remembered Rajan waking him and Kala up that time with a kiss and breakfast in that bed. This time, he’d be there to enjoy the breakfast.

They dried themselves off but didn’t bother to dress before they fell into bed together. They were all asleep in minutes, a tangle of arms and legs.


	58. Chapter 58

Wolfgang didn’t sleep long. He woke with an unpleasant jerk in his stomach. He was shaking and the lovely post-swim coolness had given way to the sweats. His heart was racing and that horrible choking feeling was rising up in his throat. Rajan and Kala were sleeping peacefully beside him.

He sat up, shaking his head clear. He clenched his fists and took slow, deliberate breaths.

When he was sure he wasn’t going to be sick, he got up, pulled on some pants and grabbed his cigarettes. He went outside to the balcony off the bedroom; he’d never known a place with so many balconies. He leaned against the rail and lit his cigarette.

He stared out across the city, that feeling of familiarity mixing strangely with the newness. His heart was still racing and his throat felt tight. He had to get a hold of himself. How could he protect Rajan and Kala like this?

He was just lighting his third cigarette when he felt Will beside him. Wolfgang didn’t turn to look at him and he didn’t speak. He just smoked.

‘Hey,’ said Will, softly. ‘We’ve just landed. On our way to baggage claim now.’

Wolfgang nodded.

Will’s hand landed on his shoulder. ‘You all right?’

Wolfgang moved away from his touch and straightened. ‘Fine.’

‘You sure? I know you’ve not been sleeping well.’

Wolfgang gave him a look and Will held his hands up in surrender. ‘All right, I’ll stop mothering you. I know you hate it. We’ll be there soon, then you can have a rest if you want.’ He patted him on the shoulder. ‘Don’t smoke too much.’

Wolfgang turned to glare at him but Will was already gone. He huffed, then took another drag on his cigarette. Maybe he’d make that the last one.

He heard a noise behind him and he jerked round in alarm. Then he let out a breath and turned back to the view. It was Rajan.

‘Sorry, didn’t mean to startle you,’ he said.

Wolfgang shrugged. ‘You didn’t. I’m just on edge.’

‘I know.’

Wolfgang glanced at him, wondering how he knew that. Rajan grinned and pointed at the cigarette ends on the table behind him. ‘You only chain smoke when you’re wound up.’

‘Hmm,’ said Wolfgang.

Rajan came up beside him and leaned on the railing. ‘Wonderful view, isn’t it? One of the reasons I love this house.’

‘Yeah, not bad,’ said Wolfgang. He felt Rajan watching him but Wolfgang didn’t want to break the silence.

‘Have the others landed yet?’

‘Will and Riley are at baggage claim. Sun and Kwan-Ho are still in the air.’

‘I really appreciate this, you know, you all coming here to help us. It makes me feel better about having to testify. Less … terrified.’

Wolfgang glanced at him. ‘I won’t let anyone hurt either of you.’

Rajan smiled at him. ‘I know, my love.’ He hesitated, biting his hip. ‘Erm, my father wants to come to see us tonight. I expect he wants to inspect our security arrangements. He’s … well, like I’ve told you, he’s a little controlling.’

Wolfgang nodded. ‘I guess he wouldn’t be happy if he knew who I really was, would he?’

Rajan shook his head. ‘No. He’s the sort of person who expects everyone else to conform to his ideals. This has not made him popular.’

‘We’ll keep it a secret. I’m your … bodyguard, nothing more.’

Rajan looked at him, pulling a face. ‘I don’t like it. But it’s probably for the best, I suppose. We won’t be spending that much time with him anyway. My mum would probably understand better but I wouldn’t want to make her keep something like this secret from him.’ He sighed. ‘Bodyguard it is.’

He put an arm around Wolfgang’s shoulders. ‘If … if it was up to me, I wouldn’t keep you secret for a single moment. I’d love to shout from the rooftops how I feel about you.’

Wolfgang shrugged. ‘I know how the world works. Best to play it safe.’

‘I wish it wasn’t like that,’ said Rajan, clasping his hands on the rail in front of him. ‘I don’t understand why anyone cares who I love, as long as I’m happy. I just wish I could be honest with them.’

Wolfgang looked at him. He could see his sadness and it made his chest ache. He’d long ago decided not to let anyone make him hide who he was, or who he wanted to fuck. He’d just lived his life how he wanted, done what he wanted, fucked who he wanted.

But now, he had to care. Now he had to worry about what family was going to think, because it mattered to his lovers. He knew how much Rajan loved his family, despite their flaws. He couldn’t go on like he didn’t give a shit anymore. He had to protect the people he loved.

He stubbed out his cigarette and turned to Rajan, reaching out and taking his hand. He brought him close and kissed him tenderly. Then he looked into Rajan’s warm brown eyes. ‘You owe nobody the truth, except yourself.’

Then he turned and went back inside. After a moment, Rajan followed him.

Rajan started to make breakfast, while Wolfgang headed to the shower. As he passed through the bedroom, he saw that Kala was starting to wake up. He gazed at her for a moment and smiled, then moved on before she woke up properly.

In the shower, he stood under the spray and let it wash away the last remnants of his panic attack. He _really fucking_ hated them. It was like being thirteen again, weak and vulnerable to attack. He needed to feel strong. He’d always fought his problems, or as Kala would put it, had chosen violence to solve his problems. But this couldn’t be fought with violence. He couldn’t punch this feeling away. He couldn’t attack it. He just didn’t know how else to handle it.

He heard the door open behind him and he felt Kala. He didn’t move from under the spray. She came to him, pressing her naked body to his back and kissed his shoulder. She didn’t say anything, didn’t ask him how he was. He was grateful for that.

He turned into her, gathering her into his arms and pressing his face to her damp hair. They stood under the shower spray for some minutes, just holding each other. She smoothed her hands across his wet skin, pressed kisses to his face and trailed her fingers through his damp hair.

He felt safe here with her. He took solace in the softness of her body and the gentleness of her touches. Her love calmed him. He would kill for her. He would die for her. He remembered the words of Lito’s script, and he smiled. He would live for her.

She started to wash him and herself under the hot spray. Then they stepped out of the shower. He skimmed her side with his hand, feeling the droplets of water on her warm skin.

‘Thanks,’ he murmured.

She smiled at him, cupping his cheek lightly. ‘If you need to talk …’

He reached up and gripped her hand. ‘I know. Come on, I’m sure I smell pancakes. Good thing Rajan arranged that food order.’

Kala grinned at him. ‘Well, Rajan’s always organised when it comes to food.’

They dressed quickly, then joined Rajan in the kitchen. Wolfgang tried not to think of the fact that he would be meeting the ‘in-laws’ in a few hours, and just focused on the fact that Will, Riley, Sun and Kwan-Ho would soon be joining them. With them around, they would be safe. He would be able to relax, at least a little.

But still his stomach was in knots and his heart was going a little faster than usual. He clenched his fist under the table. He really had to get a hold of himself.


	59. Chapter 59

Wolfgang, Kala and Rajan had only just finished getting dressed after eating breakfast, when the intercom went. Startled, they looked at each other.

‘Will and Riley?’ asked Rajan.

Kala shook her head. ‘They’re queuing for a taxi right now.’

Rajan frowned and went to the intercom. ‘Hello?’ he said, in Hindi.

‘Rajan, let me up immediately,’ said a stern voice he recognised.

He looked back at the others. ‘It’s my father.’

Wolfgang stood up. ‘I’ll go down and get him, in case there’s anyone around who shouldn’t be.’

‘Be careful,’ said Rajan.

Wolfgang nodded, then headed out, feeling a certain amount of trepidation. Manendra Rasal was pacing in the lobby when Wolfgang emerged from the elevator. Two men in black suits and sidearms were waiting just outside the glass doors. Manendra turned, then frowned.

‘I was expecting Rajan,’ he said, in English.

‘I am Rajan and Kala’s bodyguard, Wolfgang Bogdanow,’ he replied, matching the man’s chosen language.

Mr Rasal’s brow furrowed further. ‘Then you should address them as Mr and Mrs Rasal.’

Wolfgang pressed his lips together tightly and turned back to the elevator. He pressed his fob to the panel. ‘This way, Sir,’ he said.

Manendra spared him a glance like he was shit stuck to his shoe, then strode past him. Wolfgang didn’t bother talking to him. Clearly, he’d decided he was beneath him and he was clearly the type not to bother with anyone he considered inferior. Wolfgang didn’t give a fuck what he thought.

Back in the flat, Manendra greeted Rajan and Kala politely in Hindi. Wolfgang got the impression he assumed Wolfgang couldn’t understand it. Well, he wasn’t about to disillusion him of that opinion.

‘So, why this man as your bodyguard?’ he asked. ‘My government-provided security is exemplary. I fail to understand why the bodyguards they offered you were rejected.’

‘We wanted someone we trusted,’ said Kala.

Manendra scoffed, glancing at Wolfgang. ‘And you trust him? What is he, English?’

‘He’s German,’ said Rajan. ‘And yes, we trust him with our lives.’

Wolfgang met Rajan’s eyes and his lover smiled at him. Wolfgang didn’t smile but he let his affection show in his eyes.

Manendra glanced round and frowned at Wolfgang. ‘I don’t think you’re required here. Go and guard the door.’

Rajan took a step forward. ‘He doesn’t answer to you.’

‘It seems you don’t either. I’ve been looking at what you’ve been doing in Paris. Wasting company money by disposing of slightly below standard medication instead of selling it on. I may be taking a backseat in the company since I became involved in politics. but I raised you to run it the way I have. I do not expect you to start throwing _my_ money away.’

Rajan stood up a little straighter, folding his arms across his chest. Wolfgang could feel his tension, almost as clearly as he could feel Kala’s.

‘I will not sell defective drugs,’ said Rajan. Wolfgang felt Kala’s pride at these words. Rajan really was a changed man.

Manendra’s face cracked with anger and he strode forward, grabbing hold of Rajan’s collar. ‘You will do what you’re told with _my_ money.’

Immediately, Wolfgang ran forward. He put himself between Rajan and his father and laid a firm hand on his shoulder. He fixed him with a hard look and spoke low.

‘Take your hands off him now,’ he said, in Hindi.

Manendra started and he let go. Rajan put his hand on Wolfgang’s arm. ‘It’s all right,’ he said, gently.

Manendra’s eyes narrowed as he looked between his son and Wolfgang. ‘I see,’ he said.

Something about his tone made Wolfgang immediately uneasy but he didn’t know what he meant. Manendra took another step back, then pointed at Rajan. ‘This is not over, Rajan. We will talk about it another day.’

He glanced darkly at Wolfgang, then turned and left the apartment. Rajan let out a breath and dropped his hand from Wolfgang’s arm.

Kala huffed. ‘I don’t know why he has to be like that.’

‘He’s always been like that,’ said Rajan, in a resigned tone.

Kala put his arms around him. ‘I’m proud of you for standing up to him.’

Rajan smiled. ‘It’s a habit I hope to build on.’ He looked at Wolfgang. ‘Thanks for jumping in there. It was sweet of you.’

Wolfgang pulled a face. ‘I don’t do sweet.’

Rajan shook his head, smiling indulgently. ‘Whatever you say. Only…’ He trailed off, frowning.

They looked at him in concern. ‘What?’ asked Wolfgang.

Rajan sighed. ‘I’m not so sure we’re a secret anymore. My father is a perceptive man.’

Wolfgang bit his lip. ‘Sorry.’

Rajan shook his head. ‘Don’t worry about it. We’re not ashamed of you. My father won’t be the happiest. In fact, he’s probably furious. But I don’t care.’ He looked straight at Wolfgang. ‘You’re more important to me than him, than any of them.’

Wolfgang looked back at him, unsure of what to say. He wasn’t used to people caring that much about him, to the point of rejecting family for him. He didn’t know how to respond to that.

Rajan smiled softly, seeming to understand. He leaned forward and kissed his cheek. ‘You don’t need to say anything.’ He pulled back and sighed deeply. ‘This probably won’t be the last we hear from him about this, but let’s forget about it for now.’

‘Well, we have the perfect distraction,’ said Kala. ‘Will and Riley are arriving.’

Wolfgang again went down to fetch them, though this time there was no trepidation. He was eager to see his clustermates again. It felt like it had been a long time since they had been together.

Will and Riley were just stepping into the lobby when he exited the elevator. They felt him there immediately and looked up, seeking eye contact. He grinned at them.

‘Fancy seeing you here.’

Will grinned back, letting go of his wheelie suitcase and striding over to him. ‘Hey, man,’ he said and hugged him tight. A moment later, Riley joined in the hug, holding them both close.

Anxious and aware they were still in a semi-public place, Wolfgang pulled back a few seconds later. ‘Come on, let’s get up to the flat.’

‘Any trouble?’ asked Will as they rode up in the elevator.

‘Nothing, except a delightful visit from Rajan’s father.’

‘We had to show ID to a couple of government goons outside,’ said Will.

‘We thought we might have to call you down to rescue us,’ said Riley. ‘Before we got arrested. And believe me, that’s an experience I don’t wish to repeat.’

‘Heh, you and me both,’ said Wolfgang. ‘Don’t worry. You’re on the approval list. So are Sun and Kwan-Ho.’ He let out a breath of a laugh. ‘I wish we could take Manendra Rasal off it but, unfortunately, they know who he is.’

‘This seems a pretty safe set up,’ said Will, nodding towards the security panel in the elevator.

‘Hmm, it’s not bad. There are still plenty of vulnerabilities to watch though. So many fucking balconies.’

Will laughed and patted him on the shoulder. ‘Well, don’t worry. We’re here now, and Sun will be here soon. Nothing’s gonna happen with all of us looking after Rajan and Kala.’

‘Hope you’re right,’ said Wolfgang as the elevator doors opened. ‘I can’t lose them.’

They headed inside. Wolfgang locked the door behind them and stood back as Rajan and Kala greeted Will and Riley. He felt himself relax a little. Will was right; none of them would let anything happen to Kala and Rajan. Like him, they’d rather die first. 


	60. Chapter 60

‘No. No. Absolutely not.’

‘Wolfgang, be reasonable.’

He stared at her in disbelief. ‘Unreasonable to not want you killed? Fine, then I’ll be fucking unreasonable.’

‘I have to pray, Wolfgang. Please understand that.’

‘I’ve told you before, Gods don’t give a shit about us. Praying will do fuck all, except risk you getting hurt or fucking killed.’

‘It’s important to me, Wolfgang. If somebody comes with me, I’ll be perfectly safe.’

‘I don’t know, Kala,’ said Rajan, gently. ‘Everyone at the temple knows who you are. It does seem … a little reckless to go there just now.’

Kala huffed. ‘I might have known you’d take his side.’

‘We just want to keep you safe, Kala,’ said Rajan.

Wolfgang nodded. ‘Exactly.’

Will, watching the argument in bewilderment from the sofa, stood up. ‘There’s no point hiding in here and letting them rule our lives.’

‘Heh, you can _fucking_ talk,’ said Wolfgang. ‘You hid out for a year, remember?’

‘Yes, and I remember how shit it was. You were there too; you know how bad it was. I still don't know how I got through it. You don’t want that for Kala.’

Wolfgang dragged his hand through his hair. ‘It’s only for a couple of weeks. It’s worth that to keep her safe, isn’t it?’

He looked at Sun for some support. She was watching them all silently, Kwan-Ho by her side. He trusted her tactical opinion.

‘What do you think?’

She looked levelly at him. ‘I believe we are strong enough to protect Kala. She cannot be kept a prisoner here.’

Wolfgang, in desperation, looked at Riley. Surely she would understand his point of view? ‘What about you? This is crazy. There could be hundreds of people there, any one of them might want to hurt Kala. Ajay’s people or the protesters.’

‘Wolfgang, if Kala wants to go, I don’t think we have the right to stop her,’ Riley said, gently. 'She can decide if it's safe for herself.'

Wolfgang turned away, clenching his fists as anger pulsed through his body. ‘Fuck!’ he yelled.

Rajan laid his hand on his shoulder. ‘Breathe.’

Wolfgang yanked his shoulder away. ‘I’m fucking breathing.’ He looked back at Kala, who was watching him with wide eyes.

She let out a breath. ‘This is so important to me, Wolfgang. Please try and understand.’

‘I don’t,’ said Wolfgang shortly. ‘And I don’t like this.’ He huffed. ‘But I can’t stop you. You might be more stubborn than I am.’

Rajan laughed. ‘Now, that’s a tall order.’

Wolfgang gave him a look but didn’t respond. ‘I need a fucking cigarette.’

Nobody argued with him. He went out to the balcony. It had been three days since they’d all arrived. Three days of staying in the apartment, doing little but sleeping, eating, swimming and hanging around. It was driving Wolfgang fucking crazy but it was the best way he knew to keep his loved ones safe. He’d been sleeping better since the others arrived but he knew full well that he was basically a ball of fear and anxiety right now. How much worse would it get if they went out into the streets of Mumbai?

He leaned against the rail and lit his cigarette. He focused on the visual of the smoke drifting away from his mouth, imagining it was the anger drifting from his body. It worked, sort of. He no longer felt like stomping and shouting at least, though there were still a few swearwords in him.

He felt Will behind him.

‘Don’t start,’ he said.

Will came up beside him. ‘I’m not starting anything. You feeling any calmer?’ 

Wolfgang shrugged. ‘A bit. Mostly, I’m just counting the days until all this is fucking over.’

‘It’ll come sooner than it feels.’ He sighed. ‘We’ve decided Sun and Kwan-Ho will go with Kala to the temple. They’d both like to see it. Riley’s going to go too. You and I will stay with Rajan. If anything happens at the temple, we can help. What do you think?’

Wolfgang shrugged again. ‘It’s as good a plan as any.’

Will put a hand on his shoulder, his grip light and steady. ‘I know you’re anxious and you just want to protect her but it’s not fair to stop her doing something so important to her.’

‘And if it was Riley?’

Will let out a humourless chuckle. ‘I know, I know. Look, I do understand, and I feel the same but … well, you know no one can stop Kala doing something she wants to do. I wouldn’t be able to stop Riley either, and I wouldn’t have a right to.’

Wolfgang huffed. ‘Yeah, I know. You know it’s a good thing we do have Rajan with us as well. I think we’d have even more arguments if it was just us.’

Will laughed gently, sliding his arm further round Wolfgang’s shoulders. ‘He is a good guy.’

‘Too good, probably. Any other man would have let Lila shoot me, not take me to bed with him and his wife.’

‘You’re glib about it but I know how much you love each other.’

Wolfgang shrugged. ‘If you know it, you don’t need me to tell you about it, do you?’

Will chuckled, shaking his head. ‘You really are stubborn.’

Wolfgang turned to face him, taking a final drag of his cigarette before stubbing it out. ‘I need to protect Kala. If anything happened to her … It just can’t, that's all. It can't.’

Will nodded. ‘Sun will protect her.’

‘And if Kala gets knifed? Or shot again? Is Sun going to carry her to the hospital?’

‘Somebody needs to stay with Rajan.’

Wolfgang let out a frustrated groan. ‘Fuck, I just want to protect them both.’

Will smiled at him. ‘Well luckily, you’re a sensate and you can be in two places at once.’

‘Will you stay with Rajan? It’s secure here, easier for one person to defend. I'll go with Kala.’

‘Are you gonna keep a cool head?’

‘He’s ice, don’t you remember?’ said Rajan behind them.

Wolfgang looked at him and smiled. ‘See? He knows.’

Rajan came closer, putting his hand on the small of Wolfgang’s back. ‘I think we should all go.’

Wolfgang looked sharply at him. ‘You don’t visit the temple.’

‘No, but I know you’re not happy at the idea of separating. We’ll be safer if we’re all together.’

‘We’d be safer if we all stayed here.’

Rajan chuckled softly. ‘Do you really think you could stop Kala doing what she wants?’

‘I could.’ He glanced at Will. ‘But I’m not going to.’ He moved away, returning inside. He needed to talk to Kala. 

Kala was waiting for him on the sofa. The others had scattered to the kitchen, giving them a bit of space. Wolfgang sat next to her, clasping his hands in front of him and not looking at her. She placed a gentle hand on his back and waited for him to speak. He took a moment to let her touch steady him. 

‘I wouldn’t stop you doing anything,’ he said. ‘I still don’t think it’s the best idea you’ve ever had, and I don’t get it, but I know it’s important to you.’

‘It is, Wolfgang. It’s going to help me get through this.’

He looked at her. ‘We’re all coming, so if anyone tries anything…’

She found his hand and squeezed it firmly. ‘I know we’re safe with you.’

He let out a breath, gazing at their joined hands. ‘I hope so.’ He swallowed, then met her eyes. ‘I really hope so.’

He didn't know what he'd do if they weren't. Fuck. He really wouldn't survive it. She kissed his cheek and put her arm around her. He held her back. He'd be nothing without her. Nothing at all. 


	61. Chapter 61

The government cars took them to the Temple of Ganesh. Wolfgang’s heart was racing from the moment they left the apartment. He really didn’t like this. It wasn’t safe, but apparently, that didn’t matter as much as praying did.

He shook his head. No, this was important to Kala and he wasn’t going to be an arsehole about it. They had taken all the precautions they could. They were all there and he knew that together they could do what needed to be done. But he still didn’t like it.

Wolfgang walked at the back of the group, behind Rajan and Kala, where he could see everything. Will and Riley walked on either side of them and Sun and Mun walked in front of them. A little behind the group, the government security joined the crowd. 

The sky was clear and the sun was hot, a lot warmer than back home. Paris, he meant. He was surprised by how much he missed it, being in that flat, just the three of them. India was a beautiful country and Mumbai a beautiful city and he did want to explore it once the danger had passed. But he couldn’t see himself settling here, not with the intrusion of Rajan’s family. He would stay, if they wanted him to but, for him, home was always going to be just the three of them in Paris. It was the first time he really felt like he had a home.

They reached the temple. There were queues outside, though at least there were no protests, and Wolfgang’s keen gaze picked up more security along the queues. These men had guns, like the government guards trailing them. Fuck, he really missed his gun.

They queued as a group. Sun, Mun, Will and Riley were looking all around at the temple, agog at the beauty of it. It was made of pinkish white brick and it was almost blinding in the sunlight. The tips of the turrets were gold and they shone. It was a beautiful building.

They queue moved slowly and with every shuffle forward, Wolfgang felt more anxious. More people filled in behind them, cutting off their escape. This was a mistake. If something happened, there was nowhere to go, nowhere to run. His heart was racing and he clenched his fists, holding himself ready. This was a bad idea.

‘There’s no sign of danger,’ said Will, into his mind.

‘Not yet,’ said Wolfgang, keeping his focus on surveying their surroundings. He could feel Will was ultra-focused as well and he knew that nobody could sneak up on Sun or Kwan-Ho. Kala and Rajan were well protected. Logically, he knew that. But it didn’t stop his heart from racing. He had to protect them, with his life if necessary.

At last, they were entering the temple. The scent of incense was sweet, almost overpoweringly so. They held back, allowing Kala to go to Ganesha alone. This was the part about which Wolfgang was the most anxious, but Kala had insisted this was necessary. She had also tried to reassure him that nobody with any respect for Ganesha would draw blood within his temple.

She dropped to her knees before the huge statue. He stayed out of her head, giving her the space she needed to talk to her god. It was the one thing he didn’t really understand about her. But he could feel how important it was to her.

She placed the modak she had made on the shrine and began to talk to him. Despite doing his best to stay out of her head, he could feel the peace descending over her. He glanced at Will, who was smiling as he watched her.

Wolfgang took a step closer to Rajan, knowing that Will was standing ready to share his fighting skills with Kala in a second if it became necessary. So was Sun. Rajan did not have that same protection. Wolfgang needed to stay close by him.

He could tell he didn’t like this either. His gaze was fixed on Kala and his arms were folded tightly across his chest as he watched.

The hairs on the back of Wolfgang’s neck prickled and he looked behind him. There was no one nearby, just a few worshippers a little way off. Wolfgang shifted a little so his back was to the wall and he could see all around at once. Nobody was sneaking up on him.

At last, Kala was rising to her feet, thanking Ganesha as she moved away. Wolfgang let out a breath in relief as she rejoined them.

Together they moved out and Wolfgang started to believe everything was all right. They had done it. They had been to the temple. Now all they had to do was walk the short way back to the government cars and get back to the secure apartment.

The hairs on the back of his neck prickled again. He looked up, casting around for the source of his bad feelings. Was it just anxiety or something more?

Somebody moved towards them.

Wolfgang turned his head towards the movement, and he felt Sun snap to alertness.

In a second, they were fighting. He jerked back from a fist that came towards him, grabbing the arm and twisting it round behind his assailant’s back. The man cried out and dropped his knife. Wolfgang headbutted him and he fell to the ground.

But there were more, a swam of strangers coming at them. Rajan and Kala were circled by their protectors, each of them fighting, driven by the instinct to protect.

Wolfgang felt bones crack beneath his fists and heard the cries as he kicked soft flesh.

But Riley was struggling to keep a man with a knife off her. Rajan jerked forward to help her and the man slashed at him. Wolfgang leapt in, grabbed the man by his collar and headbutted him. He slumped to the ground.

Kala was beside him. She grabbed at his arm. ‘Wolfgang,’ she muttered, urgently.

He turned just in time to see the knife glint in the sun before it slashed at him. He shoved Kala behind him at the same moment he felt pain echo through the cluster. He felt blood and he remembered Lila shooting Kala, the blood he had felt so clearly pouring from his stomach. He was back in that moment again.

‘Kala,’ he gasped. ‘You’re hurt.’

He felt weak, shaky. Everything was blurry. _Fuck, this is no time to panic._

He couldn’t get hold of where he was. He was sharing with Kala, then Riley, then Will, then Sun. The pain ricocheted across the cluster. He felt Lito cry out in despair and Nomi call his name.

He looked up and the sun seemed so far away. Capheus was kneeling by his side and he realised he was on the ground.

‘Wolfgang!’ called Kala, her voice tight. Rajan knelt beside him.

Wolfgang looked down and saw that shining knife was now dull with blood. His blood, oozing from a huge wound in his stomach. The pain was his own.

He looked up. The attack had stopped. Their assailants were either unconscious or under arrest by the government security. Nobody else was hurt. Rajan and Kala were safe.

He always said he would die for them. _I guess I did._

The sky was going dark and he couldn’t move. He focused on the faces on either side of him. Rajan and Kala. At least they were safe. Maybe his death was worth it. The last of the Bogdanows. Good fucking riddance to _them_. They’d been nothing but a scourge on this fucking world.

He saw Angelica. There were tears on her pale face. She was crying for him. 

One last thought came to him before his eyes closed.

_I don’t wanna die. Fuck._


	62. Chapter 62

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song at the start is Metallica's Nothing Else Matters. It might enhance your reading if you play the song while reading the first scene.

So close, no matter how far  
Couldn't be much more from the heart  
Forever trusting who we are  
And nothing else matters

_The music drifts on the air, the words echoing across their minds. It is warm and there are many unfamiliar noises beyond the music._

Never opened myself this way  
Life is ours, we live it our way  
All these words I don't just say  
And nothing else matters

_The sound of breathing hisses, unfamiliarly loud, around them. Somewhere, there is pain, or an echo of pain. There are unrecognised voices, hustle and bustle. But in the room, there is peace, a watchful quiet._

Trust I seek and I find in you  
Every day for us something new  
Open mind for a different view  
And nothing else matters

_Fingers lace together and there is comfort in the feeling of skin on skin. The touch is warmth and safety._

Never cared for what they do  
Never cared for what they know  
But I know

_There is stillness and quiet in the room. The tension of waiting is tight, electric. The energy surrounds them._

So close, no matter how far  
Couldn't be much more from the heart  
Forever trusting who we are  
And nothing else matters

_The pain is a dull ache, pulsing in their bellies. There is something in their throat, something choking them._

Never cared for what they do  
Never cared for what they know  
But I know

_They can breathe, despite the hard thing in their throat. No,_ his _throat. He is choking on it. There is a bustle of activity nearby and the thing is gone. He can breathe._

I never opened myself this way  
Life is ours, we live it our way  
All these words I don't just say  
And nothing else matters

_There is a steady beeping nearby and he can hear someone else’s breathing. He can feel a hand, no two hands he knows holding his. He can feel Kala nearby, and Rajan. Further away but still there are the rest of his cluster._

Trust I seek and I find in you  
Every day for us, something new  
Open mind for a different view  
And nothing else matters

_He is safe. He is loved. He is alive. Nothing else matters._

Wolfgang opened his eyes, then immediately closed them again as the bright light blinded him.

‘Ugh, could you get them to turn the lights down?’

There was a sudden flurry of activity around him and he felt Kala lean over him. ‘Wolfgang? You’re awake!’

‘I think so.’

‘I’ve closed the blinds,’ said Will, somewhere nearby. ‘You should be able to see a little better now.’

He opened his eyes and looked around. He was in a hospital room, surrounded by machines and with a drip in his arm. Rajan and Kala were sitting either side of his bed, Will was standing at the end and Riley was sitting on a plastic chair a little way behind him. She had her mp3 player in her hand and he guessed that was where the music had come from. Outside the opaque door, he could see the shadow of two people standing guard. He could feel that one was Sun, so the other must be Kwan-Ho.

He looked down. He was wearing a pair of pale blue hospital pyjamas. Ugh, he couldn’t remember the last time he’d worn pyjamas, if he ever had. He could feel a tight dressing on his belly.

‘What happened?’

‘You got stabbed,’ said Will. ‘You’ve been in surgery.’

‘Am I … all right?’

Rajan squeezed his hand. ‘You’re going to be fine, good as new. Probably a bit of a scar though.’

Wolfgang shrugged. ‘I don’t mind that.’ He looked at Rajan. There were heavy bags under his eyes and worry lines on his brow. He looked at Kala. He could feel her worry, though she looked as effortlessly beautiful as ever.

‘Was anyone else hurt?’

‘No, we held them off all right,’ said Will. ‘They were all arrested and they know it was on Ajay’s orders.’

‘It’s not going to look good for him at the trial,’ said Rajan. There was a sadness to his voice.

Wolfgang squeezed his hand. ‘I know he was your friend.’

‘Mmm, once upon a time. No more though.’

‘How long was I out?’

‘Couple of days,’ said Will, tightly.

Kala held his hand tightly. ‘We almost lost you.’ Her voice was thick with emotion.

‘I’m not going anywhere, except home soon I hope.’

Will exchanged glances with Riley. She got up and came over to Wolfgang. ‘I think they’ll want to keep you in for a few more days.’

Wolfgang pulled a face. ‘Then if I have to stay here, you two need to go home,’ he said, looking at Rajan and Kala. ‘I’m not having you put yourself in danger for me. You’ll be safer at home.’

‘We’re not leaving you, Wolfgang,’ said Kala. ‘I don’t care what you say. We’re staying right here.’

Wolfgang shook his head, rapidly, trying to sit up. It was harder than he expected it to be and there was a sharp pain in his stomach.

Will was at his side immediately. He put his hand on his shoulder and held him firmly to the bed. ‘No, Wolfgang, you’ll tear your stitches. Look, we know you’re worried but we don’t want to leave you alone.’

‘Then you stay with me, or Riley or Sun. But tell Rajan and Kala they need to stay safe.’

Will sighed, glancing at Rajan and Kala. ‘I think it might be best if you do go. He’s not going to be satisfied if he thinks you’re not safe.’

‘Exactly,’ said Wolfgang. ‘Will, take them home.’

‘All right,’ said Rajan. ‘We’ll go.’ He looked at Kala. ‘It won’t help his recovery if he’s worried about us. You can still be with him from the flat.’

‘I’ll stay with him,’ said Riley.

Rajan and Kala both kissed him goodbye gently and Will patted his shoulder. Sun put her head through the door and gave him a nod before she followed the others out. They would go home and be safe.

He closed his eyes as Riley sat in the chair beside him. ‘You can play some more Metallica if you like.’

She laughed. ‘I was forgetting you could hear it.’

He opened his eyes and looked up at the ceiling above him. They really should make hospital ceilings more attractive if they expected you to spend so much time staring at them.

‘I thought I was dead,’ he said.

He felt Riley look at him. ‘So did we.’ She found his hand and gripped it tightly. ‘It felt like when Kala was shot.’

‘I could feel pain. I didn’t know whose it was. Then, when I was unconscious it was hard to separate out my thoughts from all of yours. It was like we were all unconscious with me.’

‘It felt like that for us too, some of the time.’

He looked at her. ‘And everybody really is all right?’

She smiled gently at him. ‘Everybody is all right. You saved Kala and Rajan from getting stabbed.’

‘Then it was worth it.’

She patted his hand. ‘Try and rest now. The nurse will be coming soon to check on you.’

He closed his eyes and tried to relax, reminding himself that Rajan and Kala were safe with Will, Sun and Mun. They would soon be home and he would soon be with them again.

Riley put some music on her headphones and Wolfgang listened to the words, letting the soft music relax him. She always had just the right song at her fingertips.

Sometimes it's easier to hide away  
When the winter comes and its shorter days  
But I know the dark clouds  
Tomorrow is gonna be better

Sometimes it's easier to hit the road  
When the world is givin' you a heavy load  
But if you stay and face it, I know  
Tomorrow is gonna be better


	63. Chapter 63

Wolfgang decided that he hated hospitals. He was bored, restless. He wasn’t used to just lying around like this. He felt helpless and weak and he didn’t like it.

He was glad Rajan had arranged a private room for him. It meant that, even when there wasn’t someone sitting with him physically, they could still visit.

The nurse had just left after checking his temperature, blood pressure and pain relief. He’d been sleeping before she had come but he was wide awake now. He shifted carefully into more of a sitting position, adjusting the bed to support him. His wound still felt vulnerable.

‘Hey,’ said Will.

Wolfgang looked at him. ‘Hallo. You here to see if I’m behaving?’

Will grinned. ‘And are you?’

‘Ja, good as gold.’

‘Glad to hear it. We all miss you. Have the doctors told you when you might be able to come home?’

‘Maybe tomorrow since I’m off the IV pain meds now and I have no signs of infection. Not even a slight fever.’

‘Well, you have plenty of people to look after you at home. That must help.’

Wolfgang nodded, then looked Will in the eye. ‘How are Rajan and Kala? Truthfully.’

Will hesitated. ‘They miss you. They’re feeling about as claustrophobic as you are right now, but they’re staying put.’

‘Good. I don’t want anything to happen to them.’

‘If you’re not fit enough to go to the trial, we’ll all be there so you don’t need to worry.’

Wolfgang shook his head. ‘I’m going. You can’t stop me.’

‘You are one stubborn fucker.’

Wolfgang shrugged. ‘I believe we’ve established that already.’

Will laughed. ‘More than established.’ He reached out and put a hand on his shoulder. ‘This will all be over before you know it. You’ve just got to hang tight and push through it.’

‘Being stuck in here isn’t exactly good for my anxiety.’

Will smiled. ‘I know.’ He leaned back. ‘So, do you think you guys will stay here after this?’

‘Don’t know. I want to go back to Paris but … well my home is where they are so if they want to stay, we’ll stay.’

‘Something to talk about when the trial is over, I guess.’

‘It’s … weird, you know. The feeling of having a home.’

‘It’s not just that that’s making you feel weird, though, is it?’

Wolfgang shook his head. ‘I don’t really want to talk about it.’

‘Talking is good, remember? We’ve established that too.’

He fixed him with a hard look. ‘Will, I _really_ don’t want to talk about it.’ He sighed, gazing up at that drab ceiling. ‘I’m fine, really. I’m just working through something in my own head.’

Will put his hand on Wolfgang’s forearm. His hand was warm on his skin. ‘Just don’t get _too_ introspective. We’re here if you need us, remember?’

Wolfgang gave him a mock salute. ‘Yes, mom,’ he drawled.

Will gave him a somewhat indulgent smile. ‘And don’t wind up the nurses too much, will you?’

Wolfgang leaned back in bed, grinning lazily. ‘I can’t help it if I’m hot.’

Will’s mouth quirked. ‘I thought you said you didn’t have a fever.’

‘Funny, Gorski, fucking hilarious.’

Will patted his shoulder gently. ‘I should get back. Rajan’s cooking dinner.’

Wolfgang groaned. ‘Fuck, I really miss his cooking.’ _I miss_ him _._

Will smiled, like he had heard that thought, which he probably had. Or the feeling behind it at least.

‘Do you want me to send someone else to visit?’

Wolfgang shook his head. ‘No, you all go and eat. I’m gonna sleep a bit. If Kala has time later…’

‘She’ll be here with you tonight.’

Wolfgang gave him a smile. ‘Thanks,’ he said, before he turned over gingerly and went to sleep.

When he woke, he wasn’t alone. He kept his eyes closed, just enjoying her presence. She was soft and warm in his arms and he felt as though he could lie there forever with her.

She kissed him where her face was nuzzled into his shoulder. He trailed his fingers through her soft curls and, in a moment, he was at the flat with her, in their bed. Rajan was there too and Wolfgang could feel the warmth from both their bodies.

His chest ached as he looked at Rajan; his lover couldn’t see him, couldn’t hold him. He didn’t even know he was there.

Kala reached back and touched Rajan on the hip. ‘Wolfgang’s here,’ she murmured.

Rajan looked up, at the space where Wolfgang was. ‘I wish I could see him.’

‘He wishes you could too,’ said Kala. She stroked Wolfgang’s cheek. ‘You’ll be home with us soon.’

He buried his face in her shoulder, pressing a soft kiss to her neck. ‘I wish I was home now.’

He was back in the hospital bed, but she was still with him. She pulled back to look at him, smoothing her fingers along his jaw.

‘How’s the pain?’ she asked.

‘Not bad. Nothing like when it happened.’ He looked down, the thoughts pounding in his head. Her felt her pulse of worry.

‘What is it?’

He shook his head. ‘Nothing really.’

‘Wolfgang,’ she said, warningly. ‘You promised you’d talk to us.’

He sighed. ‘It’s really not anything to worry about, just … a strange sensation that’s all.’

She frowned at him. ‘You’re going to have to explain to me, Wolfgang, because I’m starting to worry here.’

He sighed, pulling back a little from the embrace, but keeping contact with her. ‘It’s just … when it happened, I thought I was going to die.’

He felt an echo of the fear he knew she must have felt in that moment, and the days of anxious waiting that had followed it. ‘We all thought that.’

‘Did you … did you hear any of my thoughts then?’

She shook her head. ‘I’m not sure. Everything was all mixed up. None of us could focus beyond feeling your pain. It was all so fuzzy.’

He nodded. ‘It was but … my last thought was that I didn’t want to die.’

She frowned at him. ‘Well, that’s good, isn’t it?’

He laughed gently. ‘It is good. It’s just … I haven’t felt that way before. It’s not that I wanted to kill myself exactly, just that … I always felt that if I did die, it was just one of those things.’

‘Wolfgang,’ she breathed. ‘That’s terrible.’

He smiled gently at her. ‘I didn’t have much in my life before you, Kala. Even Felix, I thought probably would be better off without me. He’d have led a quiet life without me, probably be married by now. He wouldn’t have had to hold me together the way he did.’

‘Felix loves you.’

‘I know. That probably stopped me putting a gun to my head a few times.’ He sighed heavily. ‘But I don’t feel like that anymore.’

He looked into her warm brown eyes. ‘It’s not that I’m keeping myself alive for you, it’s just … with you and Rajan, I _want_ to stay alive because … it feels good.’

He frowned, then laughed. ‘I’m happy and it’s a very weird sensation for me.’

She was watching him in amazement and he knew this was so far out of her experience that, without their connection, she wouldn’t have understood it. She’d had such a life, full of wonderful experiences, a top-class education and countless opportunities and, above all, a family who loved her beyond all else.

She said nothing, just cupped his cheek, brought him close and kissed him softly. Her arms wrapped around him and held him close. He breathed in her scent, overwhelmed by the feel of her with him.

_Fuck, I love this woman._


	64. Chapter 64

Wolfgang had never slept so much in his life. But for the most part it had been peaceful sleep. Maybe he had just been too exhausted for nightmares. One of his cluster was always there, sometimes more than one of them, hovering nearby in case he needed them. From each of them, he could feel a cloud of worry following them and he felt guilty for that. But they all reminded him he would be the same if it were any of them. Kala was with him nightly and usually, he ended up visiting her so he could see Rajan as well and feel like he was with them both in their bed.

Finally, he was going home. Will came to collect him, bringing with him some actual proper clothes. In loose black pants, a grey t-shirt and his black jacket, he felt himself again. No more scratchy pyjamas. No more pyjamas at all.

Despite Wolfgang’s fervent protests, Will insisted on using the wheelchair provided to take him down to the front doors, where a car was waiting for them.

‘You’ve got to take it easy,’ said Will as he helped Wolfgang into the car.

‘Ugh, I’ve done nothing but sleep for days. I _am_ taking it easy.’

‘Well, you can do the same at home,’ said Will, bossily. The car set off. ‘You have to if you want to go to the trial.’

Wolfgang gave him his hardest of looks. ‘Do you really think you could stop me?’

Will swallowed and looked away.

Wolfgang grinned as he felt a mixture of fear and arousal from him. ‘Oh you like that, do you?’

Will cleared his throat. ‘Anyway, the trial is a week away so you need constant rest.’

Wolfgang just laughed and didn’t comment as the tips of Will’s ears turned red.

Wolfgang was pleased to see that there were two armed guards in the foyer. They nodded at Will, clearly familiar with him. Wolfgang hated how slowly he had to walk, how weak he felt, but he told himself repeatedly that it was temporary.

Will kept his arm around his waist, supporting him as they made their way up in the elevator. ‘Stay with me, nearly there.’

‘I’m all right. I just hate being so weak.’

‘I know. It won’t be for long. You’ll soon be back to your old kick-boxing self.’

‘I miss my gun.’

‘Heh, well I’m not sure Kala would be happy if you got that back.’

‘I know.’

They entered the flat and Will let go of him to shut the door behind them. Rajan was there, waiting for him. Behind him, Kala, Riley, Sun and Kwan-Ho were also waiting. Wolfgang reached out for Rajan and pulled him close. Rajan held him, gently. Wolfgang turned his face into his neck and breathed in the scent of this man he loved, the man he had missed so much he almost couldn’t stand it.

‘It’s so good to see you, my love,’ whispered Rajan.

Wolfgang kissed the soft skin beneath his mouth. ‘I missed you,’ he whispered.

Rajan’s hands twitched on his shoulders and Wolfgang knew he could feel how strongly he felt for him. After a moment, Kala joined them, sliding her arm around him. Wolfgang pulled back from Rajan enough to put one arm around her as well. He breathed in her scent, leaning down slightly to kiss her softly on the mouth. They were together again.

When they parted, Riley and Sun greeted him with gentle hugs as well and Kwan-Ho shook his hand warmly.

Then Wolfgang felt so tired suddenly.

‘Maybe you should go to bed,’ said Will.

Wolfgang shook his head. ‘I’ve spent enough time in bed for a while. I want to be where everyone else is.’ He sat on the sofa. Kala and Rajan both sat with him. He put his arm around her, holding her close and he rested his head on Rajan’s shoulder. He closed his eyes and let himself sleep, surrounded by his family.

The days passed slowly. Wolfgang spent a lot of his time sleeping still, but he refused to languish in bed during the day and instead, moved around the flat when he could, or sat on the sofa watching the others mooch about, or cook meals or laugh together. He enjoyed the laughter and the chatter washing around him.

He missed swimming though. Kala, Rajan and Will all went for a swim every morning. He sat and watched them from a lounger, not allowed to get his stitches wet. That morning, it was particularly hot. The trial was a mere two days away and he had felt wide awake since getting up a couple of hours ago.

He watched the swimmers. Today, Riley had joined them, while Sun and Kwan-Ho were doing their exercises in another room.

Wolfgang sat on the lounger and watched the four of them swim through the water. He could feel its coolness, as though the wetness was on his own skin. It was driving him mad. If only he could dive in and move through the waves with power that came so naturally from his body.

He couldn’t stand it anymore. He stood, pulling off his clothes and lowering himself onto the side of the pool.

Will stopped moving and looked up at him. ‘You can’t get your stitches wet.’

Wolfgang rolled his eyes. ‘I know.’ He sat on the edge of the pool and dangled his legs into the water. ‘I’m just trying to live vicariously through all of you.’

Kala swam over to him, then trailed her fingers down his leg. ‘I know you own swimming trunks now,’ she said, a smile lurking around her mouth.

He smirked at her. ‘Didn’t bring them. Might as well take advantage of having access to a private pool.’

He leaned back and rested his hands on the tile behind him. He looked up at the clear blue sky. It had rained quite a bit when he’d been in hospital but since coming out, the weather had been glorious. If it wasn’t for the trial and his injury, they could have been out exploring Mumbai in this beautiful weather.

Well, hopefully it would all be over in another few days. Rajan had told him his lawyer had found out he would be among the first witnesses to be called, so his part would hopefully be over quickly.

‘Shame you can’t join us,’ said Rajan, stopping near him to float on his back a little.

Wolfgang sat up a little and thought idly that it was a shame Rajan had decided to wear swimming trunks. ‘I get my stitches out soon. Then I can swim with you all day.’

‘Can’t wait,’ said Rajan warmly.

Wolfgang grinned at him. It really was beautiful here, and Kala and Rajan did love it. They were happy here. He’d be happy if they decided to stay here. This could be home too. He shook his head as that thought crossed his mind. To go from no home to two? Was that really possible?

He watched Rajan and Kala swimming around the pool, happy and laughing as they went between swimming and playing in the water. Will and Riley were messing about more than swimming, splashing each other and dancing around and grabbing hold of each other for kisses.

Yes, it was possible. Home was where his family was, where his loved ones were.

He just hoped he didn’t fuck it up.


	65. Chapter 65

The trial was tomorrow but Rajan was doing his best not to think about it. The topic had been avoided all day but he had felt the tension in his partners as, no doubt, they had felt his own.

Wolfgang was still going to bed quite early but he had had his stitches out that day and had already stated that he _would_ be going to the trial with them. Rajan was anxious about that but he had accepted that Wolfgang wouldn’t be dissuaded. He really was the stubbornest person he’d ever known.

It was bedtime. As usual, Wolfgang was in bed first, in the middle. Rajan grinned as he came out of the bathroom and saw him there, gloriously naked and half-hard waiting for him.

‘The nurse said I can have sex again.’

Rajan laughed. ‘You actually asked?’

Wolfgang shrugged, grinning. ‘It’s important to know.’ He looked down at Rajan’s boxers. ‘You’re too dressed.’

Rajan chuckled. ‘Wait until you see Kala. She’ll be out in a minute.’

‘Come here,’ Wolfgang ordered.

Rajan grinned, loving when Wolfgang got a little bit masterful. He went to him, shedding his boxers and lying down next to him. Wolfgang reached for him and they kissed lazily.

Then Rajan pulled back, stroking his lover’s shoulder and looking into his eyes. ‘Are you sure you’re up to it?’

‘Just be gentle with me,’ Wolfgang murmured before bridging the gap between them and kissing him again.

Rajan slid his hand down his chest, running his fingers across his smooth skin and well-defined muscle. He found a nipple and tweaked it just the way he knew Wolfgang liked. He was rewarded with a soft moan. He kissed his way down that strong, stubbled jaw, down that smooth, sensitive neck to that broad, well-muscled chest. He caught a nipple between his teeth and tugged gently, provoking a louder moan from his lover.

Wolfgang’s hand left his hip and reached behind him. The next moment, Kala was joining them, slipping into place behind Wolfgang and dropping kisses along his neck and shoulder.

Together, Rajan and Kala worked to make Wolfgang moan and wriggle with pleasure between them. They were gentle but eager; it felt like a long time since they’d been able to do this. Rajan moved down his body, carefully avoiding Wolfgang’s healing scar.

Wolfgang was letting out soft sighs and whimpers of pleasure and the sound alone made Rajan’s heart throb and his cock twitch.

When he took Wolfgang’s hard cock into his mouth, both Wolfgang and Kala moaned aloud. Rajan grinned around his mouthful. This sensate thing really was amazing. He could pleasure both his lovers at once.

He could tell he was a lot better at this than he had been when this first started. Wolfgang’s cries were louder and his hips moved of their own accord, jerking up into Rajan.

Rajan put a hand on his hip, to still him a little, so he could carry on. Wolfgang’s hand dropped to his shoulder and squeezed tight as Rajan took him deeper and sucked hard. Wolfgang’s hand spasmed on his shoulder and he cried out.

Rajan pulled back, letting his cock pop out of his mouth. Wolfgang whimpered at the loss but a second later he was gasping in pleasure again as Rajan blew hotly on the sensitive head of his cock. He was aware of Kala murmuring too and he felt her hand join his on Wolfgang’s hip.

He took Wolfgang’s cock back into his mouth again, licking the underside where glans met foreskin. Wolfgang whimpered again.

‘You … tease,’ he gasped.

If Rajan’s mouth hadn’t been occupied he would have laughed. Instead he hummed and delighted in the way his lover wriggled beneath his attentions. He was whimpering desperately now and Rajan decided he’d had enough teasing. He took Wolfie as deep as he could, sucking hard around him. Wolfie went mad, thrusting up and crying out. One hand gripped Rajan’s shoulder hard, while the other grabbed at his and Kala’s joined hands. He came with a cry and Rajan swallowed him down.

A moment later, Wolfgang was pulling Rajan up to him. They kissed and Wolfgang murmured with delight as he tasted himself on Rajan’s tongue. Wolfgang broke the kiss and turned his head to kiss Kala too. Rajan stayed close to them and for a moment, all three shared their breath.

Wolfgang pulled gently at Rajan. ‘I wanna watch you two,’ he murmured.

Kala’s attention turned to Rajan and she beamed. ‘I’d like that too,’ she said, squirming a little. Rajan grinned as he realised how turned on she must be.

Carefully, to not hurt Wolfgang, he shifted to the other side of the bed to lie beside Kala. Wolfgang shifted over to give them a little more room, but he didn’t go too far.

Rajan cupped Kala’s waist, stroking her smooth skin. She gazed at him and his belly tightened as he saw the love in her eyes. She really did love him too.

He was hard, more than ready to slip inside her. But he didn’t want to rush her. He leaned in and kissed a path down her throat as he traced over her waist with gentle fingertips.

She pulled urgently at him and kissed him hard. ‘Don’t wait,’ she murmured. She gave a groan. ‘I’m ready.’

Beside them, Wolfgang laughed. ‘She really is.’ He gestured to himself. ‘Shared pleasure, remember?’

Rajan grinned. ‘Ah, yes.’ He kissed Kala again, then his hand slid down to her thigh. She parted her legs eagerly for him and he guided himself inside her.

All three together gave a sigh of pleasure as he filled her. Wolfgang shifted closer, seeking contact with them both. He kissed Kala’s neck and trailed his fingers down Rajan’s spine. Rajan began to move, slow and deep inside her. She clung to him and so did Wolfgang. She wrapped her legs around him, drawing him in. Wolfgang’s mouth was hot on their skin as he scattered kisses onto their shoulders, necks, jaws, anywhere he could reach.

They were moving together, as one, and Rajan could feel their breathing synchronise as they approached the peak of their pleasure together. He could last no longer but he didn’t need to. She was already coming, crying out and grasping urgently at both of them as the throes of pleasure overtook her body.

He was barely aware of his own orgasm, instead focusing all his attention on Kala and Wolfgang as their shared orgasm engulfed their bodies. There was nothing better than creating this pleasure in his lovers.

Afterwards, they lay in a breathless tangle, none of them knowing or caring where they each ended and their lovers began.

Rajan could feel their warmth and hear their hearts beating in the quiet room. Or was that his own heart he could hear?

He glanced at Wolfgang, who was lying next to him. Wolfie was holding both their hands and his eyes were closed. He had a small smile on his face, one that showed his dimples. _My god, he really is beautiful_.

Rajan grinned. He had never really thought to apply the word to a man before. But it did fit Wolfgang. The man was so beautiful he was like a work of art. He used to think he loved Kala so much there was no room for anything else. But now … His feelings for Kala were the same but they had expanded to include Wolfgang as well.

He smiled. Will had been right. Love wasn’t something to hoard. Love came in many forms and this was ones of them. Two men and a woman who loved each other so much there were no comparisons. There was no counting who was with who and when. None of that mattered. They were a triad, as Wolfgang said. And hopefully soon they would all be safe and could get on with their lives together.

Rajan shifted onto his side so he could face his lovers. Wolfgang still had that smile on his face. It was good to see him so happy. Despite the danger, since the stabbing he hadn’t been as anxious as he had been before. He hadn’t had any nightmares for ages, no obvious ones anyway. Rajan knew they could never say he was cured; the kind of past Wolfgang had gone through left an indelible mark.

But he was so much better than he had been, so much calmer. He was living for the happiness he had with them, not just making his way through life without thought. Or at least, Rajan hoped he was as happy as he seemed.

Kala turned onto her side, facing Rajan, with her face at Wolfgang’s shoulder. She kissed him there and Wolfgang’s smile widened.

‘Ich liebe euch beide,’ he murmured. He turned to Rajan and grinned. ‘That means I love you both.’

Rajan grinned back at him. ‘I’ll remember that one. Ich liebe euch beide.’

Kala stretched her hand across Wolfgang to settle on Rajan’s hip. ‘Rajan, after the trial, I’d like to stay a little while, spend some time with our families before we go home. Can we do that?’

Rajan smiled. ‘I’m the boss’s son. We can do it.’

Wolfgang grinned. ‘I do like it here, but I’ll be glad to go home to Paris too.’

Rajan propped himself up on his elbow to look properly at both of them. ‘You think we can make a home there, the three of us?’

Wolfgang and Kala gave him the same grin, then spoke together. ‘Yes.’

Rajan shook his head in amusement. ‘I guess that’s a consensus. Though … I have a feeling I might have to buy a bigger flat to accommodate all the family, by which I mean the cluster and their partners of course, when they come to stay. Not to mention a pool for Wolfgang.’

Wolfgang beamed. ‘I could swim naked every day.’

Kala laughed, shaking her head. ‘Why the obsession with swimming naked?’

He smirked at her. ‘Like you don’t enjoy the view.’

She shrugged non-committedly, then smiled widely at him. ‘It is the view I fell in love with.’

Wolfgang clicked his tongue in mock admonishment. ‘So superficial.’


	66. Chapter 66

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Backpfeifengesicht - means a face in need of a fist

It was the day of the trial. Rajan was worried about it but he could see how anxious Wolfgang was as well. So was Kala but it was easier for anyone to spot the signs of that. She talked a lot when she was worried, running through everything out loud. But Wolfgang’s anxiety was harder to spot. Rajan found it easier now. He was stony-faced and he paced the apartment as they got ready, talking to no one.

He watched his surroundings like he was in a warzone and could expect an attack at any moment. Will stayed near him and he was also watchful.

They all left the flat together. Rajan felt they were well-protected, with Wolfgang by their side and the rest of the cluster with them. The government security surrounded them as well, leading them to the provided cars.

Rajan still felt the guilt at having caused all this. Maybe if he’d spoken up sooner, Ajay would have stopped what he was doing and he wouldn’t be in this much trouble now, wouldn’t be prepared to kill to get out of it.

He swallowed as he glanced at Wolfgang sitting in the car beside him. Wolfgang had nearly been killed. They’d been so close to losing him because of that bastard. Rajan just hoped his evidence would be enough to get him put away.

They reached the court without incident and they were shown to a room off the courtroom, where they had to wait until Rajan’s name was called. He sat and waited with Wolfgang and Kala. They didn’t speak but held hands.

A few minutes after they arrived, to Rajan’s surprise, the door opened again and his mother and father were shown inside. Immediately, Rajan dropped Wolfgang’s hand and he and Kala stood. Wolfgang remained sitting. Rajan could feel his tension.

‘Father, I did not expect to see you.’

Manendra nodded at his son. ‘We have come to support you,’ he said shortly.

Rajan sat back down. His shoulders brushed Wolfgang’s for a moment before his lover stood and moved away from them. Rajan could see him pulling himself back, holding himself stiff and careful. All Rajan wanted to do was grab him and kiss him but he didn’t. He was ashamed to admit it but he was frightened of what his father would think, what he would say.

But Wolfgang wasn’t looking at him. He stood by the door, every bit the bodyguard.

‘Who are all these people?’ Manendra asked.

‘These are our friends, Papa-ji,’ Kala said. ‘They’re all helping to keep us safe.’

‘If it wasn’t for them, we would have been stabbed, probably killed. Wolfgang was stabbed protecting us,’ said Rajan.

Wolfgang looked at him and his eyes shone. But he remained silent. Manendra turned and looked coldly at Wolfgang.

‘If he’s your bodyguard, that’s his job.’ He sent Rajan a withering look. ‘You do have a tendency to be excessively sentimental.’ 

Before Rajan could say anything, the inner door opened and the court usher stepped through.

‘Rajan Rasal, you are now required,’ he called. ‘This way, Sir.’

With regret, he turned from the tense situation and entered the court. It was time do give his evidence.

When Rajan had disappeared inside the court, Wolfgang quietly let himself out of the room. He didn’t like the atmosphere; he didn’t like being looked at that way; and he didn’t like Rajan’s father.

He stood outside the room and looked out of the window. He watched the people go by with his arms folded tightly across his chest. A rumbling anger burned inside him. What a fucking arrogant man. How fucking dare he speak to Rajan like that? Fuck, he really wanted to punch him.

‘Punching Rajan’s father won’t exactly help matters,’ said Will, visiting beside him.

Wolfgang looked to his other side, where Sun was standing looking out the window as well. ‘How do you _not_ punch someone who really needs a punch?’

She gave him a wry smile. ‘I would punch him.’

‘Backpfeifengesicht,’ Wolfgang said.

Will raised an eyebrow. ‘He probably does.’ He put a hand on Wolfgang’s shoulder and looked at him directly. ‘You are _not_ to punch him. You don’t want to get arrested.’

Wolfgang rolled his eyes. ‘I’m not going to get arrested. But he’d better not hurt Rajan or I will hurt him.’

‘He clearly isn’t the warmest of fathers but I don’t think he’d hurt him.’

‘He might if he finds out.’

‘He’s not your father, Wolfgang,’ said Will gently.

Wolfgang looked out of the window and didn’t reply. He breathed slowly and deliberately and, after a moment, he felt Will and Sun leave him. But he wasn’t alone.

Kala was with him. She linked her arm with his and, for a moment, the feel of her was so intense that he couldn’t tell if she was really there or just visiting.

Then she took his hand and he knew she was just visiting. ‘Are you all right?’ she asked.

He nodded. ‘Just … keeping calm.’

She gave him a smile and sent him a pulse of her warmth and calm. ‘It’ll soon be over.’

‘Do you think he knows? Rajan’s father?’

She shrugged helplessly. ‘Maybe. He is a perceptive man, but I’m not sure he’ll say or do anything. From what I’ve seen of him, he tends to ignore what he isn’t happy about, pretend it isn’t happening. So maybe … I’m sure it’ll be okay.’

‘What if … what if he hurts Rajan?’ Wolfgang whispered.

‘Rajan is his only son. He loves him. He’s not going to do anything.’ She kissed his cheek. ‘Don’t worry. Everything will be all right.’

Wolfgang didn’t say anything but the worry didn’t go away. It was an unpleasant knot, tight in his stomach.

When Rajan emerged from the courtroom, he looked exhausted. Wolfgang wanted nothing more than to go to him and hold him. But he couldn’t. Manendra Rasal was still there, and so was Sahana Rasal. They went to Rajan, his mother patting his arm and his father shaking his hand. Kala hugged him and spoke softly to him.

Wolfgang held back. He had to wait until they were alone. He hated this. He’d never hidden what he was, never. He’d refused to as a teenager, despite what his uncle had thought. He’d fought back against the violence from his cousin when he could or withstood it if he couldn’t. He’d never denied who he was, not for one single moment. Now, he was in love, in actual proper love for the first time in his life and he had to hide it.

He hated it. He really fucking hated it. 


	67. Chapter 67

At last, they were at home. Now the pressure was off a little, Will, Riley, Sun and Mun decided to go out sightseeing. Wolfgang was keen for it to be just the three of them for a little while, much as he appreciated the presence of his cluster mates. Will and Riley both seemed to sense they needed a little time just the three of them so they hurried the others away only a few minutes after they got back to the flat. 

Rajan stretched as they others left. ‘I could just go for a swim right about now.’

Wolfgang took his hand. ‘Come on then. You coming, Kala?’ He grinned. ‘You don’t need to bother with your swimsuit.’

Kala rolled her eyes but followed him to the pool. At the poolside, Wolfgang stripped off, then grinned at his lovers. ‘Coming in?’ he asked, before stretching out his body and diving in. He felt a little pulse of pleasure and appreciation from Kala.

A moment later, they joined him. Rajan was clearly too exhausted to do much swimming but he seemed more relaxed in the pool, surrounded by the cool water. Wolfgang watched him as he rested his head against the side of the pool. He half-closed his eyes and sighed.

Wolfgang swam over to him and kissed his cheek. ‘Feeling better?’

Rajan turned his head and smiled at him. ‘Hmm, the water’s so good.’ He sighed, then frowned. ‘What if it’s not enough? What if Ajay is found innocent?’

Wolfgang looked at him for a moment, then smiled. ‘Then we’ll go far away, where he won’t be able to find us. After all, we’ve got plenty of places to go. Korea, America, Iceland?’ He moved his hand through the water to touch Rajan’s bare stomach. ‘Wherever we are, I’ll protect you.’

He smiled at Kala as she swam over to join them. ‘Both of you.’

Rajan moved into a more upright position in the water, reaching out for both of them and pulling them close. ‘We know. You’ve proven that. I just hope … you won’t have to do it much longer.’

‘Try not to think about it,’ said Wolfgang. He glanced at Kala, then back at Rajan. ‘It will be all right if we stay together.’

Kala reached for him, skimming her fingers along his wet shoulder. ‘Wherever we go, we will be together.’

Wolfgang put his arms around both his lovers and kissed them one at a time. As they held onto each other and shared their breath, he whispered to them.

‘Ich leibe euch beide.’

They both held him tighter and he wished he could just hold onto this moment forever. Just this moment where everything was perfect and they were safe.

But he just knew there was something coming. He could feel it. Manendra Rasal _knew_.

The three of them had swum together for an hour before climbing out and towelling themselves down. They all knew they needed a little time to reconnect so they headed straight for their bedroom. 

Naked and still damp from the pool, they fell into bed together. They grabbed at each other urgently, kissing and touching and trying to get as close as they could to each other.

Rajan found himself in between these two people he loved as they both lavished attention on him. Kala was in front of him and she kissed his mouth, then made a path of kisses down his jaw, his throat, his chest.

Wolfgang was at his back. First, he kissed his shoulder tenderly, then moved lower. Rajan gasped as that wicked tongue licked a trail up his spine. His fingertips were light on his hips as he pressed his hot mouth to the small of Rajan’s back.

Rajan grasped hold of Kala, pulling her closer to him as his cock twitched against her thigh.

She laughed. ‘He’s enjoying doing it as much as you’re enjoying feeling it.’

He grinned at her. ‘I can tell.’

Wolfgang chuckled softly against his skin, sending a rumble of pleasure through him. He reached back and pulled Wolfgang against him, his hand on his hip.

‘Make love to me,’ he whispered.

Wolfgang hesitated, then dropped a kiss on Rajan’s shoulder. ‘Are you sure? You don’t have to.’

‘I want you to do it.’

Wolfgang put his hand on Rajan’s shoulder, turning him gently so he could look him in the eye. ‘It shouldn’t be something you do for anyone else. You should only do it if it’s something you really want to do. You won’t be able to take it back. And I … I really don’t mind if we never do that.’ He smiled. ‘I mean, I’d love to but … only if you _really_ want to.’

Rajan found his hand. ‘I _really_ want to.’

‘But if your father knew …’

Rajan frowned and sat up, pulling Wolfgang with him so he could look properly at him. Kala sat too, putting her arms around them both and kissing their shoulders.

‘Wolfgang, this is _nothing_ to do with him. I love you and I don’t care what he thinks about it. Whatever he says, whatever he does, I choose _you_ before him.’

Wolfgang just looked at him for a moment, then nodded, swallowing hard. Then he leaned forward, cupping Rajan’s jaw and kissed him hard.

The next moment, Wolfgang was pulling him back down again. Rajan closed his eyes as he sensed some unspoken communication between Wolfgang and Kala. He relaxed, knowing they would look after him.

Kala’s hands were on him, teasing and caressing his skin as she explored his sensitive areas. His cock was hard against her thigh and she moved gently against him, tweaking his nipples, then smoothing her hand down his abs, skirting over his thighs, then back up again.

He knew Wolfgang was reaching for the lube. He tensed. How much was this going to hurt?

He felt Wolfgang’s hand, gentle on his hip and his mouth soft against his shoulder. ‘Don’t tense. I promise I won’t hurt you. Just breathe, focus on what Kala’s doing.’

Kala gripped his erection lightly, teasingly. He focused on her: her warmth and tenderness; her gentle, teasing touches; her sweet scent and the softness of her hair against his cheek.

Wolfgang’s lubed fingers pressed gently at him, slipping inside with ease. Rajan relaxed, allowing himself to float between them on a wave of the pleasure they were creating in his body. They worked as a team, perfectly in synch.

Wolfgang was right; he wasn’t hurting him. It felt strange, an odd sensation of stretching but his lover went so slow and so carefully that there was nothing but the pleasure of him.

He had several fingers inside him. Then they moved deliberately inside him and Rajan saw stars. ‘Oh fuck, fuck, what was that?’

Wolfgang chuckled, his breath hot on Rajan’s shoulder. ‘Feels good, doesn’t it?’

He did it again and Rajan couldn’t speak. He clung to Kala, his fingertips pressing her back hard as he fought not to come right there and then.

He pushed back into Wolfgang’s touch. ‘I need you. Fuck me now, please.’

Wolfgang kissed his neck. ‘I am fucking you,’ he murmured. ‘Have a little patience.’

Rajan whimpered, pressing his face into Kala’s hair as she stroked his stomach. Wolfgang’s fingers slid out of him and Rajan whimpered again at the loss. But Kala’s hand was on his cock again, sliding slowly up and down and distracting him long enough for Wolfgang to return.

He felt the blunt head of Wolfgang’s cock nudging between his buttocks. It was slick with lube and it slid inside him slowly and painlessly. The sensation was overwhelming as he was gently stretched and filled. He bit his lip, whimpering a little and Wolfgang stopped, giving him time to adjust before he pushed gently all the way in.

The head of his cock brushed that place again and Rajan heard himself cry out hoarsely. Even he couldn’t tell what the words emerged from his mouth. He bucked between them and felt like he was coming. His vision swam and there was nothing but pleasure.

He stilled. He felt like he had come but his cock was still hard and aching against Kala. He reached back, grabbing for Wolfgang’s hand. He held onto him tightly.

‘It’s … so good. I can’t …’

‘Shush,’ Wolfgang murmured, pressing kisses to the nape of his neck. ‘Just breathe. You’re doing so well.’

Rajan whimpered, his fingers flexing in Wolfgang’s hand. ‘Need … you,’ he gasped.

He felt Kala and Wolfgang exchange a glance and he felt something warm pass between them. Then they both began to move.

Kala slipped down his body, taking his cock into her mouth with a soft sigh. Wolfgang pulled back, then started to thrust, sliding in and out of Rajan’s body as Kala teased his cock with her hot mouth.

Rajan was in heaven, and hell at the same time. The pleasure was too good, he almost couldn’t stand it. He wanted to come, yet he never wanted this to end. To be caught between the exquisite pleasure his two lovers were creating in his body was more wonderful than anything he could imagine.

Their rhythm was perfect and some part of Rajan’s brain wondered who was actually doing what here and did it keep changing? But that didn’t really matter. His lovers were both making love to him and he thought his heart might explode with love.

He turned his head to the pillow and came with a muffled cry, one hand gripping Wolfgang’s, the other buried in Kala’s soft curls. He felt himself clenching around Wolfgang and his lover cried out and came inside him. The following sensation of warmth filling him sent aftershocks through his body.

Kala had cried out along with Wolfgang but, half out of it, he realised she was still trembling with arousal as she shifted up the bed, wiping her mouth demurely. He needed to do something about it but he couldn’t make his arms move.

But Wolfgang had it in hand. He reached for her and met her eyes across Rajan’s shoulder as his fingers slipped inside her. As his soft fingertips teased her expertly to her orgasm, Rajan wondered if Wolfgang was doing something more inside her head. He guessed so from the half-cry, half-sob that fell from her mouth as she came with Wolfgang’s name on her lips.

Then Wolfgang was gathering them up in his arms and Rajan closed his eyes, knowing he was safe and loved. No matter what happened, Wolfgang would always keep him and Kala safe. Their German lover cleaned them up quickly and efficiently, then joined them in bed again. He pulled the covers over them.

As Rajan drifted into the welcome warmth of sleep, he heard those wonderful words again.

‘Ich leibe euch beide.’


	68. Chapter 68

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Starts with a nightmare and some homophobic language.

_The room is dark and silent. But he can feel the tension. A man towers over him. He cannot see his features but he feels danger._

_The man advances towards him and he takes a step back. There is someone else with him, clutching at him._

_Wolfgang stands strong in front of Rajan. He will protect him._

_The man is still coming. He is large, powerful and getting larger as he advances. Wolfgang holds Rajan behind him._

_The man jerks forward and Wolfgang sees his father’s face, twisted in disgust and hate. ‘You fucking queer,’ he spits._

_‘Fuck off,’ says Wolfgang. ‘We’re not afraid of you.’ He means it to come out strong but the words sound weak to his own ears. He wants to be strong but he is helpless._

_The image flickers and it is no longer Anton Bogdanow standing before them. It is Manendra Rasal. His eyes are cold as he looks at Wolfgang._

_‘What have you done to my son? You’ve turned him into a queer, just like you.’ He reaches calmly past Wolfgang and grabs Rajan by his shirt. He pulls him away, pushes him down. Wolfgang reaches for him, tries to protect him but he can’t get a grip on him. His own father grabs him by his shoulders and throws him against the wall._

_‘Watch,’ he spits. ‘Watch what happens to fucking queers like you.’_

_He struggles but, pinned by his father, he cannot get free. He screams but no sound comes out. He can do nothing but watch as Rajan screams in pain._

The screams woke them. Bleary with sleep, it took Rajan a moment to realise what the sound was. Kala sat up suddenly.

‘Wolfgang,’ she gasped.

Rajan started as he realised Wolfgang was still asleep but screaming himself hoarse. Kala shook his shoulder. ‘Wolfgang,’ she called urgently.

Rajan put his arm around Wolfgang’s shoulder and shook him harder. ‘Wolfgang, wake up.’

His eyes shot open and he stared at them. Then he pulled at Rajan, pulling him to him and pressing his face to his bare chest. He was shaking. Rajan looked in bewilderment at Kala who shook her head, frowning in confusion.

She looked to her side. ‘It’s all right,’ she said to thin air. Then she lay back down behind Wolfgang and held him tight. Rajan smoothed his hand down Wolfgang’s arm, trying to soothe him. He was still shaking and Rajan realised he was sobbing into his chest. His hand was tight on Rajan’s side, like he was afraid he might be ripped away from him.

Kala was shaking too, perhaps from the effect of Wolfgang’s nightmare. Rajan murmured soft, reassuring words as he held them both tight.

Will sat in bed, fighting the urge to visit again. Riley sat beside him, rubbing his back. He could feel Sun, in the room next door to theirs, also being comforted by Kwan-Ho.

‘He’s all right,’ Riley whispered, kissing his shoulder.

‘You felt his fear too. You know that’s not true.’

Riley sighed, scooting closer so she could put her arm properly around his shoulders. ‘He’s not alone. Rajan and Kala are with him. He’s all right.’

‘I thought these nightmares had stopped. It’s been so long.’

‘It doesn’t work like that, elskan min. Therapy isn’t a cure. It just … helps you cope. And he is coping.’ She ran her slender fingers through his hair. ‘You can feel that, can’t you? He’s calming down because they're with him. They’re looking after him.’

He nodded, looking down. ‘I just want to help him.’

She kissed his temple. ‘I know you do, my love, but he’s getting the help he needs now.’ She tugged him down gently beside her and pulled the covers back over them. ‘He knows where to come if he needs more help. He knows we’re all here for him.’

Will nodded, turning into her and closing his eyes as he buried his face in her hair. He felt himself calm down as Wolfgang calmed down.

Sun stepped outside onto the balcony outside their bedroom. She lit the cigarette in her hand and looked out across the dark city. Wolfgang’s fear was still pulsing through her and she had to breathe to remind herself she had no enemy to fight.

She heard Kwan-Ho emerge from the bedroom behind her. He was being deliberately louder than normal to not startle her but it would have made no difference. He hadn’t yet managed to sneak up on her.

She turned slightly as he stood beside her, leaning on the rail. ‘All right?’

‘Yes.’

‘Those screams?’

She glanced at him. ‘Wolfgang.’

He slid an arm around her waist. ‘Another nightmare?’

She nodded, thinking of the ones she had sometimes, the ones she’d had since after the night of her escape from prison. Her detective knew about them, but he respected her wish not to talk about them.

‘Is he all right now?’

‘He is becoming calm.’ She closed her eyes and breathed in, letting the smoke go inside her, then pushing it out through her nose. She could feel Rajan and Kala’s hands on her, or rather on Wolfgang, soothing him and helping him calm himself down. He was breathing slowly and deliberately.

‘Is there anything we can do to help?’ Kwan-Ho asked, in that gentle way of his.

She gave him a smile and watched the way his eyes lit up as he watched her. It was a strange feeling to have someone who looked at her like that. She could _feel_ the way he felt about her, as if he were a sensate himself.

‘Wolfgang is fighting his greatest battle. We can help by being his friends.’

He smiled, taking her hand and squeezing it gently. ‘He’s very lucky to have such friends to help him.’

Sun looked back out across the city, watching her smoke disappear into the night sky. ‘We would do anything for each other. Die or live.’ 

The next day, Rajan noticed that Wolfgang was very quiet and didn’t stray far from himself or Kala. Until the trial was over and they heard about the verdict, they decided to stay in, where they could be sure it was safe. The others went out sightseeing, though Will seemed reluctant to go and had to be guided out by Riley.

Rajan was making lunch. Wolfgang stood near him, watching as he worked. He was making spiced veggie burgers and normally, Wolfgang would be paying rapt attention and asking a lot of questions. But today, his attention kept drifting and he was almost silent.

‘Do you want to talk?’ Rajan asked, as he stirred the onion, courgette and mushroom mixture.

Wolfgang glanced at him, his eyes wide. He shook his head.

Rajan sighed, leaning across the hob to stir the rice. ‘You know what Corinne would say.’

‘Mmm, she’s saying it in my head now.’ He sighed. ‘I’m not sure you want to hear it.’

‘You can tell my anything, my love. You know that.’

Wolfgang looked at him for a moment, then sighed and leaned back against the wall. ‘It’s not something that’s happened or … probably even would happen. It’s just my mind making me see things.’

Rajan took the cooked rice off the heat and turned to look at him. ‘What things?’

Wolfgang looked straight at him. ‘You, getting hurt.’

Rajan blinked. ‘Oh, like when we were attacked?’

Wolfgang shook his head, looking down at the floor. ‘No … getting hurt by your father.’

Rajan moved towards him and slipped his arm around his waist. ‘Is this about him suspecting about you?’

Wolfgang shrugged. ‘I guess.’

‘You don’t have to worry about that, my love. Really. The worst he might do is ignore me for a while.’ He lifted Wolfgang’s chin with one finger and kissed him softly on the mouth. ‘Everything will be okay.’ He let go out him. ‘Hey, pass me those breadcrumbs, then you can help me make these into patties.’

Wolfgang didn’t say anything but obediently passed Rajan the fresh breadcrumbs. 


	69. Chapter 69

After lunch, Wolfgang went for a swim on his own, recognising that he needed to do something to calm himself down, to bring him out of the cycle of bad thoughts. When he was speeding through the water, he felt the bad thoughts slip from his mind. He felt peace and calm as he swam.

After his swim, he showered and dressed again. Kala and Rajan were off doing their own thing in the flat so Wolfgang went out onto the balcony to smoke and allow himself to think through his dream. He knew he needed to face it.

He was thankful for Rajan’s sweet, reassuring words. Logically, he knew nothing was going to happen to Rajan. His father was cold and arrogant but he wasn’t … He wasn’t like Wolfgang’s father. He wasn’t a rapist.

Wolfgang clenched his fists. He hated the way that word pulsed in his mind. It had followed him around his whole life.

‘Rajan is safe,’ he told himself. ‘Nothing is going to happen to him. He’s safe.’

But still, the images from his nightmare assaulted his mind.

‘You need to talk about it,’ said Corinne gently.

He looked at her. He was standing on the balcony, smoking, and she was visiting. She looked out of place here, in her neat suit. He could see she was in her office, in between appointments. He sighed.

‘I know.’

‘Would you like to talk to me?’

He shook his head, taking another drag on his cigarette.

‘Then who, Wolfgang? It needs to be somebody.’

He sighed, blowing out smoke into the air. ‘I dunno. I just want it to stop.’

‘You know the only way to do that is to talk about it.’

He huffed. ‘I know. God, I know. I fucking hate it but I know.’ He looked at her. Her expression softened with sympathy. He sighed. ‘I’ll talk about it.’

He stubbed out the end of his cigarette and fiddled with the packet, toying with lighting another. Corinne left him. He knew who he wanted to talk to but it was hard to ask.

He looked up and he was walking with Will and Riley through the streets of Mumbai. They were heading to the Mumbai City Museum. He didn’t want to interrupt but Will looked up and smiled at him.

They were back on the balcony. ‘You need to talk, don’t you?’ Will asked.

‘How do you deal with worrying about us all the time? I couldn’t handle it.’

Will sighed, placing his hand on Wolfgang’s shoulder. ‘It is a challenge, especially when you lot are so stubborn.’

Wolfgang chuckled. ‘You mean me.’

Will considered. ‘Well, Sun has been known to be stubborn too, and Riley, and Kala. Lito can be challenging too. And Nomi has her moments. Capheus isn’t that stubborn but he gets himself in plenty of trouble too. But yeah, you’re the most stubborn.’

‘So, how do you cope with it?’

Will considered him. ‘You’re worried about Rajan.’

Wolfgang looked away. ‘I’m fucking up his life here. If his father finds out about me …’

‘Don’t you think that’s Rajan’s choice? And Rajan has told you it will be all right if he does find out.’

‘I know, I just … I can’t stop this feeling that he’d be in danger.’

‘I saw your nightmare, Wolfgang. You’re feeling like this because you were hurt and you’re frightened of Rajan being hurt, because you love him.’

Wolfgang lit his cigarette. ‘Sometimes, this love stuff really sucks.’

Will patted him on the back. ‘It’s worth it though, isn’t it?’

Wolfgang took a deep drag on his cigarette and grunted noncommittedly.

Will laughed. ‘I might be convinced by that if I couldn’t feel what you feel.’

Wolfgang just shrugged. Will looked around, back into the flat. He touched Wolfgang gently on the shoulder. ‘Go and spend some time with Rajan. He’s worried about you.’

Wolfgang glanced into the flat. Rajan was sitting on the sofa, reading a book. He kept sending half-glances towards him.

He sighed and stubbed out his cigarette. He glanced at Will. ‘Thanks, for the talk.’

Will smiled at him. ‘Anytime.’

Wolfgang headed inside. Rajan looked up at him and smiled. Wolfgang didn’t say anything, just flopped down next to him and rested his head on his shoulder. Rajan put his arm around his shoulders and dropped a kiss to the top of his head. 

‘All right?’ he murmured.

Wolfgang nodded. He closed his eyes and listened to the sound of Rajan’s breathing. Nearby, he could also feel Kala. He visited her for a moment and found her in the kitchen cooking dinner.

She smiled at him and reached up to kiss him. ‘Good swim?’

He nodded.

She considered him and he could feel her sharing his emotions. ‘Did it help? You feel calmer.’

‘Yeah, it did, I guess.’

She stroked his cheek, her fingers so soft and gentle. ‘Do you want to talk?’

He shrugged. ‘You saw the nightmare.’

She nodded and he felt a stab of guilt in his belly as he felt her distress. She cupped his cheek.

‘If you look at it logically, you know it’s your own trauma reasserting itself…’

‘I know,’ he interrupted. ‘It’s just … humans do horrible things to each other because of their sexuality. And I can see in Mr Rasal’s eyes that … well, that appearance matters more to him than whether Rajan is happy.’

‘That is true, I suppose.’

He looked seriously at her. ‘It’s those kinds of people that do horrible things.’

He felt her alarm but she kept her face calm and put her arm around him. ‘We’re safe here and soon we’ll be home and we can get on with our life together. We just have to get through a little bit more.’

He nodded and leaned in and kissed her cheek. ‘I love you,’ he whispered against her skin. ‘I’ll leave you to your cooking.’ He grinned. ‘Smells really good.’

He was with Rajan again, who was still reading quietly, his arm around Wolfgang’s waist now. He kissed his head again. ‘Visiting or daydreaming?’

‘Just talking to Kala,’ he said. He turned his head into Rajan’s chest, taking comfort in the steady thrum of his heartbeat.

Rajan didn’t say anything, just rested his cheek on Wolfgang’s head and carried on reading his book. His hand slipped under Wolfgang’s t-shirt and rubbed his thumb across his skin. Wolfgang closed his eyes and just stayed in the moment, sitting there, with Rajan.

‘Raj,’ he found himself saying after a while of companionable quiet. ‘Are you happy?’

He felt Rajan look at him. ‘Of course,’ he said. ‘Well, I mean, I’ll be happier when the trial is finished and, hopefully Ajay found guilty. But, if you mean, am I happy with you and Kala, then completely.’

‘If … if you want me to go, if everything would be easier without me, I’ll go. You needn’t worry about me. You and Kala … you can be straight if you want. Normal.’

‘I think we’ve established that I’m not straight.’ He shifted Wolfgang so he had to look at him. ‘We have chosen to be with you, Wolfgang. We don’t care what anybody thinks about that. We love you, Wolfgang. We love each other. And that’s all the matters.’

‘But if your father …’

Rajan took hold of Wolfgang’s shoulders and looked into his eyes. ‘I don’t care. I don’t care what that man has to say about us. You matter to me more than he does.’

Wolfgang stared at him, hardly able to believe what he was hearing. Rajan had so much love to give and was utterly unafraid to share it openly. Wolfgang couldn’t imagine being like that; he couldn’t imagine not having to battle fear constantly.

He couldn’t say anything but he let Rajan pull him close into a hug. He held onto Rajan, breathing him in. He loved him so much and he knew that was why the fear was so strong. He had to deal with it somehow.


	70. Chapter 70

The next few nights, Wolfgang had difficulty sleeping. He felt tense, even in bed between Kala and Rajan. He knew that the moment he dropped off he’d have a nightmare. Inevitably, he did, whenever he got in a deep enough sleep.

But Rajan and Kala were always there when he woke, screaming. Sometimes, Will and Riley visited too, to help soothe him back to sleep. Sometimes, Sun came to him and they worked out until he was ready to sleep again. And he could always feel the rest of the cluster nearby, lending him their strength.

Five days after Rajan had given his evidence, Wolfgang slept in, exhausted after several nights of poor sleep. He woke to an empty bed and, for a moment, a pulse of alarm went through his body. But then he felt Kala’s good mood.

He got up, then showered and dressed before he headed out to the lounge. Rajan and Kala were there, so was a man Wolfgang hadn’t seen before. He wore a suit and had white at his temples and a frown lines on his brow. But he was smiling as he talked to Rajan and Kala.

Wolfgang lingered at the door, listening to the conversation.

‘So, you can all relax now. Mr Kapoor won’t be troubling you anymore.’

‘Thank you, Mr Patel,’ said Rajan. ‘Your help on this matter has been much appreciated.’

Mr Patel stood up to shake Rajan’s hand. Rajan stood up and shook it firmly. ‘I shall expect your bill as soon as you’re ready,’ said Rajan.

‘It has been a pleasure, as always, Mr Rasal.’ He took his leave.

Wolfgang waited until he’d gone before he came the rest of the way into the room. ‘That sounded like good news.’

Both Rajan and Kala turned and smiled at him.

‘It was!’ said Kala, beaming at him.

‘Ajay has been found guilty and sentenced to ten years.’ Rajan sighed. ‘It’s a bad end for him, one I wouldn’t have wished for him but …’

‘He deserves it,’ said Kala, surprisingly fiercely. ‘He tried to kill us, just to stop the truth coming out.’

Rajan sighed. ‘I know. It’s just … I wish I could have helped him out of this earlier. If he’d asked me for help …’ He broke off, shaking his head. ‘I suppose it doesn’t matter now. I’m just glad it’s over now.’ He smiled at Kala and Wolfgang. ‘We’re safe now. We can all relax.’

Wolfgang strode forward, grabbed Rajan and pulled him into a tight hug, relief flooding him. He reached for Kala and pulled her in close too. They held each other close for several minutes before they pulled apart again.

‘I’ll telephone my parents,’ Kala said. ‘They’ll be relieved all this is over now.’

Rajan grinned at Wolfgang. ‘I predict an invitation to a family meal. Wait until you taste her dad’s food. Your taste buds will dance, believe me.’

Wolfgang gave him a smile, then moved away. ‘I know. I’ve tasted it.’ He went to sit on the sofa, frowning. Another load of family to meet. He knew Kala’s parents were nice but still, they weren’t going to be thrilled with their daughter’s choices. And Wolfgang was going to be the easy target of their displeasure. The sooner they got to go home the better.

Rajan leaned over the back of the sofa and kissed him, then rubbed his shoulders. ‘What’s up?’

‘Nothing, I’m fine.’ He rubbed his hands over his face. ‘Just tired.’

Rajan didn’t say anything, just came to sit next to him. He put his arm around his shoulders and Wolfgang leaned against him.

After a few moments, Kala returned and sat down with him. She leaned against Rajan too and reached across his lap to hold Wolfgang’s hand. Wolfgang had to smile as he felt her happiness, radiating from her.

‘Dad wants us all to come over tomorrow, the others too. He’s going to make a big meal for us all.’

‘That sounds wonderful,’ said Rajan.

Wolfgang didn’t say anything; he didn’t want to ruin Kala’s happiness with his fear.

Rajan sighed. ‘I suppose I should telephone my parents and tell them the good news.’ But he didn’t move. He stayed there, with his arms around Kala and Wolfgang. ‘I could just stay here forever,’ he murmured.

Wolfgang grinned. He had the same feeling and he could feel it in Kala too. There was nothing better than just being here together, knowing they were safe and relishing each other’s company.

The intercom buzzed and Rajan groaned. ‘Typical.’ He stretched, then pushed himself up and went to see who it was.

He pressed the talk button, then spoke into the intercom. ‘Hello?’ he said, in Hindi.

‘Rajan, you need to give me one of those fobs. I can’t be standing down here waiting all this time for one of you to let me in,’ came his father’s voice through the intercom.

Rajan sighed. ‘I’ll come and let you in.’

He let go of the talk button and turned back with a sigh. ‘Well, my father certainly knows how to ruin a moment. I’ll let him in, I suppose.’

He headed out. Wolfgang looked at Kala. She moved closer to him and hugged him. ‘You can go and hide out in the bedroom if you don’t want to talk to him. We’ll be all right.’

Wolfgang shook his head. ‘I’m gonna stay.’ He pulled away from her. ‘I’d better keep my distance from you.’

He stood up and went over to the window and looked out. He could feel her eyes on him but neither of them spoke.

A moment later, the front door opened again and Manendra Rasal walked in. His eyes swept the room, halting as his gaze met Wolfgang’s.

‘Well, you won’t need him anymore,’ he said, coldly.

Rajan shut the front door behind him. ‘Wolfgang is very important to us, father, so you’re going to have to get used to having him around.’

Manendra spun on his heel and glared at his son. ‘Important in what way?’

Rajan at Kala, who nodded. Then he looked at Wolfgang. He shook his head urgently. Rajan held his gaze for a moment, then looked back at his father. Wolfgang could see his lover’s jaw twitch with tension. He was going to tell him.

Anxiety stabbed at Wolfgang and he silently moved closer to Rajan. Kala stepped up beside her husband and took his arm in a show of support.

Rajan glanced at her again and she squeezed his arm encouragingly. Rajan took a deep breath.

‘Wolfgang is our lover, our partner.’ He reached out for Wolfgang’s hand and pulled him close. ‘We both love him very much and we don’t care what anyone else thinks about that.’

Wolfgang’s heart began to race, and his mouth went dry. He clenched his free hand to stop it shaking. Mr Rasal was staring at his son and his daughter in law. He didn’t look at Wolfgang.

‘My son?’ Manendra said, his voice trembling with supressed anger.

Fear shot through Wolfgang and he closed his eyes as he remembered those angry words being said before. He felt Rajan’s hand move to his waist and he was pulled closer.

‘Yes, your son is in love. I thought you’d be happy about that,’ said Rajan mildly.

‘You thought I would be happy? That my son has been turned into a disgusting … by this pervert.’

Wolfgang recoiled. The word hurt when said like that, with such revulsion in his voice. Manendra was glaring at him now. Wolfgang didn’t know how to handle this. He couldn’t fight, couldn’t defend himself. This was Rajan’s father.

‘If you feel that way, you don’t need to associate with us,’ said Rajan, his voice still remarkably calm and steady. ‘You don’t need to see us ever again. You don’t need to see our children.’

Manendra scowled at him. ‘Isn’t it bad enough you married a religious fanatic? At least your marriage was respectable. But now you’re associating with this pervert as well?’

There was that twitch of Rajan’s jaw again. ‘You need to stop speaking about my wife and my partner like that.’

‘I could cut you off.’

‘Then do it. Your choice.’

Wolfgang looked at Rajan. He stood proud and strong and there was no room for argument in his voice. He wasn’t afraid.

Manendra looked at him in silence for a moment, then shook his head slowly. ‘I do not understand this and I do not want to hear about it, ever again.’ He spared one last disgusted look at Wolfgang before he stalked past them and slammed the door behind him.

They all let out a breath. Rajan pulled him and Kala close and it was only then that Wolfgang realised how much he was trembling.

‘You didn’t need to do that,’ he whispered.

Rajan cupped his jaw and looked into his eyes. ‘I am _not_ going to deny you. Not to anyone.’

‘Neither will I,’ said Kala, taking his hand.

Wolfgang looked between the two of them, not sure what to say.

Kala reached up and ran her fingers through his hair. ‘Neither of us is going to deny you ever again, Wolfgang. We love you and we’re proud to be with you.’

Rajan nodded. ‘We’re not going to deny us, _this_. It’s too important.’

‘But … he wasn’t happy.’

‘Fuck him,’ said Rajan. ‘I don’t care what he thinks. I only care that the two loves of my life are happy.’

Wolfgang didn’t know how to express the rush of relief and gratitude and love he felt, so he just grabbed hold of his lovers and kissed them both. He put all his love and passion into the kisses and he knew they could feel it. 


	71. Chapter 71

It seemed sex was the obvious way to celebrate. This was decided in silence between Wolfgang and Kala, and Rajan found himself being tugged towards the bedroom. He laughed as he realised what his lovers were up to.

They left a trail of clothing on their way as they tripped over each other, laughing, in a hurry to get at each other. By the time they reached the bedroom, Wolfgang was naked, Rajan was just in his boxers and Kala just in her bra and knickers. As Rajan shut the door behind them, Wolfgang grabbed hold of Kala and lifted her up in his arms. Laughing, she wrapped her legs around his waist and her arms around his neck.

‘I love it when you do that,’ she said, grinning at him.

He grinned back at her. ‘I know.’

‘I wish you could do that to me,’ said Rajan, joining them.

Wolfgang smirked at him. ‘I probably could. I lift.’

Rajan beamed but Kala tutted. ‘Now, now boys, it’s not the time to experiment with weightlifting.’

Wolfgang grinned, claimed her mouth in a hard kiss, then set her down on the bed. She leaned back on her hands, waiting eagerly for him. ‘You’re not holding back today, are you?’

He advanced on her. ‘I’m horny.’

She reached for him, pulling him close and meeting his kiss. Rajan held back, wanting them to have their moment. He smiled as he watched them kissing. They were both so beautiful, so in sync with one another. They didn’t need to talk to understand what the other wanted or needed. He envied that. Getting to the good sex between himself and Kala had taken a lot of overt communication and there was still some fumbling here and there. But Wolfgang was a generous lover and he had done his fair share of facilitating between them since he’d arrived on the scene.

Wolfgang reached blindly for him and tugged him close. He broke off from the kiss just enough to command Rajan.

‘Get naked,’ he said, against Kala’s mouth.

Kala giggled, smoothing her hands over Wolfgang’s chest and Rajan’s shoulder. Rajan obediently wriggled out of his boxers, then climbed on the bed beside Kala.

Wolfgang pushed gently on Kala’s shoulders and she lay down beneath him. Rajan felt his cock harden a little more at the sight of his beautiful wife beneath his beautiful lover. She was whimpering softly as Wolfgang kissed her and kissed her. She wriggled beneath him and he smirked against her mouth.

‘Getting impatient?’ he teased.

She laughed. ‘What do you expect when you start working me with that tongue of yours?’

He practically giggled in response to that. ‘Just you wait until I really put it to work.’ He looked at Rajan. ‘Lie down,’ he ordered.

Rajan obediently lay down beside his wife, a little thrill going through his body. He did love it when Wolfgang got masterful.

He kissed a path down Kala’s throat, licking the hollow in just the way that made her squirm and gasp with delight. Rajan hadn’t quite mastered that yet. But he would get there.

Wolfgang tugged impatiently at him and Rajan realised what he wanted him to do. He cupped Kala’s jaw, smoothing his thumb across her soft skin and kissed her as Wolfgang kissed a path to her breasts. He kissed one, then the other through the lace of her bra. As Rajan nipped gently at her throat, Wolfgang reached behind her and deftly flicked open her bra. Rajan wondered idly whether his skill at that was pure practise, or the fact that he was psychically connected to four women.

Wolfgang eased the bra away from Kala’s breasts and sat back on his heels to watch them harden in the cool air. He grinned. ‘I love watching arousal take over your body,’ he said, almost reverently.

She beamed. ‘You love feeling it as well.’

‘I do.’

Wolfgang glanced at Rajan and they shared their own form of unspoken communication. As one, they returned their attention to Kala and each focused on a breast. They kissed, they sucked, they nipped. They flicked their tongues over her increasingly sensitive nipples and relished the way she responded, openly and without any reticence, to their attentions.

Rajan enjoyed the way his every action made both of his lovers squirm, gasp or whimper with arousal. Possibilities flickered through his mind and straight to his cock. But that was perhaps for another day.

Wolfgang was moving down Kala’s body, trailing kisses along the hollow between her ribs. Rajan sat back just to watch them, losing himself in just the sight of them. They were both so fucking sexy, he couldn’t believe how lucky he was. He was content to watch as Wolfgang parted Kala’s knees and kissed her thigh. He nipped the soft flesh gently and smirked as she gasped and her legs twitched.

He soothed the light bite with his tongue, then kissed his way further up her thigh. Her hands clenched at her sides and she was trembling before he even reached that hot, wet place between her legs. She was still wearing her knickers.

Wolfgang pressed his mouth to her through the lace. Rajan shifted closer again, pressing himself against Kala’s side and caressing her. She responded to him as well, squirming between his touches and Wolfgang’s clever mouth. A part of Rajan wished he could experience their connection for himself, but he knew how bloody lucky he was to have any part of this at all. The fact that both these amazing, beautiful people both loved him.

‘You’re drifting,’ said Wolfgang, looking up at him from between Kala’s legs.

‘Sorry.’

‘Get the lube.’

Rajan blinked at him. ‘The lube?’

Wolfgang smiled gently at him. ‘Unless you don’t want to fuck me?’

‘Oh, I do, I really do.’

Kala whimpered and pulled at Wolfgang’s shoulders. ‘Please, please.’

Wolfgang grinned at her and kissed her pubic mound tenderly. ‘Calm down, I haven’t even got your knickers off yet.’

She groaned. ‘You’re such a tease.’

Wolfgang smirked at her, then reached for her. Slowly, so slowly, Wolfgang peeled down her knickers and cast them away, leaving her naked before him. Her legs opened wide for him and Rajan was both astounded and delighted to see his demure wife so wanton.

Wolfgang descended on her again, leading with that clever tongue. He fluttered it teasingly over her and smirked as she gasped and jerked up into him. Rajan felt his mouth drop open as he watched them. It wasn’t until Wolfgang glanced up at him again that Rajan remembered about the lube.

He reached for it from his bedside drawer. He scooted down the bed so he was level with Wolfgang. He dropped the lube between them so he could reach it when he needed it.

Wolfgang was bent over Kala, focused on pleasuring her with his tongue. Rajan reached for him, sliding his hands down his sides. In one movement, he pulled Wolfgang to him and pressed his cock against those firm buttocks. Wolfgang laughed.

Kala turned too, slipping her leg around him to keep him from going too far. He smirked and returned his attention to her.

Rajan focused on his own work. He squirted some lube on his fingers and pushed them inside Wolfgang. He grinned as his lover moaned in pleasure at the gentle intrusion.

Wolfgang did his best to keep focused on Kala but as Rajan’s fingers moved inside him, he broke off and bit his lip. Rajan smiled, feeling a wave of affection for him. Kala shifted, slipping down so she was face to face with Wolfgang. She watched him, drinking in his pleasure. Rajan didn’t need a physic connection to feel what she was feeling for Wolfgang in that moment.

Rajan deliberately didn’t push his fingers in too far, teasing his lover with just a little less than he wanted. Wolfgang cried out and reached back for Rajan’s free hand. He held it tight, gasping as the sensations rippled through his body.

‘Bitte, bitte,’ he gasped.

Rajan grinned, dropping a kiss on Wolfgang’s shoulder. ‘You ready for me, my love?’

‘Ja, ja,’ Wolfgang gasped, his voice raspy with desperation.

Rajan gripped his hand for a moment, then let go so he could guide himself inside. As he did so, he watched Wolfgang’s face. That cute little frown as he was breeched; the moment the frown melted away; the intense look in his eyes; the soft murmurs that escaped his mouth; Rajan loved and was addicted to it all.

Most of all, he loved that cry of pleasure that filled the room as Rajan slid all the way inside and hit that bundle of nerves. From Kala’s face, she loved this too.

She shifted closer and cupped the back of Wolfgang’s head, tracing her fingers along the short hairs there. Her other hand slipped down in between them and grasped Wolfgang’s cock. He cried out and claimed her mouth in a kiss.

Rajan began to move and Kala matched his rhythm with her hand. For a few moments, Wolfgang could do nothing but experience the pleasure they were giving him. Then he got a hold of himself and reached for her. His hand skimmed her thigh, then slipped in between, teasing lightly over her sex.

She whimpered, biting on her lip. The sight alone nearly made Rajan come but he got a hold of himself, knowing his lovers weren’t there yet. He reached across Wolfgang and held onto her hip and he fucked him. They moved together, naturally falling into the same rhythm.

He could feel by the way Wolfgang was trembling and writhing between them, that he was close. Rajan thrust deep and Wolfgang let out a guttural cry. Kala mirrored it and they came together, Wolfgang clenching hard around Rajan. The tightness around him made him come into Wolfgang, muffling his cry in Wolfgang’s shoulder.

Afterwards they lay quietly, recovering their breathing and holding each other. Rajan kissed Wolfgang’s nape and shoulder. Kala kissed his jaw and mouth. Wolfgang reached for Rajan’s arm, holding it around himself and Kala.

‘I love you,’ Rajan whispered, gazing at them both.

Wolfgang shifted, pulling himself away from them. ‘I’m gonna grab a shower.’ He grinned back at them. ‘You two have got me all messy.’ He extricated himself from them and headed off to the bathroom.

Rajan turned onto his back and put his arm around Kala as she shifted closer to him. ‘Is he all right?’

‘I think he’s worried about meeting my family properly.’

Rajan nodded. ‘I must confess, I am a little worried about the meal myself.’

Kala frowned at him. ‘Why are you worried?’

‘It has occurred to me, my love, that my father might well have told your parents about Wolfgang.’

‘Oh, yes, I suppose it’s likely.’

‘Almost certain, I’d say. You know he has a vindictive streak.’

Kala sighed and frowned. ‘If that’s true, it’ll be a difficult meal.’

He caressed her shoulder lightly. ‘What do you want to tell them?’

She sighed and looked up at him. ‘I don’t want to lie anymore. I don’t want to deny my feelings. But … I don’t know how to explain it. I’m not sure they’re going to understand this.’

‘All we can do is be as honest as we can. They may not understand and they may not want to know about it. But we don’t need their approval.’

‘I know. I just want to be open about things. I don’t want to have to hide anything anymore.’

Wolfgang came back into the room, wet from his shower and still naked. ‘Glad to see you’re both where I left you.’

‘Of course,’ said Rajan, with a smile.

He reached out his hand for Wolfgang and tugged him down beside him. Smiling, Wolfgang settled in, putting his arm over Rajan’s waist, his hand settling on Kala’s hip. He sighed, contentedly, his eyes drifting closed.

Rajan dropped a kiss into that straight blond hair, then another into Kala’s dark curls. He sighed contentedly, his arms around both of them.

‘I am so lucky,’ he said.


	72. Chapter 72

Wolfgang stared in the mirror and fiddled with his collar. He couldn’t get it to sit quite right, nor could he get his hands to stop shaking. He’d been on the edge of panic all day, thinking about the meal that evening. In-laws. How had he managed to get in-laws when he wasn’t even married? Worse, he had _two_ fucking sets of in-laws.

He grumbled and gave up. Huffing, he flopped down on the bed. Maybe he didn’t have to go. Maybe he could say he didn’t feel well and just stay here. No, Kala would see right through that. He could feel how much she wanted this night to go well.

Shit like this was partly why he’d always avoided relationships. Family. Family was dangerous and he had never needed one. He had one now though, that was the trouble.

He stood up again and looked back in the mirror. He looked all right. He’d gone with his signature black. It felt more comfortable. He felt sort of invisible in black. But his fucking collar still wouldn’t sit straight.

The door opened behind him and he looked in the mirror to see who it was. Will edged into the room and gave him a friendly grin.

‘Hey, I’ve been sent to get you.’ He paused, his grin softening to a somewhat tender expression. ‘You all right?’

‘No. I can’t get this fucking collar to sit straight, my hands won’t stop shaking and I feel like I might throw up.’

‘Nervous about tonight?’

‘Well, you’re perceptive today,’ Wolfgang snapped.

Will gave him a slightly hurt look and Wolfgang sighed. ‘Sorry. I don’t mean to be a cunt.’ He huffed, sitting on the bed again. ‘I don’t like feeling like this.’

Will walked over to him, reached out and fixed his collar efficiently. His hands came to rest on Wolfgang’s shoulders, and he squeezed lightly. ‘It’ll be okay. Kala’s family are all nice and we’ll all be there too. There’s a good chance they don’t even know exactly how close you three are.’

Wolfgang looked away. ‘I think Kala’s going to tell them anyway, before Rajan’s father does. I get it. It makes sense, I just … well, I wish it wasn’t necessary, or it wasn’t such a big deal. I mean, these people are old-fashioned, conservative. Things like this just aren’t done here.’

Will sat beside him. ‘Things like this are done everywhere. But yes, many cultures do not accept it, and it’s not exactly usual in this one. But Kala’s family are good, gentle people, and they love her so much. They might be able to accept it.’

‘I just wish it was easier. I wish… I wish Kala didn’t have to deal with this shit.’

‘She’s strong. She’ll be all right.’

Wolfgang let out his breath in a huff. ‘I suppose it’s time to go, is it?’

Will smiled and clapped him on the back. ‘It is. Deep breaths.’

Wolfgang obediently took a good deep breath, then stood and nodded. ‘I’m as ready as I’ll ever be.’

Kala wasn’t sure how much of her twisting stomach and fluttering heart was her own nerves and how much was Wolfgang’s. He kept fiddling with his collar and his hands were shaking. As all seven of them headed out of the apartment, Kala slipped her hand through Wolfgang’s and squeezed gently.

‘It’s going to be okay,’ she murmured.

He glanced at her. ‘I know you’re nervous too.’

Behind them, Rajan locked the door behind them. ‘However they respond, it’s bound to be better than my father did.’

Wolfgang sighed as they all squeezed into the lift. ‘Are you sure we want to tell them?’

‘You have nothing to hide,’ said Sun. ‘You owe nothing to your family. You only owe it to yourselves to live your life.’

There was a definiteness to her words that was difficult to argue with. Kala appreciated her clear mindedness. Her own mind was rarely so clear. There were so many conflicting thoughts as her mind threw up all the different possibilities of what might happen that night.

She imagined her family going mad, asking them to leave, directing hate at Wolfgang. She shook her head. No, her family weren’t like that. But they weren’t going to understand this. They would be worried about her. Perhaps they were going to try and talk her out of this. They believed in marriage and this wasn’t their idea of a normal marriage.

Sun was suddenly beside her as well as across from her. Kala could feel her warmth and her steadiness. ‘They don’t need to understand. They just need to accept it.’

‘I’m not sure they can.’

‘You do not need their approval, Kala, only your own.’

Kala absorbed the words and glanced at her lovers on either side of her. This was everything she had ever wanted, and she was happy. If her family couldn’t accept that … then it was them who would lose out.

When they reached the restaurant, it was open. It was bustling with people and Kala smiled to see it. That was just the way she liked it. She remembered so many times sitting in her father’s restaurant, doing her schoolwork or colouring a picture, then falling asleep surrounded by happy chatter.

Her sister was there, waiting with a drink at one of the tables. She squealed as she saw Kala, leaping up and hurrying towards her.

‘Kala!’ she cried and hugged her. Kala hugged her little sister back tightly, realising in that moment just how much she’d missed her.

Daya pulled back and Kala watched as her eyes swept appreciatively over Wolfgang, Will and Kwan-Ho. ‘Aren’t you going to introduce me?’ she asked, using English and fluttering her eyelashes at the men.

Kala felt both Wolfgang’s and Will’s amusement. She turned slightly and introduced all five of them. As she finished, her father came forward, beaming at them.

‘Kala, my daughter. It is so good to see you, and your friends.’

Kala saw his eyes sweep over them all, lingering almost knowingly on Wolfgang. She swallowed. Did he know already? But he was still smiling, widely. ‘Come up. Your mother is waiting upstairs.’

He turned and led them upstairs, to the home Kala had grown up in. She swallowed. Was she still going to be welcome here after tonight? She didn’t want to lose her family. They were so important to her. But she didn’t know how they could possibly accept this. Not just their daughter falling in love with someone from a foreign culture, but her husband falling in love with him too? They could never understand this, not ever.

She braced herself and she could feel Wolfgang bracing himself too. She glanced at him. His mouth was set in a firm line and the muscle at his jaw was twitching. She could feel his fear, though it didn’t show on his face. She wanted to hold his hand but held herself back, her hand slipping through Rajan’s instead. He gripped it and gave her a reassuring smile as they followed her father into the apartment. This was it. 


	73. Chapter 73

Sanyam Dandekar was an amiable host. Wolfgang knew it came from a lifetime of working in restaurants. From his childhood helping his grandmother, to running the restaurant himself, he had learned to be a fantastic host.

Wolfgang watched him with envy as, all smiles, Sanyam flittered around, fetching them drinks and made sure they were seated comfortably. Wolfgang couldn’t imagine being that comfortable and friendly with strangers.

They all sat around the table. Sanyam served up the food before he joined them. ‘Tuck in, tuck in,’ he said, cheerily.

Wolfgang found himself sitting at the end of the long side of the rectangular table. Will was on his left and Kala on his right, on the short end of the table. Of course, Rajan was next to her, which meant that Wolfgang could see him clearly.

The food was the best he had ever tasted and it was even better for real, rather than a second-hand tasting through Kala.

‘So,’ asked Sanyam, once they were all tucking into the food. ‘Where are you from?’ He directed the question to them all, as if they might be from the same place.

The sensates smiled at each other, then Riley spoke. ‘We’re all from different places. I’m from Iceland.’

‘Oh, Iceland! I hear that is a beautiful country.’

Riley smiled. ‘It is. People think it is nothing but snow, but in the summer, it is the greenest place, full of warmth and light.’

‘I can hear in your voice how much you love it,’ Sanyam said, warmly. ‘You have family there?’

‘My father. He’s a pianist. He plays with the Symphony.’

‘Ah,’ said Sanyam, smiling broadly. ‘Is there anything more beautiful than music? Kala has always loved music too, haven’t you, my dear?’

Kala smiled and Wolfgang could feel the pride she had in her father. The love she had for him, for his warmth, his wisdom and his gentleness, was strong. It was a nice, if foreign feeling for him.

‘And you Will?’ Sanyam asked. ‘You have a different accent but you and Riley are a couple. Do you live in Iceland too?’

Will smiled. ‘I do now but I’m from the states. Chicago. I’m a cop.’

‘Ah, and what led you to that career path?’

Wolfgang zoned out a little as Will talked. It was a story he’d heard before, about how he’d always wanted to help people, about how he’d looked up to his father every day of his childhood. It wasn’t the truth but when the truth involved visions of a dead girl and the driving desire to bring her killer to justice, you kept that a little more private.

He watched Sanyam surreptitiously. There seemed to be no double side to him, no undercurrent of danger that he could sense. That didn’t mean it wasn’t there. That didn’t mean he wasn’t read to do something to protect his daughter. Wolfgang felt on edge, his heart thudding so loudly in his chest he thought it must be audible to the whole table. But nobody was paying him particular attention. They were all listening to Will.

Wolfgang glanced at Will himself. He always found it easy to talk to people, to just chatter about the minutiae of life. Maybe that was part of why he was a good cop. He could get on with people. He had this extraordinary ability to care, even about random strangers. It was an ability Wolfgang couldn’t get his head around. Caring made you vulnerable and Wolfgang did whatever he could to avoid that feeling.

‘Wolfgang, with a name like that I am guessing you must be German,’ said Sanyam.

Wolfgang blinked as he realised he was being talked to. He cleared his throat, sitting up a little straighter. ‘Yeah. Berlin,’ he said.

Sanyam nodded, giving him a warm smile. Wolfgang frowned at him, trying to see beyond the smile. Did he know? _Fuck, this is infuriating_. He’d rather he just started with the shouting, or worse, get it all over with.

‘I don’t think he’s lying,’ said Lito, in his ear. ‘I think he’s a good man.’

Wolfgang didn’t say anything.

Sanyam glanced at Kala, then tried again when she nodded encouragingly. ‘So, do you have family in Berlin?’

Wolfgang’s hand clenched involuntarily on the table. Under the table, Will laid a hand on his thigh and squeezed gently.

Sanyam glanced at Kala again, who shook her head slightly. He tried again. ‘Tell me about the food. I’ve heard currywurst is a national dish.’

Wolfgang laughed and felt himself unclench. ‘In a way. Berliners love it but it doesn’t compare to your food, Sir. But if you ever go, you should try the Schnitzel.’

‘Sanyam, please. Perhaps you could make some for me.’

‘I’m not really a cook.’

‘Don’t listen to him, Dad,’ said Kala. ‘He’s been learning and he’s made us some wonderful meals.’

‘Ah, indeed, then I shall be happy to write down a few recipes for you, Wolfgang. You can make a few things for Kala and Rajan. I’m sure they would appreciate that.’

‘We would indeed,’ said Rajan, cheerfully. ‘He’s got a light touch with food.’

Sanyam nodded, smiling. Then he turned his attention to Sun and Mun, and Wolfgang felt like a spotlight had just turned away from him. He leaned back in his seat and Will patted his leg before withdrawing his hand.

Wolfgang glanced at him and gave him the slightest of smiles. He did appreciate him, even though they were drastically different in some ways.

He turned his gaze on Kala and found her beaming at him. He let his mouth relax into that smile he reserved for her alone. He glanced tentatively at Rajan, who gave him a small smile and nodded imperceptibly. Wolfgang relaxed; he’d passed the test. So far at least.

Sun was about as good as small talk as he was, so Mun did most of the taking. Kwan-Ho was relaxed and open where Sun was tense and closed. He shared a commiserating look with her and she smiled in a quietly adoring sort of way at Mun. Wolfgang felt a little jolt of happiness in his chest. It was good to see her like that. She deserved the best in the world. Her love and happiness echoed across the cluster. He wondered if his own did as well.

As dinner ended, Sanyam disappeared off into the kitchen to see to dessert. Kala’s mother and sister took over the chat and Wolfgang excused himself to the far end of the balcony to have a cigarette. He fucking needed one.

Kala watched Wolfgang sneak off for a smoke. She could feel how difficult this was for him and she appreciated him trying, for them. She visited, laying her hand on his back and leaning in to take a breath of him. He smiled around his cigarette and casually dropped a kiss into her hair.

‘I wish I could kiss you properly,’ he murmured, not wanting to be overheard by the occupants of the dinner table.

‘Later,’ she whispered back, though she had no need to whisper while she was visiting.

‘What do you think?’ he asked. ‘Did I do okay?’

She smiled. ‘Yes. I think my dad likes you.’

‘Huh, well, see if he likes me when he finds out I’m fucking his daughter _and_ his son-in-law.’

Kala pulled a face. ‘I wish you wouldn’t put it like that.’

He grinned. ‘You don’t mind when we’re in bed.’

She pulled herself up straight. ‘That’s different.’

‘Relax, no one can hear us.’

‘I’ll be more relaxed when this is over and we can go home.’

He looked at her and frowned. ‘Enjoy your time with your family, Kala. It might be a while before we can come back again.’ 

‘I am. I just wish I could hug you, kiss you or hold your hand in front of them.’

He leaned down to kiss her cheek. ‘I know. But the important thing is, we’re together. That’s worth anything, isn’t it?’

She smiled. ‘It is.’

Suddenly, she felt an urgent nudging in her side. She returned to herself and realised it was Rajan. He gestured behind her and Kala realised her father was calling her. She turned and looked at him.

‘Dad?’

He smiled at her. ‘I need my taste tester,’ he said, with a warm smile. But she could hear something more in his voice. He wanted to talk to her. Alone.

She felt Wolfgang’s eyes on her, alarmed at her sudden spike of anxiety. She didn’t look at him, or anyone else as she rose and followed her father into the kitchen. 


	74. Chapter 74

The delicious, rich scent of Shahi Tukra filled the kitchen, taking Kala right back to her childhood, sitting on the counter watching her dad cook. He dipped a spoon in and held it out to her. Kala took the spoon from him and popped it into her mouth. The spiced milk warmed her insides and she caught herself making a soft murmur of pleasure.

‘Oh, dad, that is perfect.’

He smiled. ‘Good enough for your friends?’

‘They’ll love it,’ she said, smiling back.

‘Where did you all meet anyway? Was it the internet?’

She laughed. ‘Sort of. You just need to know that they’re very important to me.’

‘I can see that. Well, they’re welcome to visit anytime.’

‘Thank you. You’ve made them all feel so welcome.’

‘Of course. They are welcome.’

‘Dad … you didn’t bring me here just to test your Shahi Tukra, did you?’

He hesitated, then looked at her. ‘I had a telephone call from Manendra this morning.’

Kala sighed, looking down. She felt a frown settle on her face. She could also feel Wolfgang’s heart starting to race. ‘What did he say?’

‘Something about a perverted German defiling his son. I couldn’t get much sense out of the man, to be honest. So I thought I’d ask you about it. You tell me this man is your friend so I find it difficult to believe Rajan is having an affair with him. So what is it?’

She looked up into his kind face. He’d always been there for her, always given her love and good advice. She knew he wanted nothing more than her happiness. He deserved to know the truth, whatever he thought about it.

‘There’s no affair. I’m not sure you can understand this, Dad. I’m not sure I understand it, except, I know how I feel. We love each other, Dad, all three of us.’

Sanyam frowned. ‘The three of you? Do you still love Rajan? I know he’s an understanding man but …’

‘It’s not like that. He is understanding, yes, and that’s how it started because I love them both, and Rajan was so understanding and open …’

‘I don’t think he can understand this, Kala,’ said Wolfgang, leaning against the counter and watching her.

Kala blinked at him, then turned back to her dad. ‘They fell in love with each other. We all love each other.’

‘So … you’re not getting a divorce?’

Kala smiled. ‘No. We’re happy, all of us.’

‘And you’re not … settling?’

She shook her head. Was it really possible he could understand this? ‘No, I’m not settling. I’m very happy.’ She glanced at Wolfgang, who was smiling, showing his dimples. ‘We’re all happy.

Sanyam sighed. ‘Well, I’m not sure I understand exactly. This is not how I’ve ever known marriage to work but … well, if you’re happy, and Rajan and Wolfgang are happy, that’s all that matters.’

She stared at him. ‘Do you really mean that?’

He reached out and brought her into a hug. ‘My dearest Kala, you are the light of my life and your happiness is more important to me than anything else.’

She hugged him back. ‘Oh, dad, thank you. It means so much to be that you accept this.’

Wolfgang was still there. He wasn’t smiling now. Instead there was a strange mix of happiness and sadness on his face. She could feel a yearning inside him and she wasn’t quite sure why. He met her eyes, then he was gone.

Kala pulled back and looked at her dad again. ‘What about mum? What will she think?’

‘I shall try to explain it to her, but Kala, when it comes to your life choices, you have to do what is right for you. Do not allow anyone else’s opinions to make you unhappy. You deserve your happiness, my dear Kala.’

‘Dad, I’ve really never been happier.’

He smiled and pulled away. ‘I know. You're smiling easily again, like when you were small.’ He started to dish up the dessert. ‘He seems like a good man. A little shy though.’

‘He’s not used to small talk.’

‘Are you teaching him some Hindi? Or is he teaching you German? His English is very good.’

‘He’s actually … pretty good at languages,’ fudged Kala. ‘He knows Hindi.’

Sanyam looked at her in surprise. ‘He does? If he can read it, I won’t have to translate my recipes.’

Kala smiled. ‘He can read it.’

‘I’m happy to teach him, you know, if he would like to learn some cooking from me. Though not the secret family recipes.’

Kala laughed. ‘You won’t even teach those to Rajan.’

Sanyam placed his hand solemnly over his heart. ‘On my death bed…’

‘Oh, Papa, don’t start with the death bed thing again.’

Sanyam laughed. ‘Well, until that moment comes, I’ll keep my own council with those particular recipes.’ He loaded the dessert bowls onto two trays. ‘Come on, our guests will be eager for these.’ He took one tray and Kala took the other.

Wolfgang finished his cigarette and sat back at the table. Will glanced at him and gave him half a smile. ‘You hanging in there?’ he asked quietly.

He nodded. ‘I think so. Her dad knows,’ he whispered.

‘Hmm, I felt it too. Seems like he’s all right with it.’

‘I don’t understand how.’

‘Some people’s hearts are just that big,’ said Will, smiling. He patted his knee again. ‘Even Sapiens.’

Wolfgang shrugged. ‘I don’t get it.’ He sighed, leaning back in his chair. ‘And I’m not sure I believe it.’

‘You’re just expecting danger, Wolfgang. Lito doesn’t think he’s lying, does he?’

‘No. He says he’s a good man.’

‘I think so too. So just relax.’

Wolfgang glanced at Rajan, who was watching him anxiously. Wolfgang gave him a small, reassuring smile. He sat up again as Sanyam and Kala returned. Everybody halted their conversations and turned towards the arrival of dessert with exclamations of joy. Sanyam presented it at the table like he was bringing treasure. Wolfgang breathed in the rich scent of it. It was exotic, yet familiar. He had never eaten it before yet he could taste the memory of it on his tongue.

‘Looks wonderful, Sanyam, as always,’ said Rajan, with that wide, charming smile.

Sanyam gave a modest smile, which reminded Wolfgang of Kala. He shared the dishes out, giving each guest a smile as he presented them with their dessert. Wolfgang made himself return the smile as best he could but he knew it wasn’t his best. He was still anxious.

The Shahi Tukra was as good as Wolfgang remembered, or as Kala remembered. They all dug in eagerly.

‘So, Wolfgang,’ said Sanyam. ‘Kala tells me you speak Hindi.’

Wolfgang looked up, surprised. He glanced at Kala, who nodded encouragingly. ‘Yes, I do,’ he said, in Hindi.

Sanyam beamed at him and replied in Hindi. ‘I have a book of recipes for you. It has some of Kala’s favourites in it. I think she’d be delighted if you tried your hand at them, wouldn’t you, Kala?’

Kala smiled. ‘I would. I can help you.’

Sanyam smiled. ‘We should talk in English for the benefit of the rest of our guests,’ he said, gesturing to the others.

Wolfgang felt Will, Riley and Sun exchange smiles, as they had of course understood the entire conversation. Only Mun did not speak Hindi.

‘Tell me, what do you think of Mumbai?’ Sanyam asked Wolfgang, now in English.

‘It’s beautiful. Though I’ve seen more of its hospital than I wanted to.’

Sanyam nodded. ‘We can never thank you enough for what you did for Kala and Rajan. You kept them safe, saved their lives.’

Wolfgang’s gaze shifted to his lovers. He met their eyes for a moment, then looked back at Sanyam. ‘I did. But they saved me, first.’


	75. Chapter 75

As they left the Dandekars’ and made their way back to Rajan and Kala’s apartment, Wolfgang replayed the last moments before they had left.

Sanyam Dandekar had _hugged_ him. He still couldn’t believe it. After he’d hugged Kala and Rajan goodbye, he’d hugged Wolfgang and pressed a handwritten book into his hands.

‘I do not need to tell you to look after my daughter,’ he’d said. ‘I know you will.’

Wolfgang had blinked in surprise. This kind, wise, accepting man was exactly what a father should be. He cared little for appearances; he just wanted his daughter and the people she cared about to be happy.

Then Sanyam had looked into his eyes, with a gentle sternness and spoke again. ‘Allow them to look after you as well.’

That had made him … _uncomfortable_ , like the man had seen right inside him in a single glance. Was he that easy to read? Or was Sanyam Dandekar just the most perceptive man he’d ever met? If he didn’t know better, he’d think he was a Sensate too. Maybe he was, just an unborn one. After all, Kala had to get the genes from somewhere.

Kala slipped her hand through his as they entered their apartment building. ‘All right?’

Wolfgang glanced at her and smiled. ‘Ja. Feel a bit strange.’

‘Strange?’

‘Your dad. He was nice to me.’

She smiled. ‘He’s a nice man, a good man.’

‘He loves you more than he cares about appearances.’

‘I’m not sure he understands exactly, but he accepts us which is the most important thing.’

They got in the lift and fell quiet as the others crowded in around them. Rajan put his arm around Wolfgang’s waist and kissed his cheek. ‘I told you it would be all right. How could anyone not like you?’

Wolfgang gave him a half-smile. ‘Plenty of people don’t. I’m a stubborn fucker, remember?’

Rajan grinned at him. ‘But you’re _our_ stubborn fucker.’

He smiled, a real smile and, suddenly, the whole cluster was there and the relief and love between them all was palpable. Wolfgang allowed the feeling to wash over him. He was still in awe that he had these people in his life; people who loved him so much; people who would do anything for him; people who would never give up on him. He hadn’t chosen them but they were his family, just like Felix. 

After their full meal and considering the late hour, everybody went to bed straight away, too full to do anything else. Wolfgang flopped into bed in just his boxers. Rajan climbed in behind him and spooned up against him. Wolfgang leaned into him, feeling the warmth of his chest against his back.

‘Thank you,’ Rajan murmured, dropping a kiss onto the nape of his neck.

Wolfgang turned his head slightly towards him. ‘What for?’

‘For making the effort tonight. I know it was hard.’

‘It meant a lot to Kala.’

‘It did. I don’t know how she would have coped if her family hadn’t approved.’

Wolfgang didn’t know what to say to that. The truth was that Kala would have coped because that’s what you did. You carried on, pushing past all the pain that life threw at you. It was either that or die, and Kala would never give up on life. She saw too much beauty in it.

Rajan kissed his shoulder. ‘You all right?’

Wolfgang smirked. Rajan was so attentive and considerate. It was still strange to him to be the recipient of such attention but he liked the way it made him feel.

‘Ja, mir geht’s gut,’ he replied.

Rajan growled, softly against him. ‘You sound so sexy when you speak German.’

Wolfgang laughed. ‘That’s what you say when I speak Hindi. And French and English.’

Rajan grinned into his shoulder. ‘You do have a very sexy voice. In fact,’ he said, trailing his hand across Wolfgang’s stomach. ‘I think you’re just sexy full stop.’ His fingertips traced the new scar on his belly. Wolfgang looked down. It didn’t hurt anymore but he still wasn’t quite used to having it. Though at least it didn’t bring him any emotional pain, like some of the others.

‘I don’t know where we’d be without you,’ Rajan whispered against his shoulder.

Wolfgang found his hand and laced their fingers together. ‘You never have to worry about that.’

Rajan said nothing, just held him.

Kala came through from the bathroom and beamed at them. ‘I love watching you two together. You’re beautiful.’

Wolfgang grinned at her. ‘Then join us.’

Kala did not need asking twice. She slid into bed beside Wolfgang and his arms slid around her. The silk of her nightdress was soft against his stomach and she was warm in his arms. She snuggled close, pressing her face to his chest and closing her eyes. He buried his face in her hair and breathed in her rich scent. He closed his own eyes.

Rajan settled back on his pillow but kept his arm around Wolfgang’s waist and his face so close to him that Wolfgang could feel his warm breath on the back of his neck. They all breathed out together, in utter contentment at just being able to sleep in each other’s arms.

Wolfgang drifted towards sleep. Around him he could feel his lovers quickly falling asleep. He could feel Will and Riley in the room next door, kissing lazily in each other’s arms as sleep started to claim them too. He could feel Sun and Mun wrapped up in each other, a warm pile under the thin blanket. Further away but nearly as strong, he could feel Capheus. He was settling down for his evening, watching a movie with Zakia and his mother. He was relaxed and calm and the mood floated across Wolfgang.

Lito was in his dressing room in Los Angeles, getting ready for his scene. He looked in the mirror and smiled at Wolfgang.

‘You look happy, my friend,’ he said.

Wolfgang returned the smile. ‘I am.’

Lito beamed at him and squeezed his shoulder. ‘It is good to see.’

Then Wolfgang was in San Francisco with Nomi. She was in bed too, though it was morning. She was more than awake as she kissed Amanita, her hand caressing her smooth waist as she gazed with love at her wife.

Wolfgang thought back to the nervousness he’d felt before his first date with Rajan and Kala. In that moment, he’d visited Nomi and he’d felt the love she had for Amanita. He remembered wishing for that same connection with Rajan, to feel that closeness and that trust with him, wondering whether it was possible with a non-sensate, wondering whether it was possible for him at all. He knew now. Between him and Rajan, it was different than it was with Kala. But he trusted him just as much. He loved him just as strongly.

He had never thought it was possible for him to love someone as much as he loved them. He had never thought it was possible that he could allow himself the vulnerability of falling in love. And now, he’d done it twice. He was at his most vulnerable and he didn’t give a shit. He was happy. He was in love. 


	76. Chapter 76

Wolfgang woke to the feeling of arousal drifting over him. He kept his eyes closed and just felt it. It was a deeper feeling than just a hard-on. It started in his mind, flowing out over his body, making his skin tingle and heat spread through him. He smiled. Nomi and Amanita were in bed again, absorbed in each other. Nomi’s arousal was echoing across the whole cluster and he could feel the others’ responses to it.

Will and Riley were awake. Wolfgang could feel them reaching for each other, their arousal vibrating between them. He groaned as he felt Riley’s soft touch on Will’s bare chest.

He reached for Kala, her own response to the cluster washing over him. She was barely awake but she responded to his touch and to the arousal fluttering through them all. She sighed softly, moving against him at the same moment as Sun flipped Mun onto his back and kissed him hard.

Wolfgang moaned as her pleasure jolted through him and he rolled himself on top of Kala and claimed her mouth in a kiss. She pushed up into him, her hands at his waist.

Lito grasped his hips, moving against Hernando as Wolfgang moved against Kala. Capheus claimed his mouth in a kiss that made him moan aloud. Beside them, Rajan stirred and chuckled softly as he saw them. Wolfgang realised that somehow they’d stripped off and were moving naked against each other.

‘Am I interrupting something?’ he asked, a little unsure.

Wolfgang reached for him, pulling him close and kissing sweetly. ‘Never,’ he murmured, before parting Rajan’s lips with his and slipping his tongue in to taste him. Rajan whimpered against him and Hernando grasped Lito’s cock in a firm grip. Wolfgang jerked in response as his clustermates’ pleasure washed over him. He heard an echoing cry from Kala beside him.

Rajan pulled back and looked at them. He grinned. ‘Oh, this is a cluster thing, isn’t it?’

Both Wolfgang and Kala were too overwhelmed to speak but Wolfgang nodded, pulling Rajan against him so he could feel how hard he was. Rajan reached for him, sliding his hand up and down his erection and making Wolfgang and Kala moan in unison.

Wolfgang leaned into Kala, meeting her soft lips in a kiss. Her hand slid down from his waist to grasp his buttocks. Then Will was kissing him, pushing up into him, their hips moving in unison. Wolfgang pinned him down, enjoying the way Will’s breath hitched as he felt his strength.

He felt the softness of Riley’s body against him and the contrast of Capheus’s dark hand sliding down her pale back made him sigh. Through Capheus, he could feel the fullness of Zakia’s breast and the way she sighed against him as her lover smoothed his strong hands down her strong thighs, framing her with his body.

He lost track of whose hands he could feel on his skin, whose body he could feel moving against his. All at once, there was no separation between them. They moved as one, their pleasure a bubble, encapsulating each and every one of them.

Rajan was warm and panting against him as he, too, gave himself up to the pure energy of the cluster. Wolfgang wondered if he really could feel it through them, the way each of them could feel Wolfgang’s hands caressing him.

They all felt it as Capheus slid inside Zakia, as Will guided himself into Riley. They felt Sun lower herself onto Kwan-Ho as he was pinned delightedly to the bed beneath her. They all felt the way pleasure sparked through Wolfgang and Lito in unison as their lovers thrust deep inside them. They felt Kala’s heat as she moved with her lovers, absorbing their pleasure. They all cried out as Amanita’s clever fingers slid between her wife’s legs and teased her to the brink of orgasm.

Nobody knew who was the first to start their orgasm because one followed another and each merged into the other. Wolfgang no longer knew which sensations were his own and which belonged to Kala, Will, Riley, Sun, Lito, Nomi or Capheus. There was no difference. They were one and they were eight, all at once.

Afterwards, he came back to himself slowly to Rajan’s hand trailing across his stomach and Kala snuggled in his arms. But he could still feel his cluster with him, each lying with their lovers, an afterglow of pleasure surrounding them. Will looked at him and smiled and Wolfgang could feel him. He felt his warmth and his love.

Will reached for him and, with a tenderness that surprised him, caressed Wolfgang’s cheek with one finger. ‘That was good, wasn’t it?’

Wolfgang grinned back at him. ‘It was.’

Will dropped his hand and his gaze turned a little sad. ‘Riley has a show next week, in London. We have to get back.’

Wolfgang smiled. ‘I think we’re going to go home soon too.’

‘If you need me…’

‘Will, when I need you, you’re always there. I have no doubt about that.’

Will gazed at him for a moment, then a small smile crossed his lips and he dropped his gaze. Wolfgang grinned; he could feel the other man’s pleasure at his words. It was a deep warmth in his belly and a tightness in his chest. He reached out and touched Will’s bare stomach lightly.

‘Thank you,’ he whispered.

Then he pulled away and their connection was broken.

Wolfgang found himself back in bed with Rajan and Kala. She was dozing, nearly asleep again but Rajan was watching him.

‘Who were you visiting?’

‘Will. They’re going to fly home.’

Rajan nodded. ‘I should book our flight too. I’m eager to get back to work and I bet you’re missing Felix.’

‘Do you think Kala minds leaving her family again?’ he asked.

Rajan smiled. ‘We all agreed our home is Paris now, and I’m sure they’ll want to visit, and we can visit them. Sanyam made it clear we’re always welcome, didn’t he?’

Wolfgang nodded, stroking Kala’s cheek. ‘I don’t want to take her away from where she wants to be.’

Rajan leaned into him and kissed his shoulder. ‘I know, and you’re not. We’re just going home.’

He sighed and leaned back, keeping his hand on Wolfgang’s waist. Wolfgang shifted onto his back so his shoulders brushed Rajan’s. His arm curled around Kala’s back and he smiled as she murmured softly in her sleep.

‘I keep waiting for something to go wrong,’ confessed Wolfgang.

He felt Rajan turn his head to look at him. ‘Nothing’s going to go wrong now, my love. Now we just get to live our lives together.’

Wolfgang turned to look back at him. ‘Life is dangerous. Life is violent. You can’t ever relax.’

Rajan frowned at him in concern and reached out to touch his cheek. Like Will’s touch, it was a tender caress. ‘You can’t live your life like that, Wolfie, or you’ll never find happiness.’

‘I can’t help it. I’ve lived my whole life like that. I can’t stop now.’ He shrugged, giving Rajan a wry smile. ‘You’ll just have to accept me like this.’

Rajan smiled softly at him. ‘I do.’ He trailed his hand down his chest, between his pecs and down to his belly button. His palm settled on the slight curve of his belly, just below his new scar. ‘I was thinking, we should look for a new apartment, something a little bigger so the cluster can visit more easily.’ He smiled. ‘And we definitely need somewhere with a pool, don’t we?’

Wolfgang smiled. ‘I would like that.’

‘You’ve been swimming every day here and I’ve seen how much more settled you’ve been when you can do that.’

Wolfgang nodded. ‘It does help.’

‘I want to do everything I can to help you, Wolfgang. I want you to be happy with us, to have everything you need.’

Wolfgang found Rajan’s hand and squeezed it tightly. ‘Raj, if I have you and Kala, I’ll have everything I need.’

Rajan beamed at him and Wolfgang couldn’t help but smile back.


	77. Chapter 77

The flights were booked and the bags were packed; it was time to go home. Will was nervous. It had been a couple of days since they’d visited Kala’s family and Wolfgang had seemed calm and normal. They’d all gone sight-seeing together and he’d laughed and put his arm around Rajan’s shoulders, or held Kala’s hand. He seemed happy. But Will couldn’t help himself from worrying. Was he going to be all right without them?

Riley smoothed her hand across his shoulder. ‘It’s all right,’ she murmured. ‘He’ll be fine. He’s doing so well now. Hardly any nightmares or panic attacks. And he knows where we are.’ She kissed him, sliding her fingers across his smooth cheek. ‘We need to live our own lives now.’

He gazed into her warm brown eyes and felt himself relax a little. ‘I love you,’ he whispered and she smiled.

‘I know.’

He grinned at her, then turned and picked up the suitcase sitting next to their bed. ‘We ready to go?’

‘I am if you are.’

They headed out of the bedroom and into the living room. Wolfgang was in there, lounging on the sofa in his boxers and a t-shirt. His hair was still damp from his morning swim.

‘Hey,’ he said, taking a sip from his coffee cup. ‘You’re ready to go then.’

Will sighed. ‘Yeah. Just enough time to get to London and recover from the jet lag before the show.’

Wolfgang grinned at Riley. ‘It’ll be a good one.’

‘Hope so,’ she said. ‘It’s been a while since I performed in London. I just hope they’ve not forgotten me.’

‘Auf keinen Fall, you’re _the_ DJ, ja?’

Her face lit up in that beautiful smile that brightened her eyes and made Will’s heart race. ‘Thank you, Wolfgang,’ she said.

The other door opened and Sun and Kwan-Ho came out of their room, carrying their own bags. ‘I guess it’s time to go,’ said Kwan-Ho.

Sun didn’t say anything but Will could feel an ache in her chest that mirrored his own.

Kala emerged from the bedroom, fully dressed and hair done immaculately. ‘I hope you’ll come and visit us in Paris soon.’

Sun nodded. ‘We will.’

Wolfgang stood up, putting his coffee cup down. ‘Raj, they’re going!’ he called.

Rajan emerged from the kitchen, his own hair also damp. ‘We’re going to miss you,’ he said, warmly. ‘But it’s good not to have to need bodyguards anymore.’

‘You still got me,’ said Wolfgang, with a grin.

Will smiled as he saw the fond look Rajan and Wolfgang exchanged. He could feel the love between them and it was really good to see. He felt like, finally, all his cluster were settled and happy and he didn’t have to worry about them as much. But he would always be there for them when they needed him. That was who he was. That was what you did when you loved someone; you were there for them. And he loved every single member of his cluster with an all-consuming love.

He put his arm around Riley, then held out his arm to the others. Wordlessly, they came to him and wrapped their arms around each other in a group hug. Nomi, Lito and Capheus joined them and, for a few moments, they were together, their love for each other glowing around them.

‘We’ll all be together again soon,’ Will murmured and he felt their emotions flicker between grief at their parting and joy at the knowledge that they would never be truly apart again. They loved each other, and they were always going to be together.

The triad was alone again for their last day in Mumbai. Perhaps one day Wolfgang would count this as his home as well as Paris. Rajan looked at his lovers and smiled. Kala was a vision, beautiful and always so well put together. It made it all the better when he got to see her messy and wanton with pleasure. Wolfgang was effortlessly sexy but he had his own walls. Rajan loved it when Wolfgang let him in, in those quiet moments in their lovemaking, when he caught him gazing at him or Kala with those vivid blue eyes full of love.

Wolfgang and Kala exchanged a glance as Rajan looked between them and he knew he had a soppy grin on his face. He could almost feel the thoughts being exchanged between them. Wolfgang grinned, then took two strides towards Rajan. His hands went to his buttocks and he lifted him up in one movement.

Rajan cried out in surprise but eagerly wrapped his legs around his lover’s waist. Wolfgang smirked at him. ‘Told you I could do it.’

Rajan grinned back at him. ‘Can you carry me all the way to the bedroom?’

Kala tutted. ‘You two are insatiable.’

Wolfgang turned his smirk in her direction. ‘Like you’re not going to join in.’

She shrugged, then smiled. ‘It might be our last time in this house for a while.’

Wolfgang shook his head. ‘Nein, we’ve got nearly twenty-four hours before we leave.’ He winked at her. ‘Plenty of time.’

Rajan was quite impressed that he could still hold him up during this conversation. He was strong. He started to walk, carrying Rajan to the bedroom, with Kala following close behind.

In the bedroom, Rajan slid down, cupped Wolfgang’s head and pulled him close for a kiss. He could feel the heat of him against him. Behind them, Kala reached for him and began to undo his shirt buttons. Between them, Wolfgang and Kala undressed him, until he was naked, while they were still fully dressed. Well, Wolfgang was relatively dressed, still in his t-shirt and boxers.

They guided Rajan to the bed and pushed him down, descending on him in unison. He lay back on the pillows, closing his eyes and just feeling what they were doing to him. Together they kissed, licked and nibbled their way down his body, making him gasp and squirm with almost unbearable pleasure.

Wolfgang’s mouth fixed onto his nipple, biting and sucking roughly. Kala kissed his neck, her hand trailing down the centre of his chest. Her touch was featherlight and he whimpered into the air. Her hand brushed his cock _so_ lightly. He bit his lip, whimpering behind his closed mouth.

Wolfgang released his nipple, lapped at it soothingly with his tongue, then started to kiss a path down his chest, down his belly to his groin. He framed his hips with his hands and pressed his face to his pubic mound. He breathed him in and Rajan hoped he smelled good. Wolfgang nuzzled gently at his cock, like it was something precious.

Kala was kissing her way up his body now. Her mouth was gentler than Wolfgang’s and she didn’t use her teeth like he did, but her kisses and licks sent sparks through him.

Rajan murmured softly as his lovers worked together expertly to create ultimate pleasure throughout his body.

Wolfgang looked up at him, met his eyes and smirked. Keeping the eye contact, he opened his mouth and took Rajan’s cock down his throat.

Rajan’s hands grasped the sheet beneath him as he head of his cock bumped against the back of his lover’s throat. He kept his gaze on the gorgeous vision before him, this beautiful man taking him deep, his eyes half-closed in bliss.

Rajan could come like this. He could just let go and spill hotly down Wolfgang’s throat. But then Wolfgang puled back, sent a smirk to Kala and shuffled off him.

Kala slid her knickers off, lifted her dress and, with a smirk that could have been Wolfgang, lowered herself onto him.

Rajan groaned and jerked up into her. Wolfgang smirked and lay down beside him to kiss his cheek.

‘You feel so good inside her,’ he murmured against Rajan’s skin.

Rajan whimpered in pleasure, his eyes drifting closed. It felt so good to be inside her like this. But she wasn’t moving. He opened his eyes and looked up at her. Her expression had become nervous and he remembered the last time they’d tried to do this.

He reached for her hand. ‘It’s all right,’ he murmured. ‘You can do this. You look so sexy right now.’

She smiled, a gorgeous blush darkening her cheeks. Wolfgang looked between them and grinned.

‘I’m not distracting you this time, Kala. And he’s right, you look fucking gorgeous right now.’

She met each of their gaze’s in turn, then grinned, her confidence returning under their adoration. She pulled her dress off over her head, then lay on top of Rajan, kissing him, then Wolfgang.

Rajan closed his eyes and he could _feel_ the communication between them. He knew they were sharing, that Wolfgang was helping Kala.

The next moment, there was no room in his mind for rational thought, because Kala had started to move. Her body was flat against his, skin on skin and he could feel Wolfgang close, his mouth on Rajan’s neck and shoulder, licking and nipping. The room was filled with their cries except Wolfgang was quiet, focusing on using his mouth on them, on bringing them pleasure.

Rajan felt pleasure sparking through his body and he knew he was getting close. From the way Kala was panting and writhing against him, he knew she was too. He wanted them all to come together. He reached for Wolfgang, pushing his hand into his boxers and grasping his hot, hard cock.

Wolfgang broke off from what he was doing with a gasp. Rajan claimed his mouth in a hard kiss and Wolfie moaned into him. Kala’s heat surrounded them and she moved faster and harder against them, abandoning any shyness that remained in the pursuit of pure pleasure. He could feel Wolfgang experiencing Kala’s pleasure as well as his own and, as their orgasm overtook the three of them, he was sure he could feel it too.

They collapsed together, lying in a tangle for some minutes before anybody spoke. They caressed each other lazily, exchanging soft kisses and gentle touches.

Kala sighed. ‘I’m going to have to do my hair again, aren’t I?’

Wolfgang grinned, sliding his hand over Kala’s messy curls. ‘I don’t know, I kind of like it like this.’

She huffed. ‘No wonder you keep _your_ hair so short. Low maintenance when you have to keep showering after sex.’

He shrugged. ‘You’d look just as sexy with short hair.’

‘No, thank you,’ said Kala, primly. ‘I prefer my hair long.’

Rajan laughed. ‘I’m not sure you can do prim when you’re lying in this position.’

Kala gave him a look and slid off him and settled in his arms instead. ‘It’s a good job I love you two so much or you’d be in serious trouble.’

Wolfgang and Rajan exchanged grins, then Wolfgang slid his arm across their bellies. ‘Mmm, trouble sounds like fun.’

Kala shook her head and pushed his shoulder, but she was grinning. ‘Come on, let’s go shower, _again_.’

She climbed off the bed and went off to the bathroom. Rajan grinned at Wolfgang. ‘Come on, you, before she uses up all the hot water.’

He headed off himself and Wolfgang came after him, shedding his remaining clothes on the way. ‘Huh, a place as posh as this and you don’t have constant hot water? You’re gonna have to do better than that in the new place, I’m getting used to a certain lifestyle.’

‘Oh really?’ Rajan turned and grabbed Wolfgang by the front of his shirt and pulled him to him. ‘I will provide any sort of lifestyle you want, my love.’ He kissed him, then looked into his eyes. ‘I would do anything for you.’

He watched a frown cross Wolfgang’s face and for a moment, it looked like Rajan had said something he couldn’t understand. But then something seemed to settle in him, like his words really were sinking in. He blinked and a small smile crossed his lips. Then he kissed Rajan back, softly on the mouth.

‘Come on, Liebling. The other love of our lives is wet and naked in that shower and we need to be a part of that.’

Rajan laughed and let Wolfgang pull him to the bathroom and to Kala.


	78. Chapter 78

Wolfgang woke early the day they were to leave. The sun hadn’t yet risen. He stretched, or tried to stretch, but he couldn’t without bumping his lovers on either side of him. He groaned. He couldn’t wait to get back to their bigger bed back home. As much as he loved snuggling with them, a bit of space was nice sometimes too.

They’d spent the previous day in a happy bubble of three. They’d cooked, they’d swum, they’d watched a movie together in the evening, snuggling up on the sofa together. Then they’d had sex and fallen asleep entwined together. It had been a good day.

Rajan and Kala were still fast asleep on either side of him. Carefully, he climbed over Rajan and out of bed. He didn’t bother pulling on any clothes; he just headed out onto the balcony outside the bedroom.

He leaned against the rail and watched the sky as it lightened, the sun peeking up over the horizon. He could have a smoke, but he didn’t really need one. It was enough to just stand there, in the fresh air and experience the quiet of the early morning. It was cooler than it had been the day before but the air was still warm.

He did like it here and he would enjoy coming to stay again, without the worry of being attacked or having to deal with legalities. He didn’t relish the idea of seeing Manendra Rasal again but the man would probably do all he could do avoid him, so he didn’t need to worry too much about that. And Kala’s father was welcoming enough. He would enjoy seeing him again.

But he was glad to be going home, back to his ordinary life with his lovers. He felt good, but he knew he needed to go back to his regular therapy to stay that way. He’d accepted that was going to be a long-term thing and he didn’t mind anymore. He knew he felt better for it, more settled inside. It had stopped him being plagued by nightmares; it had given him tools to deal with panic attacks; it had stopped him skirting off the rails and getting pissed to push away the shit in his head. Above all, it had let him accept true happiness for the first time in his life.

He heard footsteps behind him and he didn’t need to turn to know it was Rajan. He kept his gaze focused on the lightly orange sky as his lover approached him and slid his arm around his bare waist.

‘I quite enjoy this tendency of yours to be naked all the time.’

Wolfgang grinned at him. ‘I did notice. Not sure Kala appreciates it.’

Rajan chuckled. ‘She appreciates it more than she lets on.’

Wolfgang’s grin turned into a smirk. He knew that; he felt her appreciation mixed with her exasperation. ‘I don’t think she will be waking up anytime soon,’ he said.

Rajan shook his head. ‘No, she’s flat out. The packing is all done, except for our morning things.’

Wolfgang nodded. ‘I was thinking about going for a run. Want to come?’

Rajan looked at him in surprise. ‘I wouldn’t … get in the way of your destressing?’

Wolfgang smiled warmly at him. ‘No. I’d enjoy your company, if you think you could keep up with me.’

He laughed. ‘I think I could. I’m pretty good on the treadmill.’

Wolfgang slung an arm around his shoulders and hugged him to him. ‘Don’t worry, Liebling, I won’t leave you behind.’

When she woke, Kala expressed how little she wanted to go running, instead deciding to stay at the flat and have a long, luxurious bath before they had to spend nine hours on a plane.

‘It’s not exactly going to be cramped,’ said Wolfgang. ‘Rajan has booked us first class again. Those seats are bigger than the bathroom in my old flat.’

‘I’ll feel much more relaxed if I have a nice long bath beforehand.’

Wolfgang shrugged. ‘Same as me with a run.’ He leaned in to kiss her cheek. ‘Enjoy it. See you later. Come on, Raj.’

Rajan kissed her too, then followed Wolfgang out of the flat. Both in loose shorts and moisture-wicking t-shirts, they headed down the elevator together. Wolfgang did his stretches as they descended and Rajan couldn’t help watching him. His muscles were well-defined through his t-shirt and they flexed as he stretched.

Wolfgang smirked at him. ‘You’re not going to keep up if you’re that distracted.’

Rajan shrugged, smiling as they exited the lift. ‘I’d have a lot of fun though.’

Wolfgang just laughed, shaking his head. They left the building and started to jog. Rajan got the sense, Wolfgang was keeping to his pace. They didn’t talk but Rajan kept his attention as much on his lover as on the path ahead of them. Wolfgang ran in an easy, relaxed manner but Rajan could feel his focus. He understood why this helped. His emotions burned inside him but every step of his run pushed them out, cleansed him and allowed him to focus.

Rajan found he was keeping up easily with Wolfgang, until his lover grinned at him and picked up the pace. For him it was effortless but Rajan felt himself getting out of breath.

Wolfgang smirked at him. ‘Thought you said you could keep up,’ he teased.

Rajan didn’t have enough breath to speak.

Wolfgang slowed down, grinning. ‘Breathe evenly.’

Rajan, relieved they were slowing down, did as he was told. They rounded the next corner and he realised they were nearly back home.

‘How … far have we gone?’ he asked.

Wolfgang grinned at him, still breathing easily. ‘Four miles. Good start for a beginner.’

They jogged back to the front door and Rajan copied Wolfgang as he shook out his arms and legs and stretched again. Sweaty and tired, but relaxed, Rajan followed Wolfgang as they made their way back up to the flat.

The moment they got inside, Wolfgang stripped off his running clothes and put them in the washing machine. He held his hands out for Rajan’s with a quirk of his eyebrow. ‘Well? We need to get these washed and dried before we go.’

Rajan laughed, rolling his eyes as he stripped off too and handed his clothes to Wolfgang.

A minute or so later, they entered the bathroom together. Kala was in the bath, almost entirely covered in bubbles, with her eyes closed.

‘Good run?’ she asked, without opening her eyes.

‘Ja, it was good,’ said Wolfgang.

‘I need more practise before I can keep up with him though,’ said Rajan.

‘You wanna come again? I know lots of good routes back home.’

‘Yeah, I need to get fit enough to keep up with you.’

Wolfgang grinned, then grabbed Rajan’s wrist and pulled him into the shower. Kala, smiling, opened her eyes and watched them.

For a moment, Rajan wondered if Kala was joining them in the shower through Wolfgang but, when he pulled Rajan under the spray and pressed him against the shower wall, Rajan knew it was just Wolfgang. He kissed Rajan with a delicious roughness and the sort of wild abandon that just wasn’t Kala.

Things were different between him and Wolfgang than with him and Kala but that wasn’t a bad thing. It was just a different part of the wholeness of their relationship. He would have found it difficult to explain to anyone else what their relationship was, how it worked between the three of them, but it did work. Rajan hoped with his entire self that it would always work, that he would always be able to have this beautiful man in his life, that he would be able to spend his whole life with him and with his wonderful wife, the two loves of his life. That was all he wanted.


	79. Chapter 79

On the flight back home to Paris, Wolfgang was a lot more relaxed than he had been on the flight out, at least calm enough to appreciate the first-class seats. He didn’t much care for the feeling of being closed in but, with a little focusing and careful breathing, he was able to ignore that.

It was late at night and Rajan and Kala were both sleeping. He lounged back in his seat, watching Conan the Barbarian. He knew the movie back to front of course, but it was easy to watch and easy to doze to. Though it did make him miss Felix with a sharp pain in his chest.

For so long, it had just been the two of them against the world. Now Wolfgang had other people in his life but Felix would always be his brother, no matter what happened. He’d texted him, of course. Felix knew about the stabbing and about the court case and, no doubt, was desperate to see him too.

Kala curled up with him, visiting in her sleep. He smiled as he wrapped his arms around her and held her. He breathed in and her scent filled his nostrils. He still marvelled at how vivid it was when they visited, more intense than when he visited with the others. He dropped a kiss into her hair and thought about how lucky he was to have her, how lucky he was to be this happy.

He thought back to the man he had been before he’d met her, before the cluster. He’d been a person who had never expected to find true happiness. He hadn’t been looking for it either. He hadn’t wanted intimacy; that had been the only thing of which he’d really been afraid. Instead, he’d settled for the fun of clubbing and sex, for the thrill of lockpicking and safecracking, and the satisfaction of giving a big ‘fuck you’ to his family as often as he could.

He’d had an intimacy of sorts with Felix. They had hugged and kissed, even shared the bed after a long drinking session or when the nightmares get too bad. Wolfgang would trust Felix with his life, but they never really talked about shit. Wolfgang knew that even with Felix he had walls up. But one of the things he liked best about Felix was that he never tried to break through any of his barriers. He was just there with him. Whatever trouble he got into, they were in it together. Hell, he’d even moved countries for him.

Kala stirred in his arms and sighed softly, contentedly. Wolfgang looked across the aisle and saw that Rajan was also asleep. Kala was holding his hand. Wolfgang smiled; it was good to feel the love between them as well. It hadn’t always been there for Kala but Wolfgang had felt it grow inside her and now it seemed to burn as strongly for Rajan as it did for himself.

He smirked. It probably wasn’t a common occurrence that a wife falling in love with another man led to her falling more in love with her husband.

He dropped another kiss into her hair. Sometimes, he couldn’t believe how vulnerable he had allowed himself to be. But it was worth it to be with her, and Rajan. He would do anything for them, even allow himself to be vulnerable.

He snuggled into her and closed his eyes. He smiled as he realised he could feel the warmth of Rajan’s hand, holding his own through Kala. Feeling relaxed and calm, he allowed himself to drift off to sleep.

It was the early hours of the morning when they landed. Nearly dead on their feet, they made their way through customs and baggage claim, then finally out of the airport and into the taxi Rajan had booked.

Kala rested her head on Wolfgang’s shoulder in the back of the taxi. Wolfgang exchanged grins and Rajan as they realised she was almost asleep.

‘Straight to bed when we get in, I think,’ said Rajan.

Wolfgang smirked at him. ‘I hate to disappoint you, Liebling but I’m far too tired to do anything but sleep.’ He glanced in the rear-view mirror and saw the taxi driver’s brow furrow with confusion. It was quite fun confusing people like that.

When they got to their building, Wolfgang offered to carry Kala upstairs but she smiled and shook her head. ‘I can make it. You carry the bags.’

Finally, they were back home, in their own flat. Wolfgang put the bags in Kala’s dressing room, Rajan started to make a pot of herbal tea and Kala went straight to the bedroom. She didn’t bother getting undressed, just toed off her shoes and climbed in between the sheets. She was asleep in seconds.

When Wolfgang emerged from the dressing room, a warm smile spread across his face. Kala was fast asleep, a peaceful and contented smile on her face. Wolfgang stripped off and climbed in with her. He wrapped his arms around her and she tucked her head under his chin.

He was still awake when Rajan came in with three cups of tea.

‘Ah,’ said Rajan. ‘She won’t want this then.’

Wolfgang smiled, shaking his head. ‘If she was still awake, I’m sure she’d appreciate it.’ He said up a little and took the cup Rajan passed him.

Rajan sighed, putting his own tea and Kala’s on his bedside table. He undressed to his boxers and climbed into bed. He settled against the pillows, put an arm around his lovers and took a sip of his tea.

‘Ah, it’s good to be home.’

Wolfgang grinned. ‘It is.’

‘You going to see Felix tomorrow?’

‘It is tomorrow.’

Rajan rolled his eyes. ‘You know what I mean.’

Wolfgang chuckled. ‘Yeah, I’ll go see him when I’ve had some sleep. I’ve missed him.’

‘He’s been a good friend to you, hasn’t he?’

Wolfgang took a gulp of tea and leaned back against the pillows. ‘If it wasn’t for him I’d be dead, in a ditch somewhere or OD’ed in some club. Or I might have put a bullet in my brain or, I dunno, just given up.’

He glanced at Rajan to find him looking at him with sadness in his eyes. It was a look that made Wolfgang uncomfortable. He shrugged it off. ‘So, I reckon you owe him a drink.’

Rajan held his gaze. ‘I owe him more than a drink, Wolfie.’

Wolfgang looked away, putting his cup down on the bedside table beside him. He lay back down and Kala snuggled up in his arms again. Rajan yawned and set his own cup aside. He stretched, then slid down beside them. He reached out and stroked Wolfgang’s bare shoulder with absolute tenderness.

‘I love you, Wolfie,’ he murmured. ‘And I’m _so_ glad you’re here.’

Wolfgang looked at him and he knew he didn’t just mean in the bed, in the flat or even in this relationship. He was just glad he was there, in the world.

They slept for a good few hours, snuggled up together in a warm pile under the sheets. When they woke at last, it was late afternoon. They felt better for their long sleep but still not terribly alert.

Rajan decided they should get a takeaway that night and order groceries for the next day. After a quick shower, Wolfgang got dressed and grabbed a cereal bar.

‘You heading out to see Felix?’ Rajan asked.

‘Uh huh, can’t wait anymore.’

Kala gave him a sympathetic look. ‘He understands, doesn’t he? About you having to leave.’

‘Yeah, but he’s gonna kick my ass for getting in shit again,’ he said, with a grin. He leaned in and kissed her. ‘I’ll be back in a couple of hours.’

He called goodbye to Rajan, who was busy on his laptop ordering the groceries, then headed out. He made his way to Felix’s shop quickly. When he got there, the shop was still open but there were no customers inside. Wolfgang checked his watch and saw it was nearly closing time.

He went inside, the bell ringing as he shut the door behind him. Felix called out.

‘I’m closing in five minutes. Whoever that is, you’d better make it quick.’

‘Your customer service is shit.’

There was a silence. A moment later, Felix appeared from the back room. He stared at Wolfgang for a second, then strode forward.

‘You fucker!’ he said, then grabbed Wolfgang in a fierce hug.

Wolfgang laughed, lifting his friend off his feet as he hugged him back.

Then Felix pulled back and looked critically at him. ‘Well, you look all right. You got a wicked scar?’

Wolfgang lifted his t-shirt to show Felix the jagged scar just below his belly button. ‘Not too bad.’

Felix whistled. ‘Woah.’ He hesitated, then looked up into Wolfgang’s gaze. ‘I was worried,’ he said.

Wolfgang gripped his shoulder. ‘I know. But I did what I had to do.’

Felix nodded. ‘Yeah, so is this kinda thing gonna happen again? These new lovers of yours gonna get you in trouble?’

Wolfgang smiled, shaking his head. ‘No. There shouldn’t be any trouble now.’ He sat on one of the chairs in the window and Felix followed him.

He put his arm around his shoulders and squeezed. ‘There had better fucking not be, Wolfie.’

Wolfgang grinned, feeling a rush of affection and love for his friend, his brother. He wasn’t any different now from that crazy, scrawny kid who would do fucking anything for him.

Wolfgang turned towards his friend, catching hold of his hand and looking seriously at him. ‘Thank you.’

Felix frowned at him. ‘What for?’

‘You know. Without you, I wouldn’t be here, so …’ He shrugged.

Felix’s face became serious and Wolfgang knew he understood. They didn’t need to talk about it. They never needed to talk about it. They just understood each other. It had always been that way. Felix had always just understood him. He’d known when he needed a big blowout in a club or when he’d needed to steal some diamonds. He’d known how to keep him going.

Felix pulled back, breaking the moment. ‘So, when you coming back to work?’

‘A few days. Kala wants to celebrate Diwali together. Then we’re going flat-hunting.’

‘What that posh flat isn’t big enough for the three of you?’

Wolfgang grinned. ‘Well, we would like a bigger bed. And Rajan wants to get somewhere with a pool.’

‘Fuck, he must love you.’

Wolfgang shrugged, grinning. ‘Yeah, he does.’

Felix sighed. ‘Well, it’s good to see you so sickeningly happy, you lucky bastard.’

Wolfgang laughed. ‘Hey, we’re getting a takeaway tonight. Pizza. Wanna come?’

‘Sure, if I’m welcome.’

Wolfgang patted his back. ‘You’re always welcome, Felix.’


	80. Chapter 80

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is dedicated to our Brian J. Smith, our wonderful Will, who came out while I was writing this chapter. He won't ever see this (I hope!) but I'm so proud of our boy! 
> 
> Also, this story has been a labour of love for me and if you've enjoyed it, I'd really love to hear from you. Your comments mean so much to me and I'd like to thank you all for your comments, because each one has made me so happy. 
> 
> Stay tuned for a sequel to this soon. I also have more planned after that one so this isn't the last you will hear from me!

Wolfgang decided he liked Diwali. As religious festivals went, it was a lot of fun, once you got past the opening days of cleaning. They had thoroughly cleaned the whole flat, Rajan commenting that it would help the sale as well. Kala explained that it was the Hindu new year, a time for cleansing, purifying and fresh starts.

‘A good time to look for a new house,’ Rajan said.

Wolfgang was determined this was going to be a fresh start. He wasn’t going to hurt the people he loved anymore. He wasn’t going to hurt himself anymore. He deserved to be happy. He deserved to be loved. And he was.

After the cleaning, came the decorating. They put up Rangoli decorations and lots of lights. The lit candles in the windows and diyas in the doorways. They hung string lights around the living room.

‘It’s to welcome Lakshmi into our home,’ Kala explained. ‘It’s all about appreciating light and joy, and spending time with your loved ones.’

The bit Wolfgang liked best was the food. The three of them cooked a dizzying array of food, for themselves and their neighbours. Rajan and Kala took it round, while Wolfgang set the table and lit the candles for their own feast.

Will put his hands on his shoulders, leaning in so close that Wolfgang could feel his breath on his cheek. ‘Good to be home?’

Wolfgang smiled warmly at him. ‘It is. Smells good, doesn’t it?’ he said, gesturing to the food.

‘Yeah! I wish I could taste it for real,’ said Will, squeezing his shoulders gently, then letting him go.

‘Next time you stay, we’ll make it for you.’

Will smiled at him. ‘I’d like that.’

Wolfgang dropped his gaze, a frown crossing his face. ‘Next time, you won’t have to play mom.’ He looked up at Will and smiled. ‘Promise.’

Will smiled, shaking his head. ‘You don’t need to promise that.’ He put his arms around Wolfgang and held him tight. Wolfgang closed his eyes and felt the warmth of Will’s cheek against his.

‘I know you’ll always be there when I need you, Will,’ he said. ‘But next time, we should have some fun instead.’ Wolfgang smiled as he felt a bubble of happiness in Will as he said those words.

Will pulled back. ‘I should leave you to your feast.’

Wolfgang shook his head. ‘No, join us. You should all join us.’

The whole cluster did join them for the celebration. They ate, they drank, they laughed, late into the night. Wolfgang grinned at Kala and she smiled back at him. They were celebrating Diwali properly; it was all about spending time with loved ones after all.

The day after the celebrations, they slept in after having rather overindulged themselves the night before. Wolfgang stretched and yawned as he woke, turning into Kala and gathering her into his arms. She murmured sleepily and snuggled up closer to him. He reached behind her for Rajan but found only empty space.

He opened his eyes and looked properly. They were alone but the bedroom door was open and he could hear Rajan whistling in the kitchen.

‘Raj’s up,’ he mumbled.

‘Hmm,’ murmured Kala, nuzzling against him.

He dropped a kiss into her hair, inhaling her fragrant scent. She murmured again and her fingers began to play sleepily across his chest.

He slid his hands down her sides, skimming his palms over her curves. She sighed softly and he smirked, slipping her hand beneath her silk nightdress to caress her thigh. He could feel her arousal washing over him and she moved against him as he caressed her thighs.

She opened her eyes and smiled sleepily at him. ‘Feels good,’ she murmured.

He kissed her mouth tenderly. ‘I know. I can feel it.’

‘Then you can feel I want more,’ she said, with a smirk of her own.

He grinned. ‘Then I’ll give you more.’ He slid his hands further up her thighs until he reached the waistband of her knickers. In one smooth movement, he slid them off and she gasped as she felt the cool air on her. He kissed her, deeper this time and more passionately as he pressed himself against her. He cupped her breast with one hand, rubbing his thumb against the nipple which hardened beneath the silk of her nightdress. She moaned softly, pulling at his hips to keep them close.

He was already naked as his cock was hard against her. Her hand slid around his waist and grasped his erection in a firm grasp. He moaned into her mouth and he felt her breath quicken at his response. He could feel her desire for him pulsing in her.

His hand slipped underneath her nightdress, pushing up the hem to her waist. She wriggled in anticipation and he could see the arousal in her eyes. Keeping his gaze locked with hers, he slipped his hand between her legs and slid his fingers into her heat. She gasped against him, squirming as he teased her. She moved her hand up and down his cock, her touch soft but firm. He bit his lip as his pleasure and hers mingled inside him.

He moved his hand back to her thigh and she released him, knowing what was coming next. He parted her thighs and guided himself inside her. She was so soft and warm against him and, as he looked in her eyes, he felt his love for her pulsing inside him. He couldn’t believe how much he loved her.

He began to move, pushing deep inside her and smirking as she gasped against him, clutching his arms. He kept his thrusts close, feeling the pleasure he was causing vibrating through her body and his. Her eyes drifted closed but he kept his gaze on her, watching the bliss on her face. Was there any better sight than that?

He could feel her orgasm approaching. He increased his intensity and he felt her legs clench around his waist. He kissed her, caressing her tongue with his own. Her fingers were tight on his arms and her breathing was coming hard. She clutched at him, desperately. He thrust deep, leaving no space in between their bodies. He felt her orgasm ripple through her body and her pleasure rushing over him sent him over the edge. He came inside her.

They collapsed together, kissing messily as they lay together. Wolfgang smoothed a hand through her hair and pulled back. Giving him a somewhat shy smile, she readjusted her silk nightdress and settled back into his arms. She sighed softly, resting her head on his chest.

‘I love you,’ she murmured, in Hindi.

‘Ich liebe dich,’ he murmured.

He kissed her head and wrapped his arms around her. 

They had been lying there, wrapped in each other for some minutes when Rajan came in, whistling and carrying a breakfast tray.

Wolfgang grinned, remembering him doing that for Kala a long time ago, the first time he’d ever kissed Wolfgang. Not that Rajan had known that at the time, of course. But Wolfgang remembered how soft and tender that kiss and caress had been and how much love had been in those warm brown eyes. He’d never expected him to really look at him like that. Yet, somehow …

‘Good morning, my loves,’ he said. He placed the tray down, then leaned over and gave them each a tender kiss on the mouth.

‘French toast and freshly squeezed orange juice for breakfast, then we can get ready and go and see what’s hopefully going to be our new flat.’

Wolfgang sat up. ‘Oh yeah, I forgot. How many bedrooms was it again?’

‘Five. Do you think that’s enough?’

Wolfgang chuckled. ‘Yeah, I think we’ll manage.’ He grinned at Kala. ‘We can always get Will and Riley in with us if everybody comes to visit at once.’

She didn’t say anything, just smiled, but Wolfgang knew she was up for the idea. She slid out of bed.

‘I need the bathroom before breakfast,’ she said.

Wolfgang reached out and grabbed his piece of French toast. ‘I’m fucking starving.’

Rajan laughed. ‘How can you be that hungry after all you ate last night?’

Wolfgang smirked at him. ‘I just used a lot of energy.’

Rajan shook his head, smiling. ‘How did you resist coming to bed with us all those weeks?’

He laughed. ‘With difficulty.’

Kala returned and perched on the bed to dig into her own French toast. She grinned at Rajan. ‘This is really good, Rajan.’

‘But of course,’ he said, with a grin.

After breakfast, they showered and dressed before heading out to see the flat. Wolfgang wasn’t altogether sure about how much his opinion was supposed to matter. After all, it was Rajan’s money. He was just lucky Rajan was so set on getting a pool.

It wasn’t that far from their current flat but the building was much bigger. The intercom indicated there were only four flats in the huge building. Wolfgang glanced nervously at Rajan but didn’t say anything.

The estate agent was waiting for them and she led them up to the flat and, at Rajan’s request, waited at the entrance while they looked around. It was big, bigger than any flat Wolfgang had been in before. It was not quite as big as his uncle’s mansion, though it was more modern. The first floor was the living room, a large open plan kitchen diner and a bathroom. There was a balcony off the living room. The bedrooms were on the second floor, each with an ensuite bathroom. There was a dressing room and a balcony off the master bedroom and a bathroom larger than any Wolfgang had ever seen.

‘We could all fit in the tub and the shower,’ he said.

‘That’s what I thought,’ said Rajan, with a grin.

Kala shook her head. ‘Do you two ever stop thinking about sex? Now, can we fit an ultra-King-sized bed in that bedroom?’

‘Now who’s thinking about sex?’ asked Wolfgang.

‘I’m not thinking about sex. I’m thinking about not getting your elbow in my ribs when I turn over.’

‘Well, it just so happens, the extra wide bed I’ve reserved for us will fit perfectly in that bedroom,’ said Rajan. ‘Plenty of room for the three of us _and_ our elbows. You could probably even fit Will and Riley in the bed if you wanted.’

Wolfgang and Kala exchanged a glance and shared a grin.

The top floor was nothing but a large patio area, a heated pool and a sun lounger area with a retractable awning. A smile spread across Wolfgang’s face as he saw the top floor. He could imagine himself here, working out and swimming first thing every morning. If he had a bad night, he could come up here, breathe in the air and work out with Sun or Will, or go for a swim.

He felt Rajan and Kala watching him. He turned to them.

‘Well?’ asked Rajan. ‘Do you like it?’

‘Yeah. It’d work for me. But it’s your money, Raj.’

‘Yes, but it’ll be our home, so you have to like it.’ He looked at Kala. ‘What do you think?’

‘I love it! It’s got an amazing view and I love the kitchen. There’s room for a couple of sofas in there, so we can socialise as we cook.’

Rajan nodded. ‘I like it a lot too. It’s big enough and it’s got great views. What do you think, Wolfie?’

Wolfgang considered, looking back at the pool and the views that spread out across Paris. He nodded. ‘I like it.’

‘That’s settled then. I’ll put an offer in.’

‘Raj, if you want me to pay rent,’ Wolfgang started.

Rajan held up a hand. ‘I won’t hear of it. We’re family, aren’t we?’

Wolfgang looked in his eyes, then glanced at Kala, who nodded. Then he smiled. ‘All right. Yeah, we’re family.’

Rajan smiled, then took Wolfgang’s hand. ‘Come on. Let’s tell the Madame Soulier what we think.’

Wolfgang put his am around Kala’s shoulders and together they made their way back downstairs to talk to the estate agent. 

Things moved quickly. Within a month, they were moved into their new flat. Their first night, they unpacked what they needed and headed to bed early, on Wolfgang’s suggestion.

‘We need to break in that beautiful new bed,’ he said, giving them a smirk.

He saw the eagerness in their eyes and they both grabbed a hand and tugged him towards their new bedroom. He laughed as they eagerly pulled him to them and started to undress him. He kissed them both, reaching for them and slipping his hands beneath their shirts.

Their skin was warm under his hands as he caressed them and they moaned together as he smoothed his hands over their waists. Eager, they pulled the rest of their clothes off, abandoning them on their new bedroom floor.

They didn’t care. They scrambled to their beautiful big bed and fell in a tangle onto it, kissing and touching each other. Their arousal burned between them, surrounding them and creating a bubble around them. Tonight was about just the three of them, alone together in their new home.

Wolfgang found himself in the middle again, caught deliciously between his two lovers. This really was his favourite place in the whole world. Rajan was behind him, kissing his neck and his shoulder. Kala was in front of him, sighing softly as he kissed her and rubbed his thumb across her sensitive skin.

He could feel her arousal, vibrating through him, both against him and inside him. Rajan was hard against his buttocks and he pushed back eagerly into him. Kala moved closer, pushing herself against his erection and Wolfgang groaned as he felt her heat against him. Her slender hand was in his hair, her nails massaging his scalp.

Rajan’s hand slid across his thigh, his fingertips soft and teasing on his skin. Wolfgang turned his head to capture his mouth in hard kiss. Rajan moaned into his mouth and his hips jutted forward.

‘Want you, Raj,’ he murmured. ‘Fuck me.’

Rajan grinned against his mouth. ‘Love to.’

The next moment, his lubed fingers were pushing inside him. Wolfgang bit his lip and Kala grasped his cock, sliding her fingers up and down, brushing across his sensitive head and making him whimper and tremble in pleasure.

He ground himself on Rajan’s fingers, desperate for more of him. Rajan laughed against his shoulder.

‘You are impatient, sometimes.’

Kala chuckled. ‘If you could feel what he feels, you’d understand.’

Rajan grinned. ‘It’s definitely a perk that I can drive you both mad at the same time.’

Wolfgang felt him withdrew his fingers and a moment later, he felt the head of his cock pushing slowly but firmly at him. Kala kissed him, releasing his cock and settling her hands on his hips.

As Rajan slid inside him, Wolfgang felt his hips jerk as sparks of pleasure shot through him. Kala writhed against him and he wasn’t sure if it was his own feelings echoing in her, or if she was simply enjoying the sight of her husband fuck her lover.

Rajan held still and Wolfgang whimpered with the strain of holding himself together. But it was about to get worse. He felt Kala’s mouth, soft on his jaw, then she was lowering herself onto him. He cried out, caught in the height of pleasure on both sides.

They both held still for a moment, to allow him to adjust. Then he settled his hands on her hips and turned his head to kiss Rajan again. They began to move. He could do nothing but lie between them, absorbing the pleasure they were giving him.

Their cries filled the room, filled the flat and they didn’t care. There was nothing but the three of them spiralling into their orgasms together.

Afterwards, Wolfgang found himself lying back in Rajan’s arms, with Kala cuddling close. He breathed in the scent of his lovers around him, closing his eyes to focus on the feeling of being in their arms, of being with them. He could feel their love in the way Rajan kissed his shoulder and the way he rubbed his hips. He could feel it in the way Kala traced her fingers up and down his chest and the softness of her mouth on his. He belonged here with them, here in their arms, in the bed they shared, in the flat that was all of theirs.

‘So, how’s the new place?’ asked Corinne, towards the end of their weekly session.

Wolfgang smiled. ‘It’s good. Really good. There’s plenty of room for the cluster to come and stay and, even though it’s big, it feels homey.’

‘I can feel you feel good. But it’s important to keep coming to these sessions, you know. You’re going to have a lot of feelings going forward, and it’s important not to push them away.’

He nodded. ‘I know. Don’t worry. I think I’ve got the hang of that now.’ He hesitated. ‘I did have a nightmare the other night, not a big one but …’

‘What did you do?’

‘I went upstairs, stripped off and went swimming. Rajan’s right, it does help.’

She smiled. ‘I’m really pleased to hear this, Wolfgang. You’re doing so well, and you have lots of coping strategies when things are more difficult.’

He sighed. ‘I know things aren’t always going to be easy. The shit I went through, I know I can’t escape it, I know it’ll come back sometimes, but I think I can handle it now. I never expected to be happy but … well, I am. It’s a strange feeling.’

She smiled warmly. ‘You’ll get used to it.’

When he left the session, the air was fresh and cold. It was nearly December. He let out a long breath and looked up at the clear sky. He smiled. Life was good. He could feel his cluster with him as he walked, each one of them there for him.

He could hear music and he looked to his side and smiled at Riley. She had her blue headphones on and she grinned back at him. He listened to the words of the song, the song she’d chosen for him.

I used to live in the darkness  
Dress in black, act so heartless, but now  
I see that colours are everything  
Got kaleidoscopes in my hairdo  
Got back the stars in my eyes, too, yeah now  
I see the magic inside of me

He looked to Lito and saw his eyes were shining with tears, but he could feel his happiness. He was happy for him.

Yeah, maybe my head's fucked up  
But I'm falling right back in love with being alive  
Dreaming in light, light, lights  
This kitty cat lost her mind  
Been lookin' for a star-sent sign that I'll be alright  
Look to the skies

Nomi was there with him, her empathy for him strong. She squeezed his shoulder and gave him a warm smile.

I've found a rainbow, rainbow, baby  
Trust me, I know, life is scary  
But just put those colours on, girl  
Come and play along with me tonight

I'd forgot how to daydream  
So consumed with the wrong things, but in  
The dark, I realized this life is short  
And deep down, I'm still a child  
Playful eyes, wide and wild, I can't  
Lose hope, what's left of my heart's still made of gold

He exchanged a look with Sun, who nodded at him and squeezed his shoulder. He’d worked out with her that morning and it had cleared his head ready for his session. He knew she would always be there to spar with when he needed her.

And I know that I'm still fucked up  
But aren't we all, my love?  
Darling, our scars make us who we are, are  
So when the winds are howling strong  
And you think you can't go on, hold tight, sweetheart

Capheus fell on him with a fierce hug and Wolfgang laughed, hugging him back tightly. His joy really was infectious. 

You'll find a rainbow, rainbow, baby  
Trust me, I know life is scary  
But just put those colours on, girl  
Come and play along with me tonight  
You gotta learn to let go, put the past behind you  
Trust me, I know, the ghosts will try to find you  
But just put those colours on, girl  
Come and paint the world with me tonight  
Night, night, night, night, night

Will slid an arm around his shoulders, grinning widely, and hugged him. Wolfgang could feel his pride. He knew how much he owed Will. And he knew they didn’t need to talk about it. He didn’t need to ask him for anything.

He would just be there, no matter what. Will had helped him learn to lean on someone else. He’d helped him learn to trust another person. Without him, he knew he wouldn’t be where he was now. He wouldn’t have allowed himself to be vulnerable. He wouldn’t have allowed himself to heal. 

I found a rainbow, rainbow, baby  
Trust me, I know life is scary  
But just put those colours on, girl  
You gotta learn to let go, put the past behind you  
Trust me, I know, the ghosts will try to find you  
But just put those colours on, girl  
Come and paint the world with me tonight  
Oh, put those colours on, girl  
Come and paint the world with me tonight  
Come and paint the world with me tonight

Then there was Kala. She had taught him how to love. She had welcomed him into her life, despite his fault. She loved him for who he was, and he loved her with his entire self. She slid her hand into his and held it firmly. She smiled at him and he could feel her love. It surrounded him, keeping him safe and warm. She was his home and his family. She was everything to him. She loved him.

He brought her to him and kissed him, sharing all his feelings with her, where he knew they were safe. He could trust her, and the cluster, and Rajan, with himself and his feelings. 

He reached the flat and went inside, where he knew Kala and Rajan were waiting for him. He could smell lunch and his stomach rumbled with hunger.

He shut the door behind him and smiled across at his lovers. Rajan was cooking and Kala was curled up on the sofa in the dining area, reading a book. They really were the picture of domesticity. He never thought he’d say that, but domesticity wasn’t too bad. Actually, it was pretty fucking awesome.

He crossed to Rajan, kissed him in greeting, then went to sit with Kala. She curled around him, still reading her book. He kissed her head and sighed contentedly.

He was loved. He was safe. He was home.


End file.
